Top 50 iRiffs

[LucasM]

Watched two iRiffed films last night (inlcuding one that I found via this LoC  ), so I have a couple additional quotes from films represented above.  Many need the context to be comprehensible.

Wasp Woman:
In first about 5 minutes or more, all there are are beekeepers doing beekeeping stuff in real time, and walking (with incredibly little editing) between one collection of wooden hives and others.
RIFF: "Boring?  You ain't seen nothing yet!  For Corman this is an action sequence!"

Beekeeper pulls one of the panels out of a hive, it is covered with bees.
RIFF: "Man, you REALLY need to change your air filter!"


I, Robot:
Blue light-stripe of computer 'VIKI' seen near ceiling of room in Will Smith's friend's house.
RIFF: "Liquid Smurf pumped through every room in the house."

Will Smith grabs cat and surfs out of the house on the front door, into the pool, being chased by the house-demolition robot.
RIFF: "Now you've got a wet cat, that's even worse than a killer robot!"

It is revealed that Will Smith has a prosthetic/cyborg arm.
RIFF: "A robot arm!  THAT is why he's got that chip on his shoulder!"  [I LOVE when both meanings of a pun apply!]

James Cromwell's hologram response to Will Smith as the cop, "THAT is the right question."  As it fades out.
RIFF 1: "That'll do pig."  [harkening back to 'Babe']
RIFF 2: "He prefers 'Detective' or 'Officer'."


Maybe I'll get to some more quotes from the films in the 'upper numbers' of my list tonight and the next few days, as this continues.

Again: great work Darth Geek!  This was a massive undertaking to include all the ties as separate entities.  But I know I'm not the only one who is grateful for the exposure to more iRiffs I hadn't been aware of before.

[Darth Geek]

#41
FilmQuips - Planet of the Apes
(Total Points: 28    Number of Lists: 2  Highest Ranking: #11 David)


You screwed it up! Damn you Tim Burton! Damn you all to Hell!
What? Of course I HAD to do that. It is LoC LAW!
Even with Rick Baker's (deservedly) award winning practical makeup effects, it just shows you can't polish a turd. Even when you cover it in latex.

This movie is most known for: Embarassing performance by Mark Walberg, so much so that I wonder why people were so surprised in The Happening.
       Having it's "shocking ending" stolen (and used better) by Michael Bay in Transformers 3.
 
Noted riffs:
I don't know any. Please post some and I will add them here.
 
About the group: This is the only release by FilmQuips, and it was a few years ago. So presumably they are not still in operation. I couldn't find any information on them, except an old film review site called FilmQuips and I'm not sure if they are done by the same people. I did find a good recommendation for this riff by poobah103, of Cinester Theater. So that is some high praise.
 
Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/planet-apes-2001?quicktabs_product-quicktabs=content
 
Sample: I couldn't find one.

[Darth Geek]

#40
Hor-Riff-ic Productions - Tremors
(Total Points: 29    Number of Lists: 3  Highest Ranking: #8 Anais.whatever)


You WILL have long camera shots, big goofy monsters, world class gun nuts, Bacon that won't quit and laughs that go alllllll the way up!

This movie is most known for: Making Kevin Bacon only one degree of seperation from Family Ties. And Jurassic Park.
   Turns out the father on Familt Ties is a BADASS! Who knew?
     
Noted riffs:
"Camera Two. You're on, camera two. Oh, uh, I'm a scary monster. Oooooo."
The jokes about Edgar wearing Satan's wardrobe.
Tremors --- "The Michael J Fox story"
"Give it up, Lucas. Harrison can't play Indy anymore."
"Anybody else think it's a bad omen that they're drinking Crush?"
 
About this riff: Here is Gary to give a few details:
  This track was a first in many ways.  It marked our first foree into submission scripts  and the first time riffing a movie got us hate mail.  Yes, someone felt so strongly about this cinematic classic to send us a profanity riddled rant on how we should cease to exist for riffing this movie.  Yowsers. 
  People sometimes forget, we riff the movies we hate, AND the movies we love.  This one is from the latter category.  Kevin Bacon was a treat as usual, as Satan points out we are a bit Bacon obsessed but hey, who isn’t? 
  Most memorable has to be Satan’s title riff at the very beginning, makes me shake my head in shame every time, and then I still laugh.

Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/hor-riff-ic-productions/hor-riff-ic-tremors
 
Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCaFXlM8Qbs

[Darth Geek]

#39a
Hor-Riff-ic Productions - Friday the 13th part 4
(Total Points: 30    Number of Lists: 3  Highest Ranking: #15 Artie)


Combining Jason Vorhees, Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover in one movie. This much concentrated 80s is very dangerous and should only be taken in small doses. Your legs will start to get cold, but DO NOT put on leg warmers! Watching this much 80s may cause spontanious shoulder pads and David Bowie hair (related to Hockey Hair). Should your Bowie Hair last longer than four hours, consult a photographer, because it is really really funny.

This movie is most known for: Calling itself the Final Chapter, yet sequel baiting at the end anyway.
    For some reason, trying to have a red herring as to the killer's identity IN A JASON MOVIE!

Noted riffs:
"Look, it's Wessex County. No wonder this place is always crawling with horny teens."
"Oh man, I accidentally rented Taints of Titanium. I wanted Buns of Steel."
"If just one person slips on that banana peel during the final chase scen it'll have all been worth it."
"I think he just gave the sign to bunt."
"Aaaaand BRIS!"
I loved the running gag about the stick being snapped.
"Rob has taken the bold choice to actively search for Jason. Lets see how that turns out."
"What's with the eyeliner, kid? You look like a Goth easter egg."
The running gag with the boyfriend yelling things after he was dead was great.

About this riff: Taking some time out of his busy slashing schedule, Gary fill us in on some details:
   By far the worst Friday in our opinion, so bad in fact that we opened it up for submissions.  It was great to have them too.  All the talented writers that helped out turned this turkey into riffing gold, despite Jason barely being in it at all!
   A young Corey Feldman and spastic Crispin Glover provided us enough fodder to muscle through all the pain this movie caused.  We had so many Crispin dancing jokes we were rolling on the floor reading them all and wish we could have kept them all.

Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/hor-riff-ic-productions/hor-riff-ic-friday-13th-part-iv
 
Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBpH4SM6Y00

[Darth Geek]

#39b
Turkey Shoot - Hitler: Dead or Alive
(Total Points: 30    Number of Lists: 2  Highest Ranking: #9 Invader Quirk)


In the middle of World War 2, one innovative businessman decided "Hey, maybe we should, like, shoot that Hitler fellow". But how to do it? And who to send? Having had some luck selling his couch via ad in the newspaper, he decides that any American off the street would do. Or some clearly untrustworthy 2nd rate gansters. Sure, why not? Well, this whole movie is a dissertation on why not to do this.
 
 
This movie is most known for: Not since the failed Hitler sitcom have we seen such an indepth and accurate portrayal of the inner working of wartorn Germany.
      The same year, the Navy Seals were first formed. Coincidence? I think NOT!
 
 
Noted riffs:
(*whistling Yanky Doodle*) --- "It's the macaroni version, open fire!"
"Why aren't you dead yet?"
"M. Bison! No!"
"Rush Limbaugh has a cuckoo clock just like this."
"Ma Kettle? Woh!"
"Heil me, heil me, heil me."
All the riffs on them not even mentioning that Dutch died.

About this group: Turkey Shoot is definitely one of my favorite iRiff groups working now. A MUST BUY if there ever was one. Scott Zee is a single riffer, and I usually prefer multiple riffers, as the interaction can make it more interesting. But Scott Zee is...unique to say the least. His voice reminds me of a combination of a muppet and a grizzled old prespector, and is just entertaining as hell to listen to on it's own. This is definitely the kind of guy who could genuinely just read the phonebook and it would be fun. His riffing style is quite a bit different than MST3K, Rifftrax and the like. More of a commentary style than lots of references for the sake of references. His riffs are very funny and clever, but it all comes down to the performance. He puts a LOT of effort into his vocal performance. Varied tone, exagerated emphesis on words, variety in voices when riffing as a character in the movie, and just plain ENERGY. I have mentioned before in some of my posts on how important vocal performance is in a riff, and this is truly the gold standard by which they should all be judged. Also, Turkey Shooot exclusively (so far) riffs public domain movies and shorts. So they are always VOD and no syncing required.
 
