General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)

[BathTub]

I'm sorry to hear that. I've had a roommate and a close friend commit suicide, that shit can eat you if you let it. I'm glad you already have someone you can talk to about it.

[Russoguru]

So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably) not going well however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.

I'm so sorry Scott. It's times like this I wish I had something more to offer than mere words.

[MartyS (Gromit)]

I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks.

I know it's hard to avoid thinking that way, but even if everyone had showed up and had a great night it still could have happened the next day.  There's no knowing at what time someone's defenses are unable to deal with that pain.

A part of me is relieved, but I really do not want to deal with being around him when my folks have both died and I have to get my stuff (and 'distribute' theirs) from their house.  It will be trying enough to simply get there (~275 mile drive each way - no way could I deal with airports, plus I'll need a car while there).

Will you have to deal with selling the house?  Or is someone in the family going to get it?

I'm glad I don't have to deal with that since my dad sold the house 4 years ago, all I have left to deal with are bank accounts, just spent the morning at Bank Of America signing things, signing papers to get a bunch of money would normally be a fun thing to do, but it was depressing as hell.  The papers today are supposed to be the last ones needed to release the funds to me, but I'm guessing the chances of BOA not messing something up are about 50/50.

Well, there is one other thing to deal with, his ashes, I think he is eligible for the Navy burial at sea program, so I need to call and get that info.  Although they don't allow civilians to attend since they do it from a ship on active duty.  So the decision for me is to sent him off that way or take him myself to the same spot in the ocean off Block Island that my mom was placed.  The Navy option I would get the flag and they usually record a video, so I'd have that as a memento, and he talked about his time on the USS Blenny more than any job he ever had....

[LucasM]

A part of me is relieved, but I really do not want to deal with being around him when my folks have both died and I have to get my stuff (and 'distribute' theirs) from their house.  It will be trying enough to simply get there (~275 mile drive each way - no way could I deal with airports, plus I'll need a car while there).

Will you have to deal with selling the house?  Or is someone in the family going to get it?

I'm glad I don't have to deal with that since my dad sold the house 4 years ago, all I have left to deal with are bank accounts, just spent the morning at Bank Of America signing things, signing papers to get a bunch of money would normally be a fun thing to do, but it was depressing as hell.  The papers today are supposed to be the last ones needed to release the funds to me, but I'm guessing the chances of BOA not messing something up are about 50/50.

Well, there is one other thing to deal with, his ashes, I think he is eligible for the Navy burial at sea program, so I need to call and get that info.  Although they don't allow civilians to attend since they do it from a ship on active duty.  So the decision for me is to sent him off that way or take him myself to the same spot in the ocean off Block Island that my mom was placed.  The Navy option I would get the flag and they usually record a video, so I'd have that as a memento, and he talked about his time on the USS Blenny more than any job he ever had....

Thank you for the thoughts.  I'm hoping there is something that you can be comfortable with with regards to your dad's ashes.  It can be a difficult decision.

Yes, I will likely have to deal with selling the house.  I hope to spend some time, once I calm down and recover a bit from this stuff with my brother, and talk with my dad on the phone about this.  First I have to make it clear just how incompetent my brother is (not knowing the value of anything, such as the antiques and collectibles the house is FULL of, or how to actually interact with the real world on issues like that), and possibly I can talk to him about things like property values in the area of the house.  However apparently my father got angry at one point when my brother brought up selling the house (because my mother irrationally tried to get him to move for years when my dad could not deal with [or possibly survive] that).  I don't know if I could get my dad to recommend a Realtor in the area... I think that would be too much for him and he'd get angry.

So I'm hopeful that I can at least get 'consultations' from my oldest friend, even though we have only had limited contact for a decade or so (since I can't 'do' the phone like we used to).  He had to deal with selling his mother's condo when she died just a few years ago, so the area and it's Realtors are at least somewhat familiar to him.  I have NO idea what to do about the antiques.  I have only the vaguest idea of what they might be worth NOW, but I knew what they were worth a couple decades ago (where my brother basically thinks they are worthless and hasn't the slightest clue about artwork they have).

In addition to the problems from all that, I have to somehow get my father to at least make me co-executor of the will, because my brother - with this shit the way its been - would definitely be fucking me out of my stuff (a huge number of valuable '60s collectibles), and my half of the folks' stuff if I don't have SOME level of control.

And somehow, in all that, I may have to try to explain how I will make ONE trip there (for a month or more) to deal with the house after they are both dead, but that I can't make it there to visit them.  That's NOT going to be an easy discussion!  But, despite it's intense wear on me, I could potentially deal with being ALONE in the house, working at my own pace, interacting with NO-ONE.  But even THAT only if I know going in that it will be a one-time-only event and I will never have to travel again afterwards.

[MartyS (Gromit)]

In addition to the problems from all that, I have to somehow get my father to at least make me co-executor of the will, because my brother - with this shit the way its been - would definitely be fucking me out of my stuff (a huge number of valuable '60s collectibles), and my half of the folks' stuff if I don't have SOME level of control.

That's a lousy thing to have to deal with, I know someone at work that dealt with a brother that wanted the house but didn't want to give the other siblings anything, took years for them to settle it.

Certainly try to get as much as possible figured out and in place as soon as possible, so you don't feel like you've been thrown into the deep end of the pool...

