I've got it. It's very slow starting up, but I guess after hearing all the horrid, horrid reviews, I just like Duke too damn much to say anything bad about it right now. I'm having fun, and no matter what the critics say, that's what's important to me.
I can say the first two levels are a good indication of WHY it was taking so long, though. The beginning is almost nothing but "click here to do something goofy" things like microwaves, pool tables, toilets, Duke's throne to himself that leads to his secret lair (early on, not really a spoiler) and so on. You can tell George Broussard was walking around going, "Yeah! Let's put in a first person water fountain sequence! Nobody's done that before!" without realizing that he needed to get going on the actual game. Not stopping me from enjoying myself, but the action early on is definitely not like the "drop you into a warzone" feel that Duke 3D got dead-on right.