Author Topic: What dark things did you learn?  (Read 568 times)

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Offline Trekker4747

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What dark things did you learn?
« on: June 22, 2018, 05:11:25 PM »
I learned I'm becoming more and more a fan of Richard Jaeckel.  And William Devane is in this? I'm in! 

But, in the movie:

I learned that some movies way over spend on lighting, it's not really needed.

Nor is it needed to explain a single thing that is going on.



Offline TriffRax

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2018, 03:45:31 PM »
I learned that it's a mistake to cast William Devane in a part that by all rights should've gone to Darren McGavin as Carl Kolchak.


Offline dbsommer

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2018, 07:46:12 PM »
I learned that aliens with laser beam eyes will rip people's heads off instead. Unless they use laser beam eyes.

I learned that aliens that only go around killing people in the dark, will walk around in regular earth clothing despite their complete lack of trying to blend in .

I learned that some actors can only be grumpy baby cops rather than angry cops like the chief in Samurai Cop, or all of them in 90's buddy cop movies.

I learned some cops will harass former cops turned successful writers after their daughter was brutally murdered because... actually I never learned why. Like most things in the movie, it just sort of happened.

I learned Devane had so little romantic chemistry with Crosby they could have had him with Keenen Wynn instead and it wouldn't have made a difference. And their getting together kind of just happened as well.

I learned people will protest in rage over the police not stopping a murderer in two days time.

I learned aliens can attack psychics through mirrors. At least I think that was what it was.

I learned you need zero character development, and have all your plot advancement happen in the first five minute and the last ten. The rest doesn't matter. Just shoot random scenes in poor lighting, it'll be fine.

I learned the alien in this was made completely of the most combustible material in existence. One spark from any of the victims and the movie would have ended immidiately. Perhaps this is why their race only operates in... the dharrrk. One fire would be genocide for their species.

I learned Kevin was the other guy that watched Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
« Last Edit: June 24, 2018, 07:56:13 PM by dbsommer »


Offline Trekker4747

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2018, 06:21:27 PM »
I learned that your "hero" in a movie need not really do much besides walk around and eat. (William Devane was criminally underused here for his RT debut.)

I learned that a handful of murders in a major city over the course of a few days apparently starts quite the uproar amongst the public. Even though someone's probably murdered purely randomly everyday in a city the size and population of the LA area.

If you're going to wreck a classic automobile, do it in the dark.

There's no need to have coherence in your story or for anything to be explained, added up or make a lick of sense.   It took too watchings for me to make the connection between the yacht scene at the beginning, the psychic lady, and the guy.



Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2018, 06:23:09 PM »
I learned that your "hero" in a movie need not really do much besides walk around and eat. (William Devane was criminally underused here for his RT debut.)

Maybe this guy should have directed the Pac-Man movie.


Offline MerryWanna

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2018, 07:08:54 AM »
I learned that it was possible to make a movie in which a full third (or perhaps more) of it consists of footage of...well, feet. In shoes. Walking on sidewalks... With the soundtrack doing nothing but whispering THE TITLE OF THE FILM. That's a new high in low.
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Offline losingmydignity

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2018, 09:32:14 AM »
I learned that this is the most TV Moviest movie Rifftrax has done since...um...Boy in a Plastic Bubble I guess.

Really well-riffed.


Offline losingmydignity

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2018, 09:25:17 PM »
I also learned from imdb that this was directed by the same guy who did Kingdom of Spiders and Mutant, both only slightly more coherent films than this one.

I also learned there that in the original script the monster was an abused boy locked in his basement all his life. They added the alien stuff in post to cash in on the release of Alien. This explains a lot.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2018, 03:00:21 AM by losingmydignity »


Offline Trekker4747

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2018, 03:50:44 PM »
Huh.  Interesting to see that.  I think "Kingdom of the Spiders" as a movie isn't too terrible, as a RT it's a blast.


Offline losingmydignity

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2018, 03:02:09 AM »
Huh.  Interesting to see that.  I think "Kingdom of the Spiders" as a movie isn't too terrible, as a RT it's a blast.

Actually what I should have written was: Kingdom and Mutant are a lot more coherent in comparison the Dark.


Offline Lunquewill

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2018, 12:22:28 PM »
The only reason that this film had images on it at all was because someone accidentally exposed it to some light during filming.


Offline Fuzzy Necromancer

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Re: What dark things did you learn?
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2018, 07:50:15 PM »
So the abused child revamped to alien as a cash-in explains some of it, but...why the Psychic? She didn't really fit in with the film world of either narrative. What purpose was she supposed to serve?

I learned that crime novelists gain a lot of hate from police.

I learned that the best way to find a potential murder victim is randomly visiting different bars.
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