Friday the 13th

[Bob]

they ended up doing stupid shit like shooting Jason into space

Yeah, but shooting him into space ruled! 

With Space Teenagers!

[Nick]

Aw man you guys ruined it. This thread had 13 posts. You can't mess that up! 

[Courtney]

I'm not gonna lie, I had a lot of fun with this movie.  It was probably the best remake/reboot/rejigger/rewhatever thus far because a) it was not PG-13, and b) it was fun.  My biggest problem with a lot of modern slasher flicks are that they're joyless.  This was big dumb and cheesy and very 80s.  That made it fun.

Three words: gratuitous topless waterskiing

[JonnyFrag]

Ok, I am a HUGE fan of Friday the 13th movies. I am one of those guys with all the posters, figures and different versions of the mask hanging on my wall. I am like a Trekkie but with Friday the 13th. I am certainly qualified to 'review' this movie is what I am saying here.

This movie blows. And no, not in the 'they ruined the old movies for me etc....' kind of way. It's not that I am all 'the original is such a high classic" or anything. It is still Friday the 13th, not It's a Wonderful Life or something. Hell, it's not even Halloween. I wanted to like this movie. It's just not a good movie.
The rest of this is spoiler filled, so please skip it if you want to try to let the filmmakers 'magic work on you.' Protip: it won't so don't sweat it.
The whole idea of Jason keeping a hostage is just utter garbage. It is out of character with ALL the other movies, even if the girl looks like his mother (she doesn't by the way.) The only reason he keeps her hostage is for them to hang what little story they have onto. This story is cribbed from Friday the 13th part 4 (the Final Chapter) with a guy searching for his sister. In that movie the only reason that guy existed was to be a source of exposition so Tommy could trick Jason in the end. So they took a cheap plot point that barely worked the first time and made it into the entire story for this one. Bad move.
Ok, you are saying, since when does F13 need a plot and I say 'You are right!' The old school ones barely had plots either so that's not out of character. Speaking of characters, the old films don't offer much in the way of character development, but there are some memorable ones from over the years, partially by intermittently good writing or just good actors doing their best with what they got. I would put forth that the characters in parts 2, 4 and 6 had some decent writing and were acted better than others. Having said that, the bar has been raised these days in having people that can act decent in even the lowliest of schlock and a tiny bit of good writing. None of that is here. Even the main characters here have no depth, meaning or acting ability as far as I can tell. It's just flat and useless.
Ok, so plot and acting are out so what's left? Jason kicking ass and killing folks crazy. Guess what? These are not here either. There is NO tension built ever in this movie. None. The kills themselves are weak, uninspired and not even very gory. Post Saw and Hostel, there should be no reason for a new Friday the 13th to be held back in the gore department like they were in the 80s. The MPAA used to just rape these movies, but these days they would let nearly everything they wanted to do back then fly with no problem. The kills are just WEAK WEAK WEAK. There is plenty of nudity (boobs) compared to the old ones, and a couple of scenes show the difference in what the MPAA will let fly these days as opposed to the 80s in 'graphicness' of the sex parts, but even compared to the My Bloody Valentine remake (which had a woman fully nude and not hidden by mega-bush for a very long scene) it's weak.
Jason himself was to be updated here, made more lean and mean they said. Yes, he is quicker and smarter and that is all GOOD. But, he is also doing things VERY out of character as well. The keeping of the hostage being a huge one, but he also does other stuff , small stuff, here and there that betray his old personality. There is a scene in the third act where they set it up that Jason is driving a truck. It turns out that it's not him at all, but they drag it out and the only reason I can tell the scene is there is to temporarily piss fans off. His using a (composite) bow doesn't break it for me, nor does setting traps. That's all good and makes sense for the character. His turning on floodlights makes sense at first until you try to figure out just how he got the lights and how he learned how to wire them or why the electricity is still on at the deserted camp after 30 years. The actor playing Jason is pretty good as well, what we get to see of him that is. The whole movie is shot too dark and in shakey cam, so it's hard to see what the hell is going on anyway.  The rest of the time we get to see what big fans of Quake the makers are (everything is brown and has boxes.)
There is a formula for these movies, and since the filmmakers attempts at 'playing outside the box' utterly fail, did they get the payoffs right for the formula? Nope.
There was a lot said about 'We get to see how he gets his hockey mask and why in this one.' Turns out he just finds in on the floor after his potato sack gets ripped and LANDS RIGHT ON TOP OF THE HOCKEY MASK. He just picks it up , puts it on and sorta looks in the mirror like 'yeah, guess I'll take it.' No gravitas, no reasoning, no real payoff here at all. Just lame. It could have been SO MUCH MORE, just in the way the scene was framed even. They did not even try.
There is always a big 'unmasking scene' in the old ones as well, were we get to see this movies take on the Jason look. Does NOT happen in this movie. You never really see Jason's face, save for a split second in the mask changing scene and all blurred as he sinks into the lake at the end. FAIL
The great end chase and battle with Jason. They attempt it here, and throw us a twist by killing a 'good girl' in the middle of it. But they also fail at several smaller items in this. The chase is completely devoid of any tension, much of it happens in Jason's mine maze (another WTF?) and Jason just knocks the lead guys head into a window but does not finish the job so the guy can get back up. It's perhaps the lamest chase scene in the whole of the series (see parts 3,4,6 and 7 for great last chase scenes.)
The ending also has the payoff of a woodchipper that was set up in the second act, but the problem is that it doesn't pay off. They stick a chain around Jason's neck and the chain into the chipper so it hangs/chokes him. Now I know that if you are relaunching a series, running Jason thru a woodchipper is NOT the way you want to go, but to have a wood chipper and put NO ONE thru it is just EPIC FAIL. Hell, even Fargo did that!
The actual 'killing of Jason' is so lame and shot so poorly (did his head get somewhat chewed by the chipper or not?) that one really doesn't know whats happening. The director is a master of having shit happen, but not so you can see it.
The ending is also bad bad bad. Why , why WHY? Why would the 2 survivors take his body to the dock to shove it into the water? They have no clue about the importance of him drowning or being in the lake at all. Why would they try to bury Jason and none of the victims? Oh, because it's to set up the final jump scare that EVERYONE SEES A MILE AWAY. Just stupid, stupid stupid.

