List of Crap: Top 50 Fantasy Movies Countdown

[Johnny Unusual]

Unforunately, the song woke up a large number of giant snakes sleeping just out of site.  Being territorial, they start attacking and trying to devour the party.  Once more, Dogmeat saves the day, less from nobility and more from battlelust.  The party runs before they are overrun with Dogmeat seemingly drowning in snakes.

[Johnny Unusual]

The secret of steel has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle, Conan.

Number 33: Conan the Barbarian
(37 points on 2 of 14 lists. Top Vote #5 by Tripe Hound Redux)

 Plot:   
A village is attacked by the evil ruler of the Snake Cult, Thulsa Doom and his evil warriors, when Thulsa Doom and his warriors kills his parents, a young boy named Conan is enslaved. Years later, Conan grows up and becomes a mighty warrior and is trained as a fighter. After years as a slave and as a gladiator, Conan is set free. Conan sets out on a quest as he vows to avenge his parents and solve the riddle of steel. Joined by a archer named Subotai, a beautiful thief who falls in love with Conan, Valeria and a Chinese wizard, Conan and his companions sets out to rescue Princess Yasmina, daughter of King Osric, from the Snake Cult, and get his revenge on Thulsa Doom and avenge his parents.

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters

Thulsa Doom’s Snake Magic – LOOK OUT, CONAN!  HE’S A SNAKE, NOW! (What I will also say if Leno moves to TBS)

Trivia Notes:
Arnold Schwarzenegger had to tone down his workout, as his arm/chest muscles were so big that he couldn't wield a sword properly.

The runes on Conan's father's sword are translated as; "Suffer no guilt, ye who wield this in the name of Crom."

Moment of Wonder
THE GLORY OF BATTLE!

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/RVFpy5UwsAU" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/RVFpy5UwsAU</a>

[Johnny Unusual]

Leaving Dogmeat behind, Sir von Rook notices a small cottage in the middle of the cavern.  Our large party decides to take shelter in there, but find that the 12 of them can barely fit in.  Even worse, there is a 13th: the old witch who lives there, who just got out of the bath.  She quickly begins hitting you with her broom and tries to get you the hell out.

[Johnny Unusual]

 

Once you do something, you never forget. Even if you can't remember.

Number 32: Spirited Away
(38 points on 3 of 14 lists. Top Vote #1 by Charles Hussein Castle)

 Plot:
Chihiro and her parents are moving to a small Japanese town in the countryside, much to Chihiro's dismay. On the way to their new home, Chihiro's father makes a wrong turn and drives through a lonely land road with dead end at the entrance to a tunnel. Her parents decide to stop the car and explore the area. They cross the tunnel and find an abandoned cultural theme park on the other side with its own town inside. When her parents see a restaurant with great smelling food but no staff, they decide to eat and pay later; however Chihiro refuses to eat and decides to explore the theme park a bit more. She meets a boy named Haku that tells her that her parents and herself are in danger and they must leave the place. She runs to the restaurant and finds that her parents have turned into pigs. Further, the theme park is actually a town inhabited by otherworldly figures such as demons, spirits, and evil gods. At the center of the town is a bathhouse where these creatures go to cleanse themselves. The evil witch Yubaba, who is intent on keeping all trespassers, in this case Chihiro, as captive workers, owns the bathhouse. Now Chihiro must rely on Haku to save her parents and return to their world.

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters

No-Face – He cleans up real nice.  Unfortunately the cleaning part is a bit of a pain.

Trivia Notes:
The song over the closing credits ("Itsumo Nando Demo"/"Always With Me") was intended for a Hayao Miyazaki film that was never made. Miyazaki played it relentlessly while making this film and decided to include it in the end credits.

First anime film to be nominated for (and win) an Academy Award. It also has the longest runtime of any other film nominated or winning in that category (125 minutes).

Moment of Wonder
I really can’t find a scene with the water train.  Does anyone know where to find it?  It’s not the most phantasmagorical scene, but it is absolutely beautiful.

[tejava joe]

I put on my +4 Str +4 Stam leather belt.  ANHHH Eh-ohhhhhh.

