Zombie-Thon: October 2009

[gojikranz]

Personal Trivia: I've mentioned it before, but i went as Shaun for Halloween a few years back. Got mad props on the street that night!

-Rude

did anyone mention that you had red on you?

[Rude]

...

Yeah, i heard that quite a bit. Of course, everyone was pretty drunk so most people just shouted "Shaun!" as they stumbled past me. My buddy went as a member of the Baseball Furies, so we often broke out in impromptu baseball bat vs. cricket bat fights. I think that got us kicked out of at least one bar that night.

...

http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/xbOmCUWm25w
This is a pretty funny trailer. You should check out out if you usually just skip 'em.

Braindead

Known for being one of the bloodiest films ever made, Braindead became a cult favorite almost immediately after being released. And if you don't know the dangers of the dreaded Sumatran Rat-Monkey... this film may very well save your life one day.

I never really think of Braindead as a zombie movie. It always just seemed like an over-the-top monster movie to me. Technically, there are zombies and they follow the rules: they're undead and you turn if they bite you. But there are lots of weird creatures, some sort of intestines monster, and the giant mother beast thing at the end. So it's more like a monster movie that features zombies... kinda'.

Best Scene: How do you put an end to a zombie party? With a lawnmower of course!

Worst Scene: I didn't need to see the Kung-Fu priest and the nurse humping a second time.

Preparation: This viewing was mostly to prepare my girlfriend for tomorrow night's live performance of Brain-Dead Alive!!! I don't think she had any idea what she was in for.

-Rude

[Steve-O]

Worst Scene: I didn't need to see the Kung-Fu priest and the nurse humping a second time.

Does that mean you watched the full-length UK version?  I just picked that one up and am looking forward to spotting the differences between that and the US cut.

[Rude]

...

Yeah, they impaled themselves on a rake and just kinda' slid up and down, humping in the middle of the party. Otherwise, i didn't notice too much of a difference except for the really weird intro... which seemed completely random anyway. And the uncle is a bit more of a scumbag during the funeral. Mostly i think it's just extended bits of gore that i probably didn't even notice since i haven't seen Dead Alive in ages.

Lemme' know if you spot any huge differences the next time you watch it... might as well post 'em here too!

-Rude

[Rude]

...

http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/IOOHi5htLtQ

Night Of The Living Dead 3D

This is a sort of remake of the original film starring Sid Haig and filmed in 3D. And, uh... it's pretty horrible. I think the fact that it was originally planned as a straight-to-DVD movie says a lot. There's also a lot of cheezy moments for the potheads, like waving a joint around in front of the camera... in 3D! And i'm not sure that the actors ever really got together and decided whether they were going for real horror or something more campy.

Best Scene: It was fun seeing Sid Haig on-screen for the first time... early in the film when you still thought this could still turn out to be a good movie somehow.

Worst Scene: They reduced the best line of the original film to a text message.

Marketing: I actually watched the 3D version with the glasses and everything. In fact, they sold the regular version separately... so that was the only way i could watch it.  Weird, huh? I suppose i better not ever lose those crappy little cardboard glasses.

-Rude

[Rude]

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http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/jiS6gtClrqk

Resident Evil

A secret, underground facility is locked down after a deadly virus is released into the air. Soon afterward, a private military team is sent to investigate exactly what occurred. Instead, they find thousands of zombies waiting for them.

I was not much of a Resident Evil video game junkie when this film was released, so i went in with an open mind. And i really enjoyed it... still do. Granted the next couple films were kinda' horrible, but i think this one is pretty sweet. It's really slick, has a nice visual flair, and mixes horror with action and sci-fi pretty well.

Best Scene: The laser security room, hallway thing is great. Although, the weird cross-hatch surprise just doesn't seem like it would be possible... so it's not perfect. But overall, that's a great scene.

Worst Scene: The CGI monster doesn't look so hot in general, but especially when attacking one of the characters on the subway platform. I think that the rest of the film looks great visually, so bad computer graphics really stick out.

One-note actress: I hate Michelle Rodriguez and am totally sick of her generic "tough bitch" act. I was completely bummed when she showed up on LOST. Thankfully, that role ended about the same as her role in this movie: dead tough bitch.

-Rude

[Rude]

...

http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/xH0GFJZwseE

MST3K #604 - Zombie Nightmare

A voodoo priestess brings Jon Mikl Thor back from the dead to get revenge on those who murdered him. Well, maybe not "murdered" so much as "vehicularly manslaughtered" him... and then drove away. Anyway, he gets zombified and kills people.

