General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)

[Quantum Vagina]

Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.

[MSTJedi]

So I found out something last night that I should've figured out a while back, but didn't notice because I had other things on my mind. My ex-wife told me earlier in the day that she wanted to talk to me about something that night. I figured that I'd done yet another thing wrong in her eyes and that I'd have to endure another lecture. Then I met her while her boys (my ex step sons) were in a scout meeting. As soon as she got out of the van, I knew what she wanted to talk about. Turns out there was a reason she was wearing baggy, loose clothing every time I saw her up until now. Yeah, the damn woman got herself knocked up. And not only that, but she knew she was pregnant before we even physically separated. I know it's not mine because not only had it been a while since we'd had sex, but we'd used protection as well. Which brings up a point. What kind of idiot cheats and doesn't use protection? So now I don't know how to feel about this. In a selfish way, I'm happy because that's yet another thing I have against her if she decides to get nasty. But it also means that the dumbass she's with now will be around for at least the foreseeable future. I have a feeling it won't last in the long run, though. They weren't even a month into the affair when she got pregnant, it seems. And now my depressive side has kicked in. I don't know how to feel about it. I told her I wouldn't say anything to my family, but I reeeeeeally want to. I called a friend as soon as I got home because I had to tell someone. It's one of those things where you're surprised, but not really. It explains a lot of why she's jumped into the relationship with the new guy so quickly. She rationalizes it by saying that they already knew each other, but that was over 15 years ago. People change quite a bit in that time. I know I have. Anyway, I'm thinking I need to look for affordable counseling in my area because I need some help processing all this without resorting to self medication.

[MartyS (Gromit)]

Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a gene for the differences between the male and female brain, independent from the ones that tell the body to be configured male or female.  They are finding stuff like that all the time now.  Eventually all this stuff society has issues with will be proved to be stuff people are conceived with and not changeable by simply telling people not to be that way.

Back to the argument, did you ask him if a woman has a hysterectomy is she still a woman?   Are elderly woman still women?

[Quantum Vagina]

Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a gene for the differences between the male and female brain, independent from the ones that tell the body to be configured male or female.  They are finding stuff like that all the time now.  Eventually all this stuff society has issues with will be proved to be stuff people are conceived with and not changeable by simply telling people not to be that way.

Back to the argument, did you ask him if a woman has a hysterectomy is she still a woman?   Are elderly woman still women?

No, I didn't. I was rather upset.

This morning I want to call Bas so much and I know that it's a horrible idea but I misss him. This hurts so much and I feel like my heart has been ripped out of mychest. I feel so empty and hollow right now. I've not really had anyone come round for days.

[soguru]

Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.

Fuck that guy. Just ignore him.

Anyway, I'm thinking I need to look for affordable counseling in my area because I need some help processing all this without resorting to self medication.

That may be for the best. Go to a place that accepts your insurance and you may need to talk to more than one counselor before you find one who matches your personality and everything.

[Quantum Vagina]

I wish my friends weren't leaving me alone alll the time right now... I don't have the willpower to not message Bas

[MSTJedi]

Anyway, I'm thinking I need to look for affordable counseling in my area because I need some help processing all this without resorting to self medication.

That may be for the best. Go to a place that accepts your insurance and you may need to talk to more than one counselor before you find one who matches your personality and everything.

The only problem with insurance is that due to budget restraints, I opted for the preventative only insurance plan, so I don't think that will be a help to me in seeking counseling. But I do know that there are some counselors that charge on a scale, depending on your income, so I'll look for one of those and go from there if the first one doesn't work. I know I'm not stepping anywhere near a faith-based counselor, though. I don't need scripture, I need an ear and an idea of how to cope with all the bullshit life keeps tossing me.

I'm kinda glad my ex didn't tell me before now, though. I probably would've punched her bf when he tried to talk to me once instead of simply ignoring him like I did. Fucker thinks because he knocked up my wife we're equals. Fuck that jackass redneck.

[soguru]

Even my counselor despite having her own faith doesn't try to push any kind of religion on me. But what might help are learning some meditation and breathing techniques. Keep in mind though... I'm no doctor.

