Author Topic: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!  (Read 1486569 times)

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Offline anais.butterfly

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15120 on: May 01, 2013, 02:24:11 PM »
Yes, remembering is a good thing.
No/Yes? The memories will come when they want to come. Usually when triggered (Lucas M knows more from the educated side).

There are certian PTSD treatments where they will trigger you to remember while they shine a light in your eye or something, but other than that I don't know about specific meetings where they can control the memories. :(
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Offline Mrs. Dick Courier

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15121 on: May 01, 2013, 02:45:53 PM »
That happened to me a few years ago.  I was only about 6 or so when the incident happened and then I started getting flashbacks.  This started without a therapist's help, it just hit me.  At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me.  Then I asked my mom if she remembered the incident and she did. 

I wish I hadn't remembered.  I don't know why people would want to remember something bad.  Later talked to my therapist about it and they wanted to hynotize me to bring out more memories.  I said no.  No need to be more tortured than I already am.
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Offline anais.butterfly

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15122 on: May 01, 2013, 03:03:16 PM »
The only reason I want to know is so I can get better. My life was so miserable for so long with no meaning. No begining and no ending, just a circle of meaningless minutes.

I have faith that healing from this will end it. I just want to be happy :(
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Offline LucasM

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15123 on: May 01, 2013, 07:58:59 PM »
Just getting here after a rough day.  Hopefully I'm coherent; apologies if I'm not.

First, anais.butterfly, I am very sorry for your difficult and painful day today.

Let me address one thing you said immediately.  You said
I want to curl up in a ball, put my hands over my ears and scream until all of this goes away. And the thing is, it won't go away. I will be broken like this forever. Jeez, this happened when I was 3, I never had a chance to not be broken. The most I can hope for is that I find peace with it.
You are in the worst of it right now.  Remembering these events you are also experiencing the emotions of that injured three-year old in an adult body and with an adult mind, that is often overwhelming.  The emotions of a three-year old are more raw and often more intense than those of adults, but you are feeling them now, unfiltered, and that degree of rawness is unfamiliar to you, so it is likely frightening on top of being overwhelming.

But I want to be clear: You will not be broken forever.  You will always have that experience or those experiences in your history, but just like a broken bone heals to become stronger than the unbroken parts surrounding the area, you can heal and be stronger emotionally when you come out the other end with you working through these experiences.


If you don't mind, I would also like to reframe your experience for you with your returned memory and its timing.  If you weren't triggered by something in your environment at work (which could have been anything, even things you might not register it as being the source).  Your brain likely did not wait for you to get home for a reason.  Despite it being terribly difficult for you to maintain yourself through your day as you said, getting the memory at work did a couple things for you.  It provided you with a persistent distraction from the memory so you could not be as immediately consumed by it, by coming at a time where you knew you had certain things that needed to be done.  Since you mentioned substance use in your post, it also came at a time where you had no access to such things, and could not get access to such things, until the memory had settled a bit.  So, despite the difficulty from having the memory return while you were at work, your brain was working to protect you now, just as it worked to protect you when you were a child by hiding the memory in the first place.

I greatly applaud you not using substances to shut down the emotions when you got home!  That is a very good job of taking care of yourself. :)


I have faith that healing from this will end it. I just want to be happy :(

I am glad that you have that faith, because it is true, healing from this will make it possible to feel happy again.  Hang in there.


To answer assorted questions (and near-questions or potential questions) from various people:

Is it possible for memories from childhood (or later) to be repressed?  Yes, in fact more than half of those traumatized in childhood 'forgot' (repressed) the memories for some duration between when the event or events happened and the age of about 40.  [I believe that 40 was the oldest participant in the study, a study done entirely with participants who had third-party confirmation of the trauma, so there was confirmation of the traumatic event.]


Yes, it is good to get memories for traumatic experiences in childhood back.  Why?  Because the way you looked at yourself from that moment on - the way you interpreted everything that happened to you and around you afterwards - likely originated with how you interpreted that traumatic event and what it 'meant' about you.  [e.g. for physical abuse: possibly the idea someone was a 'bad' person and 'deserved' punishment; e.g. for sexual abuse: possibly the idea someone valuable only for their sexual functions; e.g. for neglect: possibly the idea someone is not worth being taken care of]  It is much easier to undo those long-standing thinking patterns if one understands their source.  It is possible without regaining the memories, but may not be terribly easy as there's no source one can point to and understand that interpretation's context.  To understand that at the time the interpretation was made for that event that interpretation would have seemed reasonable based on the environment and developmental comprehension one had at that time.  Understanding that, it is then easier to understand that that it is not an accurate representation of one's worth.


