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Author Topic: Return to the Sad Cafe  (Read 3085 times)

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Offline Imrahil

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2019, 11:22:21 AM »
Sounds rough.  Are there any other uses for the VR headset you can use?

My sadness is that a friend of mine growing up died two days before Christmas of liver cancer.  He was my age (42).  I just had my 43rd birthday and he won't have any more.  His dad just died two days ago on the 3rd.  I feel bad and had a few tears but mostly I feel guilty that I'm not more bothered. I guess we haven't been close for about 15 years, but he was a big part of my world growing up.  A lot of what I still do for fun is stuff we did.


Offline Variety of Cells

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #16 on: January 07, 2019, 05:55:49 PM »
Yeah it's not like I can't use the VR headset anymore.  I will probably just stay away from google earth for a while.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty for not being sad enough.  When my grandfather died I wasn't particularly sad.  And I can't imagine I'm going to be in tears when my grandmother dies either.  But we were never particularly close, and I never saw them all that often.  I love them and everything, but since I don't seem them very often I won't be frequently reminded of their absence.

I feel that perhaps we have been shown one particular reaction to death too many times.  Even though these depictions of grief are generally about how the person ends up ultimately dealing with their emotions, what sticks with us is the crying and the despair, not the final place they reach.  You don't see someone outwardly unmoved by death who isn't a serial killer. 
« Last Edit: January 07, 2019, 05:57:21 PM by Variety of Cells »


Offline RVR II

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2019, 05:01:14 AM »
Tomorrow will be 2 years that I lost my wife to cancer and the images of her final days and hours have been coming back as if to haunt me. I think back to our arguments over the years (mostly about money) and remember the look on her face the final day in the hospital before they released her because there was nothing more they could do and the ambulance driver racing getting us back to Iguala from Acapulco where she took her last breath at 6:30am January 10, 2017.. When my life changed forever.
Now 2 years later things have rebounded very well with a new job and a new woman in my life though my emotions are still catching up as they are still stuck in the past to what I was accustomed to for 16 years.. I don't let my past emotions get in the way of my future though there have been times at work when I'm getting griped at by my goof of an 'acting' postmaster that I think I wouldn't be here if she hadn't sent so much of our money south to her family in Mexico for her own selfish priorities, but now I have total control of the finances and I continue to rebuild what I lost financially over those many years, and I wonder would I still be with her today had fate not stepped in to stop the madness and took her from me or would I still be miserable with her possibly planning for divorce and possibly losing my home that I worked so hard to get 22 years ago..
I believe everything happens for a reason and as morbid as this may sound I guess her fate gave me a second chance at happiness :-\


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2019, 07:22:23 AM »
Yeah, things would have blown up pretty badly if you had discovered where the money was going all those years without her telling you about it.  And it would have come out eventually.  So that is a bunch of conflicting emotions.  My conflicting feelings are not that severe, but I have to say these last 2 years have been more peaceful for me.  I miss my dad but do not miss the constant stream of complaints for 10 years since my mom died that would get me all knotted up inside every week, and then there were the 5+ years before that when my mom was battling cancer, so these last 2 years being worry free have been different.  It's only been recently that I've stopped feeling guilty and selfish for feeling that way.


Offline RVR II

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2019, 08:19:06 AM »
I knew of money going to her mom for medicine for her and her brother who has downs syndrome and 1 sister which was paying the boutique rent, bills, and wages but I did not know about covering a niece and nephews college costs and another sisters 2015 Honda Fit that sounds like we paid for entirely and yeah I'm pretty sure that would have sent me over the edge I think, then this twist of fate as I call it happened and the financial funnel south ended and the arguments were silenced in one fell swoop.
It's still so unreal to me how it all happened like this.


Offline RVR II

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #20 on: January 17, 2019, 05:02:42 AM »


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #21 on: January 17, 2019, 03:49:22 PM »
I think that spammer was someone's grandma.


Offline CJones

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #22 on: January 17, 2019, 04:35:31 PM »
I knew of money going to her mom for medicine for her and her brother who has downs syndrome and 1 sister which was paying the boutique rent, bills, and wages but I did not know about covering a niece and nephews college costs and another sisters 2015 Honda Fit that sounds like we paid for entirely and yeah I'm pretty sure that would have sent me over the edge I think, then this twist of fate as I call it happened and the financial funnel south ended and the arguments were silenced in one fell swoop.
It's still so unreal to me how it all happened like this.

Good Lord RVR, has it really been 2 years already? Seems like it was more like 2 months ago.

I don't mean to sound callous, but how was she taking extra money out of your accounts without you knowing? I'm sure you loved her, but it sounds to me like you're better off without her. Not that I'm any sort of expert on relationships. Far from it. 


