Warning: The following information is personal and may be considered unpleasant, but I need to b!tch about this and I need some support.
Ok, so I have PTSD. I have real, honest to effing dios PTSD as diagnosed by a Shrink (with a PHD and everything). I have this becuase something bad happend to me when I was very very young. I had repressed all these memories until early 2012. Now, I only had a few images, not a real memory. I actually thought my mind was making things up.
Within the past 24 hours, I have gotten so many more images and memories from this event. And where do I get them? AT F*CKING WORK! Yea, where I can totally handle them in a healthy way. Yup, thanks universe. Thanks Brain! Oh, the images are coming so fast. I am just walking down hallways and I get triggered and I see these scenes. And then I try to tell myself they didn't happen, but I know they did.
I want to go home and hide in bed until everything goes away. I am not just saying that; I long for that safety with such an intense need and desire that it has been consuming every thought in my brain and every tissue in my body. I want to curl up in a ball, put my hands over my ears and scream until all of this goes away. And the thing is, it won't go away. I will be broken like this forever. Jeez, this happened when I was 3, I never had a chance to not be broken. The most I can hope for is that I find peace with it.
I want to eat so much chocolate right now. I would also like to smoke something only legal in 2 states, but I know that won't help (and I have been uber good with my sobriety kick). I want to do something healthy, but I have such a headache from all this.
HopefullY I can make it to the gym after work. Just one more hour.
Thanks for listening. Sorry if this was TMI