What have we learned?

[Hobbit]

I think I will bravely tackle this film and riff tonight.

One thing that I did not understand about this whole "Clone War" thing.   Didnt they only make one million clones?  (forgive me if I have the number wrong, I have tried to burn this film from my memory)    Big fracking deal, an army of one million...... uh, you could cull together one ten times that large with people from the Empire in no time.

Was it just one million?   And if so, WHAT WAS THE BIG FRACKIN DEAL??     

In Battlefront 2, it implies that they continue to churn out clones throughout not only the Clone Wars but through the entire existence of the Empire.  They even mention starting up new batches using the DNA of people other than Jango Fett.

As far as Yoda's 'do or do not,' I think he was going for some zen master way of saying "I know you can do this.  If you don't pull it off, it's because you're not trying hard enough."  I like the line anyway.  Ok, geekness off.

I have learned that George Lucas is the Michael Jordan of baseball of romance writing.  I don't know how the man ever got laid, because the dialog between Anakin and Padme sounds about the way some 13-year old idiot thinks it should be because he's heard so many girls say something about wanting guys to be 'sensitive' and 'in touch with their feelings.'  The only true romantic character in all of the Star Wars movies was Han Solo.  He was a badass, a smartass, and was so slick, he made ice look like sandpaper.  The defining romantic moment was when Leia said, "I love you," and he simply said, "I know."  In true cheesy fashion, Lucas wrote him saying, "I love you, too," which is wussy and sounds like something Anakin would say, but everybody thought it was WAY out of character, so they started thinking of alternatives.  "I know" was something Harrison Ford thought up and blurted out during their final take before lunch, thus supporting my theory that Harrison Ford is awesome (or at least was *grumble*Firewall*grumble*).  The only thing worse than Anakin's seduction techniques in Episode II are his techniques in Episode III.  If you fast forward during all of the Padme/Anakin scenes, it gets better by leaps and bounds.

I learned that Darth Vader really did kill Anakin Skywalker and then took his place.  No way is the cold, calculating murderer seen in the original trilogy the wuss that we see in the prequal.  I'm pretty sure he knocked up Padme, too.  A hot, prominent girl like that married to a total wuss who isn't even around most of the time tends to lead to...well, you get the picture.

I learned that a few really awesome action sequences peppered here and there are just enough to keep the movie's take in the black.

I learned that even CGI doesn't make long scenes showing people going places any better (well, maybe a little).

I learned that freshly grown clones move and fight like a bunch of special effects geeks moving around in a sound stage with the green dots attached.

[FrensaGeran]

I learned that the mitichlorians did it.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

But most importantly, I learned that Yoda is a dumb character and no one will admit it because he says "Do or do not".

I hate that line.  Yoda is essentially saying any failure is your own fault for not "doing" and never mind the myriad of external forces that could prevent an action.  It's one of those self-help guru lines that works on the weak minded (to coin a phase) but if you really think about it philosophically it falls apart.

I think Lucas was trying for a zen master thing with Yoda and his backward speech but it's just annoying at this point.

I think it's more that Yoda is a shriveled, green, Jean Paul Sartre.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

I learned that, regardless of how many internet-dwellers and hollywood bigwigs are aroused by her, Natalie Portman must be decomissioned and dismantled. With hammers.

[RobtheBarbarian]

Maybe she just needs to be plugged back into her regeneration alcove for a bit. She seems like her battery is running a bit low.

[FrensaGeran]

NERD C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!

 

[6079SmithW]

The only true romantic character in all of the Star Wars movies was Han Solo.  He was a badass, a smartass, and was so slick, he made ice look like sandpaper.  The defining romantic moment was when Leia said, "I love you," and he simply said, "I know."  In true cheesy fashion, Lucas wrote him saying, "I love you, too," which is wussy and sounds like something Anakin would say, but everybody thought it was WAY out of character, so they started thinking of alternatives.  "I know" was something Harrison Ford thought up and blurted out during their final take before lunch, thus supporting my theory that Harrison Ford is awesome (or at least was *grumble*Firewall*grumble*).

