Author Topic: If I did the second draft cleanup...  (Read 8148 times)

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Offline Compound

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Re: If I did the second draft cleanup...
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2007, 10:08:37 PM »

Oh, what the hell. Probably not many will get the reference, but one or two of you will.
And those people will hate me for this...

Riker stared at the motionless Bird of Prey shown on the viewscreen. The Duras sisters
were up to something, but what? Even now, he could feel the hairs on the back of his
neck start to bristle. Something was about to happen.

"You precious little life forms. Where are you?"

Well, something other than Data singing. Riker inwardly sighed as he sat down in the
Captain's chair. "Deanna? Are you reading anything from the Klingons?"

Troi grimaced slightly. "Mostly a feeling of impatience. No wait. Joy! And an intense
feeling of excitement. And something odd..."

As she spoke, a sickly green projectile sprung from the Klingon vessel and tore through
the Enterprise's hull, followed quickly by a second.

"They've found a way to penetrate our shields!" exclaimed Worf.

Oh, thank you Worf. I hadn't noticed, thought Riker. "Lock phas..." Riker's order
trailed off as the Bird of Prey was struck by a hail of phaser fire. Her shields
buckled, and then failed. Picoseconds later, the vessel became a rapidly expanding
cloud of plasma.

On the bridge of the Enterprise, the crew had been stunned into silence. Data was the
first to respond. "What the hell?"

Riker quickly found his voice. "Data, where did that phaser fire come from?"

"Will, look at the Nexus," supplied Deanna.

As she spoke, a vessel emerged from the ribbon of cosmic energy. A sleek vessel, she
was greyish-white with a prominent saucer and a pair of nacelles in the aft, and even

thought the exact design was unfamiliar, the ship's stylings screamed "Federation".

Worf spoke. "Commander, we are being hailed."

Riker nodded. "On screen."

On the view screen, the image of the no longer solid Klingon vessel vanished and was
replaced with the bridge of the unknown craft. And in the foreground, there stood what
appeared to be a 15 year old girl, dressed in a Starfleet uniform.

"Good evening, fellow Star..." She stopped and a wide grin crossed her face. "Hey!
Riker!" She turned to speak to someone outside the viewscreen's field of view. "Hey
Jay! Look! It's Beard Boy!"

Riker glanced around his own bridge while the teen spoke, as if to reassure himself
that it was still there. Worf stood behind him, his usual stoic self.  To his left,
Deanna's confused expression mirrored his own. And Data merely looked up, shook his
head, mumbled "Okaaaay" and resumed fiddling with the ship controls. Riker blinked, and
replied, "Um, this is Commander William Riker of the USS Enterprise-D."

The teen interrupted. "Come on Will, I know that I haven't seen you since the Rommies
blew you up, but... Oh. Sorry. Can't go into that. You know. Temporal Prime Directive
thingee. I mean that's why I can't talk about that whole Chelsea Clinton thing either.
Well, you were there, so you know what I'm talking about. Unless that hasn't happened

Riker snuck a quick glance at Deanna, catching her eye, and then quickly rose an
eyebrow. She shrugged. Riker didn't need an empathic link to know that she had no idea
what the teen was jabbering about either. Riker coughed. "I'm sorry, but is the Captain
of the ship there?"

The girl stated, "You're speaking to here. You know the whole Kid's Cr... You know
what? I'm on a tight schedule here, so if I can just talk to Dad, I'll be on my way."

"You need to speak to your Dad?"


Riker waited for a response, and after a moment when it became clear that the answer
wasn't forthcoming, asked "Excuse me. But what's your name?"

Data chirped in, "And who is your daddy? Is he rich like me?"

Riker growled, "Not the time for that, Data."

The teen looked quizzically at Riker or a moment, and then giggled. "Oh, yeah. Forgot
that, didn't I? I'm Marrissa Amber Flores Picard, Heir to..."

Riker stammered, "Picard?!?"

Marrissa nodded. "Yep. Is Dad around?"

Worf mumbled, "Dad?"

