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Author Topic: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)  (Read 3509 times)

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Offline Trekker4747

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What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« on: October 18, 2015, 05:47:39 AM »
I learned that sometimes Rifftrax releases a new VOD late at night.  ;)

Beyond that, I learned that it's foolish to have characters move to a new location and have to meet new friends, get acquaintances and have run-ins with the local bullies when you can have them arrive and just have everyone already seem to know them! Heck! Give them a love interest who he's had interactions with entirely off screen! Audiences will love it and believe when you say, "They know each other, you don't need to know how or why, just trust us!"

I also learned that fat kids in Seattle were leaders of the local bully-gang instead of being the target of the bully gang.

I learned that karate instructors will believe the story of one of his students about a new potential student without any meaningful contact with the new guy, he'll just go with the story and immediately throw the red-belt new guy at the black-belt experienced student.  Also, the white-belted student who told you this story is totally trustworthy over the red-belted new guy.

I learned that comic relief is a delicate art.


Offline ManUnderMask

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2015, 04:02:23 PM »
I learned that JCVD's character had two completely different names in this movie. Ivan Kraschinsky in the movie and Karl Brezdin in the credits.

I also learned that there's a sequel to his movie and it has absolutely nothing to do with the original.

I also learned that if JCVD is the best thing about your movie, only use him twice and give us some really awful filler while we wait.

Also, air humping.

I learned that red belts in karate are completely incapable of fighting in any way that's not rush forward and brawl.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2015, 04:04:33 PM by ManUnderMask »
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Online eegah

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2015, 04:46:25 PM »
I learned that if your end credits song is longer than your end credits, just let the song keep playing to a blank, blue screen.

I learned that owning a million different pictures of your hero won't help you create an accurate delusional image of him.

I learned that Seattle lost all three official matches, so they technically lost, but a random audience member beating the champion somehow invalidated that.



Offline Trekker4747

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2015, 05:35:53 PM »
I learned that Seattle suburbs look a lot like Southern California suburbs.

I learned that despite being a black-belt and owning his own training school karate dad was kind of a whiny puss. I get not using karate -or any martial art or fighting style for that matter- offensively so he's justified in yelling at his son for the stunt at the school, but most of the other incidents in the movie the kid fought in self defense or defense of others! The father wouldn't let the kid explain that much (which, I suppose, could be experience from past behavior)!   Also, the father was a black-belt and owned his own karate school but his teenaged son had only been practicing for a couple years and was only a red belt?  Wouldn't the father have started training his kid as early as possible to instill the disciplines early and make the kid a black-belt by the time he's *entering* his teens?

The kid also was kind of a major DB, I mean it's a regular training class full of practices and such and he just hauls off and beats up his training partner?!  Including "karate sounds?!"

At the girl's birthday party I learned that in the 80s teenage boys wore wide-necked puffy blouses, and from the "cut" of the crotch area I swear those were women's jeans too.

I learned I really owe Ralph Macchio some apologies.

 I did not learn, despite it being a real training device, what that wooden dummy really does in training someone. You stand there and beat your arms against it....?

Seriously, what was with the fat kid and all of the mugging and exaggerated "comedic" movements?!
« Last Edit: October 18, 2015, 06:16:12 PM by Trekker4747 »


Offline Thrashalla

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2015, 06:45:14 PM »
I used to yrain JKD yeeeears ago so my brain parts are rusty, bare with me here. The training dummy is for hand trapping work in a few styles of kung fu, but most notably Wing Chun. (the pic that Jason was looking at of the old dude kicking it was actually Yip Man, Bruce Lee's Sifu.)

It really is no wonder I was confused about martial arts as a kid. I loved this movie and it has Kung Fu masters being called Sensei and someone, somehow, learning Bruce Lee's cinematic fighting style instead of practical JKD from that book.

There is no such thing as too many training montages in a 'sports' movie. This rule is tested and proven once again.
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Offline CJones

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2015, 12:20:05 PM »
I learned that an hallucination of the ghost of a master of movie "martial arts" is still a better teacher than the kid's real life, not dead father who teaches practical martial arts for a living. Seriously, that guy was kind of a pussy.


