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Author Topic: Acute Psychological Distress: Help  (Read 68741 times)

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Offline Pastor of Muppets

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #525 on: May 11, 2019, 07:44:52 AM »
Hi everyone.

I know I'm kind of a lurker here and I've not posted a lot of personal stuff.  I thought I saw this thread lying around and I swore it was more active than this.

So I think I'm stuck with an abusive roommate.  I don't know if I'm being melodramatic in saying that.  It feels especially wrong because I'm a man with a steady job and a good paycheck, my roommate gets nothing but $780 a month from social security and some other benefits.  Linda started out as a friend, and then we grew closer, and then we moved in together.  It's not a romantic thing.  Just something I thought would be a good idea but is turning out not to be.

I don't know where exactly it started to go south.  I moved up here to Round Lake, IL at the end of March. We signed a 2 year lease on a rental house starting April 1st.  Some red flags started to pop up.  For the first two weeks of April, we were living in her father's house while we got the house ready.  Things were okay I guess but then one night when, after work, I scurried to pack up her things.  I worked hard to do everything I asked, then fell asleep.  I woke up with a stern lecture about several mistakes I had made.  I left a light on, I think I forgot to throw something away.  I mean, little mistakes and she didn't raise her voice but I took it really hard.

Two Sundays ago we had a fight.  I tried to hide some vertical blinds she had accidentally stolen from Walmart which she was trying to return to the same Walmart.  This got her furiously angry at me for stealing from her.  I dunno, maybe I "drew first blood" so to speak, but her response was so vicious and overwhelming.  She was screaming at the top of her lungs, doing everything she could to hurt me.  Pulling out all the guns.  Calling me a thief and a liar and a manipulator.  The following 4 days weren't much better.  She'd fly into a rage if I tried to speak to her and generally gave me the silent treatment.

It was really terrifying.  Maybe because where I come from people don't get that furious.  When that started, I called our landlady to ask if there was any way for me to get out of this lease so I could move away.  Linda found out and said "Our business stays between us.  You don't call the landlady or your family or the police.  Be a man."  Later she demanded I apologize to the landlady for dragging her into this and that I tell her that everything was my fault.

Things cooled down on that Friday, but I tried to tell her that it's not right to talk to people the way she talked to me.  She just said "That was nothing.  You got a dick and balls.  Be a man.  You're acting like a 12 year old boy."

So that blew over.  We had about 5 good days.  On Wednesday and Thursday of this week we were our old happy selves, from when the relationship was new.  At some point in that interstitial period, she never tried to apologize and say it wouldn't happen again.  She said that our fight was nothing and that in the future they might be worse.  She might throw things at me.

Then yesterday we had another fight.

It started because I bought an electric plug in lawnmower.  She laughed at me for buying that and scolded me for not consulting her on a major purchase.  Then she was gone for a few hours and I cut the front lawn.  I did a thorough job, but instead of saying "thanks for mowing the lawn", she just said "You said you know how to mow a lawn and you clearly don't.  Look at all those patches you missed."  Then she started scolding me for being weak, and how she feels like she has to treat me like a child.  Then at some point she called me a liar because "you said you know how to cut grass and you don't.  LIE."  and "You said you would put the claw caps on the cats so they wouldn't scratch the furniture.  Why didn't you do that yet?  LIAR."

It's hard to describe.  She's really strict and hypercritical.  I'm constantly worried that no matter what I do, I will miss something and draw her anger.  Like there was a piece of trash on the floor and she yelled at me for not picking up after myself.  Called me lazy.  If there are dirty dishes she will always scold me for not doing them, even if I just haven't gotten around to it yet because they've only been in there for a few hours.

I don't know.  Do I sound like I'm exaggerating?  I'm miserable.  The twist, like I said, is that I make all the money and pay the bills.  I have the resources to move out, even though that would be a pain in the neck.  I'm not sure if I can though.  The landlady said that I can give notice of intent to vacate, forfeit the security deposit, and move so she has time to get new tenants.  But that leaves Linda.  If she doesn't leave, she can't afford the rent.  She'll get evicted and that will go on my credit report and ruin me.  I don't know what to do.  I can't keep this up for 2 years. 
I'm not particularly religious, and I don't really like Muppets, but I do love word play.


Online RVR II

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #526 on: May 11, 2019, 09:23:32 AM »
Quote
I tried to hide some vertical blinds she had accidentally stolen from Walmart which she was trying to return to the same Walmart.
This isn't the same one that was in prison recently is it?

She sounds a lot like my boss at work.. Control freak, micromanager, bipolar, etc.
Whatever her problem is, it sounds like she has something mental going on and you have to walk on egg shells when she's around..
You may have no choice but to take a hit on your credit just to get out of this misery :-\
« Last Edit: May 11, 2019, 09:32:42 AM by RVR II »


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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #527 on: May 11, 2019, 01:36:00 PM »
Quote
I don't know.  Do I sound like I'm exaggerating?