Riker asked, "Jean Luc Picard is your father?"

Marrissa nodded. "If he wasn't would I be calling old Chromedome dad?"

Riker once again looked at a pale Deanna, who slowly nodded in assent.

Marrissa once again spoke. "Anyway, Future Dad sent me back to talk to Past Dad. Something
about breaking the time-stream. Is he down in the sickbay with Mom again?"

Riker's train of thought began to leave the station, but not liking the probable destination, he
quickly derailed it and instead volunteered, "Um, no. He's down on the planet. trying to deal with Soran."

Marrissa nodded, "Oh, yeah. That thing. Explains why the Matrix..."

A voice from offscreen interrupted, "Nexus, M."

Marrissa sighed, "Whatever, Clara. Why the Nexus dropped us here." She smiled with a
sudden thought. "Saaay. Kirk's going to be down there soon, isn't he?" She purred
hungrily. "Jay? You want to see the stud muffin?"

"Ew. No!"

The girl shrugged and began to stride from the Bridge. "Figures. Well, I'll be down in
a sec. Clara? You coming with? Oh, Jay. If you're staying here, can you tractor these
guys? I don't want the bimbo crashing it into the planet again."

The viewscreen clicked off, leaving the bridge in silence. Worf spoke first. "His

Riker nodded. "That certainly appears to be the case."

Data added, "She has more hair though."

Deanna grimaced and quickly replied. "That may not be something to mention in the
captain's presence."

Data puzzledly replied, "I am fairly certain that the captain is aware of his lack of
hair follicles. After all, he..."

Riker cut off Data's line of conversation. "Worf, contact Geordi and see what damage
we've sustained. Data, scan the other vessel. I want to make sure it's what it appears
to be. De..."


Riker winced.

Data quickly chimed in, "Councillor, I am fairly certain that she was not referring to
you. Instead she was referring to one of the other females on the bridge. Perhaps the
short haired brunette to my right."


"Data!" Riker exclaimed. "You're not helping." Riker turned to Troi and spoke softly.
"Imzadi? Could you read anything from her?"

Troi spoke tersely. "She seems to be telling the truth. Or at least she thought she
was. Aside from that, she seems to be confident. Very much so. And she's arrogant.
Ambitious, haughty, self-centered..."

Data interrupted, "In short, a bitch."

Riker shouted, "Data!"

Troi shook her head. "If the shoe fits..."

Riker snorted. "Well, she's the Captain's problem now. I hope he does have Kirk with
him. I have a feeling that the Captain may need assistance in dealing with her."

Data spun in his chair to face Riker. "Actually, sir, I believe that Kirk could handle
the young girl by himself. The historical records state that he was quite found of

"That's not what I meant." Riker said exasperatedly. "Data, what is wrong with you

"I am not sure, Commander. It appears that my emotion chip has made me quite...

"Well, why don't you take some time off until you feel less so?"

"A good idea sir. Perhaps I will head down to the holodeck and do some rock climbing
or some skydiving."

"That's fine Data."

"And I understand that Ensigns Nelson and Murphy are running a film retrospective as

"That sounds interesting Data."

"Or perhaps I shall try to create another robot. Perhaps something non-humanoid. A duck
perhaps. Or a fire hydrant. Perhaps something in purple."

"Data. Go away."

"Of course, sir."

Data stood and briskly walked to the waiting turbolift. As the doors shut, he could be
heard quietly singing, "Oh, I sing whenever I sing whenever I sing..."

Riker stared at the receding doors then turned to Deanna. "Remind me to have Geordi
look him over ASAP. He's getting a bit twitchy."

Deanna assented, "Of course."

"In the meantime, let's get out of here. Push the button, Deanna."


"Sorry. Somehow, that just seemed like the right thing to say."


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Re: If I did the second draft cleanup...
« Reply #16 on: July 13, 2007, 01:52:35 AM »
heh heh, Ensigns Nelson and Murphy?  :D  . You'll have to explain the references though because I didn't get them. I'm guessing perhaps Sixteen Candles or something along those lines?