List of Crap: Top 50 Fantasy Movies Countdown

[Darth Geek]

No problem. Enjoying the write-ups a lot.

[CJones]

Man, Crump was on a roll there for a while. I've always wanted to be Chaotic Evil 

[Johnny Unusual]

Looking around the area they just crawled into they can see almost nothing.  It is complete darkness. Montgomery Cliff lights a match and sees that it is a room with several skeletons and a creepy old man.  The old man is scrawny and has a crazed look in his eyes.

He lunges at Montgomery.  The light goes out.  The wizards all cast light spells and see that the old man has been subdued.

"Where are we?"  Asks Montgomery.

"In an upside-down oubliette.  You choose the wrong path."

"Who are you?"

"A plaything, like you.  An ancient creature created these traps, this labyrinth and plucked you from where you were to get through it."

"Why?"

"It entertains him.  He loves to watch heroes and villains alike try to get caught in this place and slowly die."

"How long have you been here?"

"I don't know.  I don't think it matters any more.  We got trapped in here ages ago.  I had to eat my friends to survive.  Would you be my friend."

Everyone else was shouting no, but  Montgomery said "I don't see why not.  We might need some advice once we leave."

"Leave?  We'll never leave here.  We'll just starve and die and eat each other."

"Not for long" noted Anais "The lava fumes will kill us first."

"You activated the lava trap?" said the old man "The we are dead.  All dead.  Dead in the bowels of the earth"

"Ha, those are just the kind of places that dwarfs do their best work." Said Montgomery "The Earth that is.  Not bowels."

Montgomery and Coal set about checking the walls for either a secret exit or a weak wall.  It seemed they could find none... until they checked the low roof.

"I can feel it.  Not a secret door, but if we dig up through the rock, then we will find another floor.  I refuse to be a mad monster's plaything."

[Johnny Unusual]

 

So long... partner.

Number 16: Toy Story 3
(64 points on 3 of 14 lists. Top Vote #1 by Monty)

 Plot:   
Andy is now seventeen years old and is going to college. His mother presses him to decide the fate of his toys, and Andy decides to leave them in the attic, with the exception of Woody, who he intends to bring with him. However, Andy's mother donates them by accident to the Sunnyside Daycare. The toys are welcomed by Lotso Bear but soon they discover that the children play far too rough. Further, they are imprisoned in the daycare by Lotso and his gang. But Woody discovers the intentions of the evil bear and returns to the daycare to organize the escape of his friends.

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters

Baby – And you thought the spider-head baby from the first movie was creepy.

Cymbal-Playing Monkey  - Do you have a dossier on evil monkey buyer.

Trivia Notes:
SERIES TRADEMARK: The letters/numbers "A113", which appears in most of the Pixar films, makes an appearance on a license plate on the back of Andy's Mom's car. A113 is a reference to the room at CalArts in which the Pixar Animators studied. The car itself bears a lot of resemblance to an Opel/Vauxhall Zafira.

Director Lee Unkrich voiced the Jack in the Box that yells "New toys!" to Andy's toys when they arrive at SunnySide.

There are 302 characters in the film.

When Woody comes back to Sunnyside to save the toys and enters the Caterpillar room through the ceiling, he lands on top of a shelf and runs past bins labeled "Toys", "Glue", etc. The font used is called "Andy".

Moment of Wonder

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/zCNgNkAZqg4" target="_blank" class="new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/zCNgNkAZqg4</a>
And they all died.  The end.

[Johnny Unusual]

After a few minutes, our heroes are finally able to break through the ceiling and find themselves back in the labyrinth.  They are safe for now, but it seems that now they have no idea which way is which.  "Well, I guess that means one way is as good as any" Said Anais Chaotic Good Elvish Sorceress.

She turns a corner to see and stampede of minotaurs headed for them.  Having reserved a great deal of her magic until now, Anais casts a slow spell followed by a barrage of magic missiles.  She weakens them and allows the rest of the group to take them out with relatively no trouble.

