The Godzilla Thread

[gojikranz]

megalon is what im thinking of.  (have you seen that unriffed and uncut?)

[Zandrax]

When I was a kid, back when I thought Jet Jaguar might have been Ultraman. I was a big Spectreman fan back in the day. But the version I viewed most recently was the riffed version.

There are "Kennys" in future films of course, they're just not nearly as annoying.

[gojikranz]

the version available in america is actually really cut down.  the uncut doesnt change the fact that it is bad but theres some interesting stuff(including a nude centerfold visible in the truck cab for several scenes)

[Zandrax]

Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster (1971)



This one is so bad that even Jun Fukuda didn't do it. It's actually quite the disappointment that this never made it to Mystery Science Theater because it is ripe for the pickings. Rather than try to speak of it's utter weirdness, I'll just let this clip do the talking. Remember, this is a Godzilla film.

Hedorah is a creature that started life like a tadpole, but can combine with other creatures like it. It also feeds off pollution and grows. So several tiny Hedorahs can combine to make one larger creature. Add that with the ability to feed off pollution and you have something that can become quite large quite quickly.

You wouldn't think that a 300 foot tall pile of crap would be any sort of challenge. But when you factor in that Hedorah can swim, fly, emit sulfuric acid, fly through objects, and fire a energy beam out of his eye, and you have one formidable pile of.... well, crap.

So anyway, this pile of crap is crapping all over the place gobbling up pollution and killing thousands of people. Interspersed with all of this is scenes of disco dancing, people with fish heads, and cartoons with anti-Hedorah and pollution messages. Once scientist figures it out how to beat it, and the obligatory annoying kid with short pants keeps saying Godzilla will save the day because Godzilla hates pollution. Why a critter created by the A-Bomb would be so hellbent against pollution is beyond me.

Rather than talk about the bizarre animation segments, I'll just let this clip do the talking...

With the news of Hedorah spreading, a bunch of yewts decide to throw a party on top of Mt. Fuji, which looks strangely like a prairie farm. Hedorah heads right over there (or is it hedorahs out there) because I guess pollution monsters like to party too where there is no pollution. Godzilla shows up on this prairie farm on top of Mt Fuji where there is no snow as well and the two slug it out. Rather than try to describe it, yep I'll just let this clip do the talking...

This one for a production standpoint earned a scrawny 1. But from a schlock and unintentional humor standpoint it easily gets a 7.  If you ever have the desire to watch a Godzilla movie drunk or stoned, this would probably be the one. According to Wikipedia, producer Tomoyuki Tanaka hated this film so much he told director Yoshimitsu Banno that he will never direct another Godzilla film.

For the record, Tanaka is dead and Banno is set to direct an American Godzilla production, Godzilla 3D To The Max, next year.

Onlys
-film directed by Yoshimitsu Banno
-Godzilla flies
-film opens with a musical number similar to a Bond film
-animated segments

[gbeenie]

Save the Earth!
Save the Earth!


This film is absolutely my hands-down favorite Godzilla movie to get Riffed.

[Bob]

Save the Earth!
Save the Earth!


This film is absolutely my hands-down favorite Godzilla movie to get Riffed.

Absolutely horrible movie.   I remember seeing this as a kid...... and yes, it must be riffed.

[gojikranz]

oh smog monster.  pretty crazy movie on the one hand incredibly dark at times(the baby in the sludge) but on the other hand very silly.  and of course the flying.  what can you really say.  this is the first movie to have kenpachiro satsuma who would take over playing godzilla in the heisei series.  here he plays the smog monster.  wierd wierd movie i kind of love it for that but you have to give it a 2 of 10

[Zandrax]

oh smog monster.  pretty crazy movie on the one hand incredibly dark at times(the baby in the sludge) but on the other hand very silly.  and of course the flying.  what can you really say.  this is the first movie to have kenpachiro satsuma who would take over playing godzilla in the heisei series.  here he plays the smog monster.  wierd wierd movie i kind of love it for that but you have to give it a 2 of 10

It's like I said, from a pure filmmaking standpoint, this is a wretched pile of dingo's kidneys. But from a pure ridiculousness standpoint, it's very much a laugh riot.