[RVR II]

Wow! Guess I'll wait for this one on DVD from Netflix..

Possibly a RiffTrax Target by then..

[Tarantulas]

Ok, I am a HUGE fan of Friday the 13th movies. I am one of those guys with all the posters, figures and different versions of the mask hanging on my wall. I am like a Trekkie but with Friday the 13th. I am certainly qualified to 'review' this movie is what I am saying here.

This movie blows. And no, not in the 'they ruined the old movies for me etc....' kind of way. It's not that I am all 'the original is such a high classic" or anything. It is still Friday the 13th, not It's a Wonderful Life or something. Hell, it's not even Halloween. I wanted to like this movie. It's just not a good movie.
The rest of this is spoiler filled, so please skip it if you want to try to let the filmmakers 'magic work on you.' Protip: it won't so don't sweat it.
The whole idea of Jason keeping a hostage is just utter garbage. It is out of character with ALL the other movies, even if the girl looks like his mother (she doesn't by the way.) The only reason he keeps her hostage is for them to hang what little story they have onto. This story is cribbed from Friday the 13th part 4 (the Final Chapter) with a guy searching for his sister. In that movie the only reason that guy existed was to be a source of exposition so Tommy could trick Jason in the end. So they took a cheap plot point that barely worked the first time and made it into the entire story for this one. Bad move.
Ok, you are saying, since when does F13 need a plot and I say 'You are right!' The old school ones barely had plots either so that's not out of character. Speaking of characters, the old films don't offer much in the way of character development, but there are some memorable ones from over the years, partially by intermittently good writing or just good actors doing their best with what they got. I would put forth that the characters in parts 2, 4 and 6 had some decent writing and were acted better than others. Having said that, the bar has been raised these days in having people that can act decent in even the lowliest of schlock and a tiny bit of good writing. None of that is here. Even the main characters here have no depth, meaning or acting ability as far as I can tell. It's just flat and useless.
Ok, so plot and acting are out so what's left? Jason kicking ass and killing folks crazy. Guess what? These are not here either. There is NO tension built ever in this movie. None. The kills themselves are weak, uninspired and not even very gory. Post Saw and Hostel, there should be no reason for a new Friday the 13th to be held back in the gore department like they were in the 80s. The MPAA used to just rape these movies, but these days they would let nearly everything they wanted to do back then fly with no problem. The kills are just WEAK WEAK WEAK. There is plenty of nudity (boobs) compared to the old ones, and a couple of scenes show the difference in what the MPAA will let fly these days as opposed to the 80s in 'graphicness' of the sex parts, but even compared to the My Bloody Valentine remake (which had a woman fully nude and not hidden by mega-bush for a very long scene) it's weak.
Jason himself was to be updated here, made more lean and mean they said. Yes, he is quicker and smarter and that is all GOOD. But, he is also doing things VERY out of character as well. The keeping of the hostage being a huge one, but he also does other stuff , small stuff, here and there that betray his old personality. There is a scene in the third act where they set it up that Jason is driving a truck. It turns out that it's not him at all, but they drag it out and the only reason I can tell the scene is there is to temporarily piss fans off. His using a (composite) bow doesn't break it for me, nor does setting traps. That's all good and makes sense for the character. His turning on floodlights makes sense at first until you try to figure out just how he got the lights and how he learned how to wire them or why the electricity is still on at the deserted camp after 30 years. The actor playing Jason is pretty good as well, what we get to see of him that is. The whole movie is shot too dark and in shakey cam, so it's hard to see what the hell is going on anyway.  The rest of the time we get to see what big fans of Quake the makers are (everything is brown and has boxes.)
