General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)

[Russell AKA Soguru]

There's also the distance factor. Somebody you have a huge, royal crush on may just be on another coast. Also, there's a bit of an age gap. She's not too much younger than me(29), but I'm not sure how some people feel about age gaps. I'd rather not say who she is, but I've mentioned her a LOT. She's the prime example of personality over looks. I really need somebody like that, really upbeat, really sweet, who laughs a lot, puts her head on my shoulder(that's VERY important to me) and loves to go places with me.

[MSTJedi]

I've started seeing someone recently who I've been talking to for months off and on, but it never really gelled until now. We tend to send a lot of flirty texts through the day, which is nice after a distinct lack of romance in my marriage. Normally it's great, but I tend to be a little scatterbrained. Yesterday I accidentally sent "Good morning, sweetie" to my ex wife because we'd been discussing my daughter earlier in the morning. I quickly sent an "oops" text to let her know that she wasn't the intended recipient, but now I'm conflicted about how to feel about it. On one hand, I'm amused because now she'll wonder who the hell I meant to send it to and on the other, I almost feel bad because I think a lack of romance on my part may have been what originally triggered the slow implosion of our marriage. Sometimes I wish I could just be an ass and not care like she seems to do.

[Quantum Vagina]

So, tomorrow, I'm checking myself into a hospital. I've been extremely depressed lately. The usual scale I use is 0-10, with 0 being the worst I've ever felt, I'm about to kill myself, and 10 would be extremely good, which I've never come close to. My usual ranking is about a 2-3, because chronic major depression. In the past month, I've been around -5. I was going to check myself in Friday, but I found out I won't be able to reach my appointment in Denver, so I'm heading in tomorrow. I should be there for 3-7 days, and I'm really, really not looking forward to it. I know that I need to get stabilized and on some meds, and hopefully they'll help me with that. I'm not going to tell them Xanax is the best I've taken, because then they'll just think I'm an addict. Hopefully they'll be helpful and not shitty. That's incredibly rare of them, though.

So I found out that there's another option. My friend is going to take me to a community health center where I can get hooked up with a psychiatrist same day. good. The only reason I wanted to do the hospital was to get started on meds.

[MightyBombJack]

Thought this might be worth passing along:

[LucasM]

Glad you are getting to see someone so quickly, L_C.

Superb quote, MBJ!

[Russell AKA Soguru]

Agreed. It is a wonderful quote Lucas.
I remember something profound said, something from that video on Youtube, entitled "Saddest suicide story-You will cry":
"you don't have to live in pain anymore... but everyone else will.". While suicide is not the answer... I can't agree with the assessment that it's an act done completely out of selfishness. In part, it's when your pain exceeds your threshold for tolerance of said pain. I could only imagine that in one's last moments, they'd only be thinking of mom, dad, friends, all the people cared about and loved and even though this person knows they'd be missed... there's a part of them that wants so strongly for the pain to end that your survival instinct, your barrier of desire to keep living is just completely broken. It's possible to piece it back together, but the barrier that most people possess is a fragile one, it's this intangible little piece of your heart, and once it starts breaking like a dam, feelings like despair, confusion, hopelessness, fear and anxiety reach out and grip you just a little bit. You can fight back, but feelings run our entire life because we are human beings and the meaningfulness of our existence hangs a lot upon our emotions. They can give us strength but they can also make us irrational, fearful, and hopeless.

It's also sad because years ago, I used to be stronger, but now, while I'm more empathetic to others and more understanding of myself and more respecting of people's boundaries... I'm also more weak and vulnerable too.

[LucasM]

What you wrote on suicide is also quite touching, and true, RS.

[I wrote more, but in my current condition I opted to delete it before it was finished... I just don't have the mental capacity to finish the thoughts at this time and wasn't going to put them out there in the state they were in.]

[MartyS (Gromit)]

  Thinking of others is what pulls you back from the brink, the idea of it being to late and having that happening is kind of horrific.  Like jumping off a tall building and then changing your mind.

  Applying rational ideas to an irrational act after the fact doesn't help anyone.  What is needed is finding ways to help with the pain before it blots out all other thoughts.

  Wish I could write that a better way but I've got to try and not think about this any more or I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.

[ScottotD]

Had my first therapy session yesterday, it was good but pretty draining.  Looking forward to the next one

[Quantum Vagina]

Spent the last week in a behavioral hospital. Started me on Lexapro and Trazedone, and I'm not happy that they didn't give me a PRN of Xanax for anxiety and panic attacks, OR a daily to help manage my anxiety. I'm also back in Kansas. And Smoking.

Before you guys give me shit for the Xanax thing, there's a difference between taking it every day constantly for years and taking it once or twice a month for crisis situations. In my work with the support group, I've learned a lot about meds and junk, and the reason benzos get so harsh is because they're taken/prescribed wrong.

I'm not convinced that Lexapro will do it for me, but I'm giving it a shot. It's better than the Lamectal people have been forcing down my fucking throat for years, mainly because it actually makes SENSE to give it to me(For the unaware, Lexapro is an SSRI and used to combat major depression, where Lamectal is a mood stabilizer to combat bipolar disorder, which I DON'T have, making the dumbass fucking drug useless.)

