List the top 10 films you'd want riffed

[gbeenie]

For those who suggested Conan or Beastmaster...

How about Red Sonja?

It has Arnie and Brigitte Nielsen, both with accents thick as molasses.
"Who ah youw ahnywaaay?"
"Ahm Cahlidohr"!"

Plus the rest of the movie is just cheesy enough... not too cheesy.

"Ahh, the chilling sound of cardboard against cardboard..."

As a regular watcher of The Surreal Life, there's something about Red Sonja I still fail to get: how, exactly, did Brigitte Nielsen go two hours without a cigarette in her hand?

[RobertHMayfire]

10.) Showgirls - Its in last place because we know they will never riff it. But, when they ever grow up... Well this movie needs to be Riffed. Starting the Save By the Bell Femisist who becomes a stripper then Showgirl. Very bad movie with very bad sex.

9.) The Big Lewbowski - Another one they might not do. And I don't know F##$ing why? I mean what's the big F@#$ing problem with this movie? I think its F!#@ing cool. And it needs to be F@#@ing riffed to F$#%ing death.

8.) Superman Returns - Okay. 30 mins of nothing till the plane sceen. 40 mins of watching Kent mope like a dog. 40 mins watching Superman getting kicked around too much. Then a endding that was 30 mins too long!!! That and you can't make a Superman movie like this without Reeves. It should have been Superman Begins and not Superman the Fanboy Movie. Because Fanboys can't direct.

7.) Days of Thunder - I have the need for riffing.

6.) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - Good movie. Crazy fans... lets riff them.

5.) Mars Attacks - Homage to classic 50s Scifi movies. How can the ex-MSTing group NOT riff this?

4.) The Hulk - A movie that took and hour to explain how the Hulk could be. And only 2 mins with the climax fight scene... Look Superman, Batman, X-Men, Spider-Man NEVER needed 60 mins to tell us anything. Being fiction you should never try so hard to make it fact.

3.) Jersey Girl - Kevin Smith has never sunk so low.

2.) Star Trek Generations - The Enterprise goes boom, lame villain, lame story, and Kirk falls off a catwalk and breaks his hip. Things that should have never since Star Trek V.

1.) Master of Disguise - Dear god this was awful. Dana Carvey's come back film. How can you go from Opportunity Knocks and Wanye's World to this trash? This is why I liked Phil Hartman better.

[Raistlan]

I have come to see RiffTrax as catharsis and healing. The Phantom Menace. The Matrix Trilogy. If I would have seen The Island of Dr. Moreau or Battlefield Earth beforehand, it would have been incredibly therapeutic.

In that light, I would like to see the movies that have hurt me the most. In second place, Ghosts of Mars, which was the worst movie I had ever seen for quite a while, until the beginning of 2006:

I had heard of Ooey Boll's crimes against life, but had never seen one of them. "I've seen many horrible movies on MST3K," I thought, "I've sat through all of Episodes I and II." The third Matrix made me question the point of living, but I was able to move on and get a chuckle about them. I had played all the way through BloodRayne and its sequel on the Xbox, and I really enjoyed them. How bad could this Bull guy be, anyway? I am very glad that my now-fiancee loved me enough to continue associating with me after taking her to see it. On opening night.

This was a movie that hated women, hated people in general. From the Midieval Mullets, to the extremely indeterminate periods of the sets and costumes, to the horrible writing, to the abrupt, unexpected, annoying sex between two main characters [the sound of a jail cell door banging should never be associated with sex, I learned], to the Ben Kingsley doppelganger puppet, to Meatloaf and his entouarge of real Romanian prostitutes, to "special guest" Billy Zane, this movie hurt me. It was just plain insulting, as a human being, as a video game player, as someone who enjoyed the BloodRayne video games. It was like a symposium on kicking me in the crotch. Please, Riffers, I need to get my chuckle from this movie, I need to be able to start the healing.

BTW, now I seriously discount anyone whom I hear claim some movie as the worst movie ever if they haven't seen BloodRayne. [I could accept that any other Icky Bowl movie is as bad, though I, understandably, haven't seen them.]

[mrbasehart]

I thought Bloodrayne was marginally better than House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark...  Those two films really stink.

