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Author Topic: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)  (Read 48867 times)

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Quantum Vagina

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #375 on: June 01, 2016, 02:31:47 PM »
I'm starting with a new therapist tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, because it's always hard to start with a new therapist, but I'm glad I got myself to do the legwork while I was riding the high from the move. Starting over is a pain in the motherfucking ass, though. I've had several problems over the past month, mainly because my main coping skill of gaming has been nearly impossible for me to do, what with the busted computer. Yes, I can use my boyfriend's stuff, and I have my 3DS still, but not having a computer of my own really kills me. I've been depressed, and really haven't had anyone to talk to about it, so I feel bottled up and stressed to the max. My boyfriend tries, but he's very solution focused, when what I need is a way to vent. It makes me miss Bas, because I was able to get him off the solution focused thinking and to just be there for me to listen, lean on, all that. I love Washington, but I've felt massively cooped up over the past month, and if I don't get some kind of relief soon, I'm going to have issues managing my depression. I think it's a reason I've been so bored and lonely. There are 5 cats and a dog in the house, and I'm getting my own cat soon, which will be nice. I just wish I had something else to do other than housework and Netflix all day.


Offline ScottotD

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #376 on: June 01, 2016, 04:57:49 PM »
I've started learning mindfulness, it's SO difficult focusing on one specific thing at a time.  My therapist legitimately just assumed I had diagnosed ADHD because my attention span is so terrible and I have a billion thoughts, second, third and fourth guesses spinning around in my head at all times.
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Offline RVR II

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #377 on: June 01, 2016, 05:11:20 PM »
It's been a very therapeutic day..
Vacuumed up the remaining crumbs of the demolished desk inside the Mega-Shed, then I started a fire in my outdoor fireplace around 10am to burn said demolished desk and the last piece of desk will be going in the fire shortly ;D


Quantum Vagina

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #378 on: June 07, 2016, 11:12:20 PM »
I wish things in my head would quiet down and I could just be happy. Right now, I love my boyfriend and don't feel in love with him. I'm happy in Washington. But I feel so empty and unfulfilled right now and I'm exploding with thoughts and fears and just don't know. I do feel like this is not my final stop on my road of life, but I'm completely unsure about where this stop is going to leave me. The novelty of this relationship is wearing thin on me, and I can't easily communicate how I feel without sounding like a hammer. I don't regret the relationship, I think, I just don't feel completed or satisfied. I've done some awesome things in getting a lot of stuff done, but his constant "You have to do this" is driving me up the wall. He pushes hard to get in, and I feel myself pulling back constantly. It feels like he has no regard to how I feel or think, merely what I can do for him at the time, and I'm to much of a wuss to say no. I can't build a life with this man, and I feel like I'm drifting. I don't even know what to think about now.


Offline anais.butterfly

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #379 on: June 09, 2016, 09:20:09 AM »
I had a really hard time adjusting to life, back in Denver, with a man a hardly knew. It has taken some time and lots of arguments, but him and I have hit a happy medium, I think.

I have a lot of issues with my identity. I tend to back down what I want just to make others around me happy. Once I stopped doing that with my boyfriend, but also took a good hard look at myself to see if the requests he was asking were outrageous (sometimes they are). I choose my battles, but I have my dealbreakers.

Once you get your computer up and running and you get your #1 outlet back, I think that will help because you can lower your stress level.

Anais is the Coolest Butterfly I know  ;D


Offline Pak-Man

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #380 on: June 09, 2016, 10:56:23 AM »
Some unsolicited advice about picking battles in a relationship:

If the stakes are truly important to you, don't back down. Work for a compromise or agree-to-disagree state. Don't give up something fundamental to you for anyone else.

If the stakes have somehow simply become about winning- if you find yourself saying, "I don't even care about the stupid _____ I just can't let them have this!" Walk away. You don't really need that kind of victory.


Offline anais.butterfly

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #381 on: June 09, 2016, 11:08:33 AM »
Some unsolicited advice about picking battles in a relationship:

If the stakes are truly important to you, don't back down. Work for a compromise or agree-to-disagree state. Don't give up something fundamental to you for anyone else.

If the stakes have somehow simply become about winning- if you find yourself saying, "I don't even care about the stupid _____ I just can't let them have this!" Walk away. You don't really need that kind of victory.

With me, the hardest thing is that he thinks differently than me due to his....spectrum thing. Anyway, the point is, my arguments are more like "do I need him to understand that it is NEVER ok to talk about what I am or am not eating" vs "do I really care if he thinks I drank half a bottle of vodka (it was 3 shots. I track everything I eat. I measure stuff).

Here is another example: He wanted to watch Vacation (the new one) for a 'few minutes'. I could care less if I watch this movie, so I watched it half-assed (I was sitting on the living room coloring and listening to the movie). He got pissed because I wasn't 'watching' (ie not taking my eyes off) the movie.

Is this important? Yes. Because I am not going to spend the rest of my life ignoring my stress relief because he decided he randomly wants to 'watch' a movie he found on the TV. So, I told him I have a finite amount of time after work to relax, and I am not going to be forced to do something. He didn't ask me to watch, he just left the movie on and then got mad when he saw me coloring.

