While watching "Manos" again I naturally began thinking about the worst movies I've ever seen. I'm curious about what movie the members of this forum would consider the worst they have ever been subjected to (preferably not featured on MST3K or newer riff projects). Mine would have to be:
The Losers (1968) :gouge:
It's a Vietnam war/biker gang movie that a friend of mine gave me on VHS.
See at first I thought you meant The Born Losers, but having read the synopsis I'd have to believe you're on the money there.
Russian Ark might be a strong contender for worse movie I've ever see.
Along Came Polly.
It proved what I had long suspected in that Pak and I are on a completely different plane of reality than everyone else when it comes to humor. If we're ever laughing at something everyone else is laughing at, we're probably not laughing at the obvious detail everyone else is laughing at.
Speaking of different takes.
The Passion of the Christ is another pretty dreadful film, horribly inept Aramaic, awful sadomasochistic imagery masquerading as spiritual truths and I felt really sorry for Satan at the end :'(
I'll have to give this some thought and get back to you.
Quote from: TripeHoundRedux on May 20, 2008, 05:09:49 PM
See at first I thought you meant The Born Losers, but having read the synopsis I'd have to believe you're on the money there.
I too thought you meant Born Losers, but I'm glad to see I was mistaken.
Yeah I was going to jump in with a defense of TBL.
Vulgar. I absolutely hated that movie with every fiber of my being. And not because of the plot or story, as the film's proponents insist on thinking. It was just a shitty movie. Badly written, badly acted, badly everythinged.
The second and third spots go to The Black Dahlia and Licensed to Wed.
Quote from: TripeHoundRedux on May 20, 2008, 05:09:49 PM
Russian Ark might be a strong contender for worse movie I've ever see.
Really? If nothing else, I thought it was technically superb.
The worst movie I ever saw.... It's probably a MST3k one, perhaps Monster A-Go-Go, which is just awful. The Cook/Moore version of Hound of the Baskervilles is pretty unwatchable too.
Maniac. I love my sick horror movies, but this one just made me feel dirty.
Quote from: mrbasehart on May 20, 2008, 06:14:13 PM
Quote from: TripeHoundRedux on May 20, 2008, 05:09:49 PM
Russian Ark might be a strong contender for worse movie I've ever see.
Really? If nothing else, I thought it was technically superb.
Oh sure it's nicely filmed utter tedium.
I've read de Custine's works and they are nothing like the boredom generator that
Russian Ark is.
Put it this way, Ann wrote for the
Imperial Russian Journal and even she was bored to tears by it.
Dead Above Ground
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0284045/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0284045/)
This isn't one of those movies where it's so bad it's good. It's a movie so bad that you want to tear your hair out and scream at the sky until you go insane. It's been years since I've seen it, it's shitiness being the only real thing I remember about it. And the review of the movie on the Imdb page is a pretty accurate description of this festering turd of a movie.
Quote from: DarthChimay on May 20, 2008, 06:14:52 PMManiac. I love my sick horror movies, but this one just made me feel dirty.
Try watching Dwain Esper's 1934
Maniac. Now
that is one of the worst movies ever made.
Quote from: Courtney on May 20, 2008, 05:44:52 PM
The second and third spots go to The Black Dahlia and Licensed to Wed.
Oh I can't wait to see License To Wed. I've got that on the old Netflix queue somewhere in the mid-teens. I want to one day get to the mailbox, rip open that red envelope and have that piece of shit totally Pearl Harbor my soul. Faith always asks me why I willingly and gleefully watch the crappy rom-coms. I tell her the same thing. It's not enough to know that evil exists in the world. You also have to be able to recognize its face if ever you encounter it.
The interminable driving shots in "Manos" have brought to mind a close runner-up for worst movie I've ever seen:
The Brown Bunny :scared:
BTW: My favorite Atlanta video store appropriately files Passion of the Christ in their Midnight Movie room along side Irreversible, I Stand Alone, and Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (right below the Jess Franco rack).
Quote from: A Pretty Girl Is Like on May 20, 2008, 06:37:07 PM
Quote from: Courtney on May 20, 2008, 05:44:52 PM
The second and third spots go to The Black Dahlia and Licensed to Wed.