[dyeryn]

I got your list right here: no particular order, all need it bad

1) The Swamp Thing
2) Masters Of The Universe
3) Barb Wire
4) Cool As Ice
5) American Ninja (any one of them)
6) Cyborg (van dammit he sucks)
7) Highlander (any....i love them but I agree with you guys here....too many riffs available to pass up)
Pumpkinhead
9) Starship Troopers (oh man it sux)
10) The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren version)

[Raven]

10.) Showgirls - Its in last place because we know they will never riff it. But, when they ever grow up... Well this movie needs to be Riffed. Starting the Save By the Bell Femisist who becomes a stripper then Showgirl. Very bad movie with very bad sex.

Check out the VIP version of showgirls.  There is a commentary track on it that is hilarious.  It's done in a more serious manner than any of the rifftrax, but had me laughting just as hard. 

[EVOLUTION117]

In Numerical order only with no preference to order intended and going over Ten in regards to Series, so whilst some may have had one of the movies riffed, I'm wanting more from those series:

1) Star Wars

Obi Wan Kenobi: And these BLAST POINTS! Too accurate for Sand People. Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.

Uhh...pardon o_0' No wonder Uncle Owen called him a Crazy Old Man.

2) Flash Gordon

Dale: Flash! Flash I love you but we only have 14 Hours to save the earth!

Don't you just hate it when they slap a time limit on the most difficult part of the game?

3) Lord of The Rings

Aragorn: But we can give Frodo this chance if we keep Sauron's eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves.
Legolas: A diversion.

All Together Now... DUH!

4) A Film from the 'Arnie' Genre

Place Quotable Arnie line here.

And place Riff for quotable Arnie line here.

5) The Karate Kid

Get Ready for Maximum Mayhem as Marvel Comics and Happy Days team up to face one of the most horrifying things known to man... A LUKE SKYWALKER CONVENTION!

6) Superman

Superman: Listen, what do you hear?
Lois Lane: I don't hear anything.
Superman: I hear everything. You wrote that the world doesn't need a savior, but every day I hear people crying for one.

And because I got so fed up with your whining, I left for 5 years!

7) Rocky

Doctor: If you fight again, you could die.
Rocky Jr: GET HIM DAD! HE TOOK MY ROOM!

Yeah...way to keep things in perspective kid.

Highlander

Greetings! I am Juan Sanchez Vilalobos Ramirez.

It's short for Sean Connery.

9) Metal Gear Solid
---
Yes, it's a video game series, but given the fact that the games have a cutscene viewer or if you have Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence, which comes with a DVD Movie using cutscenes from the game, it can easily be riffed, and the games are just filled with Riffable moments. Take for instance this classic moment in the very first Metal Gear Solid.

Snake: A SURVEILLANCE CAMERA!!!! 

A SURVEILLANCE CAMERA IN A NUCLEAR DISPOSAL FACILITY?! NO FUCKING WAY!!!

10) The Transformers The Movie

Ultra Magnus: But Prime, I'm just a soldier. I'm not worthy.
Optimus Prime: Nor was I...

Untill I gave the guy 20 bucks.

[bondfool]

10. Any bad musicals
9.5 Any Bad Family Films, especially those with lurking inappropriate content.  Cheaper by the Dozen 2?  RV?
9.  Rocky V
8. Moonraker
7. The Man With The Golden Gun
6. Star Trek: The Motion Picture
5. Bad Episodes of TV
4. Alien³
3. Glitter
2. Any Madonna Movie
1. Any Uwe Boll movie

[screenmaster5000]

OK, here we go...

10. House of the Dead - or any other Uwe Boll film.  I picked this one because it's the only one I've  actually watched.

9. They Live - I think I remember something about a little fight scene in this one...

8. Double Dragon The Movie - Haven't seen it in a long time, but I remember it sucked on an epic scale.

7. 3 Ninjas - Hadn't seen it mentioned anywhere... wonder what Tum Tum is up to nowadays?

