It's really cool when you're majorly depressed, and you feel like you're going to have to kill yourself in a few weeks, even though you really don't want to because for the first time in your life you have something to live for and someone who loves you, and you're at a mega low point and you can't go an hour without thinking about how absolutely useless and hopeless it is, and all of your friends don't talk to you much any more, and you live alone, and you try texting that stupid crisis text line, and you explain you're scared, because you're at a point where you're only seeing the option of killing yourself, and you tell them that you don't want to, but you can't see any other way, and the person says "Why do you want to kill yourself?" and asks you a bunch of questions you'd just answered previously, which makes you feel worse because it's just reinforcing the idea that no one ever is going to listen to anything you say, because you're trash, you're useless, you're complete garbage and it just make sense that you should kill yourself because why would anyone want to talk to you, why would the friend that you've had for nearly 12 years want to talk to you when you're going through an extremely hard time, why would that person be anything but hostile towards you, because you're just garbage, because you're sitting there, stagnating doing nothing because you don't have any hope, you've known for years that if you live to 25 it's a miracle and you know that you're coming up on that really quickly and you're terrified because you just lived knowing that you would die soon, and now that it's come to it, you don't want to, but you don't have any options left, you're just alone in a room, sitting in the dark wishing that you'd just wake up and that all the bad stuff is a nightmare and it will all be ok but you know that it's not. Really good feeling.