Author Topic: Acute Psychological Distress: Help  (Read 69012 times)

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linszoid

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #570 on: August 22, 2020, 07:23:10 PM »
Oh man

I can identify with you in so many ways. What I can't identify with is with having a kid of my own. I am an extreme introvert. I really have no human contacts out of work or family. I haven't had girlfriend in about 15 years. Covid hasn't helped in anyway whatsoever.

All I can add is that if you ever feel like self-harming then you should go out for a long walk, a walk long enough that you don't feel doing enough anything other than watching a good Rifftrax movie  when you get home.


Offline stansimpson

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #571 on: December 31, 2020, 06:11:08 AM »
Update on my situation.

I can't see my marriage lasting much longer even with professional help. It's pretty much terminal at this point. Some things came out last night that I had no idea about. I thought we both want to make this marriage work (mostly for our 2 year old at this point), but it turns out, she's just been paying lip service way more than I ever knew. She's never had an interest of working things out since before she walked out on me. She also has next to no interest in taking care of our son. I had to get on her a few times about taking care of him. Not too different from the stereotypical ex-wife who has to beg her ex-husband to be part of his kid's life. She's gotten a lot better recently. If it comes to custody though, I expect her to volunteer the minimum amount. She says she's burnt out which I get. It's easy to get burnt out like that with a kid. But I've been helping out a ton. He's in day care from 7am-5:30pm. She would go days or almost a week without seeing him, and he misses her so much. Yet she still doesn't seem to care. I never thought I would know a mother who cared so little for her son.

We've gone to counseling a couple times. The counselor is terrible. I've had 3 counselors (relationship and personal) in my life before, and I have no idea what my wife sees in this one. Easily the least professional in many ways. And I've suspected that she's siding much more with my wife which, well, besides being unprofessional, I can't tell you how awful that even feels. It took us months to decide on this one. I don't know if I have the strength to find another.

I reread what I wrote in my last post. That was 130 days ago. I don't even remember the shift to numbness being so abrupt. It's just been the new normal for me. And I can't see me being Mr. Perfect can even fix things at this point. Should I get depression meds? Sure. Gonna be harder now that it really doesn't even feel like there's a point.

There's much more I wish I could talk about that's way too personal at this point. I only say that to be clear that this is much more complicated than I'm making it out to be. I've talked to a couple friends already that have helped a lot. They've been amazing and sympathetic. I just feel like I need to talk about it more. It's the only thing that helps at this point.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2020, 08:10:56 AM by stansimpson »


Offline LucasM

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #572 on: December 31, 2020, 11:02:18 AM »
stansimpson, I'm so sorry that this is happening for you.  It sounds like you have been doing what was possible for you to see if the relationship was salvageable, but your wife is not willing to put in the effort to have a relationship.

It is unfortunate that your son is getting inadequate (and likely emotional-bond-free on her part) attention from your wife.  I am not sure of your larger circumstances, but hopefully, if you can, your emotional bond with your son, and attention to him, can reduce damage caused by your wife's what sounds like nearly hostile avoiding of him.

Take care of yourself as best you can.  If the marriage does end, just protect yourself and your son as best you can from any damage she may try to inflict on the way out.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline stansimpson

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #573 on: December 31, 2020, 11:26:03 AM »
Thank you, LucasM. You're not the first person today to recommend protecting myself and my son, so I'm going to be especially cognizant of that. I'm glad he's only 2 so he won't know any differently when he's older, but 2 is also such a sufferable age for anyone. The tantrums about every little thing is full-blown now, and it's incredibly tough. Be that as it may, I'm being the absolutely strongest person I know how to be for him.


Offline stansimpson

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #574 on: January 08, 2021, 09:59:51 AM »
My wife & I have been quarantined for the past week due to our 2 year old getting COVID (he was miserable for a couple days but quickly recovered and is his usual ball-of-energy self). It's been extremely amicable between us (at times, quite intimate), and we've been gifted a lot of conversations we wouldn't otherwise have had. Some amazing therapy, really. Biggest revelations are that I have an undying, unconditional love for her, but her issues with me are ostensibly conditional. However, what those conditions are are pretty troubling, for one reason or another. I've worked with her through all her problems, but she is not able to work through mine with me. After much soul-searching, I realize that through our whole marriage, she has only rarely come to me for emotional support. I thought she was just the type that needed her alone time to recover. But after thinking about it, she has most often just contacted some of her friends instead for true emotional support. I've even asked her how I can help her and burned myself out trying to help her years ago.

Then I started thinking about all the relationships in my life. Almost no one has ever come to me for emotional support. I've had to rhetorically ask, "Who would ever come to stansimpson for emotional support?" I admit I'm not good at it. And in my 20s, I was probably even combative about it. I've had some time to think about it more and have remembered a few precious people who actually have relied on me in that way. So I'm feeling much less like an emotionless inhuman monster ogre. I do have a heart. Just my emotions-function is a little wonky and needs repair. We can't know if it can ever be strong enough to love my wife the way she needs be loved, and we don't know if she can ever love me back in the state I'm in and continue to be, even with the help I'm looking for (I've contacted a psychiatrist and am looking forward to being on meds for the first time in my life).

Gonna ask our counselor about Discernment Therapy and Attachment Styles our next session. Given that our counselor sucks, I wouldn't be surprised if that's over her head. Haha.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2021, 10:05:20 AM by stansimpson »


Offline LucasM

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #575 on: January 08, 2021, 06:14:28 PM »
stansimpson, I do hope you can get the help you need, both individually, and together.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #576 on: January 12, 2021, 03:39:57 PM »
I've got way too much time alone thinking about shit these days.  This morning I started thinking about how if I had a normal happy life, gotten married in the late 80s and had kids, that they would be around 30 now.  When I hear people say that they hope things get back to normal after the pandemic I feel so depressed, things were bad before, it's been much worse during but for me not a lot to look forward to when it's over.  They are starting weekly covid testing at work and my doctor phobia is kicking in and triggering my insomnia, so the past week has been extra bad.


Offline LucasM

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #577 on: January 12, 2021, 10:09:56 PM »
So sorry about that, MartyS.  I'm sorry I don't have anything specific to say, and nothing I said could 'fix' anything, but wanted to let you know you've been heard.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Acute Psychological Distress: Help
« Reply #578 on: January 12, 2021, 11:35:26 PM »
Thanks, I'm just venting, I'm not expecting a "fix" for anything.