[LucasM]

For the last week or so (month?) I’ve again been at the level of mental exhaustion where I am near tears and can barely move I am so brain-tired.  If I try to watch something on TV with a plot I end up with a headache, and usually confused about what happened in the show (or simply not remember any of it).  Reading here takes enormous energy and I can't think enough to respond to people like I might otherwise - any thoughts I try to formulate in response are fractured and incomplete.

I am so fucking sick of this.

[Miku Fan]

Wow, I certainly hate to hear that, Lucas! 

Is there anything you can do about it?   

Watch something that's plotless...maybe some MST or cartoons.

Take a break from serious posts and stick to fun threads for a while.

I sure hope there some way to re-energize yourself!

[anais.butterfly]

Or listen to music?

[LucasM]

Thanks, Miku and anais.

[[Edit just before posting: As usual when in this state I wrote a lot when I should have kept it short.]]

One of the only things that works is to not use my brain as much, which is very difficult because I've had to shut down the pursuit of so many interests since the TBIs there's little left to eliminate.  [I realize that doesn't quite make sense, but can't figure out how to explain better.   (Edit before posting: but, of course, I wrote a lot here to try.)]

I've used most MSTs as 'sleep aids' for years (the less-funny ones provided just enough word-based attention to keep me from circular thinking which kept me awake, and since I watched them so much, they were too familiar to remain interesting enough to keep me attentive [or require effort to process]) so those aren't available.  The RiffTrax and other riffings I have require a lot of energy to process, because I have to process both the film and the comments simultaneously (constantly alternating between the two) in order to comprehend the humor.  So they are, when I'm like this, exhausting to watch.  I will likely try cartoons at this point.  Thank you for the reminder, Miku Fan.

These days, if I try to 'do nothing' (like not watch TV or do stuff on the computer) I tend to have thoughts about the multitude of regrets I have.  Everything from being unable to socialize (so no potential for dating or a life partner for the rest of my life, unable to visit with my parents in Illinois for almost a decade who are now about 90 years old and clearly getting ready to 'move on', much less have even just short visits with friends), to losing my career that I spent so much of my life attaining, to not being able to read much (because visualizing for a novel is mentally exhausting [though even reading comics is mentally exhausting], and reading more technical stuff is exhausting to comprehend), to the huge amounts of money I've lost because I couldn't think clearly enough to do things (everything from selling things worth over $1000 on eBay for about $50 because I couldn't think clearly enough to recognize what I was doing, to the over 1/4 of a million $ I've lost to the insurance company's avoiding medical reimbursement, to losses even predating the head injuries [where those investments could really help me out financially now, had I held on to them (near-complete Marvel superhero comics I collected in my teens, but sold before moving to Michigan for grad school for neuropsychology training, would be worth 2-3 million dollars now and would make life considerably less financially stressful - plus I just regret getting rid of them)]).  And numerous other things I regret and/or get angry about.  So 'not distracting myself' with something results in a downward spiral of my mood.

I do try to force myself to listen to very involving music, but can't always manage to do that as I can't even focus on that sometimes.  At my best, I can become so involved with music that I don't think about all the regrets, but that happens less when I am in bad shape because I don't have the capacity to process the depth and intricacies of the music I really love at those points, so it becomes background music for the regrets.  If I'm subclinically seizing I can't shut my thinking off either, but right now I'm past that point into 'system crash'.

I've likened my functioning (like now) to Windows 95: my thinking fucks up more and more simply from being 'on', until finally none of the programs work worth shit and it has to be turned off for a bit, then rebooted.  I'm in the 'have to be turned off for a bit' stage now.  But with demands on me for things on deadlines (financial processing [checking VISA statements and prepping info for insurance submissions, shipping out Amazon Marketplace sales, etc.]), and simply for things like 'remembering to eat on time', I often end up pushing myself when I don't have the mental energy for it.