[Johnny Unusual]

 

There are no happy endings because nothing ends.

Number 15 The Last Unicorn
(69 points on 4 of 14 lists. Top Vote #1 by Anais.Butterfly)

 Plot:   
From a riddle-speaking butterfly, a unicorn learns that she is supposedly the last of her kind, all the others having been herded away by the Red Bull. The unicorn sets out to discover the truth behind the butterfly's words. She is eventually joined on her quest by Schmendrick, a second-rate magician, and Molly Grue, a now middle-aged woman who dreamed all her life of seeing a unicorn. Their journey leads them far from home, all the way to the castle of King Haggard...

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters
   
The Red Bull – Does not give you wings.

The Harpy – UGH.  Put a bra on that thing!  I mean, I don’t consider myself prudish but… *shudder*

The Last Unicorn – I’M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Trivia Notes:
Dustin Hoffman, Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill were considered voices for Schmendrick. (All of those would have been very good actually.  Remember when there was a time when Ford was super-charismatic and not a cranky old man?)

Lady Amalthea's name comes from Greek mythology; when young Zeus was hidden from his father, the brutal Kronos, he was feed from the milk of a goat named Amalthea. Years later, and after Zeus finally defeated Kronos and established himself as the new King of Olympus, he rewarded the goat who fed him by turning one of her horns into the famous Horn of Abundance.

A live action version of the novel has been in the works for many years but nothing has ever come of it. Christopher Lee has stated that he would gladly reprise his role as King Haggard.  MAKE THIS HAPPEN!  But who would make a great director for this one?  I’m thinking either Terry Gilliam (It’s dark enough to fit his style, despite the largely happy ending), Guillermo del Toro (an obvious one, but I think it would be good), Jean-Pierre Jeunet or Brad Bird.  Very different directors, but I could see all of them doing awesome on this!

Paul Frees speaks for Haggard's court magician, but also provides the voice of the peg-legged cat in Haggard's castle as well as the amorous tree.

Moment of Wonder
Not the most amazing scene, but I always love fantasy stories where characters use their wits rather than magic, destiny or a dues ex machina.  Could do without the wacky music though.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/YdvAuzIheFU" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/YdvAuzIheFU</a>

However, this is also great.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/vcXCDpg60FU" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/vcXCDpg60FU</a>

[Raven]

Didn't put The Last Unicorn on my list but if anyone decides to watch it again, make sure you check out the RoninFoxTrax for it.  Really funny.  Just watched the first half hour of it again the other day.

[Johnny Unusual]

Personally, I watched for the first time recently and... it's kind of a mess.  And I don't mean it's a bad movie, it's just a movie with a lot of great stuff and a lot of weak stuff shoved together in the same movie.

The Weak
- The music of America.
- The butterfly at the beginning of the movie who feels entirely out of place.
- The animation quality varies greatly but has a lot of the patented Ranking Bass weak points.  Largely, not so good.
- It feels like there's stuff that's missing.  A sense of time, characteristics of characters that seem rich that are glossed over (the fact that Prince Lir is kind of pathetic, the unicorn falling in love feels rushed when more time should have been taken with it.) and thematic stuff I wish was emphasized more (it seems that beyond the incompetent wizard, all of the characters are sort of pathetic, tragic or offbeat versions of fairy tale archetypes.  Molly Grue is a young maiden who had nothing happen to her and grew old, Lir and Haggard are basically rulers of nothing and no one, Haggard is less overtly evil than lonely and pathetic, though in a dangerous way).

- On the plus side, a lot of the aforementioned stuff is there, if in a glossed over way.
- There is also good animation in this.
- The overall narrative is a bit choppy but strong.
- The dialogue is REALLY GOOD (except when Rankin Bass adds their own style of humour to it)
- The acting is also stellar and works perfectly with the dialogue.

