So, like, I'm worried that I've got shit temperment for the career path I've chosen. There's a resident at the nursing home I'm working at who is a royal B. She is a CGA, or Contact Guard Assist, which means she is relatively independent, there are a few things she can't do because she can't reach them, but for the most part, we are there to make sure she doesn't fall. Technically, if we do anything for her that she can do herself, it's neglect.
Despite this, despite her being well aware of it, she insists that it's our job to do basically everything for her. She can't reach around behind her to pull her shirt down, or her brief or trousers back there, so we pull them down in the back. She is supposed to take care of the front. Last night, she put her call light on, because she needed to use the toilet, I went in to help her out of bed and to the toilet, because those are things I'm supposed to do. She is YELLING at me the entire time, complaining that I'm not doing my job, useless, all that jazz. I'm just letting her carry on a bit, because I'm not going to get back in her face and tell her what's what, confrontation of that sort isn't something I like to do. The girl who's training me, however, was right outside the door, making sure that I did things ok. Minute the resident starts yelling, she's in there giving her the what's what, telling her that she needs to say please and thank you, not yell at us, that I am doing my job to the letter, explaining that we are not supposed to touch her if she can do it herself.
Meanwhile, I'm just quiet, helping the resident toilet, trying not to break down, which I manage until I can duck out of the room. Head to the bathroom, crying and junk. Like, I get it, she was being super shitty, and it was literally my second day on the job, working nights, so I'm tired, my feet hurt because I'd been on them for 20 of the last 48 hours, all that jazz. I don't even know what it was, if it was the fact that she was yelling at me, or that I was just exhausted and emotionally vulnerable, or that I feel bad because there wasn't more I could do to help, or even that I didn't have the guts to stand up to her and tell her off for what she was doing. Maybe it's all of it, I don't know. I'm just stressing over the fact that I didn't tell her off, which I should have done, and that I ended up in tears. I don't know who I can really talk to about it, ya know? I'm just like... am I cut out for this? Literally everything else about the job is good. I love doing it, it's rewarding and feels good to do, and the nurse even said last night that she loves the way I talk to the residents and how I am with them. I just don't want to break down every time someone doesn't get their graham crackers because we're out. Not to mention, I do understand her side, too. It's rough getting old, and knowing that you do need assistance for the stuff that you used to be able to do all by yourself. Doesn't make it ok to yell at the care team, but it gives reason. I don't know.