Spent the last week in a behavioral hospital. Started me on Lexapro and Trazedone, and I'm not happy that they didn't give me a PRN of Xanax for anxiety and panic attacks, OR a daily to help manage my anxiety. I'm also back in Kansas. And Smoking.
Before you guys give me shit for the Xanax thing, there's a difference between taking it every day constantly for years and taking it once or twice a month for crisis situations. In my work with the support group, I've learned a lot about meds and junk, and the reason benzos get so harsh is because they're taken/prescribed wrong.
I'm not convinced that Lexapro will do it for me, but I'm giving it a shot. It's better than the Lamectal people have been forcing down my fucking throat for years, mainly because it actually makes SENSE to give it to me(For the unaware, Lexapro is an SSRI and used to combat major depression, where Lamectal is a mood stabilizer to combat bipolar disorder, which I DON'T have, making the dumbass fucking drug useless.)
The doctor had started me on Remoran, which did wonders for my anxiety, nothing for my depression, and sent my appetite and sleep through the roof. It seemed to be this doctor's favorite catch all drug, since it's supposedly going to hit most things at once. It also can be backwards and have decreasing side effects as you increase the dose, but when she'd pushed me 15 mg past the usual dose(you can go up to 60mg and I was at 45mg), and I had to restrain myself from eating the table every meal as well as having so much difficulty falling asleep due to the restless legs it caused that I needed a clonapin, she switched me to what I'm on now.
So now I'm sitting in Kansas, back at square one.
I didn't attempt suicide, btw. I went in voluntarily because it was a safe way to start me on something quickly, and because I had no where else to stay. Now I'm back at mom and dad's and I hate the fuck out of this place.