Author Topic: Completely Random Thoughts  (Read 1788889 times)

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Offline LucasM

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15345 on: July 30, 2015, 08:22:01 PM »
obviously women find me very intimidating

It should be noted that it's women who were traumatized by men who found you intimidating. That's kind of understandable.

"Understandable" but not Soguru's responsibility.  [Pak, I don't feel you are implying that it is, I just wanted to make that distinction clear for Soguru.]  It is the responsibility of the group leader to help all group members process their own emotions for themselves.  Every member's reactions and process provide new ways that everyone in the group can heal.

For any one member to be singled out is grossly inappropriate, particularly for something like gender (race, or any other societal difference would have worked, but this is the most analogous).  If the group leader was a male, and singled out females and stigmatized them for being 'victims' and pulled them aside and said, "you talking about how you find anger intimidating is making others in the group uncomfortable - that's something you need to deal with [elsewhere]" I would hope it would make it incredibly clear just how completely out of line the group leader's actions were.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline LucasM

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15346 on: July 30, 2015, 08:37:41 PM »
Sorry I'm triple-posting here.  I realize that's generally inappropriate.  However, I felt that if I just went back and edited one of my two prior posts, this very important point would likely be missed (as it is likely the two previous ones have already been read, particularly by Soguru, for whom I feel this is extremely important to be seen).

I'm pissed at your group leader, because she dumped the other member's responsibility for their own emotions onto you.  That is enraging.
I didn't feel that way. Maybe they're responsible for their emotions but I'm also responsible for mine, and if mine are causing distress or discomfort in other people, then I need to take responsibility for my emotions and not be in the group anymore. That's the way I see it anyway.

Everyone is always responsible for their own emotional and cognitive reactions to everything.  You are never "causing" anything in anyone else: emotions and thoughts are all internal, and therefore the responsibility to deal with them is solely that of the person having them.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


soguru

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15347 on: July 30, 2015, 08:46:14 PM »
don't worry about triple posting Lucas. It's funny how the mind words. Some people would do things I never would but have perfectly valid and rational reasons for doing them. I tend to just see the situation as the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but it's more or less that I can live with not having group therapy, but if there was any chance my presence was keeping anyone from coming to group, then I don't think I could live with myself if something happened to somebody.


Quantum Vagina

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15348 on: July 30, 2015, 09:48:07 PM »
Ah, I read the threads in the wrong order. Forgive me, I'm out, and actually enjoying myself vs having a panic attack. That's absolutely outstanding.

I think it's absolutely absurd that you were pulled out and told to work on your presentation of whatever troubling you, or how you hold yourself, or whatever. I agree that it's wrong for you to have been blamed for other group members reactions. I'm definitely of a mind that you should bring this up to the group leader. People in a support group are likely to be agitated. If a woman who has been assaulted is feeling threatened, that's her response, not yours.

A simple thing I've been working on with my therapist is accepting that everyone's actions and reactions are not mine to control. Basically, its not your fault that this woman was upset by you;that response was on her. Your agitation is valid. Everything you felt was valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If there was something that the facilitator said that you had done particularly wrong, that you were aggressive, or really agitated TOWARDS someone, they can totally tell you to tone it back. If it is something that YOU have DONE, not something anyone else has felt because of your presentation, they can bring it up to you. From your description, you seem to have been pretty standard for a support group. Fuck, I've been agitated and upset during group. Ive seen tons of people who've been upset and agitated. Not a reason to make someone feel unwelcome. Groups are supposed to be a safe place for everyone to have a place to vent and let loose all the feelings that have been bothering them throughout the week.

Sorry for the long post. I'm out at a bar, enjoying myself and have had a few drinks. Totally feeling at ease. :D


Offline Miku Fan

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15349 on: July 31, 2015, 12:49:07 AM »
I'm glad you were able to go out and have a good time!  :highfive:
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Offline LucasM

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15350 on: July 31, 2015, 02:21:10 AM »
I can't tell if this was too much, so I've put the whole post inside a spoiler until such time as I can think clearly enough to decide if it should be deleted entirely.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 31, 2015, 06:40:19 PM by LucasM »
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Quantum Vagina

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15351 on: July 31, 2015, 09:41:50 AM »
Maybe I'm way off base but isn't it common courtesy that if you make a mess in someone's house, you clean it up? Last night I get criticized for expecting someone to clean up and not leave a ton of dishes in my sink after he made dinner. Yes, I get that he made food for me, and it was really nice. However, I make food for him and Caleb all the time, and he never does the dishes. Neither of them do. If I bought a bunch of would, came into your living room, and made a fucking table, I'd be expected to vacuum up the sawdust and clean up after myself. I don't think it's an absurd thing to want people to clean up after themselves and to stop expecting me to do it for them. I don't care who you are. If you make a mess, you should clean it up.


