General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)

[anais.butterfly]

If disability gets you away from your mother, then it's not a defeat at all.


If you are into reading, I would suggest The Buddha and The Borderline. The first half is about the author dealing with the depths of her mental and emotional issues and also getting disability. It might be helpful to see it from another person's POV (although I admit, it does seem easier for her).

[Quantum Vagina]

Tried applying for a job, started to panic, closed it down, and went to sign up for disability benefits... and felt horrible about myself. Fucking useless.

[soguru]

Fucking useless.

You're not useless Lawful! You're a valuable person and a good friend on this forum. You help keep the spirits of everyone up around here and we're glad to have you here and glad you are here. Lawful... you are so far from useless. I truly mean that.

[Miku Fan]

This is one of those times when having an anxiety disorder really comes in handy kicks you in the stomach

I had a doc appointment Tuesday. Get a call at 8:30 this morning.  It's the nurse, wanting to discuss my lab results.  She hangs up before I can get to the phone.

I've been going to the VA since 1989 (or earlier) and this is the first time they've ever called wanting to discuss lab results.

The nurse said, "call me back, so we can discuss your lab results."  She didn't bother leaving a phone number.

So, I call the clinic where I'm enrolled.  No answer.  That's not surprising, as that place is swamped all day, every day, and they have little time for phone calls.

So, I feel anxiety sweep through my body.  My brain starts telling me: "Man, you KNOW they are calling to tell you that you've got cancer or some other hideous disease."

Of course, I DON'T know that, but this is why  I hate anxiety- I'm going to be terrified until I find out why they want to talk about my lab results.

[Miku Fan]

So.  My Psychiatrist secretly cancelled my clonazepam prescription today, over a drug screen.. 

He said, "you tested positive for marijuana, and negative for benzodiazepine. WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

The lab result is clearly wrong, I say. It's someone else's lab results. 

Why do I say this? well, I've been taking clonazepam three times a day for twenty fucking years.  So, there's no way I tested negative for that.  It's not my lab results. 

But, you may think, surely your lab-work had a label on it?  Nope. Nurse gave me an unmarked bottle, and told me to go urinate in it.  Then she had me put it on a shelf.  I distinctly remember that the bottle was unlabeled- I remember because in the more than 20 years I've been going to the VA, this is the first and only time I've been given an unlabelled bottle. 

I assume she did that to other Vets, and applied the labels later.  Somewhere in the VA, there is some poor guy, who's being accused of illegally taking clonazepam. 

So, he thinks I'm ON marijuana, and for reasons unknown, not taking my narcotic nerve pills- pills that would rapidly put me in serious withdrawal, if I stopped taking.

Does he send me to the lab for a second test? Nope.  He sends me out for an EKG.  That's right, my psychiatrist sent me for an EKG- just two days after I saw my general practitioner.  When I get back, I've been checked out, and told to come back in 4 months.

Being suspicious, I call the VA's automated prescription service line and check the status of my clonazepam. "No refills allowed." But, the bottle in my hand says, "two refills remaining."

The print out I got from the VA just two days ago says, "two refills remaining."

So, this guy cut me off a narcotic I've been on for 20 years, without notice, and is leaving me to go through withdrawal...without a wean or even advanced notice.  No medical monitoring, nothing.

...Just another dickhead, incompetent doctor abusing his power, because he thinks he's special, when he's just a typical psychopath in a white jacket, which is my experience, is the case with most doctors.     Incompetent psychopaths in white jackets.

[UncleDesIsBack]

That is awful. I've never understood why vets get such bad treatment. "Two-faced" doesn't even begin to describe the attitude of the politicos as they wipe away a tear on Memorial Day and then millions of dollars off the Vet Affairs Department the next day.

[LucasM]

So.  My Psychiatrist secretly cancelled my clonazepam prescription today, over a drug screen.. 

He said, "you tested positive for marijuana, and negative for benzodiazepine. WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

The lab result is clearly wrong, I say. It's someone else's lab results. 