But as I have said before, my grading scale is based on the establishment of Godzilla as a series. Godzilla was originally depicted as a nuclear metaphor, a living engine of destruction brought about by mankind's own carelessness. This movie of course has nothing to do with that, so...

But we're nearing the and of the cruddy movies. In a little bit we'll all be riding quite easier.

[Zandrax]

Another directed by Jun Fukuda, which isn't much of an improvement. This is another in the large plate of films that gave Godzilla the goofy camp reputation. Just not a very good film, but watchable if you like the stupid camp entries.

Struggling anime artist (and nehru jacket afficiando) Gengo is hired by a theme park administration to do artwork for them. The theme park's main attraction is a "Godzilla Tower".



For some reason, the boss of the place looks like he's 12, and is very trusting with his secrets to the new guy. All of the park workers wear jumpsuits with matching ascots. By now, this is a universal sign of evil in a Godzilla film.

Things soon go awry when Gengo comes across a mysterious tape reel dropped by a woman. He is actually stuck up for it, thinking a gun is at his back. It turns out to be a corn on the cob, and the would be thief is actually a somewhat bungling overweight hippie with a big appetite. He supplies the comic relief throughout the rest of the film.

It turns out that the mysterious woman's brother disappeared, and was last seen around the park. She believes that the tape has something to do with it.

Anyways, our merry band of misfits, sans the usual annoying-kid-in-short-pants are able to play the tape. Somehow, presumably miles away, Godzilla and Anguilas hear the tape from Monster Island and realize that the world is in danger. To top it off, Godzilla and Anguilas talk in English to each other. A first (and hopefully only) in a 'Zilla film. Minya in "All Monster's Attack/Godzilla's Revenge" doesn't count. Anyways, Anguilas goes of to investigate the noise.

Meanwhile, our heroes look into Gengo's bosses at the park, and find out that 12 year old looking guy is dead. So is his teacher, who also seems to work at the theme park. Something fishy is definitely going on at the theme park!

Meanwhile at the park, the evil kid has another tape, which he calls a "tape of peace". The brother is being held captive for whatever reason.

By this time, Anguilas has made it to shore, but walks into an army of tanks and futuristic (for 1972) weapons. One of the highlights of the movie is in tis fight. Not because it's cool, but because a lot of the scenes were actually ripped from 1968's "Destroy All Monsters". So Anguilas is walking around in the dark, but the shots of the tanks firing make it look like broad daylight. Perhaps there was just really weird cloud cover...

In short, Anguilas is driven off. That's rarity in a 'Zilla film for a monster to actually retreat from human resistance. Maybe Anguilas just sucks... Or he just wanted to get Godzilla for his return.

Before long, Gengo & Co. showsup to free the brother. They looks like they're going to get captured, but then the girlfriend shows up (wearing the same outfit as teh beginning of the movie, but nobody in this movie ever seems to ever change clothes) and kicks some ass so they can escape.

Godzilla and Anguilas are treading water en route to Japan, and talk some more in Enlgish.

By this time, one of, if not the tape has been played, summoning King Ghidorah and the debuting Gigan, who start wreaking havoc. Again, some fo the footage is ripped from an earlier 'Zilla film, so there's the night/day clash again.

Big G and Anguilas show up for the inevitable tag match. It also turns out that the villains, now revealed to be an alien race trying to destroy civilization so they can migrate from their planet. Their idea of peace apparently involves wiping out cities that can offer resistance.

In short, the tag match lasts most of the rest of the movie, and the aliens take potshots at Godilla from the Godzilla Tower... which is equipped with a huge energy beam. The tower is eventually destroyed and the aliens revert back to their cockroach-like appearances in their deaths. Ghidorah and Gigan retreat back off into space, leaving 'Zilla and Anguilas victorious.

This is another one that scores a big fat 2, and further bastardizes the original concept of Godzilla as an indiscriminate killing machine. Just not very good except for the unintentional humor. It's understandably not a very popular entry in the series.

