Five Shaolin Masters ( a.k.a. Five Masters of Death ) ( 1974 )
When Bruce Lee died, the martial arts films in China suddenly became unpopular. The only reason why the Hong Kong studios continued to make them was because in the United States, the genre they called the "Kung Fu Movie" and later "Chop Socky" was at it's peak as drive-in and grind-house fad. Other countries had also discovered martial arts movies. It was the Hong Kong film industry's biggest ( and only ) export. But as far as the average Hong Kong citizen was concerned, Bruce Lee was the master, and any film to be released from that point on would just pale in comparison to the Bruce Lee films. Chang Cheh was not about to abandon the genre. He knew what would bring audiences back to the theaters was movies about legendary martial arts heroes who by all accounts had fighting skills that surpassed Bruce Lee himself. The students and monks from the legendary Shaolin Temple.
My favorite movie from Chang Cheh's Shaolin cycle first aired on American television under the title Five Masters of Death. It was a simple story that begins on the day the Shaolin Temple is destroyed by government soldiers. Various legends of Shaolin's destruction take place under different emperors, which means no one is sure exactly which decade, or century it took place. The story usually has one of the students being secretly a spy for the emperor, and on discovering the monks had been teaching rebels martial arts, alerts the government. He then poisons the water supply so that the monks would all be unable to fight. Shortly after the temple is surrounded by an army which sets it on fire and kills anyone who escapes the flames. In most legends five martial arts masters managed to escape, and from them Shaolin martial arts spread to schools throughout China.
This movie sets the legend closer to the early years of the Qing Dynasty where rebels were still actively trying to overthrow the Manchurian backed Qings and replace them with heirs to the Mings. Upon escaping Shaolin, the five masters decide to join the resistance. More than that, they decide to split up and encourage the various rebels groups to unite under a single leader. However, each has a run in with one of the five generals who lead the attack on Shaolin, one of them being the traitor Shaolin student Ma Fu Yi. All five prove to be unbelievable fighters who do a lot of damage to the rebels, including killing off the rebels leader the masters were trying to get the others to reunite under. Realizing they can't beat the generals, the masters secretly return to the now abandoned ruins of Shaolin. Each picks a specific style to spend a year practicing, so on their next run in with the generals they can defeat them.
Chang Cheh's Shaolin cycle proved successful, enough that the rest of Shaw Brothers, along with other Hong Kong studios, began making their own Shaolin films. The one flaw of this era is obvious. The Qings were never overthrown. At least not until hundreds of years later with the founding of the Republic of China. But the Mings were never restored to power. Which means ultimately all the sacrifices made by various Shaolin men and rebel groups were all in vain. These movies had to settle for small victories, such as the defeat of a villain working for the Qings and Manchurians. For Five Shaolin Masters we have to settle for the eventual show down with the five generals. Not much of a spoiler to say the Shaolin men win. But the film ends with the arrival of a new rebel leader and the entire rebellion uniting at the Red Pavilion. Those who know a little of Chinese history know the entire army would eventually be killed off and the rebellion crushed. Which makes it such an odd choice of an ending.
Avengers Grimm: Time Wars ( 2018 )
The most entertaining part of any Asylum DVD is the trailers for their other films, which includes a lot of familiar sounding titles like Tomb Invader, Atlantic Rim and Zombie Spring Breakers. The trailers do a good job at making these films look, well, decent. Be warned. You are looking at the best moments of that film, much of which turns out to be recycled stock effect used in several Asylum films. What makes this and other Asylum films so frustrating is how so very close they come to real entertainment. With exception to the Sharknado films, which are entertaining for the wrong reasons, the typical Asylum film feels like 90 minutes of padding, where even the action and effects scenes, when they finally happen, somehow fail to satisfy in any way.
Avengers Grimm: Time Wars seems only to exist because someone thought of a title that sounds like Infinity War. But unlike that movie there is no Thanos to snap his fingers and make the annoying characters go away. It is a direct sequel to both the first Avengers Grimm movie and Sinister Squad, combining some of the characters from both. For example, Rapunzel and Cinderella who made up two fifths of the Avengers Grimm are simply not in this film with no explanation as to what happened to them. I could understand this if the reason for their absence was due to the actresses who played them refusing to return, but both Red Riding Hood and Rumplestiltskin were recast. In fact, Rumplestiltskin, the only character to be in all three films, has been recast twice. Alice and Mad Hatter from Sinister Squad return, but Pide Piper, Goldilocks, The Big Bad Wolf and Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dee are also MIA with zero explanation as to why they are gone. The only explanation is that Asylum wanted as small a cast as possible. In fact, including the only civilian character who is only on screen for about 30 seconds, their are only 14 people in the entire cast. That includes 4 actors who play the entire Merman army, which is why whenever the heroes fight the army, there are never more than four soldiers on screen.
Duck Soup ( 1933 )
The last of the films the Marx Brothers made for Paramount. While still profitable it under preformed at the box office, leading Paramount to lose interest in the comedy team. This combined with the Brothers practically suing the studio because they were yet to be paid royalties for any of their films meant their Paramount days were over. This is supposed to be the Marx Brothers funniest film, or at the least the funniest one made with all four brothers. Quite frankly I didn't think this movie was any funnier than the others. Oddly the film I laughed at the most was A Night in Casablanca. But just by a few laughs. The good news here is Margaret Dumont is back. The bad news, Zeppo is once again reduced to a minor role. And neither Chico nor Harpo play instruments. Although one scene in the movie teases us. Chico and Harpo are burglarizing a house when the girl who snuck them in warns them to be quiet. Chico assures her he can be quite, but says so as he is standing right next to a grand piano. A little later in the scene, Harpo reaches into the top of the same piano and briefly plucks the strings like a Harp.
The Last Sharknado: It's About Time ( 2018 )
As it turns I had a second Asylum film to watch this weekend. This movie is quite an improvement over other Asylum films, but only because SyFy has given these movies ever increasing budgets. And because Asylum spends more time on the scripts. They are still bad films. But watchable. You can tell why this is the end of the series. For one, they rely on increasingly dumb plots, which they seem to have bottomed out with. also, not many celebrities showed up this time for bit parts and cameos. Even David Hasselhoff sat this one out. The biggest name cameo wise is Neil Degrasse Tyson, who I am sure has ruined his career with this film.
Topic: What was the last movie you watched? (Read 1783141 times)