Why do I say this? well, I've been taking clonazepam three times a day for twenty fucking years.  So, there's no way I tested negative for that.  It's not my lab results. 

But, you may think, surely your lab-work had a label on it?  Nope. Nurse gave me an unmarked bottle, and told me to go urinate in it.  Then she had me put it on a shelf.  I distinctly remember that the bottle was unlabeled- I remember because in the more than 20 years I've been going to the VA, this is the first and only time I've been given an unlabelled bottle. 

I assume she did that to other Vets, and applied the labels later.  Somewhere in the VA, there is some poor guy, who's being accused of illegally taking clonazepam. 

So, he thinks I'm ON marijuana, and for reasons unknown, not taking my narcotic nerve pills- pills that would rapidly put me in serious withdrawal, if I stopped taking.

Does he send me to the lab for a second test? Nope.  He sends me out for an EKG.  That's right, my psychiatrist sent me for an EKG- just two days after I saw my general practitioner.  When I get back, I've been checked out, and told to come back in 4 months.

Being suspicious, I call the VA's automated prescription service line and check the status of my clonazepam. "No refills allowed." But, the bottle in my hand says, "two refills remaining."

The print out I got from the VA just two days ago says, "two refills remaining."

So, this guy cut me off a narcotic I've been on for 20 years, without notice, and is leaving me to go through withdrawal...without a wean or even advanced notice.  No medical monitoring, nothing.

...Just another dickhead, incompetent doctor abusing his power, because he thinks he's special, when he's just a typical psychopath in a white jacket, which is my experience, is the case with most doctors.     Incompetent psychopaths in white jackets.

First: go over his head at the VA.  Explain the situation (unlabeled specimen jars).  Get another appointment quickly.  DEMAND THAT YOU BE RETESTED!  And demand that you get in again IMMEDIATELY because it was their fuck-up - not four months from now.  Cold turkey benzos is not healthy.

Not sure if you can afford it, but possibly get a drug test on your own at a reputable lab.  Then send this information to the VA, and then the state licensing board for this doctor and he will get investigated.

In the other area, if you cannot get in to the VA again before your current script will run out, contact your own physician (the GP) and explain the situation.  Possibly he or she can perform the repeat drug test, and at least give you a script for enough clonazepam to get you through until the next VA appointment.


[Sorry if this is confused.  Not doing well, but couldn't just ignore this.  Fucking outrageous incompetence on this asshole's part.]

[soguru]

I was angry at myself for a big chunk of the day today. First, I forgot to call a company for dad to put his business leads on hold(I was feeling like shit all morning and afternoon today). Then earlier tonight my goddamn piece of shit phone dialed a friend by accident, a friend who only told me yesterday they didn't want to talk for several days, so I was all the more pissed at myself because now my good friend must think I'm a fucking asshole .

Last night my dad was having problems with his phone so I thought I backed up his contacts because as part of trouble-shooting they would have to restore his phone. As a result last night I tried backing up all his stuff. Then when I tried putting the data back on the restored phone, I couldn't find anything. I was a mess, I was crying, snot was dripping out of my nose, and I was hyper-ventilating like mad. Eventually, the phone company helped me find an app that could help me restore his contacts. That helped, and reassured myself that I did everything right and some other BS happened that I didn't even know about, but god dammit it still fucking pisses me off! I even cut my face a couple times. My dad could hear how upset I was, and he kept telling me not to worry, but I was determined not to let him down. I'm just glad I at least got his contacts back. But I was really, REALLY upset about that.

[Miku Fan]

Thanks for your thoughts, Uncle Des and Lucas.

I'll be fine. There is a channel at the V.A. to address this type of thing.  My anger is about his incompetence and arrogance.  I'm happy to get off clonazepam. But, I want to wean, not  be thrust into withdrawal by some idiot.  I'm certain I can get that accomplished.