Offline Trekker4747

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #6 on: October 19, 2015, 02:16:49 PM »
The kid's dad was a real pussy. Props to him for being a good martial artist, presumably a skilled enough black-belt to teach an entire class of teens, and all respect to him for the notion of "not starting a fight" even Mr. Miyagi had the same principle but Miyagi also knew there were times when you had to fight in either self-defense or defense of others and I'd say a "trio of tough business men with some nebulous and ultimately impractical plan of owning all of the karate school in the country comes in and attacks you" is a good reason to fight. Get back on your feet, do your physical therapy and stand-up for yourself!  Hell, some businessmen came into your dojo and beat you up because you wouldn't sell to them. They did this in front of numerous witnesses! Call the police! Sue them into oblivion!   Yeah, Karate dad was kind of a wuss. and his old-man hobbling on the can and griping at his son was the real kicker.  Yeah, your son was over-zealous jackass in the school but both the fights you caught him in afterwards were in self-defense or defense of others. Give the kid a break, huh?

I learned that when your teenaged son who -as far as you are aware- is only a red-belt in karate and has been in at least two recent fights where his ass was handed to him jumps into the ring to fight a "Russian" who has just wiped the floor with three champion karate practitioners you should totally let him do it without any argument whatsoever.

I did not learn if this competition was double elimination or not. (Seriously, I had that thought in my head as soon as Mike or someone quipped about it.)

Looking it up just now, I learned that "Peter "Sugarfoot" Cunningham" was not -as one might expect- the actor who played the overacting fat kid, but rather was the black karate master/black belt guy.  Way to defy expectations Peter and Fat Kid!

I learned that sometimes your background extras can out-perform and steal the screen from your main cast. (Hat's off to you background, mugging, mustache karate guy.)
« Last Edit: October 19, 2015, 02:23:53 PM by Trekker4747 »


Offline Lembach

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2015, 09:58:43 AM »
Quote
I learned that JCVD's character had two completely different names in this movie. Ivan Kraschinsky in the movie and Karl Brezdin in the credits.

He had to change his name to avoid the embarrassment of losing to that kid.

I learned that Jean-Claude Van Damme can make a really upsetting thing with his lower lip when he's angry.


Offline MerryWanna

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2016, 09:10:17 PM »
I learned all over again why I couldn't stand breakdancing and hip hop in the '80s, and why I still hate it now.
"Ever feel like you're dragging a big bag of meat around?" -  Kevin, The Curse of Bigfoot


Offline Pastor of Muppets

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2017, 01:02:07 PM »
I learned that if you barge in on a running karate tournament and declare you're taking it over and changing the rules, everyone involved will just go along with it.
I'm not particularly religious, and I don't really like Muppets, but I do love word play.


Offline Pastor of Muppets

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2017, 01:47:00 PM »
I also learned that they take their karate very seriously in Seattle.
I'm not particularly religious, and I don't really like Muppets, but I do love word play.


Offline wihogfan

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2018, 05:56:45 PM »
I learned that that when an owner of a karate studio in Los Angeles stands up to the mafia thugs trying to get protection money, the mafia will do the expected mafia thing and beat the hell out of the owner. But when the same thing happens in Seattle, the mafia will instead agree to settle everything with a karate tournament that the mafia will also be sure to arrange media coverage for.

I learned that for some reason the referees in local karate tournaments dress like waiters in upscale restaurants (black pants, white long sleeved shirts, and a bow tie). 


Offline TriffRax

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2019, 08:35:35 PM »
I learned the restless spirit of Bruce Lee has time to teach suburban losers to defeat low stakes opponents.


Offline Iron Curtain

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2019, 12:01:44 PM »
I learned that the spirit of Bruce Lee looks nothing like Bruce Lee.


Offline The Lurker

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Re: What did you surrender and retreat? (Learn, that is.)
« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2019, 12:13:23 PM »
I learned that the spirit of Bruce Lee looks nothing like Bruce Lee.
Even more amusing when you consider that the movie has actual posters of Bruce Lee.