Only
-Monster talk is translated to English

[Junkyard]

Something I just put out on Youtube. Be warned, it runs on too long:

[gojikranz]

godzilla vs gigan.  well the acting and story are downright silly at times, the corn cob in particular sticks out to me.  but gigan is just too frigging cool to ignore.  without a doubt the best enemy monster created by toho.  and the final battle really is pretty great.  a note on the monsters speaking english this was made much worse in the american version in the japanese the monsters make strange sounds which were translated via text bubbles.  cool soundtrack utilizing existing library tracks of ifukube many from non godzilla films.  i rather like this one despites the lacking in the plot its another one from childhood that has fond memories the cockroaches freaked me out then so i guess its well done.  i'll go 5 of 10, one more film then we are out of the dark days...

[Zandrax]

Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)





Another laughingly bad film that I used the MST3K version of.

Like Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster, this was another film that was not originally meant to be a Godzilla film from the getgo. Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster was originally intended to be a King Kong film. For whatever reason, they changed it to a Godzilla film, with 'Zilla basically playing Kong's part... right down to compassion for the female lead...

This one however, was originally intended to introduce Jet Jaguar. Who is Jet Jaguar, you say? Well unless you've seen this movie or played Godzilla Unleashed on the Wii, then you probably don't know. Jet Jaguar in real life was the winning entry in a contest put on by Toho for fans to create a new superhero character. The winning prize was a movie starring the creation.

In the movie, Jet Jaguar was a robot creation by all around good guy scientist, Goro. He can fly, change size, and actually talk to giant monsters.

The story opens explaining that nuclear testing is wreaking havoc on the world. It's also worth noting that this is one of the rare films where Godzilla actually appears in the opening credits, along with a cameo by Anguilas. Anyways hardest hit is the undersea nation of Seatopia. Rather than alert the UN or Japan to the problems they are facing, they decide to unleash their god Megalon to get revenge. They reprogram Jet Jaguar to guide Megalon to Japan, since Megalon himself must be bad at directions.

The Japanese military try to combat Megalon, but as usual military force is useless against giant monsters. The fights in this and the previous Godzilla vs. Gigan are especially notably because everybody is such bad shots it's unreal. You see shots miss giant monsters by literally hundreds of feet.

The Seatopians capture Goro and his family (including the usual annoying kid in short pants), but Megalon inadvertanly frees them in the fights. Goro uses a pocket transmitter to take control of Jet Jaguar again, and sends him to get Godzilla. Keep in mind that Jet is still the same size as a human at this time.

The Seatopians figure this out, and their Ceaser-looking leader decides to contact Outer Space and call in Gigan. Think about that for a minute... they can contact Outer Space to call upon monsters, but they don't contact anybody to say "ummm, excuse me... could you please STOP TESTING YOUR NUKES ON US?!?!?!?".

Anyhoo... Jet Jaguar finds Godzilla on Monster Island, and the Big G eagerly swims off to help. Jet flies ahead on back.

When JJ arrives, he has somehow gained intelligence on his own and decides to take on Megalon himself, inexplicably growing in size to giant monster proportions. The two fight to a standstill until Gigan does the run-in and the double-teaming starts. JJ is beat down until HHH Godzilla makes the save with a chair. The match is then turned into a tag bout with JJ and 'Zilla using teamwork to overcome Gigan and Megalon.

Ceaser Seatopian calls off the monsters and the Seatopia ummmm.... does something.... JJ shakes hands with Godzilla and returns to normal size. He also apparently relinquishes control back to Goro. Goro, his brother, and the annoying kid in short pants all walk off to the soothing sounds of the Jet Jaguar theme song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cxV8Bf8ND4
Jet Jaguar theme song

I give this one a 1.5. Even Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster was more entertaining, albeit unintentionally so.

Only
-Appearance of Jet Jaguar

[gojikranz]

sigh.  even gigan cant save this one.  you should check it out uncut though to see the nudity and there is an extra bit when the guys are abducting the kid where you see them pull him into the car and beat him over the head .  terrible music ultraman ripoff and for some reason it is pretty much the most seen godzilla movie cause of its strange copywright history.  blegh but anythings better than godzillas revenge so i will concur 1.5 of 10

[Henry88]

now on to mechagodzilla 

[Zandrax]

You gotta love a monster with a buzzsaw in his belly.