There is truly much that can be learned from this movie.
I learned the true definition of pain. And that balogne sandwiches will save the day. :^)
I learned.....
Moms hold grudges if you refuse their offer of sandwhiches.
Eddie Rabbit is mean.
Never trade houses with people who act weird.
Never RV with thin, hairless teens.
Always inspect green food for pee if freckled kids are nearby.
If you name your movie "Trolls", you better, by god, delivery a troll or two.
The Devil, surprisingly, likes coffee a LOT.
Never cast the local high school drama teacher as your lead witch.
Willie McGee is not widely regarded as a handsome man.
Whenever you're traveling to a new town, it might be a good idea to wile away some of the trip by writing down the name of your destination backwards. You know... just in case.
p.s. Might as well check for crappy anagrams while you're at it. I'm sure there's a city somewhere whose name, rearranged properly, spells "Hacked To Pieces."
i learned how not to make a movie.
I learned that, contrary to popular belief, druids are weird, over the top, and try to turn you into plants every chance they get. Oh, and they decorate their houses with Stonehenge.
I learned that 9 out of 10 people won't notice giant piles of green goo all over their food, but will notice that pee has magically appeared on it (time was still stopped when he did the peeing.)
I learned that in some families, parents think you can solve major psychological trauma with yelling.
I learned that vegetarians are all evil.
I learned if I ever get attacked by Goblins I can just punch them in the face.
I learned that I can do "really cool" dance moves while practicing in front of a mirror while wearing a Garfield Nightie...all the while my dead Grandpa is watching from the mirror.
I learned that no matter how closely a cob of corn and sex are related, Mike would never stoop to a "corn-holing" joke.
I learned that arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........that (sighs) this movie is really painful. I also learned that casting the local dentist as the father of a film is a bad idea.
When using fantasy beings in your movie, it's OK to call them something else to increase audience recognition even if you don't have any in your movie. So if you have a Griffin in your movie it's OK to call it a Pegasus or a dragon because it has four limbs and wings. Who's gonna know or care?
I learned:
Horny teenagers love raw corn on the cob.
Bad actresses love Aim toothpaste on their corn.
Father's of bad movies have the power to button up their shirts in between shots without using their hands.
Hot, sweety joggers love warm, clumpy milk.
Militant Vegetarians hate bologna.
And love mothers.
I learned that you can not piss on hospitality. Dad won't allow it.
** tightening belt so I don't feel the hunger pangs **
I learned that popcorn kills. Maybe. Actually, I'm not sure what I was supposed to take away from that.
I learned that this movie hurt. But, like Jonny Adams said, there is always one more time...except for the director who killed himself. Good job sir.
Well I hope the crew of the film he's directing at the moment don't mind the rotting flesh smell.
Quote from: Super Mario Affleck on February 07, 2007, 07:29:00 PM
I learned that this movie hurt. But, like Jonny Adams said, there is always one more time...except for the director who killed himself. Good job sir.
I looked up the director's credits, and he's still alive and still directing. His name on the Troll 2 credits is Drake Floyd, but it's actually Claudio Fragasso. He also wrote the script, which might explain why so much of the dialogue is so damn weird.
He's still alive? I recind my good job sir. Bad director! Bad! No treat!
I learned that when a Druid goblin queen seduces you with a corn cob, tons of popcorn will be thrown at you from off-screen, and that the popcorn will be buttered, too.
I learned that after you come home from finally defeating the tr--I mean, Goblins, you will go about your life as if three of your friends hadn't been horribly killed/turned into goblins.
I learned that my loves of Mike Nelson and Patton Oswalt may suddenly be at odds!
Was Mike dissing Patton at the end there?!
Also, Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards.
Oh yeah, and newcomers to Nilbog think nothing of eating food with green meat, drinking green water, and wolfing down corn with green toothpaste on it.
Quote from: Super Mario Affleck on February 07, 2007, 07:29:00 PM
I looked up the director's credits, and he's still alive and still directing. His name on the Troll 2 credits is Drake Floyd, but it's actually Claudio Fragasso. He also wrote the script, which might explain why so much of the dialogue is so damn weird.
This is correct.....I don't know what Lowtax was talking about, but he was WAY wrong during the riff:
this is what Claudio / Drake has been doing since Troll 2:
credit imdb.com
Writer/Director
Milano-Palermo: il ritorno (2007) (filming)
Concorso di colpa (2005)
Blindati (2003) (TV)
Banda, La (2000) (TV)
... aka The Squad (International: English title)
Operazione Odissea (1999) (TV)
Coppia omicida (1998)
Esercizi di stile (1996) (segment "Guardia e ladro")
Palermo Milano solo andata (1995)
... aka Palermo-Milan One Way (USA)
Teste rasate (1993)
Pierino Stecchino (1992) (as Claudio Sansevero)
--------------
I didn't even included the production work he has been doing.