No. She's not ready for this. Her priorities are ridiculous, and you're at the bottom. I can't really help you with the how, but find out how to get out of there.


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #528 on: May 11, 2019, 01:55:47 PM »
That sounds like a horrible way to live, sounds like she needs to get help.

We had someone like that at work years ago, would fly into a rage if the smallest thing was not done her way.  So bad I once saw her go ballistic because someone moved a brush from one side of the sink to the other.  She was constantly making the secretaries cry.  Only thing that got her out of the department was when she started acting like that to the students and the parents started complaining.  Many people tried to befriend her and get her into therapy, nothing worked, she just kept repeating that people simply needed to get used to the way she was and there was nothing wrong with how she behaved.

So, if you can't get her to get help, you've got to find a way out of the situation.


Offline Cupcake

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #529 on: May 25, 2019, 01:30:34 AM »
Three weeks ago, my fiancee and I decided getting married wasnt for us. Then she breaks up with me. 2.5 years, gone. one the plus side, we're managing to stay friends, and thats amazing and fantastic.

Two weeks ago, the girl I'd been seeing for a month or so decided that "I was too serious and she wanted something more casual, so we shouldn't see each other anymore." Fine, i get it. I made it clear up front that i wanted a serious committed relationship, and then the past week you just basically ghosted me, so i expected it, but it still fucking hurt.

(FYI, me and my fiancee were poly, so she was all aware of everything, and the other girl was too.)

Today, I got a letter from the district courthouse. I'm being sued by a medical debt collector over a colonoscopy that should have been covered through insurance, but wasnt because last May i went through a legal name change. When i tried to update my name on my insurance, they said they had to go through the marketplace. When i tried to go through the marketplace, they said that i would have to reapply for insurance, and since my mother had done it all for the whole family, it would leave three of us uninsured until my sister got her medicaid denial, because they wouldn't let her buy through the marketplace becayse she was supposedly eligble for medicaid, which she wasn't. Anyway, the hospital sends in the billing request under my new legal name, but since the insurance company had another name, they didn't pay out. Now I'm getting sued, and theyre probably going to garnish my wages which is GREAT, because I already live paycheck to paycheck.

I'm done. im just done giving a shit what happens in my life. drugs, sex, sure bring them on. my life sucks anyway, may as well have a reasonable excuse. i dont think ive been this suicidal in a long time, or at least cared so little about what happened to me.


Offline Pastor of Muppets

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #530 on: May 25, 2019, 04:43:38 AM »
Ugh that's awful.  Everything about medical insurance and medical payment is so convoluted.  I wish I had better practical advice on that, but all I can think of is declaring bankruptcy.  Maybe you can hop over to Quora.com and ask around for advice.  There's a lot of smart helpful people over there.
I'm not particularly religious, and I don't really like Muppets, but I do love word play.


Offline Pastor of Muppets

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #531 on: May 25, 2019, 04:53:55 AM »
My situation with my roommate has improved a lot.  Eventually, things cooled down and we were able to talk it out.  I was especially encouraged to find out that she found the fights just as upsetting as I did.  A major thing that had me worried was that I thought she thrived on this kind of conflict while it terrified and exhausted me.  She also admitted she's been feeling a huge amount of stress from caring for her sick father.  Her father is very picky and hostile and demanding in  the same way she was.

We've been getting along great for the past 13 days.  I'm doing better with some of my bad habits (leaving unwashed dishes in the sink, failing to clean the cat box, failing to take out the trash, and slamming doors).  She's showing a lot more patience, and when she does want to correct me on something she says it in a much nicer and constructive way.  To answer a question RVR posted earlier, this is indeed the friend of mine who got out of prison back in October.
I'm not particularly religious, and I don't really like Muppets, but I do love word play.


Offline Cupcake

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #532 on: May 25, 2019, 12:23:35 PM »
Add flashbacks to my time in Washington triggered by abusive roleplay in a game, cool


Offline Lunquewill

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #533 on: May 26, 2019, 07:28:57 PM »
Quote
Today, I got a letter from the district courthouse. I'm being sued by a medical debt collector over a colonoscopy that should have been covered through insurance, but wasnt because last May i went through a legal name change.

Chances are good that medical provider never knew about your name change complication and just handed your bill to a debt collector when your insurance declined payment. Debt collectors, being what they are, will chase you as long as needed to recover that money. The medical provider probably received some payment, usually a fraction of the total, from the collector for your bill, so they've washed their hands of it. Since this collector has filed a lawsuit, you best option is probably to find an attorney who handles cases for these types of situations. It means more expense, but if you do nothing, then that collector will continue to chase you until all of that bill is collected. Certainly try to communicate directly with the collector, sometimes meeting the person can change these situations, though complete debt forgiveness is rare.