Offline RVR II

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2019, 01:34:55 AM »
I knew of money going to her mom for medicine for her and her brother who has downs syndrome and 1 sister which was paying the boutique rent, bills, and wages but I did not know about covering a niece and nephews college costs and another sisters 2015 Honda Fit that sounds like we paid for entirely and yeah I'm pretty sure that would have sent me over the edge I think, then this twist of fate as I call it happened and the financial funnel south ended and the arguments were silenced in one fell swoop.
It's still so unreal to me how it all happened like this.

Good Lord RVR, has it really been 2 years already? Seems like it was more like 2 months ago.

I don't mean to sound callous, but how was she taking extra money out of your accounts without you knowing? I'm sure you loved her, but it sounds to me like you're better off without her. Not that I'm any sort of expert on relationships. Far from it.
I know right?

We had branches of our business in Mexican stores over the years that had wire-transfer systems to wire cash to accounts in Mexico so when she made money throughout the day/week she would send a portion of that money to her mom's or her sister's bank accounts without me even knowing.. I saw the receipt books (when I could find them) and would ask where this money was and she would say she had to send money to her mom for medicine or to her sister to pay the rent at our boutique in Mexico or some other excuse leading to multiple arguments over the years.. :-[
I did love her but I probably am better without her and I refer to this moment as a 'Twist of Fate' because Fate stepped in to stop the financial madness that was going on for so long.. Finally the financial deception was stopped and the arguments were silenced forever :-\


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #24 on: March 02, 2019, 12:13:38 PM »
My horse is gone, knew it was coming since the early fall so not a surprise, he was getting old and losing weight, but up until this week was still eating and seemed happy to go out and find any grass that was still green to eat.  During the last month he was starting to breath harder just walking him a few hundred feet over to the grassy areas, over the last 2 weeks he got much thinner, then he quit eating this week and it was time to go.

I didn't own this one, it was sort of a lease, I paid for his board and feed and was the only one that did anything with him, but the owners payed the vet bills. 

Not sure what I'm going to do now, that ranch is pretty much shut down now, and places around me are twice as expensive and I can't afford them, so I guess I'm done with horses.  The ranch was also my only weekend socialization, so it's sad and depressing on many levels.



Offline Russoguru

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #25 on: March 02, 2019, 12:42:20 PM »
Really sorry to hear that Marty. :( My mom and I had a horse a long time ago but unfortunately we couldn't pay for all the bills so we had to give her up.


Offline RVR II

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #26 on: March 03, 2019, 01:16:25 AM »
Wow that sux Marty. Sorry to hear this.
Maybe you could get a pet for your home though preventing it from messing up your house but be an issue  :-\


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #27 on: March 05, 2019, 09:39:55 AM »
Sorry to hear it and I hope you can find a place to socialize where you live.


Offline CJones

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #28 on: April 05, 2019, 08:26:25 PM »
I fear my father is dying. He's 77 and for the last 6 months he's barely eaten anything, and half of what he eats he throws up. In that time frame he's gone from 200+ lb to 145 lb. And he's getting weaker by the day. He used to be a bear of a man, 6'3", same as me. but while I look like a big stick with a big nose, he was enormous (in a good way). To see him like this, wasting away, is heartbreaking :'(

The GI doctor thinks he has Achalasia, a rare disorder where the esophagus and upper GI tract are no longer capable of pushing food through them. Our family Doctor told us that in the 30 years he's been practicing, this is only the third case he's seen. Nobody knows what causes it. Food builds up in the esophagus until you throw most of it up. And the build up of food stretches the gullet, making the condition worse. We have an appointment to confirm the diagnosis, which is on the 11th. It's more a formality than anything else. My sister is also a doctor, and Achalasia was her conclusion as well. In all likelihood we'll be sent to John's Hopkins for surgery

My mother, who just turned 78, is in fantastic shape. Better than I am. However, she is at her wit's end taking care of my Dad. I try to help as much as I can, but I can hear her crying when she's alone.



Offline wihogfan

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Re: Return to the Sad Cafe
« Reply #29 on: April 05, 2019, 08:37:56 PM »
That sucks.
My wife's mother is in a bad situation too. She was found this week lying on the floor by my wife's sister. She claimed she was just sitting on the floor, but she had shit herself and there was dog shit everywhere in the house, so she was might have been there for a couple of days. Sister-in-law called an amubulance and mother-in-law was in the hositipal for 3 days with severve dehydration and malnutrition. Tests showed she's got moderate dementia (which is not surprising as she frequently calls my wife multiple times a day to tell her the same things and can't remember the earlier same conversations). She was also told that the only thing keeping her heart working was the pace maker she had put in last year. In a nursing home now, but she's convinced herself it will only be temporary. Just booked a flight for the wife to go see her next week.