There is a formula for these movies, and since the filmmakers attempts at 'playing outside the box' utterly fail, did they get the payoffs right for the formula? Nope.
There was a lot said about 'We get to see how he gets his hockey mask and why in this one.' Turns out he just finds in on the floor after his potato sack gets ripped and LANDS RIGHT ON TOP OF THE HOCKEY MASK. He just picks it up , puts it on and sorta looks in the mirror like 'yeah, guess I'll take it.' No gravitas, no reasoning, no real payoff here at all. Just lame. It could have been SO MUCH MORE, just in the way the scene was framed even. They did not even try.
There is always a big 'unmasking scene' in the old ones as well, were we get to see this movies take on the Jason look. Does NOT happen in this movie. You never really see Jason's face, save for a split second in the mask changing scene and all blurred as he sinks into the lake at the end. FAIL
The great end chase and battle with Jason. They attempt it here, and throw us a twist by killing a 'good girl' in the middle of it. But they also fail at several smaller items in this. The chase is completely devoid of any tension, much of it happens in Jason's mine maze (another WTF?) and Jason just knocks the lead guys head into a window but does not finish the job so the guy can get back up. It's perhaps the lamest chase scene in the whole of the series (see parts 3,4,6 and 7 for great last chase scenes.)
The ending also has the payoff of a woodchipper that was set up in the second act, but the problem is that it doesn't pay off. They stick a chain around Jason's neck and the chain into the chipper so it hangs/chokes him. Now I know that if you are relaunching a series, running Jason thru a woodchipper is NOT the way you want to go, but to have a wood chipper and put NO ONE thru it is just EPIC FAIL. Hell, even Fargo did that!
The actual 'killing of Jason' is so lame and shot so poorly (did his head get somewhat chewed by the chipper or not?) that one really doesn't know whats happening. The director is a master of having shit happen, but not so you can see it.
The ending is also bad bad bad. Why , why WHY? Why would the 2 survivors take his body to the dock to shove it into the water? They have no clue about the importance of him drowning or being in the lake at all. Why would they try to bury Jason and none of the victims? Oh, because it's to set up the final jump scare that EVERYONE SEES A MILE AWAY. Just stupid, stupid stupid.

TLDR... j/k

I liked the Halloween reboot...  but this movie sounds awful.

[JonnyFrag]

The Halloween reboot is light years ahead of this one, and I'm not SUPER crazy about that one either. The My Bloody Valentine one is also way better. They really capture the whole 80s slasher flick feel BUT updated and (seemingly) more slick and hip. The 3D in that movie was kinda flat but the movie was pretty good. The exact opposite that I expected when going into it.

[Petey Wheatstraw]

Aw man you guys ruined it. This thread had 13 posts. You can't mess that up! 

We could try for 113, or 666.

[a pretty girl is like]

Or the number 23.

[Petey Wheatstraw]

Or 420.

[JonnyFrag]

Or 420.

More appropriate for the new Friday the 13th movie for sure.

[Courtney]

Or 420.

More appropriate for the new Friday the 13th movie for sure.

The entire movie was like a love letter to weed.

[Nekrose]

Rob Zombie should have done it.