 
About this riff: And we switch over to Turkey Shoot world headquarters for a word from the head honcho himself, Scott Zee:
  God Bless the good people at archive .org and their strange predilection to cataloging things that if discovered in your basement or attic, would probably land you 10-20 in any state corrections house. I learned of this ham-fisted, barn-burner through an interview with Quenten Tarratino, which he discussed the release of 'Inglorious Bastards', stating 'Hitler:Dead OR Alive' was a main
influence for his latest project. Thank you muchly for the info, you overated, derivative, Popeye-looking, foot-fetish freak!
Three hired crooks, sent forth by a wealthy American scientist, join the Canadian Military, and with the aid of a hot-shot fighter pilot, paratroop into the sauerkrautin' Fatherland. Then after a short stay in a safe-house, they somehow manage to attend an SS-themed recital staged for De Fuerer himself. And that's where it gets all kookie..and NUTTY even! Followed by an improptu
kidnapping-torture routine, our  pluckey assassins grindingly shave off Adolf's signature facial hair. Then his own soldiers gun'im down in the streets cause they can't recognize him! WHHHUUUUUT THUUUHHH FUUUHHHH--....??!! I'm hoping this over-zealous fantasy tale did little to convince movie-goers that it all could be this easy. So basically it's about some guys ridding the world of a
continent-dominating, military dictator by knocking-out a few stormtroopers, high-tailing it back to the hide-out, only later to have the main hood exclaim to his cohorts,"Naw..wait!..Yknow what?!..I got a better idea! Yeahhh!". If it somehow involves rallying Russian forces to surround, shell, and shoot the crap out of Berlin, then you may have a shot at this.

Available on Netflix Instant? Unnecessary, it is a VOD.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/hitlerdead-or-alive-turkey-shoot-scott-zee-vod
 
Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSvr_dTQTs0

[Darth Geek]

#38A
Cinester Theater - Back To the Future
(Total Points: 32    Number of Lists: 4  Highest Ranking: #1 Stansimpson)


In a desperate search to find a relationship creepier than an old mad scientist and a teenage boy, Doc Brown invents a time machine so the teenage boy can go back and make out with his teenage mother. Much adventure, Lea Thompson cleavage, high school bullies in their mid twenties, and retribution via manure ensues.
 
 
This movie is most known for: Started the trend of white wild hair that became so popular in the 80s among men in their 80s.
     Redefined the term "shitfaced".
     Introduced the world to Crispin Glover. No amount of appologies will ever be enough.

Noted riffs:
(Who is that guy? I don't know, but I'm going to find out.) --- "with my vagina"  [this riff was a huge hit with the 6 year old in our group we accidentally watched this riff with]
(I've got to tell you about the future!) --- "It rules! We got Nintendo!"
"I finally got rid of that damn dog!"
(Doc gets out of time machine for the first time, large cloud of smoke.) --- "Aint nuthin' but a G thing, baybe!"
"My turn!"
"I'll punch you."
"I've invented the Remote Control Vehicular Manslaughter Device."
 
 
About the riff: If there was ever a riff that disproved the "you can't riff a comedy" rule, it would be this one. (Thrifty, keep quiet!) A fucking hilarious movie and a genuine classic in it's own right. Yet the riff here truly only ADDS to the experience and complements it in a way that few riffing groups can. This is the riff that made Cinester Theater a MUST BUY for me, and I am really glad they eventually riffed the trilogy.

Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/cinester-theater/cinester-theater-presents-back-future
 
Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v05mBqy3_hs

#38B
The Talking Car- Incognito Cinema Warriors XP
(Total Points: 32    Number of Lists: 2  Highest Ranking: #3 Asbestos Bill)


Three talking cars stalk a young prepubescent boy and his dog in order to teach Jimmy a valuable lesson: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!


