Author Topic: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)  (Read 54850 times)

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Offline Miku Fan

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #180 on: October 27, 2015, 08:43:13 AM »
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...
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Quantum Vagina

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #181 on: October 27, 2015, 09:22:52 AM »
Called Bas. Talked to him for like two hours. Got told that he doesn't love me anymore.

That's shitty. I've never understood how people just fall in and out of love like that. Maybe it's because for me, "love" is more than just that butterfly feeling in your stomach. It's more about attachment and truly caring about the person you're with and their wants and needs. It's why I say that I loved my ex-wife, but I was never "in love" with her. She never gave me that euphoric feeling you get with someone you're attracted to, but I cared about her and did what I could to support her. I never fawned over her, or whispered sweet nothings, or did any of that romantic shit that apparently she wanted. And over the years, her "love" for me turned into resentment that blew our differences out of proportion until that was all she saw anymore. And then she found someone else and got knocked up.

Anyway, what I'm saying, LC, is that I understand what being dumped by the one person who was supposed to be there for you is like. It's even worse when they took a vow in front of everyone you know to be there for you. And I know how empty meaningless sex can feel for someone who tends toward depression. It's good to get out there every now and then when you aren't looking for anything serious, but don't let it drag you down further or hurt someone else in the process.

I called him because I thought we'd still had a chance, I thought that maybe we could work things out, because he'd been telling me he still loved me. Then when I try to work stuff out with him, he tells me that he hasn't loved me since a few days before he broke up. It's like I'm getting broken up with all over again.

Well, like I said, that is really shitty. Even if it was true, you don't tell someone that. You make up a pretty lie and tell them that it's not you, it's me. Geez, use some decorum, people. It's why past asking whether my wife was in love with her new guy before we officially, physically separated in June, I haven't asked her a damn thing about her feelings about me. I don't want to know. I really don't give a shit. Especially knowing what I know now. Her stupid ass doesn't deserve me.

No, I mean that part hurts, but that's not the reas on I'm upset. I'm upset that he tried to protect me from feeling bad by leading me on and letting me think that it was possible it wasn't over. It hurts because if he'd told me before it got so bad, maybe I could've done something about it. But he just kept telling me that everything was ok, that he'd never leave. Then I finally bullied him into giving me s straight answer, and this.


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #182 on: October 27, 2015, 10:08:12 AM »
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.


Quantum Vagina

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #183 on: October 27, 2015, 11:33:23 AM »
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.


Offline Miku Fan

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #184 on: October 27, 2015, 04:23:07 PM »
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!
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Quantum Vagina

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #185 on: October 27, 2015, 08:13:31 PM »
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!

I'm not. I'm not anything. Im useless and I'm trash. I'm not worth caring about. I should've ended it properly ages ago.


Offline MSTJedi

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #186 on: October 28, 2015, 08:52:37 AM »
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!

I'm not. I'm not anything. Im useless and I'm trash. I'm not worth caring about. I should've ended it properly ages ago.

Alright, none of that, missy. I understand your hurt over being led to believe everything was fine when it wasn't. That's why I've made sure that in the small amount of dating that I've done since separating I've been completely up-front and honest and not said anything that I didn't actually feel. So when I've come to the conclusion that I didn't see it going anywhere, I told them that. I'm not going to lie and drag anything out to smooth things over. I've seen firsthand what happens in the long run. And it ain't pretty.

Just because this relationship ended, don't let it mess with your sense of self worth. It hurts and it'll take some time to grieve before you move on, but who you are at the core was not dependent on that relationship. I've come to see that myself recently. I even hid some aspects of my true self during my marriage and found other parts to play, but now I'm rediscovering who I am and what I really want for my life. Yeah, at the worst times, I feel like a failure and that I'll never find someone who will get me, but one thing I know now for certain is that being alone is much better than being with the wrong person. It's never good when a relationship becomes a prison instead of a partnership.



Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #187 on: October 28, 2015, 09:12:50 AM »
Suppressing who you are is bad in all aspects of life.  The energy require to keep it going forever will wear you down eventually.


Quantum Vagina

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #188 on: October 28, 2015, 01:00:14 PM »
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!

I'm not. I'm not anything. Im useless and I'm trash. I'm not worth caring about. I should've ended it properly ages ago.

Alright, none of that, missy. I understand your hurt over being led to believe everything was fine when it wasn't. That's why I've made sure that in the small amount of dating that I've done since separating I've been completely up-front and honest and not said anything that I didn't actually feel. So when I've come to the conclusion that I didn't see it going anywhere, I told them that. I'm not going to lie and drag anything out to smooth things over. I've seen firsthand what happens in the long run. And it ain't pretty.

Just because this relationship ended, don't let it mess with your sense of self worth. It hurts and it'll take some time to grieve before you move on, but who you are at the core was not dependent on that relationship. I've come to see that myself recently. I even hid some aspects of my true self during my marriage and found other parts to play, but now I'm rediscovering who I am and what I really want for my life. Yeah, at the worst times, I feel like a failure and that I'll never find someone who will get me, but one thing I know now for certain is that being alone is much better than being with the wrong person. It's never good when a relationship becomes a prison instead of a partnership.

