It's Nunyer's 1st annual CHILDREN'S ESPIONAGE MOVIE SPECTACULAR!
Spy Kids 4: Some Stupid Subtitle about Time
My wife thought it would be fun if my sons picked out my father's day gift... And thinking only of my happiness, they decided that Spy Kids 4 would be the perfect gift. Better than a tie I guess.... but not nearly as cool as the Angry Birds boxer shorts I got last year.
Anyways, I generally go easy on the Robert Rodriguez kids movies... whether the Spy Kids series or Sharkboy and Lava Girl... just because they have a certain surreal and apeshit insane quality... He writes downright fucked up scripts that really could come from a 10 year old deciding to make his own movie. This isn't a slam on Rodriguez... it's actually kinda neat... just like playing make believe in the backyard during summer vacation... everything has a certain "make it up as you go along" vibe. Kids don't really care if it all makes sense in the end... as long as playtime was fun while it was happening.
Of course, after a fun turn in the first film, the Spy Kids series slowly lost the surreal, insane and ape qualities and just became shit. The fourth film, complete with new kids, continues on the downward slope of diminishing returns. Lots of fart and puke jokes... adults with nothing to do... with poor Jessica Alba and Joel McHale appearing to mentally count their paychecks during every scene. About the only saving graces are some surprisingly good scenes from Jeremy Piven as the villain (he was the only 'big name' actor in this wreck that appeared to care at all)... There were also a few funny one-liners from Ricky Gervais as the voice of the robot dog. The kids from the original trilogy return as adult spies... and I gotta say... the original Spy Kid girl is all grown up and quite easy on the eyes. Kids under 8 years old might like it... but even that is a reach.
The Spy Next Door
Jackie Chan is getting old... Although I suppose he could be doing worse than the occasional family friendly movie and playing the schill for V8 health drinks as he knocks on the door of sixty. The Spy Next Door is low budget, not very good and filled with non-actors like Billy Ray Cyrus, George Lopez and the guy who played Sportacus in Lazy Town... Still, Chan has charisma to burn, the kid actors aren't bad... and the trademark Chan fight choreography is still present... even if it's been neutered a bit.. both to be more kid friendly and I'm sure to lessen the wear and tear on Chan. The story is too cliche and silly to even discuss, but it has some moments. The low budget vibe was enjoyable, in places the bad acting and nonsensical plot elements reminded me more of his Hong Kong heyday, despite this not being a big action/stunt extravaganza. Still, even if you are a big fan of Jackie Chan, this isn't something that can be recommended... My kids liked it a lot more than Spy Kids 4... not as if that is saying much.
Cloak and Dagger
This one will always remain a guilty pleasure... and I've watched it a few times since it was released on DVD a few years back. While I do find it a bit creepy, when watching this as a adult, to hear Dabney Coleman repeatedly tell the kid from ET to kill bad guys.... overall this movie still works... at the very least it holds up very well considering it uses the Atari 5700 as a plot device. Speaking of the kid from ET, he really was a pretty darn good actor... and Dabney Coleman was great during the 1980s in just about anything. If you have fond memories of this one as a kid, I'd recommend a rental viewing... obviously aimed at 12 year olds... but it rises above that in a lot of ways... a decent little thriller that neither panders to kids or completely insults the grown ups.