Author Topic: Your Horoscope For Today  (Read 4076 times)

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Janitor

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #15 on: June 12, 2008, 09:41:35 AM »
Gemini

Girl have you lost some weight?!? You look fabulous! Turn around, lemme take a look at you!

Lucky numbers: 2 8 11 12 19 42 71


Offline Sideswipe

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #16 on: June 12, 2008, 08:09:31 PM »
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) - As the second man to become pregnant you will bear triplets and be paid much money for pictures of you and the wee babes.

nope, try again

I was bieng threated with death by wolf raping before it was cool!.


Offline daltysmilth

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2008, 09:20:10 PM »
Capricorn

You are destined for a life filled with riches and the most beautiful women on the planet, unless your name is Sideswipe.
CROW:  (Sinisterly) The Secret Government Eggo Project...
--Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

"Jason, Chess is a game of chance."
-- My friend Shawn to my friend Jason upon being defeated at a game of Chess.

http://gh.ffshrine.org?r=112104


Offline Sideswipe

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2008, 08:52:35 PM »
Capricorn

You are destined for a life filled with riches and the most beautiful women on the planet, unless your name is Sideswipe.

wrong again.  You guys are terrible at the horoscope stuff.

I was bieng threated with death by wolf raping before it was cool!.


Janitor

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2008, 02:37:45 PM »
Capricorn

Today you will argue with everyone, except for the car, because she's the only one who truly understands you.


Offline esoobaC .T bocaJ

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2008, 02:41:29 PM »
Scorpio

don't feel bad 'cause no one has given you a horoscope, feel proud 'cause you're not a Capricorn  :P
flesyht etah tsum uoy ,flesyht evas oT


Offline Tripe

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2008, 07:26:43 PM »
Capricorn
For you Tommy, ze war is over!


Offline daltysmilth

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #22 on: June 15, 2008, 12:42:23 AM »
Aries

You have nothing to worry about.  Despite the Beatles' warnings, the Magical Mystery Tour is not, in fact, waiting to take you away.
CROW:  (Sinisterly) The Secret Government Eggo Project...
--Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

"Jason, Chess is a game of chance."
-- My friend Shawn to my friend Jason upon being defeated at a game of Chess.

http://gh.ffshrine.org?r=112104


Offline Stacey

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #23 on: June 15, 2008, 05:29:19 PM »
Libra-

You are in for a financial rollercoaster this week. Reconsider that bag of Funyuns you were just about to buy from the vending machine at work.
"I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him, he's mine." ~Otto, A Fish Called Wanda



Offline Steve-O

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #24 on: June 15, 2008, 09:40:51 PM »
Gemini (May 21-June 21) -- Your unique way of dealing with crisis situations leads others to look to you in times of extreme distress.  That's largely because it's hard not to look when someone is squealing like a stuck pig and pissing all over himself.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) -- Holy crap!  What are the odds?!  Your astrological sign is Cancer, and... well, I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I will say that your upcoming appointment with the dermatologist is totally going to blow your mind!  Man, this stuff even freaks me out sometimes.

Leo (July 23-August 22) -- The next few weeks hold the promise of fun-filled and adventurous experimentation for your spouse and the pool boy.  As for you, avoid encounters with enraged livestock this week; in particular, steer clear of Denise from accounting.

Virgo (August 23-September 22) -- This is a great month for Virgo to take stock of his obligations to others and determine whether he could meet them more effectively.  Seriously, I want my lawn mower back, you prick.

Libra (September 23-October 22) -- Something is about to happen to you that will make you sad, or happy, or possibly indifferent.  People you know will also have things happen to them, although those things may or may not differ from the thing that happens to you.  Their reactions might possibly be appropriate to the situation, whatever that turns out to be.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) -- Maybe you ought to lay off the self-abuse for a little while, Scorpio.  Your biorhythm says it's either that or a callus on your chakra.  You don't want a chakra that's all gross and callusy, do you, Scorpio?  I didn't think you did.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) -- That feisty Pisces you've had your eye on, but who so far seems actively disinterested, is really just playing hard to get.  Water signs love surprises, so why not shock the romance into your would-be sweetheart?  Midnight serenades, sending locks of your hair and unneeded teeth in the mail, and pantsless breaking and entering all look like sure wins.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) -- Enough with the fucking Wings albums, Capricorn!  Your friends and neighbors have just about had it with Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey.  Mixing in some Ringo once in awhile might help you keep your lease.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) -- Once again, nothing but easy money, wild parties, and hot sex for Aquarius this month.  Asshole.

Pisces (February 19-March 20) -- The creepy Sagittarius who has been following you around like some pathetic lost puppy is getting ready to take it to the next level.  The stars recommend investing in pepper spray, and possibly a handgun license.

Aries (March 21-April 19) -- Late June finds the moon entering the house of Aries.  This could indicate either pending financial difficulties, or the fact that your subscription to Ass Rammers Quarterly is about to expire.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) -- Taurus might want to consider selling all her earthly possessions, stockpiling non-perishable food and small incendiary devices, learning to speak dolphin, and moving into a concrete bumper in Eastern Montana in the near future.  I'm just sayin'.


Offline daltysmilth

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #25 on: June 16, 2008, 01:13:53 PM »
Pisces

While we'll concede that the message of O. Henry's Gift Of The Magi could conceivably be difficult for you to understand, but the stars have no idea where you got the part about the snorkel, the pancake batter, and the brown goat.
CROW:  (Sinisterly) The Secret Government Eggo Project...
--Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

"Jason, Chess is a game of chance."
-- My friend Shawn to my friend Jason upon being defeated at a game of Chess.

http://gh.ffshrine.org?r=112104


Offline Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck

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Re: Your Horoscope For Today
« Reply #26 on: June 16, 2008, 01:45:10 PM »
Aries

You have nothing to worry about.  Despite the Beatles' warnings, the Magical Mystery Tour is not, in fact, waiting to take you away.
Oh....that is so "me"!!!