The Crippled Avengers ( a.k.a Mortal Combat, a.k.a. The Return of the Five Deadly Venoms ) ( 1978)
Let's start with the title. The American distributor World Northal didn't like it. So they changed it to Mortal Combat, which on turn inspired the title of the video game Mortal Kombat. Bootleggers began selling the film under the title Return of the Five Deadly Venoms to make it seem like a proper sequel to The Five Deadly Venoms. Years later Dragon Dynasty got Celestial to change the title to The Return of the Five Deadly Venoms because by then the bootleg title was what the film was know by in the United States. Also, because the title Mortal Combat is copyrighted. But since the copyright holder was World Northal and not Shaw Brothers, and World Northal went bankrupt in 1987, no one is sure who holds the copyright to the name. Making things more complicated, the game and movie Mortal Kombat which Dragon Dynasty didn't want their release confused with. So, yeah, Crippled Avengers is now called Return of the Five Deadly Venoms in North America and Europe, and Dragon Dynasty officially owns the copyright to that title.
This is not a sequel to Five Deadly Venoms. There never was a sequel, especially since only one of the Five Venoms was still alive at the end of that film. The film featuring the Venom Mob that followed FDV was Unbeatable Dragon, Crippled Avengers was the second Venom Mob film since FDV, but didn't include Wei Pai in the cast, so was one Venom short.
The story, a martial arts master goes nuts after a rival clan kills his wife and cripples his son by cutting off his arms. The embittered master and his son, who is giving iron arms that shoots projectiles, eventually become evil, terrorizing the nearby town and crippling anyone who they think is making fun of the sons arms. A traveling swordsman runs into three victims, the Blacksmith that the master turned deaf and mute, a traveling merchant the master blinded, and another town resident the master cut the legs off of, all living together. When he hears their story the swordsman decides to go to the masters house himself and bring him to justice. But he is beaten, and as punishment, has his head crushed in a vice so he turns into an idiot. The three other cripples decide the least they can do is bring the swordsman back to his teacher. Once there, the teacher vows to teach all three martial arts so they can overcome their disabilities and take vengeance against the evil master and his son.
There were a lot of good Venom Mob films. I would put The Kid With the Golden Arms ( 1979 ) and Five Element Ninjas ( 1982 ) above this film, but many Venom Mob fans consider this their best. But this does belong in the top 5.
Super Buddies ( 2013 )
Oh shit. I knew I would eventually have to get to this movie. Unfortunately, it counts as a superhero film. Back in 1994 David Letterman invited what he called "a flying dog" onto his show to perform on his Stupid Pet Tricks segment. Buddy was a golden retriever who not only had the ability to leap through the air, but knock a basketball into a hoop. Letterman made such a big deal about the dog, even promoting his appearance a day before his segment, that Disney noticed. A fictional film was written around the dog called Air Bud about a dog who becomes the star player for a basketball team, because apparently there was nothing in the rule book that says dogs can't play basketball. Shortly after the film was released, Buddy was diagnosed with cancer and has his leg amputated. But the cancer had spread, and soon after Buddy passed away, joining Spuds Mackenzie and the Taco Bell Chihuahua in Doggy Heaven.
If you think a little thing like the death of their star would stop Disney from making a sequel, then you are wrong. Names and likeness laws don't apply to animals. What it came down to was that Disney owned the copyright on the first Air Bud film and could make as many sequels as they wanted. Even as Buddy was on his doggie death bed, Disney had already found lookalike replacement dogs and were training them to leap just as high as Bud had. Four more Air Bud films hit the theaters, each with Bud intruding on a different sport dumb enough not to have a "dogs can't play" rule.
DEVIATION
I am not sure if this is actually legitimate, where you can simply put an animal into a sports game and the referee will allow it because the rule book doesn't prohibit it. And if so, the Air Bud films are a slap in the face of women, because the "no woman' rule does exist in all sports, forcing women in their own leagues. But let's say it isn't against the rules to put animals in sports. What a winning strategy that would be. Not that I think an animal could be taught how to be a winning athlete. But let's say you put jerseys on a pride of lions and said they were your team. The other team would forfeit rather than face them. And if they are brave enough to play them anyway, well, I bet there is nothing in the rule book saying you can't eat the opposing team.
BACK TO REVIEW
By the time the fifth Air Bud film was released, the series was directed to video. Realizing they had run out of team sports Bud could possibly play, Disney decided to write Bud out of the series and instead have the movies center around Bud's talking puppies. ( Yes, talking ). And thus the series continued as the Air Buddies.