So really it is a 50/50 movie for me.  Heavily flawed but with some amazing strengths.  So please get Christopher Lee to play King Haggard again!

[Johnny Unusual]

The party moved forward towards what they hoped was the right direction with Cecil taking up the lead.

From the back Anais asked "Come to think of it, why were those minotaur stampeding?  They don't scare easily, especially in herds?"

The thought sent a collective chill down the party's spine.  As they went forward, they heard a loud breathing.  The maze got darker.  It wasn't just the torches weren't lit, it was light the darkness was actively dimming the light.  Soon it was almost black as pitch.  Cecil could feel the breathing getting louder.  He could smell something too.  Something strong and warm.  Forward he could finally see something: 2 bright green eyes and a row of shiny white teeth belonging to a great wolf.

[Johnny Unusual]

 

Never give up and good luck will find you.

Number 14 The NeverEnding Story
(70 points on 7 of 14 lists. Top Vote #4 by Pak-Man)

 Plot:   
Bastian is a young boy who lives a dreary life being tormented by school bullies. On one such occasion he escapes into a book shop where the old proprietor reveals an ancient story-book to him, which he is warned can be dangerous. Shortly after, he "borrows" the book and begins to read it in the school attic where he is drawn into the mythical land of Fantasia, which desperately needs a hero to save it from destruction.

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters
   
Falcor – Just another excuse to play this song

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/qppKbg_91-o" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/qppKbg_91-o</a>

The Nothing -

The Rock-Biter – “These look like big hands, don’t they.  Big, strong hands…  LET ME GO OOOOOOOOOOON, LIKE A BLISTER IN THE SUN!”

Trivia Notes:
Was the most expensive film ever produced in Germany at the time it was made.

The theme song was sang by Limahl, who was the lead singer of the pop band Kajagoogoo.

During filming in Germany, because it was an unusually hot summer one of the statues of the Ivory Tower actually melted. On other days, the crew were forced to shut down production because the blue backgrounds for the matte work refused to operate properly.

Noah Hathaway (Atreyu) now owns and operates a tattoo parlor in Los Angeles, California with his wife.

Moment of Wonder
Be confident doesn’t have the same ring as be aggressive.  B. E. Aggressive.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/I_vzG5nYk1I" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/I_vzG5nYk1I</a>

[Johnny Unusual]

Cecil and Sir Rook where the first to take up arms against the monstrous wolf.  They dealt powerful blows but the giant wolf proved to powerful for them.  But leaping from behind, Dogmeat came down on him with his axe and did not stop chopping for some time.

"Excellent work Dogmeat!  If you should like, you can join the royal army when we get back.  I think you would prove a worthy night."

Dogmeat agreed, but mostly because he was hoping this meant he could go around, chopping off heads and yelling "Lookit me!  I'ma knight!  WHEEE!"

[Johnny Unusual]

 

Now, once more, I must ride with my knights to defend what was, and the dream of what could be.

Number 13 Excalibur
(81 points on 4 of 14 lists. Top Vote #1 by Tripe Hound Redux)

 Plot:   
The myth of King Arthur brought once again to the screen. Uthur Pendragon is given the mystical sword Excalibur by the wizard Merlin. At his death Uthur buries the sword into a stone, and the next man that can pull it out will be King of England. Years later Arthur, Uthur's bastard son draws Excalibur and becomes king. Guided by Merlin, Arthur marries Guenivere and gathers the Knights of the Round Table. Arthur's evil half-sister Morgana sires a son with him, who may prove his downfall.

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters
   
Excalibur – How come no one though to just break the rock about the stone.  Maybe you can’t get all the stone bits off, but then you can take it from town to town to see if people can wield it.

Merlin – He ages backwards, which I guess means he started out as a skeleton and then climbed into a woman.  Poor woman, buy the way.

The Grail – what makes a grail a grail.  People have steins, but no one just has a grail.

