Let's recast New Moon one charcter at a time?

[Kolben]

Character: Jacob
Played By: some indian dude.
Replacement: Gabriel Iglesias
Why?: Now let the chicks scream when Jacob takes off his shirt.

[Scribblesense]

Hmm. Are we trying to make the movie better, or worse? Because both seem kinda impossible. Anywho:

Dr. Carlisle Cullen
Played By: Peter Facinelli
Replacement: Hugh Laurie
Why: Because Hugh Laurie should play all the doctors, all the time.

[Ayriana22]

Character: Isabella Swan
Played By: That chick who looked like a dude in Panic Room. (Kristen Stewart)
Replacement: Courtney Love
Why: Because at least then we would know the staring and the incoherent sentences were caused by something (mostly heroin, and she'd be the Heroine of the movie too!  But I digress...) And she didn't do such a bad job in The People vs. Larry Flynt. So maybe she's a better actress high than Kstew is sober... well i spose that is questionable too.

[Darth Geek]

Character: Jasper (Harpo)
Played by: Jackson Rathbone
Replacement: Crispin Glover

Why: Um, do I really have to explain...

[ShadowDog]

Replacement: Hugh Laurie
Why: Because Hugh Laurie should play all the doctors, all the time.

Genius!  I couldn't agree more.

[Cosmic Muse]

Character: Victoria
Played By: A little known Ginger haired starlet who was then replaced by Ritchie Cunningham's daughter.
Replacement: Carrot Top
Why?: Well, because he's equally as Ginger haired and could convincingly portray an evil, vindictive vampire harpy.

[Scribblesense]

Character: Edward Cullen
Played by: Robert Pattinson (who was recently rumored to be playing Kurt Cobain in his upcoming biopic, but thankfully that's just a rumor)
Replacement: Young Johnny Depp
Why?: Because he's actually somewhat charming when he's mopey and stalkerish.

Basically, what I'm saying is, replace Edward Cullen with Edward Scissorhands.

In fact, throw out your Twilight DVDs and go pick up a copy of Edward Scissorhands. That's a tragic, whimsical/mythical love story done right. And the faux-Goth Burton fans who hang out at Hot Topic are so much more tolerable than the faux-Goth Twilight fans who hang out at Hot Topic.

[Ayriana22]

Character: Edward Cullen
Played by: Robert Pattinson (who was recently rumored to be playing Kurt Cobain in his upcoming biopic, but thankfully that's just a rumor)
Replacement: Young Johnny Depp
Why?: Because he's actually somewhat charming when he's mopey and stalkerish.

Basically, what I'm saying is, replace Edward Cullen with Edward Scissorhands.

In fact, throw out your Twilight DVDs and go pick up a copy of Edward Scissorhands. That's a tragic, whimsical/mythical love story done right. And the faux-Goth Burton fans who hang out at Hot Topic are so much more tolerable than the faux-Goth Twilight fans who hang out at Hot Topic.

Sweet mother of jebus say it ain't so!!! I really hope THAT remains a rumor.

[Scribblesense]

Sweet mother of jebus say it ain't so!!! I really hope THAT remains a rumor.

Well, just got this link from IMDB:

http://news.popstar.com/Article/1750

So I think we're safe. They could certainly grab Pattinson for his star power, but his fanbase doesn't exactly line up with the fanbase of Cobain.

[Ayriana22]

i will cut her with the broken shards of my Muddy Banks of Wishka CD if Pattison gets cast. I hope that day never comes. And yes you're probably right, not only is he not waifesque enough to play the part but his fans will have NO idea who he's portraying or what its about. Conversely, if he IS by some unholy means cast, this might usher in a whole era of '90s grunge revival, which would be a welcome change from this 80's crap going on now, baggy pants and plaid shirts i'm looking at you. That is just wishful thinking however.

[The Manatee]

Edward: Christopher Walken. A bit old for Bella but then so is Edward.

I cringed at the thought og Pattinsen as Cobain but after thinking a tick I don't think there's any part he could play I wouldn't cringe at the thought of.