 Ironically, I had just mentioned wanting to wean off clonazepam two minutes before this happened. I was taking 1.5 mg a day for 20 years. 4 months ago, I dropped to 1 mg a day.  I liked how that felt, so want to wean off it completely. 

I have read, as Uncle Des said,  that clinical depression and anxiety tend to decrease as you age. I think that is occurring with me.

There was a time when clonazepam was like a security blanket for me.  I didn't think I could live without it.  But, over time, I came to see it as a wall, holding me back.  And certainly, I didn't and don't like being at the mercy of some doctor's whims.

So, my goal here is get put on a wean, and be free. Free of dependence on  a chemical, and free of a bureaucratic system.

This guy is from Kenya.  So, I am thinking of dressing as a Zebra, going to the VA, charging into his office and kicking him in the face with my hind legs. After all, I'm crazy.

[Miku Fan]

Soguru,  did you cut yourself by accident? 

I hope your friend believes you that you accidentally called.  I know that really happens. My friend butt-dialed me, while driving to work one day.  It was actually pretty funny. He was driving to work, and complaining about people driving too slow. He had no idea I could hear him, and I had no idea why my phone rang, only to hear, "out of the way, slow-fuck!" 

You got things fixed for your dad.  So, concentrate on that. You made an honest mistake, and found a way to correct it. Concentrate on your success, not your fuck up!

[soguru]

Yeah it's like the buttons on my phone are really sensitive. a stiff wind could potentially dial a number on the key pad.

[Quantum Vagina]

My fucking phobias are getting out of hand. My fear of snakes a few years ago progressed to a full blown fear of reptiles, and now I'm thinking about snakes all over the place. Was just in the shower, and kept imagining a giant black snake slithering up from the drain, or over the edge of the tub. Snakes are still the worst thing, by far. It's getting harder and harder for me to justify leaving the house, the other day I tried to fill out a job application and freaked out, tried to do the stuff for disability application, had a panic attack. My anxiety is getting really ridiculously high. When you couple that with the fact that my car is out of commission, for the most part, I'm running out of ways to get out and get to the few things that ARE good for me, like therapy, the support group, and the weekly Smash Bros tourney that I've been having a REALLY good time at.

[soguru]

Do you watch Archer? He's got a similar phobia. I do understand it to some extent. I kind of like reptiles, but if it makes you feel any better, I rarely, if ever see them come indoors by any way, shape or form. My cats killed one in the garage one time but that was the last time I saw a snake. Outside the house, I see a lizard once in a while more and they're always running away from me anyways even though I am happy to carry on a friendly monologue with them. To be honest... I think most of them would rather stay outdoors and even if you're outdoors, they will usually go the other way Lawful. Now, I'm no biologist but if that helps you sleep or in other aspects of your life, take that thought with you.

[LucasM]

New research (I haven't yet fully read any - I'm tired and it's late, and I have to get up in the 'morning'):

Playing Tetris could lessen PTSD symptoms

Study: Tetris wipes out bad memories, heals trauma

Tetris can reduce risk of PTSD, scientists say

...and then a biggie for a lot of people:
Tetris can block cravings, new study reveals
Playing 'on the go' reduced cravings by one fifth

[MartyS (Gromit)]

I think this is the second link you were going for:

http://www.zdnet.com/article/study-tetris-wipes-out-bad-memories-heals-trauma/

Interesting, I'm guessing other games that require intense concentration would also work, but tetris might be the easiest one to put on all the mobile devices we carry around.

The part about playing the game immediately after a traumatic event should get a lot more study, if methods could be developed to prevent future flashbacks that would be great.

I find playing freecell to be therapeutic, but actually trying to map out the quickest way to win every game so concentrating more than casual playing.  I've tried chess but it's really hard to set up the skill level of the computer to make the games interesting, limiting the number of moves ahead the computer can look at can sometimes get it to make bad moves, but it's still not the same as playing a person at your own skill level.