Be sure to act, whatever you do! Time is of the essence when dealing this these debt problems.


Offline Russoguru

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #534 on: June 08, 2019, 04:04:25 AM »
I've... got a new problem that's actually kind of scaring me. The last four days I've only been sleeping every other day. Monday night I didn't sleep at all. Tuesday night I slept like a log. Wednesday night I didn't sleep at all. Thursday night I slept like 8 hours. Friday night... here it is and I can't sleep at all. I even took some sleeping pills and... it's a little after 5 AM and no hope for sleep in sight.
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Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #535 on: June 08, 2019, 08:53:17 AM »
Those cycles of sleep then no sleep used to happen to me all the time, usually what would kick it off would be sleeping too late one morning or sleeping more than 8 hours total in one night, I've had insomnia all my life so it was just something I got used to and after a few cycles it would just resolve itself.

Since I quit caffeine a few years ago I haven't had a bad cycle like that, worst I've encountered since has been only a few hours sleep the night after too much sleep the previous night.


Offline wihogfan

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #536 on: June 08, 2019, 09:47:31 AM »
I can't sleep past 8 AM. Started about 2 years ago. Always had a weird sleep cycle and insomnia but would sleep in on the weekends to make up for lack of sleep during week. Just can't sleep past 8 AM anymore though. And usually 1 night a week I don't sleep at all and then range from 4 to 8 hours other nights. Should probably try giving up caffeine and see if that helps.


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #537 on: June 08, 2019, 01:41:32 PM »
Should probably try giving up caffeine and see if that helps.

It takes about 3 to 4 weeks for your body to adjust to no caffeine.  I was only drinking a few cups of tea a day and had bad headaches for the first week, then mild ones in week 2, I hear it can be really brutal for people that drink a lot of coffee or soda.

I did it because of my insomnia, it was getting so bad I was almost never able to fall asleep before 2am.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2019, 01:43:20 PM by MartyS (Gromit) »


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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #538 on: June 20, 2019, 07:03:54 PM »
I'm unraveling completely.

I'm in the hospital again, alone. I've been in and out of the hospital for over a decade now, but lately it's been torture. Last admission, I ended up curled up under the sink at one point. I can't bring myself to work, play games, anything. I feel pointless most of the time outside the hospital, but in here the feeling consumes me.

And now I read this thread about America's concentration camps. What the hell am I going to do about this? The 115 pound man with a severe, progressive lung disease in the hospital? How am I going to live with myself if I don't do anything? My brain wants to delete this knowledge, and my surroundings are making that very easy. Nurses just go about their day. Nothing is different. I'm fighting as hard as I can not to slip into denial, but I don't know how I can possibly stay sane if I don't.

I need therapy. Badly. Have for a long time. Can't get any in here.

I need my spirits high and my strength up to do my treatments the best I can, because they are not passive and I have to actually DO them for them to be effective. I have nothing left, physically or emotionally, and mentally I'm just broken.

I don't want to post about this here, but I have nowhere else. As pathetic as it is, seeing as I almost never post here, this is the closest thing I have to a community.


Offline Cupcake

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #539 on: June 20, 2019, 07:46:41 PM »
A really good therapist in Colorado Springs is Christy Sorden. She was my therapist for years, and worked with me through a lot of the shitty times i went through. If you don't like her, Aspen Pointe is the local community mental health facility. If you want to get some intense short term care, see about getting an admit to a psych hospital for a few days. Peak View is alright, but i know there's one in the Denver area thats REALLY good. If cost is an inhibitor to seeking help, try out one of the DBSA support groups. Unless they've changed their nights, they have a teen and young adult(under 30) group on Tuesdays. Its in a building on Bijou. They were also a HUGE help.

If you want to get on meds, ask your PCP, or Aspen Pointe. Both are pretty good options. If you are in serious crisis and need intervention, call the Lighthouse. they are a short term(one night) facility in the Springs, meant to help people in crisis. I've never stayed personally, but i know people who have used it to get out of a tight place and to stay safe.

Depression is a really shitty thing to experience. One thing to work on is making sure you break seemingly impossible sized problems into smaller chunks. If anything is worth doing, its worth doing poorly. Evem if you can't fully do something, doing SOMETHING is a success, even if it seems like nothing. Small steps and victories help you build up self esteem and confidence.

Depression happens. It fucking sucks. It doesn't matter if your support network is small, or just us. Dunno if you still have my number or not, but I know Tristan does. If you ever wanna talk about things, hit me up. I'll answer if i can. Or if you're not cool doing that or whatever, message me on here. I'm here for you, friendo.