Trivia Notes:
The names of the 25 knights inscribed on the Winchester Round Table are given as: Galahad, Lancelot du Lac, Gawain, Percivale, Lionell, Bors de Ganis, Kay, Tristram de Lyones, Gareth, Bedivere, Bleoberis, La Cote Male Taile, Lucan, Palomedes, Lamorak, Safer, Pelleas, Hector de Maris, Dagonet, Degore, Brunor le Noir, Le Bel Desconneu, Alymere, and Mordred.

The cameraman waited with a camera running for days for the shot of a crow eating an eye. They had to wait for the crow to really eat the sheep's eye.

Camelot shown from afar is a model reflected into camera with a mirror.

Director John Boorman bought the horse that Percival rides to champion Guinevere.

Moment of Wonder
He chose…. Poorly.  Just kiddin’.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/K1MuvvS_xSw" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/K1MuvvS_xSw</a>

[Johnny Unusual]

Suddenly, the wolf stands up again.  There's a new look in his eyes.  A dead look.  The undead wolf rips off the arms and legs of the party.  None have time to react.  Everyone is dead.

[Johnny Unusual]

 

Hail to the king, baby.

(Why is not every heavy metal cover this?)
Number 12 Army of Darkness
(84 points on 6 of 14 lists. Top Vote #3 by Mrs. Dick Courier)

 Plot:   
In this sequel to the Evil Dead films, a discount-store employee ("Name's Ash. Housewares.") is time-warped to a medieval castle beset by monstrous forces. Initially mistaken for an enemy, he is soon revealed as the prophecised savior who can quest for the Necronomicon, a book which can dispel the evil. Unfortunately, he screws up the magic words while collecting the tome, and releases an army of skeletons, led by his own Deadite counterpart. What follows is a thrilling, yet tongue-in-cheek battle between Ash's 20th Century tactics and the minions of darkness.

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters

The Deadites – Some puns that would relate to a skeleton

The Necronomicon – Bound in human skin.  Stapled together with fingernail clippings.

Trivia Notes:
On the posters released for the movie, Music credit goes to 'Joe LoDuca', but is misspelled as Joe DoLuca.

S-Mart is chain of grocery stores in Mexico.

During the filming of Army Of Darkness the Delta 88 car falling out of the sky was shot two times. During the first attempt, the 25 ton crane lifting the Oldsmobile failed due to mechanical problems and toppled over the edge of a cliff at the quarry location where filming was taking place. Fortunately no injuries occurred as the crane operator dropped from the cab before the crane went over the edge. Days later a larger 80 ton crane was brought in to remove the damaged crane and re-shoot the car drop. In the final edit, elements of the re-shoot as well as footage from the end of Evil Dead 2 were used.

During filming of the climactic sword fight at Arthur's castle, Bruce Campbell suffered a small gash to his face when a decorative pin on his cape cut him during a stunt. He was immediately from the Polsa Rosa Ranch location to see a plastic surgeon to assess the damage. At the examination the doctor had to have the actual injury pointed out amid the myriad of special effect scars and cuts Ash's character had accumulated during the story. Campbell was treated and returned to set shortly afterward to finish the scene.

Moment of Wonder
I love the idea of showing this scene to someone who only saw the first movie and hadn’t heard of the others.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/wP3H6lZ_mt8" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/wP3H6lZ_mt8</a>

[Johnny Unusual]

No, wait, sorry guys, I didn't take into account certain artifacts and status boosts.  Let's start that again.

Suddenly, the wolf stands up again.  There's a new look in his eyes.  A dead look.  Luckily Richardella uses the dark to her advantage and sneak attacks the wolf, doing critical damage.  Then, as the undead beast is distracted, Montgomery lops off it's head.

The old man whimpers "either we are getting close to succeeding or the keeper of the maze is bored with us now.  He brought back the wolf as undead to finish us off."