Is hypnotism a good method to regain memories?  No.  Simple as that.  Hypnotism can help with many difficulties, but there are better and safer ways to regain memories (most come when the brain is in a place where it feels ready and safe enough to process them).

Since one is in a more suggestible state when hypnotized it is not a good idea for use with repressed memories.  If the therapist is too 'pushy', then memories may surface before one is ready or equipped to deal with them.  That doesn't happen with memories surfacing on their own.

If the therapist doing the hypnotism is 'looking' for repressed memories their subtle and not-so-subtle questions may induce memories of events that might not be accurate.  Let me be clear: it is absolutely impossible to induce the intense horrific emotional state that accompanies actual traumatic events, and it is also impossible to induce a lifetime's adaptation to mistaken thinking about oneself that would come from a childhood trauma.  In other words, a cognitive memory might be induced, but the emotions and other sequelae of such a trauma would not be present.  [So the so-called 'false memory syndrome' that abusers and enablers promoted some years ago (with no research at all to support the 'syndrome') was pure bullshit.]  Regardless of not being able to induce the emotions and after-effects of false memories, them being induced in hypnotized states would likely derail and delay the finding of the actual cause for difficulties presented.  They may also confuse actual memories that might be similar, thereby making the abused question the reality of those actual memories, which would massively slow therapy.


I was starting to write a book to help those who had limited or no memories of their childhood to remember it or parts of it just prior to my first head injury (which derailed most functioning and left me with little mental capacity beyond work).  I was finding resources to compile a questionnaire or list where each question or line was a different example of what a child's typical experience for each age range would be.  The questions/items would include things like chores required when young, experiences with lost teeth, experiences starting school (and during it), and so forth.  The idea was that one would read typical events in a child's life and try to remember their own related experiences.  Often just reading of a similar event from childhood can be cueing enough to recall either a normal healthy experience, or to remember a disturbing traumatic one.  A close-enough approximation to what I'd hoped to create might be to pick up a book on child-rearing aimed at specific age groups and think about how what is described in the same as, or differs from, what one experienced as a child.  [There was a series of books I'd picked up as one resource.  The one for the age you described, anais, is here: Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. Ilg.]  There was a whole series of these (clicking on the author's name on Amazon and then selecting "Visit Amazon's Louise Bates Ames page" can take you to the others).
« Last Edit: May 02, 2013, 11:34:23 AM by LucasM »
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline LucasM

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15124 on: May 01, 2013, 08:17:08 PM »
Yes, remembering is a good thing.
No/Yes? The memories will come when they want to come. Usually when triggered (Lucas M knows more from the educated side).

There are certian PTSD treatments where they will trigger you to remember while they shine a light in your eye or something, but other than that I don't know about specific meetings where they can control the memories. :(

Sorry, I didn't catch this with the other post.  What I think you are describing isn't designed to remember events, but to process the ones you are already aware of (though new ones may come up during that, they then get processed as well).

This treatment for trauma can be very helpful (it helped reduce my PTSD for the auto accidents by a significant margin).  It is EMDR (that stands for "Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing").  During it some focal point (either the therapists' fingers, or a 'light bar', or sound in headphones, or two little vibrating pads held in each hand or under one's legs [the sound and tactile worked best for me]) moves back and forth from one side to the other.  This triggers parts of the brain that process memory to make connections quicker between events, ideas, feelings, and more.  With the guided recall and focus, the effects of basically months or sometimes years worth of 'talking therapy' can be achieved in just a few sessions.  [Had I been able to continue working, training in using that technique would have been my next career step.]

The website for the main organization is here: The EMDR Institute.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline anais.butterfly

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15125 on: May 02, 2013, 07:50:15 AM »
Thank you, Lucas :)


Yesterday I went to the gym and did some running (SCORE!). Then I went to my spanish class. So I didn't go home and hide like I wanted to.


I did eat a lot of Taco Bell after my spanish class, but what can you do.

Today was another triumph! I got out of bed! Woohoo! I just told myself that there were two options: Getting up and staying in bed, and the way to heal was to get up.

Small victories
Anais is the Coolest Butterfly I know  ;D


Offline Thrifty

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15126 on: May 02, 2013, 07:54:20 AM »
Went to my parents' house early this morning.  Smelled the distinct odor of gas.  No gas leak, thank God, but either Mom or Dad turned on the gas stove and didn't light the flame.  So it was pumping gas all night.  I shut that off and opened a bunch of windows and doors up to ventilate.  This is an unsettling omen.

Besides the danger of a single spark causing an explosion, doesn't that sort of thing sometimes cause fatal suffocation?


Offline Bob

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15127 on: May 02, 2013, 07:57:53 AM »
I think if everyone made bacon chocolate chip cookies and mailed them to hopeful looking people, just THINK how much better everyone will feel?  Well, either that or beer.



Offline Mrs. Dick Courier

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15128 on: May 02, 2013, 08:34:39 AM »
Went to my parents' house early this morning.  Smelled the distinct odor of gas.  No gas leak, thank God, but either Mom or Dad turned on the gas stove and didn't light the flame.  So it was pumping gas all night.  I shut that off and opened a bunch of windows and doors up to ventilate.  This is an unsettling omen.

Besides the danger of a single spark causing an explosion, doesn't that sort of thing sometimes cause fatal suffocation?

Be a good idea to take them to the doctor for a check up that kind of exposure can also have long term implications, or so I've heard.

Glad to hear they're OK
Opticians are easy on the eyes


Offline RVR II

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15129 on: May 02, 2013, 08:46:53 AM »
I think if everyone made bacon chocolate chip cookies and mailed them to hopeful looking people, just THINK how much better everyone will feel?  Well, either that or beer.


I see the similarities now to your avatar ;D


Offline RVR II

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15130 on: May 02, 2013, 08:48:29 AM »
Went to my parents' house early this morning.  Smelled the distinct odor of gas.  No gas leak, thank God, but either Mom or Dad turned on the gas stove and didn't light the flame.  So it was pumping gas all night.  I shut that off and opened a bunch of windows and doors up to ventilate.  This is an unsettling omen.

Besides the danger of a single spark causing an explosion, doesn't that sort of thing sometimes cause fatal suffocation?

Be a good idea to take them to the doctor for a check up that kind of exposure can also have long term implications, or so I've heard.

Glad to hear they're OK
Wow! Yeah I agree hear! That could have been disastrous!

I don't use gas except for my hot water heater in my house.. Just too dangerous because of this right here :o


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15131 on: May 02, 2013, 09:07:42 AM »
Besides the danger of a single spark causing an explosion, doesn't that sort of thing sometimes cause fatal suffocation?

It would take a big leak to displace the oxygen enough to cause suffocation.  Chances are with a leak that big the fire/explosion would happen first.  It's simple displacement, like going to higher altitude, so breathing normal air again fixes it after short term exposure.  If it was a flame producing carbon monoxide that is a different story.

Methane and Propane are not toxic, but some gas mixtures are more toxic than others (if they add butane or other gasses), so you should probably at least call the local poison hot-line and talk to them.


Offline LucasM

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15132 on: May 02, 2013, 11:40:59 AM »
Thank you, Lucas :)


Yesterday I went to the gym and did some running (SCORE!). Then I went to my spanish class. So I didn't go home and hide like I wanted to.


I did eat a lot of Taco Bell after my spanish class, but what can you do.

Today was another triumph! I got out of bed! Woohoo! I just told myself that there were two options: Getting up and staying in bed, and the way to heal was to get up.

Small victories

Congrats!

You are very welcome.  I'm glad something I said could help. :)

One thing, with your, "I didn't go home and hide like I wanted to."  I don't know if you pushed yourself 'too far' to stay out and about.  If there are times where you really feel you need to withdraw for a while, do so.  Pushing yourself too far while you are processing intense traumas is a way of ignoring or possibly even retraumatizing yourself (which may replicate what you went through as a child, rather than soothe and heal it).  You need to now do the parenting and protecting of yourself that wasn't done then.  Take care of yourself.  And be gentle with yourself.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2013, 08:05:51 PM by LucasM »
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline RVR II

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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15133 on: May 02, 2013, 11:46:52 AM »
Thank you, Lucas :)


Yesterday I went to the gym and did some running (SCORE!). Then I went to my spanish class. So I didn't go home and hide like I wanted to.


I did eat a lot of Taco Bell after my spanish class, but what can you do.

Today was another triumph! I got out of bed! Woohoo! I just told myself that there were two options: Getting up and staying in bed, and the way to heal was to get up.

Small victories
You Go Girl! 8)


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Re: RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
« Reply #15134 on: May 02, 2013, 12:53:51 PM »
So I guess they are building a pipeline that will pump natural gas obtained from fracking into NYC, which makes me mad by itself.  But I found out when I saw someone post this on facebook


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/av_opE1-Lpk&amp;feature=player_embedded" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/av_opE1-Lpk&amp;feature=player_embedded</a>

What really makes me mad is the continued use of the word "occupy".  occupythepipeline.com?  That's really what you're going with?  Ignoring the physical impossibilities, why do you insist on using a brand that conjures up phrases like "failure", "unorganized", "youth", and "hipsters"?  Nothing happened because of occupy wallstreet.  It's true that using the term 'occupy' will get some young hipsters to come out for a couple days, but in order to be taken seriously by the rest of the world can't you think of something new?