Oh I can't wait to see License To Wed. I've got that on the old Netflix queue somewhere in the mid-teens. I want to one day get to the mailbox, rip open that red envelope and have that piece of shit totally Pearl Harbor my soul. Faith always asks me why I willingly and gleefully watch the crappy rom-coms. I tell her the same thing. It's not enough to know that evil exists in the world. You also have to be able to recognize its face if ever you encounter it.
As someone who has sat thorugh countless terrible rom-coms, this one takes the cake. It was absolutely painful. Oh sweet Christ. It hurt. It hurt so bad.
I still have to say that Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is by far the worst movie I have ever seen.
I'm probably going to have to go with Battlefield Earth on this one. Perhaps the choice is a bit cliche, but it's the only movie I can think of that required two sittings to watch. Well, the only movie I can think of that required two sittings to watch based on its TECHNICAL merits, anyway. I tend to have to revisit movies because I fall asleep during them. I fell asleep during 300 in the theater, for crying out loud!
The 21st century Pulse, hands down for me. The Kristin Bell factor couldn't even salvage any redeeming value in this pile of dog poo.
Whatever the newest Sci-Fi Channel original movie is. If you ask me next month, I'll say the same thing.
While a friend and I were watching Rock Monster on said channel one weekend afternoon, I developed the hypothesis that whoever makes these movies for the Sci-Fi Channel must be some kind of psychotic zealot (or cult of zealots) who hates the very idea of film, and with his every waking moment tries to deconstruct and destroy them. Just being bad at acting/directing/writing doesn't come anywhere near explaining the weapons-grade offensiveness of these... things.
SALO
Quote from: RobtheBarbarian on May 21, 2008, 07:52:07 AM
Whatever the newest Sci-Fi Channel original movie is. If you ask me next month, I'll say the same thing.
While a friend and I were watching Rock Monster on said channel one weekend afternoon, I developed the hypothesis that whoever makes these movies for the Sci-Fi Channel must be some kind of psychotic zealot who hates the very idea of movies, and with his every waking moment tries to deconstruct and destroy them.
Blasphemy! ;)
Aztec Rex was silly fun a couple of weeks ago.
:D
I had to stop and go outside before I saw Aztec Rex because my soul was starting to shrivel up and die. It's sort of a given that I enjoy bad movies, Sci-Fi Channel movies are on some horrifying, Lovecraftian level of bad that I can't handle. I start to feel panicky and desperate before the opening credits are even over.
Quote from: Isaac on May 20, 2008, 06:23:11 PM
Try watching Dwain Esper's 1934 Maniac. Now that is one of the worst movies ever made.
ANYTHING by Dwain Esper....but then I also have a lot of them listed in my post for "Worse movie you can't live without". :D
But worse movie from people who should have known better? I have to think about that but
The Pirate Movie comes to mind....
Quote from: RobtheBarbarian on May 21, 2008, 08:01:48 AM
I had to stop and go outside before I saw Aztec Rex because my soul was starting to shrivel up and die.
I had to all but do that before watching
Alien Apocalypse.
I really enjoy the Soup's edited take on Az-Rex...
This one made me laugh harder than much of their other fare.
Chicago.
One of the few movies I have EVER turned off.
ED.
Yes..
The monkey playing baseball movie.
Yes.. the Matt Leblanc movie...
Please don't think less of me....
The Lifetime movie Cyber Seduction: His secret Life
Quote from: GregMcduck on May 21, 2008, 07:52:37 AM
SALO
Yes. Oh my yes. Only finished it because me & my friends made a pact we'd all 3 sit through the whole thing.
Had to promise many many things to my sensitive roomie/gf to get her to stay out of the room and not be "one of the boys".
I will never be clean again.
-dale
off the top of my head, I will say V for Vendetta. It's the last movie I can remember thinking "Oh, for the love of God! Just end! Please end!"
Quote from: mearnest on May 20, 2008, 07:13:25 PM
The interminable driving shots in "Manos" have brought to mind a close runner-up for worst movie I've ever seen:
The Brown Bunny :scared:
But hey, you got to PAY to watch Vincent Gallo getting a blowjob! Talk about ego.