This movie is most known for: Inspiring a young John Lasseter to rip off Doc Hollywood.

Noted riffs:
"The Ford model A-hole"

Available on Netflix Instant? Unnecessary, it is on DVD as an extra with Bloody Pit of Horror.


Purchase: http://www.icwxp.com/Merch/BloodyProductPage.html

Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNWeOPgciM4

[Darth Geek]

#37a
Blame Society - Star Wars: A New Hope
(Total Points: 33    Number of Lists: 2  Highest Ranking: #2 Compound)

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, danishes were a hairstyle, swords were made of light and swooshy noises, and sound travelled through space. Also, asthma inhalers were really cool looking
full body suits (complete with cape. The cape is medically necessary!) and we didn't yet know Vader was Luke's father (unless you watched them in the wrong order). The story follows two very
useless robots as they encounter much more interesting characters. Kind of like Clerks.

This movie is most known for: Losing the Pest Picture Oscar to Annie Hall. This is probably why there is such a blatant Jewish stereoptype in Phantom Menace.
     Introducing the term "space opera". By doing so, it is the only time anyone in the general public talks about opera.
     Being far better than Star Trek.
 
 
Noted riffs:
I don't know any. Please post some and I will add them here.
 
 
About this group: Blame Society is a group that primarily makes videos about Chad Vader, brother of Darth Vader, who is a screw up and very lame (even though he doesn't know it)*. This is the only iRiff they released. The same group also colaborated with Rifftrax once for Episode II, and have released a few Rifftrax Presents.

Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/star-wars-a-new-hope
 
Sample: I couldn't find one.

*I know all about that. My brother, Fred Geek, is a complete loser too.

[Darth Geek]

#37b
Ronin Fox Trax - The Last Unicorn
(Total Points: 33    Number of Lists: 2  Highest Ranking: #4 Anais.whatever)



Little known fact: This was supposed to have been "The Last Unicron", but at the last minute they kept him for the Transformers movie. Massive rewriting was neccessary.
Anyway, the movie. Extiction! Yeah, that's what the little girls who went to see this movie want to watch. A beautiful doomed creature searching for why an energy drink drove horny animals into the sea. Wait...what?

This movie is most known for: The answer to the question "So, what did Jeff Bridges do right after Tron?"
      A movie about unicorns, but with the significant lack of Tim Curry in cool prosthetic makeup.
 
 
Noted riffs:
I don't know any. Please post some and I will add them here.
 
 
About this riff: Ronin fills us in on some details:
Release Date:  January 1, 2009
Riffers:  Ronin Fox and Nykk
Writers:  James Cruise, Nick Andrews and Andrea Krottner
I grew up watching this movie, and when I moved out of my parents house I still had a loaded VHS tape full of cartoons with this movie right at the beginning.  One day when I was going through my stuff I found that tape, but it in the VCR, and along with my roommate Nick I wound up tearing this movie apart.  I can't remember most of what we said as we riffed off the cuff, but I do remember at one point we both started screaming and ran out of the room when the third or fourth song by America came on.
Years later when I was just starting to riff, I happened to see a special edition of this on the shelf, and I knew I just had to riff it, if possible with Nick again.  Deep down though, I still enjoy the film and it makes me nostalgic as hell.  While preparing for this, I actually read the original novel and enjoyed it even more.  Every time I think about the movie now I end up also thinking about how the author, Peter S. Beagle, got majorly screwed over twice by the film industry.  First by writing the screenplay for the animated Lord of the Rings movie for almost nothing but the promise of future work that never came, and secondly by the home video rights to Last Unicorn, and how he still doesn't get a cut of any of the DVD sales unless you buy it through his website
(www.conlanpress.com).  Okay, enough of that.
The most distinctive feature of this riff might be spoilerworthy.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nykk walks out in mid-riff.  For some people, this is the best part of the riff, because it really hadn't been done before.  Almost every incarnation of riffing has a moment or two when one of the riffers wants to walk out in the middle of the movie, but they always come back.  Nykk just storms out and stays away.  This was actually done completely out of necessity.  Over the summer of 2008, in preparation for the eventual launch of iRiffs, I was working on several riffs at once.  Most of my effort was focused  on Star Trek 1.  However, I realized the opportunity I had when my roommates at the time, Jen and Matt (AKA Shadow and DraCCu) were getting married and Nick (Nykk) was going to be in town to see it happen.  Wanting him in on the Last Unicorn riff, since he was part of the reason I wanted to riff the movie in the first place, I turned all my attention on finishing the Last Unicorn script...and failed.  I just couldn't make it to the end in time, and we ended up on our last day Nykk could record.  So we recorded what we had, half-improvised his exit, and I put it aside until I could finish Star Trek and fill in the empty space.

Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/ronin-fox-trax/ronin-fox-trax-last-unicorn
 
Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOh1W2SHBHY

[Darth Geek]

#36a
Quiptracks - Dragonball Evolution
(Total Points: 34    Number of Lists: 3  Highest Ranking: #4 Agent_Ispep)



How do you insult the creativity of a cartoon that consisted mostly of goofy looking characters screaming "AAAAAAHHHH!" and throwing flashy powers at aech other with streaky backgrounds? Well, hiring the director of the Jet Li movie The One was probably part of it. And turning Goku into a mopy oppressed teenager going to high school. And not making Bulma's hair blue, and, you know what movie, a better question is: "How can you be so bad I actually care, when I never liked Dragonball in the firstplace?!"

This movie is most known for: Ruining all momentum on the live action Pokemon movie the studio had in developement, starring Lance Henriksen (as Ash).
     Which was worse: Street Fighter:Legend of Chun Li, or Dragonball? To steal from another epic fail, "Whoever wins, we lose".
 
 
Noted riffs:
"That's it! I'm putting on a boot!"
"Dave Foley? Scott Thomson? What are you kids doing in here?"
"Your line is: Oof."
(I can always sense my grandfather.) --- (Maybe that's because you're eating his leg."
"My Life-Alert exploded."
"God's a chicken and he ate my feet!" (definitely my favorite line in the whole riff!)
"Eminem found the Mask!"
"Wow, that is the crappiest Goomba costume I've ever seen."
"If I stand like this my hair makes sense."

About this group: The best of the best when it comes to iRiff groups, Quiptracks is truly my top favorite group here. Always funny, always good performances. An immediate MUST BUY for me. They are not nailed down to one genre, but they do have a proclivity towards silly action movies and M. Night Shyamalan. They have shown a proclivity towards bad puns, and sometimes have violence for said bad puns (unusally against Tracy). The regular riffers are Tristan and Tracy, two brothers. Sometimes accompanied by either Cody, a friend, or Kevin, their father. Tracy is the younger brother, and has a...um...rather "girlish" voice, particularly in the earlier tracks. He is a guy, though. And he assures me that my mother would tell me so. Whatever that means... This is one of the few groups that has their own site that they actually sell their riffs through, as they predate the iRiff section by a bit. In fact, they have all of their riffs for sale on their site http://www.quiptracks.com/zencart/ and only have a select few available on the iRiffs section of Rifftrax. Their site also hosts the riffs of other groups, Turkey Shoot, Ice on Mars and TreacheRiffs.
 
Side note: I have had the fortunate opportunity to write riffs not only for them, but WITH them. I have done riffing sessions with them numerous time via Skype. Originally on HULK, and now on a new movie riff which has not been announced to the public. They are always fun to work with, and have a deep sense of professionalism and wanting to make every riff count. If anything, they make their jobs more difficult for themselves, as they try to stay away from repeating riffs, doing very obvious riffs, stealing from MST3K or Rifftrax, or having ecessive amounts of running gags between tracks.
They also have a proclivity towards comparing human actors to furry animals. I still don't really get that. And yet they wouldn't let me compare the Hulk to a Leprechaun.
 