Offline RoninFox

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15352 on: July 31, 2015, 11:56:20 AM »
Maybe I'm way off base but isn't it common courtesy that if you make a mess in someone's house, you clean it up? Last night I get criticized for expecting someone to clean up and not leave a ton of dishes in my sink after he made dinner. Yes, I get that he made food for me, and it was really nice. However, I make food for him and Caleb all the time, and he never does the dishes. Neither of them do. If I bought a bunch of would, came into your living room, and made a fucking table, I'd be expected to vacuum up the sawdust and clean up after myself. I don't think it's an absurd thing to want people to clean up after themselves and to stop expecting me to do it for them. I don't care who you are. If you make a mess, you should clean it up.

Don't think you're off base at all. Unless it's something like a party that you are hosting, I think someone coming into your space should show some respect to it and leave it in as good a condition as they found it.
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Offline anais.butterfly

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15353 on: July 31, 2015, 12:25:05 PM »
Is anyone on this forum a computer programmer?
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Offline anais.butterfly

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15354 on: July 31, 2015, 02:57:37 PM »
I can't figure out if I should put the Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp thread in movies or TV?
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Quantum Vagina

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15355 on: July 31, 2015, 03:09:49 PM »
Maybe I'm way off base but isn't it common courtesy that if you make a mess in someone's house, you clean it up? Last night I get criticized for expecting someone to clean up and not leave a ton of dishes in my sink after he made dinner. Yes, I get that he made food for me, and it was really nice. However, I make food for him and Caleb all the time, and he never does the dishes. Neither of them do. If I bought a bunch of would, came into your living room, and made a fucking table, I'd be expected to vacuum up the sawdust and clean up after myself. I don't think it's an absurd thing to want people to clean up after themselves and to stop expecting me to do it for them. I don't care who you are. If you make a mess, you should clean it up.

Don't think you're off base at all. Unless it's something like a party that you are hosting, I think someone coming into your space should show some respect to it and leave it in as good a condition as they found it.

That's what I'm saying. But I've been told by multiple people that it's ridiculous to expect them to do that, because they made dinner.


Offline Miku Fan

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15356 on: July 31, 2015, 03:33:59 PM »
He should have at least offered to clean up. 
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Offline ScottotD

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15357 on: July 31, 2015, 04:54:28 PM »
RIP Rowdy Roddy Piper
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Offline Sideswipe

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15358 on: July 31, 2015, 05:15:44 PM »
There will be no more need for more bubblegum...

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Offline Pak-Man

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Re: Completely Random Thoughts
« Reply #15359 on: July 31, 2015, 07:51:46 PM »
Maybe I'm way off base but isn't it common courtesy that if you make a mess in someone's house, you clean it up? Last night I get criticized for expecting someone to clean up and not leave a ton of dishes in my sink after he made dinner. Yes, I get that he made food for me, and it was really nice. However, I make food for him and Caleb all the time, and he never does the dishes. Neither of them do. If I bought a bunch of would, came into your living room, and made a fucking table, I'd be expected to vacuum up the sawdust and clean up after myself. I don't think it's an absurd thing to want people to clean up after themselves and to stop expecting me to do it for them. I don't care who you are. If you make a mess, you should clean it up.

Don't think you're off base at all. Unless it's something like a party that you are hosting, I think someone coming into your space should show some respect to it and leave it in as good a condition as they found it.

That's what I'm saying. But I've been told by multiple people that it's ridiculous to expect them to do that, because they made dinner.

Eh, the dinner for dishes deal is more of a married couple arrangement. If I were visiting someone's house and doing the cooking, I'd be prepared to do the cleaning, too. If someone came to my house and cooked... I might offer to clean, but I'm a bit of a doormat that way.