I actually own the uncut version of Manos on DVD. It's almost cheating since its such an easy target but I cannot think of a single worse movie. Manos fails on every level and it isn't remotely fun to watch unriffed. It's certainly easier to watch than it otherwise would be since we all have familiarity with it through MST3K, those brave trail blazers!
Feeders 2 :gouge:
Quote from: Cibernético II on May 21, 2008, 09:02:42 PM
off the top of my head, I will say V for Vendetta. It's the last movie I can remember thinking "Oh, for the love of God! Just end! Please end!"
You're weird, Cib.
Actually, the theater I was managing at the time played Brown Bunny so I didn't have to pay to see it. In a way it makes it that much more painful since I had to preview it to ensure film quality and whatnot. I will say that during the final scene Mr. Gallo did succeed in conveying a great deal of angst and emotional torment. That is, angst and emotional torment over being unable to blow himself.
Another one.... I don't know if this is the worst movie I've ever seen, or the most brilliant.. Who Flung Poo? Really, any of Giuseppe Andrews' movies.
I'm stuck between Cyborg and Dune. Lemme dig further back.................Jonathan Livingston Seagull.................Simon.....................Lifeforce.
I hurt now.
Quote from: Zooball on May 23, 2008, 09:08:36 PM
Lifeforce.
Come on now, at least
Lifeforce had boobies ;)
Either The Royal Tenenbaums or Forrest Gump
Quote from: ScottH on May 23, 2008, 10:16:26 PM
Either The Royal Tenenbaums or Forrest Gump
Really, if these are the worst movies you've ever seen, then you've had
the easiest moving going experience in the world!
...or I just have a different idea of what makes a movie bad than you do.
Have you even watched a single episode of MST3K?
I agree that Forrest Gump can eat a dick, but seriously, the worst you've ever seen?
Quote from: TripeHoundRedux on May 23, 2008, 09:12:07 PM
Quote from: Zooball on May 23, 2008, 09:08:36 PM
Lifeforce.
Come on now, at least Lifeforce had boobies ;)
Those were the only two things going for this film, which is sad really. The whole evil-creature-sneaking-up-on-you-and-can-only-be-seen-as-a-shadow-on-the-wall sequence was so corny! ::)
And I thought Dune would be the all-time low point of Patrick Stewart's career.
I don't see how corny = the worst movie you've ever seen.
Monster A Go-Go is without a doubt the worst movie I've ever seen. I didn't think it was possible, but it's actually MORE boring than Red Zone Cuba. I mean, the sound is terrible, characters disappear without explanation halfway through, and it has the worst excuse for an "ending" that I've ever seen.
Of course, a lot of the problems with it have to do with the fact that it's a half-finished movie spliced with additional footage, and that it was never really intended to be very good. The worst "real" movies (completely shot with every intention of making something good) I've ever seen are "Manos" The Hands of Fate (in terms of technical aspects of filmmaking) and Red Zone Cuba - or ANY Coleman Francis film (in terms of sheer, soul-sucking unwatchability).
(I'd also like to mention Godfrey Ho's Zombie vs. Ninja, which, in spite of the title, does not actually feature zombies fighting ninjas. I decided not to include it for consideration because I wasn't able to watch it all the way through. Thank God I didn't pay for my bootlegged copy of it).
Quote from: GregMcduck on May 24, 2008, 07:15:57 AM
Have you even watched a single episode of MST3K?
I agree that Forrest Gump can eat a dick, but seriously, the worst you've ever seen?
I
like stupid movies, a lot of the MST movies were dull but they didn't offend me like Forrest Gump did.
Quote from: ScottH on May 24, 2008, 07:26:06 AM
I don't see how corny = the worst movie you've ever seen.
That is just an example from the film, not the total pain package. When the entire theater audience groans and/or laughs while throwing objects at the screen or leaves during the entire showing, y'know
something is terribly wrong. This entire movie stunk worse than decaying fish. But hey, Gloman and Globus--now I know to avoid their stuff.
I'm surprised no one has put down Indiana Jones IV yet
;D