The only thing that really works is try as much as possible not to think and wait it out.  Not an easy thing to do.  It is like frequently walking on a broken ankle, but trying to put little pressure on it: every additional step hurts and makes it take longer to heal.  But this is a perpetually broken brain, so there IS no end-stage healing for it, I can only do 'a bit better' with it over time [and other than the changes I noticed from cutting sugar out of my diet, we're talking 5-10 years for noticing improvements].

[soguru]

I'm not sure what to say Lucas. I really wish I knew. I don't like to see people suffering or struggling. Human beings deserve better, especially those who've put forth a true effort to really do something with their lives. Just don't forget you fall into that category and you owe yourself a quality of life that makes you happy.

[anais.butterfly]

Lucas, I thought of this last night. I hope I come across as what I am trying to be: helpful

These days, if I try to 'do nothing' (like not watch TV or do stuff on the computer) I tend to have thoughts about the multitude of regrets I have.  Everything from being unable to socialize (so no potential for dating or a life partner for the rest of my life, unable to visit with my parents in Illinois for almost a decade who are now about 90 years old and clearly getting ready to 'move on', much less have even just short visits with friends),

I don't want to invalidate these feelings. Even though I am very anti-friendships and relationships at the moment, I recognize that is actually mentally unhealthy, so wanting friendships, a relationship, and to see your parents are very very normal.

But....

I want to say you DO have friendships. You have us. I don't know if you visit any other forums, but I know in this forum, and me especially, your presence is welcome, appreciated, and I notice when you energy is missing from this community. It might not be the traditional idea of friendship you grew up with, but it is there.

to losing my career that I spent so much of my life attaining,

Expanding on what I said above, you practice your career here everytime you comment on those of us feeling down. For me, you helped me through a very rough time, and you used the practice and training from that career to do it. You sent me butterfly and rabbit pictures and started a beautiful pictures thread because you know how important cute and pretty things are to our pysches. You respond very often in our mental health threads because that is the career you wanted for so long. Again, you might not be using your schooling/training in the exact way you thought, but you are using it, and you. are. helping!

to not being able to read much (because visualizing for a novel is mentally exhausting [though even reading comics is mentally exhausting], and reading more technical stuff is exhausting to comprehend),

This one I might not be able to help you with because without reading, I would end up punching everyone in the face. (hopefully you at least laughed )

to the huge amounts of money I've lost because I couldn't think clearly enough to do things (everything from selling things worth over $1000 on eBay for about $50 because I couldn't think clearly enough to recognize what I was doing,

I can understand this feeling to an extent. Recently, I blew $200 bucks booking a hotel through travelocity I ended up cancelling (I had to pay at least night. They wanted to charge me the entire amount). I also lost $300ish bucks to a student loan consolidation scam. And...I don't have head trauma, so it is a lot easier to chalk my money problems to sheer stupidity on my part (I don't. They were just very costly mistakes )

to the over 1/4 of a million $ I've lost to the insurance company's avoiding medical reimbursement,

You are NOT alone in this. My only advice is to #FeelTheBern.

(If you ever want to share details of your story, I would be happy to write an article and post it on the internet. The more data on these horrible practices, the more leverage we have).

to losses even predating the head injuries [where those investments could really help me out financially now, had I held on to them (near-complete Marvel superhero comics I collected in my teens, but sold before moving to Michigan for grad school for neuropsychology training, would be worth 2-3 million dollars now and would make life considerably less financially stressful - plus I just regret getting rid of them)]).  And numerous other things I regret and/or get angry about.  So 'not distracting myself' with something results in a downward spiral of my mood.

This sounds like good old fashioned regret. But if I learned anything from The Last Unicorn (other than not to use magic to turn trees into large-boobied women), it's that regret is an important part of life because it makes us who we are. You used that money for your schooling (which you still use all the time, at least with us). I know it would be nice to have financial safety right now, but I don't think you made a mistake selling them.




I really hope this makes you feel a little better. You mean so much to me as a member of this forum (and I assume lots of other people, but I am not going to talk for them). You are still a wonderful person, and I appreciate you.

[LucasM]

Thank you very much Soguru and anais.  Brain past overload.  Will try to respond more later, but wanted to acknowledge that I read and appreciated what you wrote now.