It's evidence saying that I will screw up all the relationships I'm in, because I'm a psychocrazybitch and no one should have to deal with that. I can't control myself and manage my stress properly, I'm a wreck and a horrible person and useless. Bas did something wrong in not communicating to me how badly my state was affecting him. But I could've done more to try and make it better on him.


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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #189 on: October 28, 2015, 03:44:10 PM »
I'm sure you could've done more. Just like I could've in my marriage. But in the end, would it have been enough to fix things or enough to prolong the inevitable? In my case, it would've been the latter. When it comes down to it, I never should've married my wife. Or perhaps I shouldn't have hidden my real feelings behind passiveness and been honest enough to end it years ago. I love my daughter more than life itself and she's the only thing about that relationship I don't regret in the slightest.



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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #190 on: October 31, 2015, 10:06:18 AM »
I'm pretty fucking defeated today. All I can think about is the fact that my parents have a lot of guns in their house, and since I'm going to be there in a week, i could easily just do it then. Last Sunday I had a belt around my neck and almost did it in my closet. I hate being so absolutely alone right now, but I don't want to inflict myself on anyone. I can't do this anymore. The only reason I'm smoking again is because I know that it has a pretty good chance of giving me a clot, which has a good chance of killing me. I mean, obvious benefits of liking it and it being somewhat soothing are a plus. I just don't see the point in anything anymore. I want to be gone. I can't do this.


Offline Miku Fan

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #191 on: October 31, 2015, 02:24:32 PM »
If you kill yourself, you will mentally harm others. Especially if you do it at someone else's house or with someone else's gun.   I can't recall you ever wanting to harm someone else, but suicide will hurt those around you.  Absolutely will. 

What exactly is it you can't do?

You're smoking to commit suicide? Well, that might work, but it would surely suck if you found your happiness a day before you realize you have terminal cancer.


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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #192 on: October 31, 2015, 02:45:57 PM »
If you kill yourself, you will mentally harm others. Especially if you do it at someone else's house or with someone else's gun.   I can't recall you ever wanting to harm someone else, but suicide will hurt those around you.  Absolutely will. 

What exactly is it you can't do?

You're smoking to commit suicide? Well, that might work, but it would surely suck if you found your happiness a day before you realize you have terminal cancer.

Terminal cancer isn't the idea. The idea is that it increases my chance of clots exponentially when mixed with estrogen.


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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #193 on: November 01, 2015, 12:06:16 AM »
This inertia is getting ridiculous, spending weeks/days/hours leading up to seeing anyone stressing about how long I've had to get in better shape, sort my head/finance/life out, etc, etc but transferring that into ANY energy or momentum takes so much focus. Ugh. maybe time to go back on medication
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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #194 on: November 02, 2015, 08:28:52 AM »
This is probably a better place to post this than in the Completely Random Thoughts thread..
My 'bipolar' roommate that lives in the 'Mega Shed' we built back in 2011 has turned into a complete asshole towards me since the end of September!
To start off, he was living homeless out of his van for over 3 years; sometimes at acquaintances driveways, other times in my driveway. The wife was getting tired of seeing this big red Chevy van in our driveway and I had a vacant lot next door so I came up with the idea that we could build something on the lot so he would have a roof over his head. The deal was I financed the supplies and he and I built it.
After completion by the end of 2011, I basically owed him around $10000 dollars for his labor. The deal was he would live there for $300 a month minus $150 that would go towards the labor I owe him, the other $150 would go towards the monthly utility payment. Sometimes he would work and pay his monthly portion and other times he wouldn't. After 4 years the amount has now dwindled down to about $1800 I still owe him.

So anyway, I asked for his portion of the October utility bill 1 day early because we were leaving for Mexico early October 1 and he goes off on me by email that it's not his problem and rambles on accusing me of spying on him and other crazy BS, and even threatens to call the dog pound to pick up my dog.. I ignore the emails and go on my vacation.
Return October 14 and ask for his portion and he leaves it on the fence. My dog is still here but my 2 bunnies mysteriously died; one apparently a couple days before we got home and the other a couple days after we got home.. No explanation so I decide to bring my dog over to my side of the fence and lock the gate because I feel like my dog's life could be in danger since I don't know what killed both my bunnies..
Now it's November 2 and there's been no utility payment and no communication from him. He didn't go to work today so that gets me thinking back that he may be having problems at work as well.. He's been fired twice from the same employer and amazingly they rehired him a third time, probably because he's meticulous when it comes to his quality of work.. It's the main reason I've kept him around and put up with his crazy attitude but my patience, not to mention the remaining labor balance I owe him is running out and by next year when the money I owe him for labor is done, I'm probably gonna file 30-day eviction papers on him.
I sacrificed my retirement savings to help put a roof over his head, not to mention I helped him out multiple times over the last 18+ years when he had car trouble and I let him use my truck and other vehicles I had in the past.. Many other people have stopped having anything to do with him but I hung in there cause I felt sorry for him. He seems to mooch off people for as long as he can and then when you try to cut off the 'leach', he turns 180 degrees on you.
He just needs to go; off my property and out of my life once and for all!