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Author Topic: The Perfect Match  (Read 2964 times)

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Offline daltysmilth

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The Perfect Match
« on: January 27, 2008, 07:45:20 PM »
I was somewhat inspired to start this thread based on a blog entry from call_me_nuveena about expectations for the perfect mate, etc.  We all, at some point, have known the pain of looking for the perfect match for ourselves.  And perhaps the problem is we all set our expectations too high.  So I thought, what if we take that to its logical conclusion and come up with some ridiculously unrealistic expectations for our perfect significant other?  If nothing else, it might help us to temporarily distract ourselves from the pain of trying to find that one person who we were meant to be with.  So I'll start out.

My expectations for the perfect woman for me:

1.  She should be either around my age or an immortal trapped in the body of someone roughly my age.
2.  She should own a vast array of contemporary, futuristic, and/or magical weaponry in the event of a zombie apocolypse, a robot insurrection, or an attack by one or more mythological creatures, including but not limited to elder gods such as Cthullu, monsters from Greek mythology, or the spirits of ancient Chinese warriors trapped until recently in Emperor Xin's tomb.
3.  If she has any demons in her past such as being a genetically enhanced super-soldier bred in a laboratory by the government for purposes that are only vaguely hinted at, I would like for her to have resolved all of those before she starts going out with me, or at least give me fair warning so I'll be ready when mysterious men in business suits show up at my house asking questions.
4.  Likewise, if she has had a previous relationship with a secret agent and that agent comes around asking for her help, I would expect her to remember that her relationship with said agent is over, and not indulge any wild fantasies said agent might have about her leaving me to come back to him, especially considering that the likelihood of her being killed at the end of the second act greatly increases the more she indulges him.

So, who wants to be next?
CROW:  (Sinisterly) The Secret Government Eggo Project...
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Offline bettertomorrowamy

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2008, 08:01:45 PM »
She would kill my wife, and be a nymphomaniacal robot.
On timeout


Offline AmazingThor

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2008, 12:49:47 PM »
A terminatix (love that term) sent from the future to protect me from killer robots. Of course there aren't killer robots trying to kill me, so most of our time would be spent making little terminators of our own (wink, wink). Of course, she would look like Summer Glau (but she won't mind if I slip and call her "River").



Offline Tripe

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2008, 07:05:37 PM »
Ok:

She will have

* Dark red to Reddish brown hair which is very curly and about shoulder length if straight
* Coffee/Cream coloured skin (which she will be alternate between at will)
* Eyes the colour of Nephrite Jade, none of that other Jade stone, Nephrite or nothing
* The ability to change her somatotype from ecto through meso to endomorphic, or Athene through Aphrodite  to Hera  as I like to think of it.
* Fairy wings one week out of every 10, cause that might be fun.


« Last Edit: January 28, 2008, 07:09:13 PM by TripeHoundRedux »


Offline BBQ Platypus

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2008, 07:34:34 PM »
My list is pretty short:

* Probably brunette
* Knows well enough to stay out of harm's way when I have not yet taken my medication
* Is not instantaneously repulsed by my collection of celebrities' nose hairs.
* No fat chicks.
Correction: the coat hanger should be upside down.


anais.jude

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2008, 01:16:44 PM »
* No fat chicks.

*rolls eyes. I thought I left all you people back in high school


Offline RVR II

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2008, 01:18:12 PM »
What? Is this a thread for just singles ???


anais.jude

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2008, 01:19:43 PM »
What? Is this a thread for just singles ???

i would assume it isn't.


Offline RVR II

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2008, 01:20:37 PM »
What? Is this a thread for just singles ???

i would assume it isn't.
Sooo... I can post here and not get in trouble?? :o


Offline Tripe

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2008, 02:41:05 PM »
the game is to make it ludicrous though so you should be fine.


Offline RVR II

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2008, 02:42:50 PM »
the game is to make it ludicrous though so you should be fine.
Since I'm married to a 'Jalapeno' woman, I am still a bit leary.. :speechless:


Offline Courtney

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2008, 02:48:54 PM »
1. He should be David Tennant.
2. He should be Jack Davenport
3. He should be John Krasinski

This is not an either/or.  He should literally be all of these people.  Oh and he should be able to bake a delicious cake.




Offline SaucyRossy

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2008, 02:56:13 PM »
* No fat chicks.


My list is also short.

* Yes to fat chicks.

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Offline RobtheBarbarian

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2008, 02:58:51 PM »
Let's just say my list of requirements weeds out 90% of the women I will ever meet.

Dropping the "chainsaws for arms" requirement might be reasonable.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2008, 03:05:10 PM by RobtheBarbarian »


Offline Stacey

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Re: The Perfect Match
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2008, 03:07:20 PM »
My dream man will:

Laugh at all my stupid bitter jokes.
Like my hair the way it is.
Like my ass the way it is.
Play lots and lots of video games.
Know how to play air guitar like a master.
Know how to catch me when I swoon over his mad air guitar skills.
Be able to move bugs outside and let them be free *out there* instead of squashing them with the bottom of his fist.
Give me pedicures any time I ask.
Put the fooking seat down.
Like beer. A lot.
Hold my purse for a minute when needed and not feel insecure about his masculinity.
Have great taste in movies and not guilt me into watching dumb shit the night it comes out when the theater is crowded with fruitpies.
Appreciate that I have a few days a month where I need a padded room and to be treated like a princess.
Let me keep a spot for my jackalope on the bed if I so desire it.
Protect me/act as a buffer from scary family members during holidays and special occasions.
Open my car door for me.
Be okay with my potty mouth.
Know how to cook so I won't have to. Ever.
Play board games and darts with me.
Be man enough to take dance lessons.
Get me a pony for Christmas.


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