I learned that vegetarians, health food users, and farmers are really closet cannibles who want to punish humans for tainting there bodies.
I learned that stonehenge is actually located in a backwoods town, and that it consists of two or three rocks and some dry ice.
I learned that you don't need to actually concentrate on anything. Just concentrate. CONCENTRATE!
I learned that only people without friends get sex.
I learned that you don't need to actually have things happening on TV to watch TV.
I learned that hostile mobs frequently stand and stare at people for about a half hours straight.
I learned not to accept dry ice from strangers.
I learned that Claudio Fragasso really is the evil version of Ed Wood
Never eat anything. Ever.
Quote from: Justin on February 10, 2007, 10:35:59 PMI learned that my loves of Mike Nelson and Patton Oswalt may suddenly be at odds!
Was Mike dissing Patton at the end there?!
That
was sort of odd. I mean, Patton's not my favorite but he doesn't suck.
I learned that even if you forget your skateboard miles away in a different town, that it will magically reappear safe and sound in your bedroom.
Mike's harder to understand while singing threw his throat than Tom Waits ever was
Quote from: zeyguy on February 07, 2007, 07:46:12 AM
I learned that you can not piss on hospitality. Dad won't allow it.
** tightening belt so I don't feel the hunger pangs **
what exactly happened to that hunger strike idea? he mentions it there and then that's it
Quote from: pyro on June 21, 2007, 07:38:04 AM
Quote from: zeyguy on February 07, 2007, 07:46:12 AM
I learned that you can not piss on hospitality. Dad won't allow it.
** tightening belt so I don't feel the hunger pangs **
what exactly happened to that hunger strike idea? he mentions it there and then that's it
Well, they kinda never eat anything else throughout the whole film.
Quote from: Hank_Peters on July 12, 2007, 06:50:00 PM
Quote from: pyro on June 21, 2007, 07:38:04 AM
Quote from: zeyguy on February 07, 2007, 07:46:12 AM
I learned that you can not piss on hospitality. Dad won't allow it.
** tightening belt so I don't feel the hunger pangs **
what exactly happened to that hunger strike idea? he mentions it there and then that's it
Well, they kinda never eat anything else throughout the whole film.
Been a while since I watched it but I could have sworn that not long after he said that they were trying to eat again
if you want actors for your movie you can get away with using dentists and other people who have no business acting...ever...
then again maybe not..
to run from any police man named Gene Freak, he hands out tainted sandwiches..
Finally got around to watching this pile of garbage since I needed a new review for our website.
Here's some of my twitter posts while I was watching it...
Troll 2: stealing music from Cave Dwellers + Pod People while providing subpar high school writing + acting ability #owcreviews (http://twitter.com/search?q=%23owcreviews)
So Troll 2... is this supposed to be a prequel to The Dark Knight? The witch lady is very Joker-esque. #owcreviews (http://twitter.com/search?q=%23owcreviews)
The corn eating scene in Troll 2 may be the most awkward thing since Troll 2. #owcreviews (http://twitter.com/search?q=%23owcreviews) (still no trolls in this movie.)
I learned that Nilbog is goblin spelled backwards.
I learned that unrefrigerated milk on a hot summer day is not a very refreshing drink.
I learned that there are some concepts you can and cannot piss on.
I learned that goblins are afraid of bologna sandwiches.
I learned that an old man can die, then come back as a ghost, and be banished several times, without any consequences.
I learned that there's no coffee in Nilbog.
I learned that if a kid is seeing his dead grandfather,having panic attacks,and urinating on food there is no reason to think he has mental problems and needs to see a doctor,just threaten to go on a hunger strike and then act like everything is normal in the morning.
On a serious note, I learned the motive for making this movie. (Spoilered for multiple pics).
Spoiler
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/06fec41f939d90579486f79c351ebee7/tumblr_mwpsbwHaQy1sqjs7io1_1280.png)
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/d6f99cd036499694c62ddee1d2f323b4/tumblr_mwpsbwHaQy1sqjs7io2_540.png)
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/c599807bf907e1aa7c9574cb2bdf8976/tumblr_mwpsbwHaQy1sqjs7io3_540.png)
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/460677a5df2ab5d61bf55e0823a5a266/tumblr_mwpsbwHaQy1sqjs7io4_540.png)
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/e6c2df2f67d5e42c76082daac7024c16/tumblr_mwpsbwHaQy1sqjs7io5_540.png)
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/0efb09fa63425c99c2b3eb03b1f1428f/tumblr_mwpsbwHaQy1sqjs7io6_540.png)