Author Topic: The Monkey's Paw  (Read 38501 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Tripe

  • Stars in Musicals
  • *
  • Posts: 41553
  • Liked: 9932
  • Very dapper
    • Nick Rowley, Voice Artist
The Monkey's Paw
« on: December 07, 2007, 12:27:08 PM »
OK this is a game I've played on other forums specifically about Dr Who but it works generally too.

What happens is somebody wishes for something. The next poster grants them the wish but in as unpleasant/frustrating a way as possible.

e.g.

Poster #1: I wish I had a million dollars

Poster #2: Granted, you will have a horrible auto accident and become a quadriplegic, the million dollars you get as a settlement will help out with your medical expenses.

And then Poster #2 makes a wish and so on. It doesn't have to be as unpleasant as the example I simply used that to clearly illustrate how the game works.

OK

I wish I could go back in time and ask that girl out who I was to lacking in confidence to when I was 14


Offline Dim of the Yard

  • Mayor of Nilbog
  • *****
  • Posts: 3471
  • Liked: 71
  • Do the Servo Swivel!
    • Dim's Twitter Page
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 02:10:52 PM »
Well, you do get around to asking her out, but that's only after you accidentally dumped a plate of nachos and cheese on her after tripping over the handbag that she had put on the ground, and had taken her into the men's room to clean her up, much to her dismay.  She turned you down flat after all of that, but at least you can say you showed her a good time.  Or, in the very least, a bathroom stall that described who to call for a good time.

I wish I could meet Chico Marx.


Offline Hebs

  • The FBI Pays Me to Surf
  • *
  • Posts: 2597
  • Liked: 54
  • Peachy keen!
    • Say Hello
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2007, 02:22:19 PM »
Granted.

Then you'll realize what a sickening womanizer he was and be disgusted with the outdated lines he throws at you since it's 1927 and you have no idea what "you're a tomata" means, and in your confusion you accidently hit on Harpo who shows his affection by cutting off your pony tail that you were growing for Locks of Love.

I wish I could clone myself to be my maid while I paint.
.... t w i t t e r  //  b l o g  ....


Offline ChrisHanel

  • Not Hurt By Pain
  • ******
  • Posts: 1720
  • Liked: 0
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2007, 03:35:02 PM »
I could do that, but then she's just gonna whine about not being able to paint herself, so she's going to bug you and be all distracted and try and critique you while you paint. Plus you're going to be all jealous when she sleeps with your significant other. On the other hand, your husband might think this is great, which makes it even that much worse for you. Doubly so if she wears a maid outfit.

I wish Lucas never made the Star Wars prequels.


Offline Dim of the Yard

  • Mayor of Nilbog
  • *****
  • Posts: 3471
  • Liked: 71
  • Do the Servo Swivel!
    • Dim's Twitter Page
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2007, 03:45:24 PM »
Good news!  He didn't!  However, he stumbled across a bootleg copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special and, rather than smashing it with a sledgehammer, he watched it and, having a newfound appreciation for such an underrated classic of our time, decided to release this film worldwide!  Not only is it going to be commercially available, but he's going to further enhance your viewing pleasure by making a special edition Holiday... uhh... Special... with all new CGI, some more deleted scenes depicting the day in the life of a Wookie, and more musical numbers, including a collaboration between a stoned Leia and Jefferson Starship!

I wish I had a sammich for lunch.


Offline Tyrant

  • Mayor of Nilbog
  • *****
  • Posts: 3981
  • Liked: 71
  • 2007-11 Satanic Humanitarian Award Winner
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2007, 04:26:21 PM »

  Your wish is granted.

  You watch as a little old lady crosses the street carrying a bag from Subway. As she crosses, two hooligans come out fo nowhere and try to mug her. She swings her purse at the hooligans and nails one right in the face. Just as the other is whipping out a knife, she swings her other arm carrying the bagged sandwich and it clocks the jerk upside the chin, knocking him into an open manhole where a street crew is doing some drainage work on the city sewer. As the first hooligan tries to rise to his feet, a distant splash is heard as the second hooligan falls into city waste. The old lady circles the first hooligan and stomps on the back of his neck to prevent him from getting up. A moment later, cops arrive and arrest both men, giving the second jerk a quick washdown with a hose. The old lady looks discouragingly at her sandwich,"Dearie me. It's all smashed now." Her eyes filling with tears at the wasted $7.50 because she's on a pension, she tosses it into a nearby garbage can near where you're standing and walks off sobbing.