"Bender, I love you."
"Shut up, baby, I know it."

These movies really, really were missing a cool character who thought everything that was going on was stupid. Hell, I'm guessing in the original trilogy, everybody thought they were above the material- I remember Mark Hamill saying something about how scared he was by the movie's original title (which was something like "The Adventures of the Starkiller: The Star Wars") and God knows he didn't have much of an ego. Sure, this movie had Ewan McGregor and Sam Jackson (and thirty seconds of Jimmy Smits,) all of whom are better than the material, but those are all guys who regularly do stupid shit and would easily be able to stifle laughs about all the stupid bullshit. Laughing at stupid bullshit is, unfortunately, the only way to make Star Wars movies better.

[Bob]

Jimy Smits must have been wondering why they gave him the Christopher Columbus suit to wear.

At least it was not a bear suit.

[RobtheBarbarian]

Jimy Smits must have been wondering why they gave him the Christopher Columbus suit to wear.

At least it was not a bear suit.

Because stupid anachronisms are littered through the Star Wars franchise. Trite little parallels that Lucas draws with the real world that are supposed to make us all put our hands over our mouth and giggle knowingly but instead just make us question his imagination.

[AmazingThor]

I learned that nothing flys through space better than a 1920s-era prop plane.

[Sharktopus]

I learned that Christopher Lee somehow doesn't get sand in his eyes while zooming around the dessert on a hover Vespa with no goggles. It must be the Force.

"Bender, I love you."
"Shut up, baby, I know it."

Hee hee.

[StellarJoe]

I learned that killing sprees make you feel icky inside.

[MarkAndrew]

I learned that you can name a war soley on who's fighting on one side, and not name it something a bit more appropriet like "The seperatists war" or "The trade dispute war" or even "The Sith war" all over again. Why name it the clone wars when the whole purpose of the war has NOTHING to do wit

But most importantly, I learned that Yoda is a dumb character and no one will admit it because he says "Do or do not".

You know, in my own, vastly-superior version of the prequels...which I started working on in my head, along with nearly every other Star Wars fan...the Clone Wars were a long conflict designed to put down cloning and the makers of clone armies.

Instead, Lucas, the bearded muffin brain, makes the Stormtroopers clones.  You see, it's ok to kill them, they're just clones of a bad guy!

[Hobbit]

I learned that you can name a war soley on who's fighting on one side, and not name it something a bit more appropriet like "The seperatists war" or "The trade dispute war" or even "The Sith war" all over again. Why name it the clone wars when the whole purpose of the war has NOTHING to do wit

But most importantly, I learned that Yoda is a dumb character and no one will admit it because he says "Do or do not".

You know, in my own, vastly-superior version of the prequels...which I started working on in my head, along with nearly every other Star Wars fan...the Clone Wars were a long conflict designed to put down cloning and the makers of clone armies.

Instead, Lucas, the bearded muffin brain, makes the Stormtroopers clones.  You see, it's ok to kill them, they're just clones of a bad guy!

In the end, it's still not any dumber than the name of the French and Indian War (which was fought mainly between the French and British).

As far as the stormtrooper/clone thing, I figured that out long ago, but nobody would listen to me.  I said the stormtroopers were clones, based on the comment of 'The Clone Wars' and Leia asking Luke if he was a bit short for a stormtrooper.

[RobtheBarbarian]

As far as the stormtrooper/clone thing, I figured that out long ago, but nobody would listen to me.  I said the stormtroopers were clones, based on the comment of 'The Clone Wars' and Leia asking Luke if he was a bit short for a stormtrooper.

Hehe... wow.

Has anyone noticed that the clone troopers will take orders from anyone? Even Padme. All it takes is a whiny-voiced little girl with an exposed midriff and that trooper with the bigass gun was "Yes Senator!" I think this says less about the compliant traits of the clones than it does about the unreasonable level of authority Padme and Anakin were given in that battle.