6. No Holds Barred - Possibly the best movie about professional wrestling starring Hulk Hogan ever made.

5. TMNT II - Go ninja go ninja go! One of the top ten films of the comedy duo Vanilla Ice and Kevin Nash.

4. Commando - Classic 80's cheese. Arnold killed like a million people in this one.  Also had some of the most clever dialogue in film history, like this...   (bad language warning) http://youtube.com/watch?v=N-flQmtL_IQ&mode=related&search=

3. Kickboxer - no comment needed, just watch...  http://youtube.com/watch?v=aOIJtS4gbaY

2. Over the Top - The best unintentionally funny movie ever made.  It's worth watching even if they don't riff it. Sylvester Stallone basically has to arm wrestle for custody of his bratty son. And he's a truck driver. And his wife looks just like David Bowie.  Awesome!

1. Evil Dead II/w guest Bruce Campbell - My favorite movie.  The only actor I kinda don't hate. This would be a MST3K/Evil Dead geek's idea of heaven...

I really liked a lot of the other suggestions, like Bubba Ho-Tep with BC as a guest.  Masters of the Universe would be great, Cool as Ice, Street Fighter Movie, and Cobra could also be on my list.

What do you guys think of the list?

[Rude]

1. Evil Dead II/w guest Bruce Campbell - My favorite movie.  The only actor I kinda don't hate.

I really liked a lot of the other suggestions, like Bubba Ho-Tep with BC as a guest.

I've met Bruce Campbell a coupla' times... the last was at a preview screening here in San Francisco for Bubba Ho-Tep. And the guy seems very, very straight. As in, not a naturally funny guy. Obviously he has a sense of humor... But i think he's either not very good at off-the-cuff humor, or he's just really sick of the whole scene and everything "it expects from him"...

At least, that's the vibe i got from him. Maybe if he was handed a script and a paycheck he'd be great though... Who knows?~

-Rude

[screenmaster5000]

I know what ya mean Rude, BC is very dry.  But have you ever heard the commentary he did on Bubba Ho-Tep in character as Elvis?  He was ripping the movie for toilet humor and bad language, of which the King didn't care for.  It was good and seemed to be off-the-cuff...  He had references to the Memphis Mafia and various films Elvis was in and directors he worked with.  Funny stuff!

[Rude]

I know what ya mean Rude, BC is very dry.
It was good and seemed to be off-the-cuff...

I wasn't a huge fan of the movie, but the commentary sounds like it could be pretty funny. I'm a huge Elvis fan... so i should probably check that out. His book was pretty funny at times too. And you're right; he's got a very "dry" sense of humor in person. But i still think that he's a script-only kinda' guy... which would be just fine for Rifftrax though~

Anyway, welcome to the message boards!~

-Rude

[gbeenie]

OK, here we go...

9. They Live - I think I remember something about a little fight scene in this one...

Criminy! I love that movie, but that fight scene! It's like Carpenter called lunch during the filming of that scene, but forgot to tell the actors, and was amazed to discover they were still at it when he got back.

[puuuma]

I'm a fan of the 80's, do we really have to limit it to 10? Okay, I narrowed it down:

1. Purple Rain - I'm not saying it's bad, just very riffable
2. Collision Course - Jay Leno & Pat Morita flick
3. Dream A Little Dream - Double your Corey pleasure
4. The Last Dragon - Thank you Mr. Gordy for this turdy delight
5. Action Jackson - Weathers & T. Nelson ('nuf said)
6. BMX Bandits - Too easy
7. Beastmaster - Again, not particularly bad, just riffable
8. Thrashin' - horrid Josh Brolin skater flick
9. Back To The Beach - Frankie & Annette should've retired long before this
10. Over The Top - Once again, too easy

[Natureboy]

10. Charlie's Angels - Matrix type stunts are taught at the Police Academy, huh?
9. Superman IV - How to make a Superman movie for 2.50
8. Godzilla - Ferris Bueller, Dinosaur hunter.
7. Armegeddon - Michael Bay's time is up!
6. Bloodrayne - enuff said!
5. From Justin to Kelly - The film that makes afraid to go to the beach.
4. The Brother Grimm - Terry Gilliam proves he was Monty Python's weak link.
3. Lost in Space - what stopped Matt LebLanc from being jettisoned into deep space?
2. King Kong - Peter Jackson has lost his damn mind.
1. Batman and Robin - a movie with 2 hours of bad puns must be destroyed