EDIT: This was started before there were any other responses to your post. Already those other posts confirmed something I said below: that others here do care and will help if, and how, they can.
I will write more later tonight, but have to head out to the chiropractor soon, so this won't be complete here.
I would feel bad if I didn't post because Lucas basically started this because of what I said.
I didn't want you to feel
obligated to post here... I meant to create this thread as an opportunity for you and others (and, likely, myself at various points) to have a place to post when in crisis.
So, to answer things from that thread:
1) I didn't not expect anyone other than Lucas to reply
I am sorry if my response in that thread felt 'thin'. Particularly with me saying I couldn't respond much in a PM if you wanted to write me there. With the pain meds crisis I'd written about a week or two ago in the RRAARRGGHH!! thread still active (until this morning), I spent every bit of available energy for thinking on figuring out what I could do with it. [I'm due at the chiropractor's soon to help reduce my pain for another few days, and have a couple phone calls to make, but the major issue is resolved very satisfactorily, and I'll write about it in the 'WWOOO!' thread later. (You may have seen lengthy posts from me on DRM removal yesterday... even though I wrote a lot there, until the last couple posts in that thread I didn't really have to 'think' (at which point my responses became quite short), because purely technical stuff like that takes very different brainpower for me and until the last couple posts I wasn't thinking anything particularly new or trying to understand completely new information. But I would not respond to someone in crisis with rote, technical information, so the best I could do in response to your post was to explain my limitations clearly.)]
But, to answer your statement that you didn't expect anyone but me to reply, hopefully the fact that there
were others here who responded to what you wrote, and who also responded with genuine caring for your safety and with bared souls, showed you that there are more people here who care for you and your safety than you thought. I know others were likely concerned for you, but possibly didn't know what to say, or were afraid to say something in case it was the 'wrong' thing to say to you at that point, or felt too close to the feelings themselves and froze up, or maybe didn't understand what you meant in what you posted.
There are many genuinely good people here, not all of whom can post at any given moment. That doesn't mean that they, too, don't care for your safety.
2) I have called a suicide help line. No one answered the phone. I suppose they are greatly understaffed
I am very sorry that happened to you. I am appalled that that happened. I have been in crisis to the point of seriously considering ending my life, closer to my third head injury (when I started to imagine snapping my cat's neck so it wouldn't be left to starve after I was gone, I knew I needed serious help, as she had been my tether to the world at that point).
With no-one at the suicide help line answering, I can imagine that it may have felt like the world was pushing you toward suicidal action instead of being there to help you.
You
do deserve to be heard. You
do deserve help when you need it. Last night, in my mental exhaustion, the best I could do to help was the 'semi-technical' act of creating this thread for a space that might have felt safer for you to talk in, since you didn't write details in the RRAARRGGHH thread. And hopefully it will give a focused place for others who might be better able to help at this point a place where they may feel more comfortable opening up to share and offer support.
As for getting help, oh how I have tried. I have two therapists and a pysch. I have a support group for abuse victims, and, if I wanted to, I could always go to AA. I hate that place though. I think they offer empty answers.
Actually, I feel like I get passed around. My "friends" tell me to talk to my therapist and my therapists say talk to your friends or AA, and AA says read the big book or go to an effing meeting. So, maybe you can all understand why I feel passed around.
Possibly you felt like that with my response in the RRAARRGGHH thread, too: I wasn't 'there' either, because of my current stuff, and I 'passed you on to others' when I was the only person you expected to respond to you.
I am sorry about that. I did feel it important to respond, and wanted to, and did as much as my limitations would allow. But over the previous week, in fear for what might happen to me, I'd gone off the deep end and had used all my mental energy writing a detailed history of my physical and mental condition to my internist in hopes he would take over writing my pain meds, so I wouldn't be at the mercy of some place and people I didn't know or trust to take into account my level of exhaustion - that effort has left me seizing rather badly.
Fear does that: it pushes us to the edge, and sometimes over it. I'm glad your fear didn't push you over into suicide last night.
I will write more this evening, but I have to head out the door to the chiropractor.
Take care of yourself.
Topic: Acute Psychological Distress: Help (Read 64768 times)
