Character: Edward Cullen
Played by: Robert Pattinson (who was recently rumored to be playing Kurt Cobain in his upcoming biopic, but thankfully that's just a rumor)
Replacement: Young Johnny Depp
Why?: Because he's actually somewhat charming when he's mopey and stalkerish.
Basically, what I'm saying is, replace Edward Cullen with Edward Scissorhands.
In fact, throw out your Twilight DVDs and go pick up a copy of Edward Scissorhands. That's a tragic, whimsical/mythical love story done right. And the faux-Goth Burton fans who hang out at Hot Topic are so much more tolerable than the faux-Goth Twilight fans who hang out at Hot Topic.