Bad Movies

[Uncle Rufus]

Has anyone ever heard of a truly horrible movie called "Starry Night"?   The premise is a magic potion returns artist Vincent Van Gogh back to life and lands him in the center of the Rose Bowl Parade.  I played a practical joke on a friend of mine; he called me up and asked for my recommendation of a good movie so I suggested Starry Night.  Turns out he was renting a movie to take over to his parent?s house to watch with them.  The next day he called me up, quite irate, demanding that I owe him 4.00 and 2 hours of his time.  I never saw him so pissed.   It was very funny, In a sick sort of bad movie way.

What are other people?s stories of VERY BAD movies they had the misfortune of wasting there time watching.

-Uncle Rufus

[J-Proof]

Once upon a time I was chillin' with some homegirls, who had decided to rent a flurry of the absolute WORST movies I had ever seen.... Such names as "The Shreaking Skull" and "The Lake Ghouls Attack"... The situation wasn't funny at the time, but in retrospect, I laugh my hieny off just thinking about it....

Plan 9 is funny-bad, but the movies we watched were straight up pitiful. So we proceeded to MST3K them to pieces, and picked up some Taco Bell.

[mrbasehart]

Ah, this one's easy.  I remember a couple of years ago renting a movie purely based on its title and premise: the movie concerned vampire dwarves who attack a small town somewhere in the mid-west.  The title of the movie? Ankle Biters.  Unfortunately, it's the only remotely interesting/worthwhile/entertaining thing about the movie, when quickly degenerates into the director's buddies parading around in their jeeps carrying scary looking automatic rifles and fake shooting small people with fake teeth.  It's so bad, I'd easily rate it lower than most of the MST3K canon.  I loved it.  I now own Ankle Biters, where it takes pride of place alongside Chupacabra Terror, Sci-Fighters, Cyber Cop 2, and my Ed Wood box set.

[MoralThreat]

Two words.  Uwe Boll.

[torgosPizza]

I was delighted that Mike mentioned Ultraviolet in his Fifth Element commentary.  The trailer showed promise, and I had hopeful expectations that the movie would at least be "good-bad" ..... but it just plain out-loud sucked donkey nads.  I mean seriously... bad. I know Milla Jovavich has some semblance of martial arts experience, or at least fighting skills... but she hardly did anything! The movie would cut and the next shot is her standing over a bunch of bodies.

The acting sucked, the CGI looked like rejected effects from TRON (which might be another cool one for Mike to skewer, by the way!) .... man.  It's truly a stinker that was overhyped to the nth degree and then didn't make enough money to cover the cost of burning the prints.

Two hours of my life I will never get back.

[MoralThreat]

Anyone see Darkness?  I haven't seen such a convulated plot since Red Zone Cuba.  I swear when the movie was over you heard a collective forehead slap from the audience.  That's how bad it was. 

[Johnny Cannon]

MST3K opened the joyous world of bitterly bad movies to me, so I've gone out of my way to see MANY a bad movie. Though I guess not technically a movie, one of my most painful experiences has to be the Star Wars Holiday Special. I'd read about it and supposedly even George Lucas (who did direct it) refuses to acknowledge its existence. Despite being warned that it was not "fun bad" I got a copy of it and watched it... alone. Big mistake. At some point between Bea Arthur singing about friendship in the cantina and a stoned Leia belting out forced lyrics to the Star Wars theme a part of me died. I didn't even make my friends watch it because that would mean me watching it again. As such, my close friend still insists that Red Zone Cuba is the worst movie ever.

[Johnny Cannon]

Also, I cracked up when you described the premise of "Starry Night." I'd love to see it - it sounds like an episode of Bewitched.

[J-Proof]

It's sad because, having graduated an Art Major, I absolutely ADORE Van Gogh's work - and his story.... so tragic yet so fulfilling....

Then some Indie Film hadda go and destroy him!!

[Variety of Cells]

The worst movie I've seen was Fear X with John Turturro.  It's a psychological horror film, kinda, I guess.  It's about a security guard who's wife has been killed in a parking lot, so he investigates to find out who did it.  What made it so bad was that the first half was so promising.  It was slow, very slow, but there were so many questions to be answered.  But The film never picked up.  It stayed slow and never answered any of the questions.  The director even admitted to shooting an ending that doesn't make any sense because he didn't know how to end it.  It's filled with imagery that doesn't mean anything.  The only metaphor i understood was the last shot, which is a 2 or 3 minute shot of John getting in a car and driving away.  I'm pretty sure it's supposed to reflect the audiences reaction to the film.  I'd love for Mike to have a go at it, but I fear it's too painfully slow.   

[Pak-Man]

Me and my wife (Marry other MSTies. It makes for an awesome relationship. :^)) like to hunker down every Memorial Day and rent 3 or 4 of the most painful movies we can find. It's an awesome tradition and I highly reccomend it. :^) You laugh together. You wince together. You groan and moan and scream together. And yes, you riff together. Sanity demands it. It's very much like being put in the shoes of the SoL. We try to outdo eachother with how much pain we can cause. :^)
Last M-Day it was Mortal Kombat 3, Shazam, Double-Dragon and Bloodrayne.
The Year Before, we went '80s with Super Mario Brothers: The Movie, Masters of the Universe, Double-Dragon (It was so bad we had to do it twice!) and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Coming Out Of Their Shells Tour.

[torgosPizza]

Me and my wife (Marry other MSTies. It makes for an awesome relationship. :^)) like to hunker down every Memorial Day and rent 3 or 4 of the most painful movies we can find. It's an awesome tradition and I highly reccomend it. :^) You laugh together. You wince together. You groan and moan and scream together. And yes, you riff together. Sanity demands it. It's very much like being put in the shoes of the SoL. We try to outdo eachother with how much pain we can cause. :^)
Last M-Day it was Mortal Kombat 3, Shazam, Double-Dragon and Bloodrayne.
The Year Before, we went '80s with Super Mario Brothers: The Movie, Masters of the Universe, Double-Dragon (It was so bad we had to do it twice!) and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Coming Out Of Their Shells Tour.

If, one of these years, you settle on a 70's night (I know, it's almost too easy) ... I highly recommend Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. It made MSTies I know (other than myself) almost gouge out their own eyeballs. I think the name says it all, really.

Here's a link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0385639/

[mrbakasan]

Enzo Casteralli's (sp?) New Barbarians is hands down the
funniest bad movie I have ever seen.  Although, Lady Terminator
is pretty funny too.

Abraxas is also another one of the best.  Jesse Ventura is hilarious
in that movie.  I impore anyone to go buy it for $1 at Wal-Mart.

[Aram Fingal]

Now here's a movie that was never MST3K-ed, yet deserved it like no other: the film adaptation of HP Lovecraft's "From Beyond" - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091083/

What an exquisitely hilarious film this is - kinky sex, Lovecraftian transformations, brain-munching, hyperstimulated pineal glands, and the all-too-quotable exclamation, "It's so beautifulllllll!!!"

[mrbakasan]

Man, From Beyond.  That movie is hilarious.  Although
its been years since I've seen, it I remember loving it.
Ken Foree's performance is hilarious on that movie.