I don't have the original version of this movie, so thankfully i got to watch along with Mike & The Bots. Good times.

Best Scene: Well... um, there's... uh... hmmm... they play a Motorhead song during the opening credits. That was pretty cool.

Worst Scene: What kind of accent is that voodoo priestess trying to do? It's like a goat woman from Jamaica or something.

Star Struck: Adam West, Jon Mikl Thor and Tia Carrere. Not exactly high-caliber talent, but kinda' awesome in a strange way. And i've actually seen Thor and his band in concert a coupla' times. They rock!

-Rude

[Rude]

...

Guess who has the flu? I suppose getting buckets and buckets of freezing cold, fake blood thrown on me wasn't such a great idea afterall... go figure~
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http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/HAdO0EjgVKg

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

The dreaded T-virus finds it's way out of the secret underground facility and above ground where it infects all of Raccoon City. Apparently this sequel to Resident Evil is something of a shout-out to the video game fans. I'm not sure how that went over with them, but the film itself sorta' flopped. Much more of an action movie than anything else, Apocalypse introduces each main character in some mega-super-action sequence that doesn't illicit much more than a groan from the audience... or at least from me, anyway.

Unfortunately, trading horror for action is a trend that the Resident Evil series continued with it's next sequel Extinction. That could very well be why the producers are already talking about a reboot.

Best Scene: Milla is naked and floating around in a tank of green goo.

Worst Scene: Hey look, it's Jill Valentine! She's such a bad-ass... and sexy too! We know this because she kicks ass while in a miniskirt.

Wardrobe Malfunction: I'm surprised that the Umbrella Corporation budgeted a tailor to make that trendy leather bondage jacket for it's monster... not to mention those big-ass, custom Doc Martens!

-Rude

[Compound]

Taking yesterday off, rude? For shame. Anyway, let's keep this rolling.

Hard Rock Zombies
A family in a small town has a habit of kidnapping random passersby, and then killing them while filming the deaths. Then a hard rocking band passes through town, and gets drawn into the plot. But after they are killed, they come back to life... as Hard Rock Zombies!

Who then kill the odd family, who return as zombies and start ravaging the town. Whoops. Eventually, the band's manager and the underage girl that the lead singer fell in love with manage to put an end to the zombie uprising... but I'll get back to that in a sec.

Oh, my. Pretty much every second of this film screams out "1980s." Where to begin? Let's start off with the band. If you think "hard rock" and you think Pantera, Iron Maiden, Dethklok  or AC/DC, well, you're way off. These guys are closer to , say, Nelson. You know, these guys:


Anyway, the band are the most sympathetic characters in the film. The townsfolk are either the killers or virulently anti-rock folks who make John Lithgow in Footloose seem like Shadoe Stevens. Or the virginal girl that the lead singer falls for who seems very Jerry Lee Lewis-ish in age. And aside from the band and the girl, everyone else is pushing the overacting to 11. There are some thematic problems as well. The band comes back from the grave for revenge on their slayers and then to audition for a gig. (Their set is rather lifeless. Ha!) But somehow the slain rise from the dead as well and exhibit standard Romero zombie abilities. Why? Dunno. Then one of the townsfolk talks about how the dead used to come back to life in town before. Except the singer got the lyrics that raised them from a book that they had before they go to town... Ugh. Look, this makes very little sense. The flesh eating zombies are very campy, while the band scenes are played straight. You get whiplash going between the two. It's mostly not too bad, but there's a rather big hurdle towards the end that really limits my like for the film. If you shut the film off before the last chapter though, it's okay. Not the best zombie film, but kind of watchable.


Best Scene
Probably the musical scenes. They may not be the best written songs in the world, but they're catchy. Even if they would have been cheesy even back in the 80s.

Worst Scene
Probably the ending, where the zombies are all destroyed when the band marches them into one of Hitler's gas chambers. Let me type that one again, just in case your brain decided that it was a processing error and ignored that last sentence. The zombies are destroyed by marching them into a gas chamber built by Adolf Hitler. Did I forget to mention that he was the family patriarch, having fled to America and then living in disguise with Eva Braun until 1984? Yeah. He was.

Let me leave aside the zombie film part of my brain for a sec saying "Wait. Why would that work? Zombies don't breathe." No, let's pay attention to the rational side of my brain for a sec. You know. The part screaming, "You used one of the greatest human tragedies in history as a method for killing zombies?!? WHAT THE HELL, MOVIE? " Ugh.