[Johnny Unusual]

Just as the witch is summoning magical skeletons to finish you off, just as Dogmeat bursts through the door, flailing and covered in snakes.  At this point, he looks like a SINGLE BEAST!  Tired of having been useless for much of the adventure, Spearmint Orange pip finally does something.  AND DOES HE.  Working his way over to the witches potion ingredients, he first concocts a seemingly simple smoke bomb.

"KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED!"  He yells, and throws it to the ground.  The sudden smoke fills the cabin.  Suddenly the skeletons erode.  If it was safe to open his mouth, he would say that he developed a calcium weakening gas.  Anyone foolish enough to keep their mouths open now suffer from tooth decay.

But now the witch is upset, and there's still a snake/bear monstrosity to deal with.

[Johnny Unusual]

For the moment, let them enjoy a calm sea, a fresh breeze and each other. The girl is pretty and I am always sentimental. But for Jason, there are other adventures. I have not finished with Jason. Let us continue the game another day.

Number 31: Jason and the Argonauts
(38 points on 5 of 14 lists. Top Vote #11 by Compound)

 Plot:   
Jason has been prophesied to take the throne of Thessaly. When he saves Pelias from drowning, but does not recognize him as the man who had earlier killed his father, Pelias tells Jason to travel to Colchis to find the Golden Fleece. Jason follows his advice and assembles a sailing crew of the finest men in Greece, including Hercules. They are under the protection of Hera, queen of the gods. Their voyage is replete with battles against harpies, a giant bronze Talos, a hydra, and an animated skeleton army, all brought to life by the special effects wizardry of Ray Harryhausen.

Magical Spells, Artifacts and Monsters

The Hydra – Too bad we never get to see him do his regenerating trick.

Hydra’s Teeth – If I had these, I’d just keep planting them.  I love the sound they make.

Talos – A personal favourite, but I’m not sure why there’s a giant statue walking around filled with reddish goo.

Trivia Notes:
The previous Ray Harryhausen films were generally shown as part of a double feature in "B" theatres. Columbia was able to book this film as a single feature in many "A" theatres in the United States.

Ray Harryhausen regarded this as his best film.

Moment of Wonder
And that’s why you don’t steal stuff from the gods!

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/LxA3wFYxUB8" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/LxA3wFYxUB8</a>

[Johnny Unusual]

After the party hacks off the snakes of their now toothless bear friend (he was too busy roaring to heed the "mouth closed advice"), they turn their attention to the witch.  The witch surrenders and ays she was merely trying to defend her seemingly poorly located bed and breakfast ("more people stop in than you'd think."  She offers you a place to stay for the night and heal your wounds, if you would just pay for the damage.


That's it for the night and, Charles Hussein Castle, you've got to chip in for pizza.  You always say you are going to have a little and then you have, like, five slices.  Come on, guy.

Well, this is sort of getting spaced out a bit more strangely than I intended.  Tomorrow, there might be only 5 entries, but I'll try to make it more.

[ColeStratton]

By the way, I need to spoil one small thing right now.  No one voted for Ladyhawke.  That just surprised me is all.

I thought about it, and then I remembered that score and it magically disappeared from my list...

[Pak-Man]

Aww, man. I completely forgot Miyazaki when I was making my list.

[Tripe]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/RVFpy5UwsAU" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/RVFpy5UwsAU</a>

Greatest, purest and most honest prayer ever written. I'm not kidding.

[Johnny Unusual]

Yeah, sorry, expect a bit of a break, between stuff.  Sorries.

[Darth Geek]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/RVFpy5UwsAU" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/RVFpy5UwsAU</a>

Greatest, purest and most honest prayer ever written. I'm not kidding.

I like the idea that Crom was about to help Conan in the middle of the prayer, and then changed his mind.

[Tripe]

I'm picturing Athena with slouchy posture and a sulky pouty expression on her face.

...


I'll be back in a mo....

[Johnny Unusual]

The next morning, the party asks the witch to help with it's Bono problem (Dogmeat is actually quite happy being a bear).  This leads to an argument among the crew whether this should be solved with alchemy or magic.  (and if you think they are the same, don't tell an alchemist that).