About this riff:
Released: Aug, 2010
Features: Tristan, Tracy, Matt
Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=23
 
Sample: <a href="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/rsrc.php/v1/y1/r/Qyh5ph9cQ_M.swf?v=489806078857&amp;ev=0" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/rsrc.php/v1/y1/r/Qyh5ph9cQ_M.swf?v=489806078857&amp;ev=0</a>

[Darth Geek]

#36b
Quiptracks - Gattaca
(Total Points: 34    Number of Lists: 4  Highest Ranking: #6 David)



Taking the bold stance to show us how boring the world would get if genetic engineering were allowed to continue. Yeah. Nope, nobody making any really cool things with it, like dinosaurs or giving people useful new abilities, nothing to see here. We're all just fashion models on the goddamn runway of life! Somehow, Ernest Borgnine is let in and gives the most passionate line of dialog in the whole movie: "HA!"

This movie is most known for: Showing what the future would be like if Howard Hughes was in charge. You know, during his REALLY crazy germaphobe stage.
     Being slower than sleepwalking backwards.
     The most emotional self-cremation since Return of the Living Dead.

Noted riffs:
The piano solo song is my favorite bit. It's awesome!
"Likely cause of death: Knife fight with a nun."
"Do not ignore my veins!"
"It makes me giddy with joy just thinking about it." (the performance is what makes it great)
"It's upside down, the machine is on."
"Now this one's got an olive in it!"
"His eyes are Zip-loc bags filled with Lime-ade. No lenses could correct this."
"Look, I was ordered to cut off his escape and that's what I'm doing."
"I'VE matured since childhood! No, I'VE matured since childhood!"

About this riff:
Released: June, 2010
Features: Tristan, Tracy, Cody

A note from Cody:
I was the one who suggested this track in the first place. My lazy Biology teacher preferred to have us watch movies than teach us. Probably my favorite movie we’ve done. This one felt like it came along perfectly, with less obnoxious scenes than some of the others.
 
Bullet points from Tristan:
- First seen by Tracy and Cody in 10th grade Biology class (about a year after QuipTracks started)
- Cody wanted to riff it since then
- We put it off because we thought it might be too good a movie (or too boring)
- Once we started, however, the long pauses and dry narration were easy to riff
- The second movie we've done that I enjoyed on its own merits beforehand (the first being Jurassic Park)
 
Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=21
 
Sample: http://www.quiptracks.com/zencart/previews/Gattaca_prev.flv

[Darth Geek]

#36c
Cinester Theater - March of the Penguins
(Total Points: 34    Number of Lists: 2  Highest Ranking: #5 Darth Geek)


Morgan Freeman talks while penguins die. Fun for the whole family!

This movie is most known for: Proving conclusively that penguins are very cute.
            Proving conclusively that (even though they are cute) penguins are very boring.
            More white in this movie than in Birth of a Nation.

Noted riffs:
All the riffs about Chicksy Falcone.
"Especially THAT one. Don't get attached to THAT one."
"Nope! We just got a Tom Tom."

About this riff: If there was any doubt about Cinester Theater being one of the best of the best iRiff groups, this proves it. The very idea they would go after a documentary at all is amazing, particularly one that has so much empty space. But fill it with riffs they did, and it is glorious! Not since some of the more infamous MST3k episodes have I seen such successful riffing to long patches of no dialog. And they somehow make Morgan Freeman even more diabloical than they did Doc in Back to the Future.

Available on Netflix Instant? No.
 
Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/cinester-theater/cinester-theater-presents-march-penguins
 
Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn3gQulmRyE

[Darth Geek]

And ten more down, and we are firmly in the middle of the 30s.

[Invader_quirk]

Keep on keepin' on, DG.

[SJP]

Yes, I'm definitely liking the progression of it...one thing, though...

For some reason, I thought I got listed twice, because The Thing poster ended up on the FilmQuips Planet of the Apes riff.  At least, that's how it's displaying on mine.  Maybe my browser's just weird, but it's what's showing up.

[Coragale]

<==