I know. I probably shouldn't expect too much from a film where one of the zombies eats himself into oblivion, but still. There are things where you should go, "Dude. Let's hold up for a sec and think this thing through" and this is one of those.  Because it's just a jaw droppingly bad instance of bad taste.


Most 80s Scene

No, I have no idea why they kept showing the shots of those 3 townsfolk for the chorus.

BTW, kids? This isn't far off from what actually would be seen on MTV back then.

[Rude]

...

Cool, thanks for keeping the marathon going as i hung on for dear life! Oh, and... HOLY CRAP, I HAVE TO SEE HARD ROCK ZOMBIES!!!

Seriously, i've been deliriously sick for the last coupla' days. I thought i might be coming down with something Friday night, but after that Brain-Dead Alive!!! show... it went all DEFCON 2 on me. I was on NYQuil and TheraFlu and what-have-you. And i tried watching a few movies from the couch, but i would wake up hours later to a repeating DVD menu instead. I did get this one movie in though... unfortunately:

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http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/yfoD-Qkw_ts

Zombie Self-Defense Force

Wow, this was quite the stink bomb. It begins with a weird anti-United States rant before segueing into a shot of a UFO crashing into Mount Fuji. Apparently that causes the dead to return to life... isn't that always the case, though? Anyway, all this havoc eventually forces a teenage singing star, a mafia nobody and a military unit into a home where they fight for their lives.

Totally a low budget affair... the floors of the home are obviously covered in clear plastic to keep the fake blood from staining the hardwood floors. The UFO looks like it was taken from Galaga, and night switches to day between shots so often it'll make your head spin. But it does have a zombie baby, a female military cyborg and a zombified, samurai WWII officer... so that's something.

Best Scene: The zombie baby explodes from it's womb, zips across the house like some kind of superhero, and strangles it's own father with it's umbilical cord. It's so cheezy that it definitely rivals the zombie baby from Braindead.

Worst Scene: In the middle of the cyborg-samurai sword fight, the worst CGI alien hovers out of it's spaceship and wants to be friends.

Eh, Whatever: The ending made no sense... at all. And even though i may have been on a shitload of TheraFlu, i swear it wasn't just me. Mount Fuji was erupting, spaceships were crashing, zombies were carrying talking heads around, the military cyborg... Well, let's just say it was complete and utter nonsense!

-Rude

[mrbasehart]

Platoon of the Dead

What is it about zombie movies that inspires random people to go out and make a movie? While I think it's kinda cool that people can be inspired by the likes of Romero, or (sigh) Lucio Fulci, there's a huge downside too, as it inspires the sort of garbage that clogs up your online recommendations list when you click 5 stars on "Dawn of the Dead."   Platoon of the Dead is exactly this kind of movie, featuring nothing of note and of interest to only the family and friends of its cast and crew.

The plot's very simple: a disparate group of individuals hole up in a farm house as seemingly motivated zombies (with guns) terrorise them for reasons that are unknown till the end. 

Best Scene: Hmm.  Ahhh.  I like the "pyew! pyew!" sounds of the zombie laser guns.  I think it's from another movie.

Worst Scene: Oh, too many to count.  Of special note is the scene where the jarhead soldier tries to rape a mute girl but is caught, and given a "sharp" reprimand by his superior officer.  Nice to know that the army has strict discipline about things like that.

[Compound]

Oh, Basehart, dude. You glossed over a biggie.

The guns.

For the folks who haven't seen the film, here's a shot of the guns the human soldiers use:



Now, if you're a pop culture geek, (and if the picture was a little bigger) you should recognize that immediately as a blaster rifle from Star Wars. An E-11 blaster rifle to be specific. Probably supplied by Senator Palpatine's (I- Naboo) Defense Department pals.

In other words, this is a movie so cheap that they can't even use guns with blanks. They're using Star Wars props instead.

And yes, Sgt. "I'm every bad stereotype about the military!" was quite the unappealing character, wasn't he?

[mrbasehart]

You know, I completely missed that.  It does explain why they fire "lasers" instead of bullets though. 

[D.B. Barnes]

Today's IMDB poll pits fast zombies versus slow zombies.

http://www.imdb.com/poll/

[Relaxing Dragon]

Today's IMDB poll pits fast zombies versus slow zombies.

http://www.imdb.com/poll/

Come on Walkers!