The doctor had started me on Remoran, which did wonders for my anxiety, nothing for my depression, and sent my appetite and sleep through the roof. It seemed to be this doctor's favorite catch all drug, since it's supposedly going to hit most things at once. It also can be backwards and have decreasing side effects as you increase the dose, but when she'd pushed me 15 mg past the usual dose(you can go up to 60mg and I was at 45mg), and I had to restrain myself from eating the table every meal as well as having so much difficulty falling asleep due to the restless legs it caused that I needed a clonapin, she switched me to what I'm on now.

So now I'm sitting in Kansas, back at square one.

I didn't attempt suicide, btw. I went in voluntarily because it was a safe way to start me on something quickly, and because I had no where else to stay. Now I'm back at mom and dad's and I hate the fuck out of this place.

[MSTJedi]

Today is my wedding anniversary. The first one since we separated. So I'm reminded of what a failure I am at marriage and that I'm still alone. Most of the time I can tell myself that it hasn't even been a year yet, so I shouldn't want to rush into another relationship. Today is not one of those days. On one hand, it's good that I have my daughter tonight, so I won't feel completely abandoned, but at the same time, I can't get properly shitfaced because I need to be responsible. Add to that wonderful feeling of inadequacy that my son called me last night and told me that he wants to change his last name to his mother's. I'm not surprised and it's been coming for years, but I always hoped that he'd decide to keep my name. I don't blame him. I haven't reliably been there for him other than paying my child support. Some of that is his mother's fault, but in all honesty, I could've fought harder for him like I have for my daughter. I'm sure as far as he's concerned, I chose my ex-wife's boys and my daughter over him. And look what that got me . . .

[Quantum Vagina]

Today is my wedding anniversary. The first one since we separated. So I'm reminded of what a failure I am at marriage and that I'm still alone. Most of the time I can tell myself that it hasn't even been a year yet, so I shouldn't want to rush into another relationship. Today is not one of those days. On one hand, it's good that I have my daughter tonight, so I won't feel completely abandoned, but at the same time, I can't get properly shitfaced because I need to be responsible. Add to that wonderful feeling of inadequacy that my son called me last night and told me that he wants to change his last name to his mother's. I'm not surprised and it's been coming for years, but I always hoped that he'd decide to keep my name. I don't blame him. I haven't reliably been there for him other than paying my child support. Some of that is his mother's fault, but in all honesty, I could've fought harder for him like I have for my daughter. I'm sure as far as he's concerned, I chose my ex-wife's boys and my daughter over him. And look what that got me . . .

I know it's not quite the same, but i went through the same thing on the 7th of January, and have every 7th since. The January 7th was when Bas and I officually got together, and we always made dates on the 7th where we would do special things together. Just remember, it wasn't your fault. She was the one who split you guys up with her misunderstanding, and her cheating on you. You have difficulties that you have to deal with, and had them. Those aren't things you can't change, and she needed to be there for you, and she wasn't. As for your son, its a bit of a blow, yeah, but really, it's not gonna change the fact that he's your son. It's like my name issues with my parents. I'm still their kid, my name just changed. I've considered changing my last name, but in the scheme of things, it's a name that doesn't matter. It's not who I am. All you can do is your best, and nothing more. It'll always hurt, but it'll grow less over time.

[RVR II]

I don't post here much but..
Got an ongoing issue with my soon-to-be ex-roomate that helped me build my Mega-Shed on my vacant lot next door back in 2011 and has been living in it ever since. I owed him $10000 dollars for labor owed that I have been paying off since January, 2012; He would pay me $300 a month where $150 would go towards the monthly utility bill and the other $150 I let him keep to put towards the labor owed.
I've mentioned him before in the completely random thoughts and RRRRRARRRRRGH threads I believe because back in September, 2015, I asked for the $150 utility payment 1 day early because we were heading off to Mexico October 1st and he went off on me by email saying that it wasn't his problem it was mine and saying "I'm not your ATM", and accused me of spying on him yet he installed cameras when I was in Mexico spying my me and my property, threatened to call the police if I had anymore fires in my outdoor fireplace, as well as threatening to call animal control about my dog so I had to basically give him away. A couple months back he threw out 8 rolls of insulation that were for under the floor and got rained on a little as well as dragging my chest freezer out and shoving it up against the back gate to where I couldn't open it. I have since sold the insulation and chest freezer. I also got word from one of his coworkers that he poisoned my bunnies while I was in Mexico just before we got back and he bragged about it to his coworkers! And just a couple weeks ago while I was at a St Patrick's Day event in downtown, he chains up and locks my back gate preventing me access to that portion of my property!
We were friends for over 18 years and I knew he had mental issues but I, as well as my family tried to help him by giving him work over the years but he ended that back in September with his psycho actions and accusations!
Now as the remaining balance is $595, I have refused any further payment from him. I had an attorney draw up a '30 Day Notice of Termination of Agreement' to be sent to him the end of this month stating that effective May 2, he will have 30 days to vacate the property.
The next couple of months are gonna be interesting because the remaining balance as of this month is $595 and now he's starting to wonder what I'm doing because he didn't pay anything in March and I just refused April's payment and then he sends me an email asking if I'm waiting on our agreement to end before putting him out? I didn't reply as I don't need any additional stress because of his bipolar issues and it's quite possible he could do something stupid that will require me to call the police.
I simply want him gone by the end of May but if he chooses to pack up earlier then I'm all for that but I just don't think this will go very smoothly

[Edward J Grug III]

Ugh, good luck with that,

[RVR II]

Ugh, good luck with that,

Thanks. I'm sure gonna need it