With cute talking puppies, you can tell this film was written for grade schoolers, which is one of the genres of film I like the least. No surprise, the most exciting thing on the DVD was the trailer for Planes, and only because I realized they were using an X-rated Marilyn Manson song as the music bed. The story, the Air Buddies, who are inexplicably still puppies after six films, discover magic dog collars buried in their barn, which are actually some sort of cosmic rings that an evil space overlord has been searching for. The buddies put on the rings, after which they all aquire super powers. So they put on superhero costumes and run around town saving people. Meanwhile the evil overlord, who can possess bodies and shoot green lightning from his finger tips, arrives on Earth searching for the rings.
I am making this film sound a lot more exciting than it actually is. I can't really call it a bad film. Almost everyone involved did a superb job. Good acting, good direction, good musical score, and visual effects that are way better than a straight to DVD movie deserves to have. Unfortunately the persons who didn't do a good job were the screenwriters. As expected from one of these G rated films, the screen writers got lazy because they assumed children will accept anything as entertainment. I'll give them one bit of praise. The film didn't have a fart joke. That's right, this is the only modern kids film I can think of that does not have a scene involving farting. Remember when farting was considered so vulgar that it was edited out of the original television broadcast of Blazing Saddles? Now you can't find a G rated film without at least one fart scene. Except for this one. The script still sucked though.
This is one of those films that is almost exciting. That just barely qualifies as entertainment. You know, your typical contemporary G film. And I wish I could say this was the last one, but next week I watch the first of two Ben 10 films. Then some time after that comes the Power Rangers films, followed by the more recent Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles films. After that I think I am done with the kids films, unless a couple of other Disney television films gets a DVD release.
Double Dynamite ( 1951 )
Last week was the final Marx Brothers film, this week it is one of Groucho's solo films. The title was obviously a reference to Jane Russell's tits. Russell, who at the time was R.K.O.s biggest star, got star billing. Groucho gets second billing above Frank Sinatra who gets third billing, despite being the lead. At the time Sinatra's career was in a slump while Groucho was having a comeback with You Bet Your Life. Despite the title being a crude reference to Jane Russell's boobies, and a misleading movie poster that's artwork had Jane in a dress from The Outlaw standing next to Groucho who's eyes are bugging out as he looks directly at her chest, the character she plays in the film is always conservatively dressed with outfits that button right up to her neck, sometimes all the way to her chin. The lone exception, a shower scene. But you never see her get in or out, and the shower door is tinted for the first few feet so only her head is visible. Yes, R.K.O. had one of America's top pin up models as their star. But they didn't want a repeat of what happened with The Outlaw where the film was held up from distribution for two years because Jane's cleavage was in violation of the production code. Jane would be a bombshell on the posters, but a nun on film. With tricks like that, is it any wonder why this film, and the others Howard Huges produced, bombed.
This film is supposed to be a comedy, but I only chuckled a couple of times, and only at something Groucho said. In this film he doesn't wear his signature grease paint, but instead has a real mustach and eyebrows. And his real hair as the hairpiece he wore in the final Marx Brothers films is replaced with his natural balding head. With exception to his signature Groucho walk, which he occasionally slips into, but ever so slightly, this is not the Groucho from the Marx films. Even the dialogue written for him is nothing like his style. The Marx Brothers films had him talking in rapid fire puns and insults. Here he tells very few jokes, and most of his dialogue is to further the plot.
In the film, bank teller Frank Sinatra saves a guy from a beating in an alley way, only to discover the guy is a gangster. The gangster pays him back by offering him a $1,000 bill. When Frank refuses to take it, the gangster, who is running an illegal betting parlour, puts the money on a horse, and when it wins, on another horse, and those winnings on another horse. Eventually the money balloons into $60,000 which Frank finally gives in and accepts it. He has a relationship with fellow bank teller Jane Russell, but had refused to marry her unless he could get a raise, which the bank refused to give him. Frank returns to the bank with gifts for Jane, and is about to tell her the good news of his winnings when he finds out the bank is short $75,000 and suspects one of the tellers embezzled it. Realizing his sudden wealth will make him look guilty, he hatches a plan with his friend Groucho to hide the money until he can prove his innocence.
Typically of comedies released around this time, Groucho's character does little more than help Jane and Frank without having any story arc of his own. While the sex and comedy does fail, the actual plot is mildly entertaining. Also, this counts as a Christmas film. It even has a Santa Claus.
Topic: What was the last movie you watched? (Read 1791037 times)