  I wish I had never seen Along Came Polly.


Offline ChrisHanel

  • Not Hurt By Pain
  • ******
  • Posts: 1720
  • Liked: 0
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2007, 04:30:12 PM »
Your wish is granted.

Changing your mind at the last second, you decide to see another movie opening that weekend.

Unfortunately, it's Torque.

I wish I was Christopher Walken.


anais.jude

  • Guest
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2007, 04:53:07 PM »
your wish is granted. You are now Christopher Walken of Fargo North Dakota. Your fave director is Michael Bay and you work in a button factory.
oh, you meant that Christopher Walken. Aw, too late.


I wish i was British


Offline BBQ Platypus

  • Bilbo Baggins Balladeer
  • ******
  • Posts: 4201
  • Liked: 59
  • SURF'S UP, SPACE PONIES!
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2007, 06:03:08 PM »
Your wish is granted.  In fact, you are now the King of England.  Your name is Harold Godwinson, and you're having a pretty lousy time of things.  You've been king for all of nine months and already people are pissing and moaning about your "legitimacy."  That asshole William has gathered up a bunch of his drinking buddies and sailed across the Channel to try and steal your job.  Fucking bastard.

Your boys were KICKING THEIR ASSES, too.  They had just killed William the Douchetastic's horse right out from under him (damn, it was fun watching him fall on his ass).  His left wing thought he was dead, so they turned and ran like a bunch of girls!  Breton pussies.  The rest of his army had to fall back.  For one glorious moment, it looked like Duke William and the Stormin' Norman Experience were reaching the end of their 1066 Rockin' World Tour.  Just ONE final, well-orchestrated push would send those guys crawlin' back to the Gallic hinterlands from whence they came.

But then those two fuckwit brothers of yours decided all on their own that it would be a good idea to break rank and charge after them.  Now Bill (that dickhead) keeps pretending to attack, and then drawing back, pretending to attack, and then drawing back!  Make up your mind and be a man, Bill!  I mean, COME ON!  And your IDIOT shieldsmen keep falling for it EVERY GODDAM TIME!  For the love of God, WHY must you be surrounded by such STUPID!  FREAKIN'! ... Hey, is that a volley of arrows?



Your last words:  "Duke of Normandy, my ass.  More like the DICK of Normandy."




I hope I never see another spring as long as I ... er, wait.  That's already been done.

I wish I were Ben Affleck.  Wait, what am I SAYING!?  I TAKE THAT BACK!  What I really mean to say is "I wish I could screw Jennifer Garner - as in the actress of Daredevil and Alias fame, not some random homeless cat lady who happens to have that name - every night without being guilty of adultery."
« Last Edit: June 01, 2013, 10:06:22 AM by BBQ Platypus »
Correction: the coat hanger should be upside down.


Crazy_88s

  • Guest
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2007, 06:14:27 PM »
I wish for The Simpsons to be rich and famous.


Offline daltysmilth

  • Bilbo Baggins Balladeer
  • ******
  • Posts: 4006
  • Liked: 45
  • This is MY Enterprise. Eat it, Abrams!
    • My Space
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2007, 06:28:02 PM »
Your wish is granted.  In fact, you are now the King of England.  Your name is King Harold II, and you're having a pretty craptastic day.  You've been king for all of nine months and already people are pissing and moaning about your "legitimacy."  That asshole William has gathered up a bunch of his friends and sailed across the Channel to try and steal your job.  Fucking bastard.

Your boys were KICKING THEIR ASSES, too.  They had just killed William the Douchetastic's horse right out from under him (damn, it was fun watching him fall on his ass).  His left wing thought he was dead, so they turned and ran like a bunch of girls!  Breton pussies.  The rest of his army had to fall back.  For one glorious moment, it looked like Duke William and the Stormin' Norman Experience were reaching the end of their 1066 Rockin' World Tour.  Just ONE final, well-orchestrated push would send those guys crawlin' back to the Gallic hinterlands from whence they came.