Luckily, I never consider it a 'win,' so hopefully I won't keep arguing for that reason.
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Offline RVR II

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #382 on: June 09, 2016, 11:17:23 AM »
I'll settle for nothing less than the 'W'  8)
...
Unless she surprises me with dinner from Captain D's :P


Quantum Vagina

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #383 on: June 21, 2016, 05:38:43 PM »
I'm a masochist. I'm in to extreme bdsm. A few weeks back, I had a really hard day. The day before consisted of hours of running errands, including getting stranded at a therapists office for an hour or so because I needed to get tested to make sure EBT cash benefits were something I needed. All I wanted to do the next day was read. I was withdrawn and suffering because of my condition. I couldn't get myself to do any of my chores that day.

My boyfriend is a sadist. We make a fairly good couple, although I don't think it will end up being a long term relationship. He came home, and we went to get a dresser for our room. When we came back, I went in to move the stuff around in the space, while he was carrying it in with our roommate. I stepped on a plate that was on the floor, that I was supposed to clean up but didn't because I was recovering and re gathering myself from the day before.

Our relationship is not only a romantic one, it's also a 24/7 dominant/submissive relationship. This means that I knew going in that I needed to keep up my half of it; I cook, I clean, I allow him to play with my body when he wants to. "Play" includes pain, sex, pleasure, and in cases where I don't perform my other duties properly, punishment and discipline. I consented coming into the relationship that he had the right to discipline me if I did something wrong, or if he felt that I was being particularly snotty with him.

After I broke the plate, he decided that I needed punishment. I was dizzy, I was terrified, and I was scared. I didn't think I deserved to be punished, because my disabilities prevented me from functioning at a level that was asked. I should have told him before he did anything to me. I should have told him that morning that I wasn't able to function, and that the things he wanted me to do wouldn't be possible. I thought I could fight through it, do my chores, and be ok. I was wrong.

He took a paddle that is 1 and 1/4 inch thick of solid plywood. Think a cricket bat with all but about 8 inches of the flat part off and a handle. He gagged me, because I was going to scream, had me strip, and proceeded to hit me with it on my posterior 10 times. It HURT. I was screaming into the gag in my mouth. I had got a large set of bruises. Afterwards, he held me, told me he was sorry, and that he loved me. I was sobbing and terrified, and tried to pull away from him. He pulled me into his arms until I stopped fighting. I had a panic attack so severe that I passed out for about 3 minutes. We went to get food, walked down to the river, and I proceeded to chain smoke half a pack of cigarettes. We talked a little about it. One of the things he'd accused me of not doing was the laundry, and I informed him that the laundry that was in the basket was really clean. He immediately regretted what he did, and told me that in the future, I would have a chance to defend my actions before punishment. He understood that he had crossed the line. I explained to him that my disabilities had kept me from doing the work I was supposed to. He seemed to understand. He's never had a girlfriend with my particular mix of dysfunctions. He didn't understand why I hadn't done those things.

I've been feeling awful and guilty about this ever since. Not because I did something wrong. Not because I should just be able to get over my problems and do simple housework. No, I feel guilty and awful because I didn't say anything to stop him. I didn't explain the situation. I just let him hit me. I've brought it up a few times. He says that he will never harm me. He says that he'll never just punish me without asking. He says that he isn't coercing me into anything. He says that I knew what I was getting into.

That's true, I did. I consented myself to his rule, because he provided me with an experience. He provided me with a new start and a way out, and I am grateful to him for giving me that.

I did not consent to being beaten when I was so messed up I couldn't function. I took it for granted that he would understand the problems I face day to day, and understand that on those days, he would understand the need to be easy on me. But he didn't. He insists that there is no coercion in our relationship, but "do this or will beat your assistance so hard that you can't sit" is coercion.

I don't object to punishment or discipline when it's earned. If I was feeling 100% ok, and I didn't do stuff because I said "funk him, I'm going to do me today even when I don't need it," I can justify that punishment, because that was our agreement, that was what I consented to. What happened a few weeks back wasn't anything like that. He crossed the line from consent to abuse. What he did was abusive, plain and simple.

I talked to my new therapist today about it. She agrees with me that he was abusive in that instance. Other than that, he's been fine. He's understood that he crossed the line. He's started giving me less to do. I've been upfront with him about my needs, and he understands and tries to cope with them. He does well with things now, and is much better.

It doesn't change what happened though. I still feel torn up inside because I knew what I should have done and I didn't. Not the chores. I should have told him what was happening with me. I feel like if I hadn't been such an idiot, such a coward, I would be fine. I don't think he will cross that line again, because he knows it was traumatizing for me, and I believe that he doesn't want to inflict any more trauma on my already fucked up head. I still trust him. But I feel awful because I didn't do what was necessary to protect myself.