[Quantum Vagina]

I got dumped! woooooooooooooo

can i die now i don't want to do this anymore

[Quantum Vagina]

Do you know how impossible it is to find someone that I not only like, but likes me and wants to sleep with me, be in a relationship with me, AND is able to look past my horrific birth defect that rendered my clitoris gigantic and my ovaries to fall out and produce the wrong stuff? It's fucking impossible. And the worst thing, the thing that hurts the most, are when the guys that I really like and am into, and who are into me, start going at it, and they just can't get going because they can't look past it, and they say that it's not my fault but the problem is me, because I'm not attractive, I've got this fucking growth on my crotch and nobody wants me and I fucking hate it. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and I've been dumped by both because of my other illnesses. How the he'll am I supposed to find a guy who wants the package?

[MartyS (Gromit)]

 I was feeling depressed about getting the check from the one account my dad had the money from selling the house I grew up in.  Brought up all kinds of stuff from now and the past.  Although recent events have dulled the regret over not being able to save anything from the house, if storage units to hold the few things from my dad's little room were too expensive there was no way I would have been able to afford it 4 years ago.

 Anyway, found a bunch of charities to give some money to, and one local place that deals with abused kids that had an Amazon wish list, I had no idea there ware so many games to help kids deal with anger and other emotional issues.

 Helping out in that way has helped my mood tremendously, even though more bad news just keeps coming about people at work, this summer really can't end fast enough.  In the spring I'll start to think about what to do with my dad's money, after next years taxes are done and I know exactly how much I'll have left.

[LucasM]

I'm sorry so much is going on Marty.  It sounds like you found a great way to mediate some of that grief, with the donations.  I hope that this eases at least somewhat for you soon, though I know grief and mourning work their own paths in people in their own time.  First and foremost in the grief, take care of yourself.

[MartyS (Gromit)]

Thanks LucasM, the grief is much less now since it's been almost 2 months, although the instantly interconnected world we live in now has made it a bit strange, I'm still taking pictures with my phone and have to remember I can't email them to him any more.  Getting the first chunk of money brought up more regrets than grief, regrets might linger in the back of the mind longer but are easier to clear away than grief.

Just got back from a nice tour of the Taylor Memorial Arboretum that my school recently acquired, walking around nice landscaping and huge old trees also helps a lot with mood...

[Quantum Vagina]

So after Paul dumped me, I went into kind of an emotional tailspin. In that tailspin, I'm rebounding with Bas. Except that he's made it clear to me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. He just wants to have no strings attached sex. Except that for me, there are a million strings. I still love him. But what he's doing now is nothing short of emotional blackmail. He says he doesn't want to leave me, but also when I say that it's a bad idea, he says he'll just leave me again, which he knows I don't want. I don't know what to do. I know I should stop, but I can't bear to lose him again.

[Russoguru]

I'm bringing back this thread for those on the Forum who need it, and also for the day when hopefully, Lawful Cupcake AKA Quantum Vagina arrives back here.

[Russoguru]

Maybe I should say something to get the ball rolling on this thread again. My name is Russell, I'm 39, I have had bipolar type 2 for the past few years now, and I'm just here to associate with some other people who share the same interests. I've been coming here on and off over the past 11 years or so and while it's taken time, I've slowly matured into a better and more respectful person in spite of my mental illness.

I think it's safe to say we were all drawn here by our intense love for MST3K. After all, without Mystery Science Theater 3000, there would be no Rifftrax. I'm saying this in this thread because I think being able to laugh is important for maintaining our sanity. Of course, you could also be insane and laugh like crazy, but those of us who suffer from things like bipolar, depression, or losing somebody, being able to laugh again is very important because it allows us to cope with all the bad stuff in our lives. It is by no means a cure but if you're a fan of MST at all, then watching other people making fun of bad movies or old shorts is just a part of our lives. There's an underlying emotional bond to those who make us laugh because personally, for me it fills an empty space in my life. Maybe that's just sad, or maybe not, but I hope you get the point. It's important to laugh, because sometimes we take life too seriously and it's important to be reminded to calm down because things aren't always as seriously bad as they seem.

Of course there are many, many other things out there that can make you laugh, but there's something special about both MST3K and Rifftrax. We didn't just laugh at the antics of Joel Hodgson, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, but we could relate to the jokes and the characters. I see people who want us not just to laugh, but to laugh at ourselves for some of the ways in which we see not just our lives but the world too. That's important, and I don't know of anybody who makes fun of movies and shorts quite as well as our MST3K Alums.

I won't be free of being mentally ill for the rest of my life, but I still owe a great debt to MST3K and Rifftrax for helping me maintain at least a shred of my sanity and coping with my disabilities.

[anais.butterfly]

Well said.


I think I prefer the shared pop-culture reference. When, randomly in conversation as I am wont to do, I say something like "I've got a mantis in my pantis," anyone who gets that reference is automatically a cool and potentially safe person. I certainly use pop culture to remind myself of the skills I use in therapy, so these references help my daily life.

[Russoguru]

I just have to get this off my chest... for all the things we disagreed about, I really miss Lawful Cupcake. I also really miss Miku Fan. I hope they come back some day. They were really active on this forum and they were really good people.