But then those two fuckwit brothers of yours decided all on their own that it would be a good idea to break rank and charge after them.  Now Bill (that dickhead) keeps pretending to attack, and then drawing back, pretending to attack, and then drawing back!  Make up your mind and be a man, Bill!  I mean, COME ON!  And your IDIOT shieldsmen keep falling for it EVERY GODDAM TIME!  For the love of God, WHY must you be surrounded by such STUPID!  FREAKIN'! ... Hey, is that a volley of arrows?



Your last words:  "Duke of Normandy, my ass.  More like the DICK of Normandy."




I hope I never see another spring as long as I ... er, wait.  That's already been done.

I wish I were Ben Affleck.  Wait, what am I SAYING!?  I TAKE THAT BACK!  What I really mean to say is "I wish I could screw Jennifer Garner - as in the actress of Daredevil and Alias fame, not some random homeless cat lady who happens to have that name - every night without being guilty of adultery."

Your wish is granted. but you find out to your disgust that Jennifer farts.  A lot.

I wish I had the ability to teleport, like Nightcrawler.
CROW:  (Sinisterly) The Secret Government Eggo Project...
--Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

"Jason, Chess is a game of chance."
-- My friend Shawn to my friend Jason upon being defeated at a game of Chess.

http://gh.ffshrine.org?r=112104


Offline BBQ Platypus

  • Bilbo Baggins Balladeer
  • ******
  • Posts: 4201
  • Liked: 59
  • SURF'S UP, SPACE PONIES!
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #11 on: December 07, 2007, 06:37:43 PM »
Your wish is granted. but you find out to your disgust that Jennifer farts.  A lot.

That's IT?  I mean, come on - I fart a lot.  All that would mean is that we'd be a perfect match for each other!

Quote from: daltysmith
I wish I had the ability to teleport, like Nightcrawler.

Your wish is granted, but your DNA gets all screwed up in the process and you mutate into a Brundlefly.

I wish for the immediate attainment of permanent, successful, and long-lasting world domination under me, Generalissimo BBQ Platypus, and my penguin minions.
Correction: the coat hanger should be upside down.


Offline Jinto

  • Big Montana
  • *****
  • Posts: 534
  • Liked: 1
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2007, 08:05:25 PM »
I wish for the immediate attainment of permanent, successful, and long-lasting world domination under me, Generalissimo BBQ Platypus, and my penguin minions.

Granted. Mercury is all yours. Be sure to take some sunscreen.

I wish for a paradox of infinitesimal proportions involving Clippy the MS Office helper, a Luna Moth http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Actias_luna, and chocolate cake with a surprise Fruit Loop center.


Offline Cibernético II

  • Not Hurt By Pain
  • ******
  • Posts: 1212
  • Liked: 0
  • Vadinho says: YOU are the Pumaman.
    • My Space
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2007, 09:00:26 AM »
umm yeah, they all get an apartment together in downtown St. Paul. The Chocolate cake with fruit loop center gets a job at his uncle's produce stand while Clippy continues to work for Microsoft. The Luna moth however, does nothing all day, and the other roommated become resentful of the moth's unemployment. Even though cake and Clippy make plenty of money that paying rent isn't a big problem they don't like the idea of a freeloader. The moth spends most of her time writing poetry and hanging out at the roller rink that everyone assumed closed down back in '92. Then ironically, they all die in a car accident on their way to visit a hospital that treats poor kids with cancer.

I wish I had my own morning radio show.
I really do like pie.


Offline BBQ Platypus

  • Bilbo Baggins Balladeer
  • ******
  • Posts: 4201
  • Liked: 59
  • SURF'S UP, SPACE PONIES!
Re: The Monkey's Paw
« Reply #14 on: December 08, 2007, 02:16:57 PM »
Granted.  You are now Don Imus.


I wish I was the Puma Man.
Correction: the coat hanger should be upside down.