I've been struggling with this for weeks now. Part of me says that I can't trust him. It's the reason why I'm not giddy and excited. It's the reason that I don't love him in the same way I did with Bas; he caused me trauma, and now my heart is wary. It's why I don't see this relationship progressing much, and that I feel like this is just a stepping stone point in my life. I'm taking time to build a new me, better and stronger than before. I won't let him hurt me like that again. I will not be abused. I will not let him cross that line again, and if he does, then I will figure out some way to leave. I did not deserve that. I do not deserve to be abused.


Offline Russoguru

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #384 on: June 24, 2016, 07:54:12 AM »
I hardly think anyone is going to disagree with you Lawful. I also hesitate to offer any relationship advice because well... never been in one, and I'm hardly qualified, but most importantly it's important that you make your own decisions in such delicate circumstances.

Last few weeks, I've been getting up LATE, like between 11 and 12, and I HATE that. I may be disabled, but dammit I think most people will agree that it's not good to be sleeping that late. I tried my hardest to get to bed before midnight last night and I somehow managed that. I think Doctors refer to it as "sleepy hygiene".


Offline LucasM

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #385 on: July 18, 2016, 10:30:35 PM »
I've fucking had it with my brother.

His thinking is so twisted, and he just - in his most recent e-mail - said that he would not read my reply to his latest angry tirade (brought on because I responded in good faith to something I later realized was a LIE he'd told me, when I've made it clear I don't tolerate lying to me from people I interact with in any serious fashion).  His tirade?  Because he couldn't keep track of his lie to me for even 24 hours to understand the context of my response!

After over 58 years, I've come to the conclusion I basically can't associate with him any longer.  In those 58 years he has exhibited ZERO effort to actually see who I really am, despite me sharing with him about most every aspect of my life.  He simply projects his own WORST characteristics onto me when it serves his whim.  I'm wasting too much of my very VERY limited energy on HIS bullshit twisting of the truth and disturbed thinking.  I am not paid to be his fucking therapist, I refuse to deal with it - just like EVERY friend or female he's ever interacted with has.  [i.e. after me, he has NO-ONE to interact with, because he's driven them all away by basically lying to them about anything/everything and using basically spousal abuse patterns (explode, apologize saying he'll never do it again, repeat endlessly)]

[I get the impression I talked about some of this on here before.  But his response today was the clincher that made this a situation where there was NO WAY I can continue in this relationship.  Not even some minimal amount for the next 3-5 years until both my parents are dead and I have to force myself to travel to dismantle the house because I don't trust him AT ALL with what I have there.]
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Offline Russoguru

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #386 on: July 18, 2016, 10:35:05 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear that Lucas. :( I can imagine that's been very trying for you.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2016, 10:03:10 PM by Russoguru »


Offline ScottotD

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #387 on: July 18, 2016, 11:03:05 PM »
So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably) not going well however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.

The last interaction we had she had was trying to arrange a table for a quiz night, I said I couldn't go for no real reason other than anxiety and wanting to 'save' money for drinking and she said she was disappointed.  After I heard the news I checked the FB conversation and literally everyone on the list that had responded had said no ...I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks. 
« Last Edit: July 18, 2016, 11:29:55 PM by ScottotD »
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Offline Edward J Grug III

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #388 on: July 18, 2016, 11:25:11 PM »
So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably not going well) however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.

The last interaction we had she had was trying to arrange a table for a quiz night, I said I couldn't go for no real reason other than anxiety and wanting to 'save' money for drinking and she said she was disappointed.  After I heard the news I checked the FB conversation and literally everyone on the list that had responded had said no ...I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks.

I'm really sorry to hear that, man, and while she might have been trying to see a friend, it wasn't in any way your fault.
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Offline LucasM

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Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
« Reply #389 on: July 19, 2016, 12:13:36 AM »
I'm so sorry to hear that Lucas. :( I can imagine that's been a very trying for you.

Thank you.  I've dealt with him for years because I kept thinking (likely largely because of his constant deception) that he at least understood some aspects of me when he wasn't going off.  The latest interactions (over the course of the last month) have proven beyond any doubt that that was fantasy.

A part of me is relieved, but I really do not want to deal with being around him when my folks have both died and I have to get my stuff (and 'distribute' theirs) from their house.  It will be trying enough to simply get there (~275 mile drive each way - no way could I deal with airports, plus I'll need a car while there).


So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably not going well) however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.

The last interaction we had she had was trying to arrange a table for a quiz night, I said I couldn't go for no real reason other than anxiety and wanting to 'save' money for drinking and she said she was disappointed.  After I heard the news I checked the FB conversation and literally everyone on the list that had responded had said no ...I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks.

I'm really sorry to hear that, man, and while she might have been trying to see a friend, it wasn't in any way your fault.

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend, ScottotD.

I agree completely with EJG III.  No matter what the circumstances are, you are not at all responsible for someone else's actions.  I understand that now you are thinking that you want to have been there for her for that quiz night, especially since she had helped you before.  People deal with their lives in their own fashion.  It is quite possible that no amount of friends being around could have helped.

I am sorry that she is gone.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects