LoC 66 Top 50 80s Movies

[Darth Geek]

It begins!
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/_JUCfX1P1ik" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/_JUCfX1P1ik</a>



EDIT: Note, release dates are the earliest regular theatrical release in any country (I don't include film festival premiers). If it's the USA, it's not specified, if it's a different country, that country is noted, and the USA release date is also given.

[Darth Geek]

50c. The Burbs

(29 points, 3 lists of 24, highest ranking: #9 Smoky)
Release date: February 17 1989

Directed by: Joe Dante

From IMDB: An overstressed suburbanite and his paramilitaric neighbor struggle to prove their paranoid theory that the new family in town is a front for a cannibalistic cult.

My take:
Tom Hanks and his neighbors act like a extras from the Sandlot. Which would be charming, except they are commiting felonies against their new neighbors the Klopeks. Who are like if John Carpenter made The Munsters.
Remember kids, your creepy old neighbor who hoards weapons, acts like he's constantly has 'Nam flashbacks, and has a way-too-young-for-him trophy wife, is less dangerous than the quiet neighbors. Because their house is dirty.

What have we learned?
  Stoner dudes think the suburbs are fascinating.
  In the 80s, there was no "30 minutes or it's free" pizza delivery.
  It's okay to judge people based on their appearance and the appearance of their house. You'll turn out to be right in the end.
  Carrie Fisher always plays a horrible shrewish bitch.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/kPBDu4mY9oo" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/kPBDu4mY9oo</a>


And for those who hate rap (like me), here is some classic In Living Color:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/a7Il6XEwkK8" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/a7Il6XEwkK8</a>



Remake: I'm pretty sure Jackass is at least a remake of part of this.
  I'd like to see Edgar Wright do a remake set in England. Maybe have Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the star, and Michael Caine as Werner Klopek.

[Darth Geek]

50b. Hairspray

(29 points, 3 lists of 24, highest ranking: #7 MerryWanna)
Release date: February 16 1988

Directed by: John Waters

From IMDB: A 'pleasantly plump' teenager teaches 1962 Baltimore a thing or two about integration after landing a spot on a local TV dance show.

My take:
A chubby girl Tracy Turnblat gets hired as a plus-size model for the Hefty Hideaway clothing store owned by a guy named Mr. Pinky, and it's directed by John Waters. How the hell is this not something The Cinema Snob would review?
Somehow, it's directed by John Waters, has Divine in it, and yet the remake from 2007 is more disturbing because John Travolta is in fat suit drag.

What have we learned?
  Even trying to be mainstream, John Waters is weeeeeeeird.
  I don't care if she's a better person than the thin chicks, there aren't enough paper bags in the world for me to hit that.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/LMe1dARnypk" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/LMe1dARnypk</a>


Remake: No no no no no, GOD NO!

[Darth Geek]

50a. Fitzcarraldo

(29 points, 2 lists of 24, highest ranking: #4 George Harrison)
Release date: West Germany, March 4 1982
              USA October 10 1982

Directed by: Werner Herzog

From IMDB: The story of Brian Sweeney Fitzgerald, an extremely determined man who intends to build an opera house in the middle of a jungle.

My take:
An inspiring tale of a guy who wants to bring an opera house to a small Peru village. Really? Opera, one of the most boring goddamn forms of entertainment ever made? I think these people would have gotten more interest and culture out of a Punch and Judy show.
But no, he gets the bright idea to PULL A STEAMERSHIP over land. I wonder how many poor workers died so some fat chick in a Viking helmet can belt out indecipherable singing.

What have we learned?
  Being a Rubber Baron is a real thing, not the setup for a porn parody.
  Portage is only funny when it's done by an old timey comedy group, or a small red robot.

Holy crap, somebody actually parodied Fitzcarraldo! Metalocalypse episode "Dethcarraldo":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmaV3xXiDZ0


Remake: The trailer for Les Mis looks well done, so I would give that director, Tom Hooper a chance to do something epic and a period piece again.
  Maybe have it be about a movie theater instead of opera, and have James Franco star. Or if you want to go middle aged, Brendon Frasier.

[Darth Geek]

49d. When Harry Met Sally

(30 points, 2 lists of 24, highest ranking: #7 George Harrison)
Release date: July 12 1989

Directed by: Rob Reiner

From IMDB: Harry and Sally have known each other for years, and are very good friends, but they fear sex would ruin the friendship.

My take:
Meg Ryan faked an orgasm, and...umm...I'm sure other things happened too.
Oh, they met at the end on the Empire State building and there was something about lights in other buildings and it was romantic. But I only remember that because they parodied it in the Siskel & Ebert episode of The Critic.

What have we learned?
 Meg Ryan can fake her orgasm. That's it.

Since I can't post the parody video from RedTube without getting banned here, here's the Muppets:
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/sqfIHlap7G8" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/sqfIHlap7G8</a>

They parodied that on a children's show?


Remake: What if Harry were a vampire, and Sally was a teenage girl, and...no, no that'd be stupid.

[Darth Geek]

49c. The Last Unicorn

(30 points, 2 lists of 24, highest ranking: #2 anais.butterfly)
Release date: November 19 1982

Directed by: Jules Bass, Arthur Rankin Jr.

From IMDB: A brave unicorn and a magician fight an evil king who is obsessed with attempting to capture the world's unicorns.

My take:
The Rankin Bass guys, best known for heartwarming Holidays specials, went on a crazed energy drink binge. Out of this was born a story about genocide and xenophobia, aimed at impressionable young girls. It also has creepy trees with huge breats, so presumably Ruth Handler (creater of Barbie) stopped by for a while too.


Hey, it's been riffed! By RoninFox. It even made it on the Top iRiffs LoC:
37 b  Ronin Fox Trax - The Last Unicorn   -   BUY



What have we learned?
 The tragic backstory to a throwaway joke in Cabin In The Woods.

Um, okay, ths parody is seriously NSFW:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pdq_iUImCc&feature=related

Remake: The only person who could direct this and have it be remotely interesting would be Brad Bird. And since it is about unicorns, just have Tim Curry do one of the voices, I don't care which.

[Darth Geek]

49b. Sixteen Candles

(30 points, 3 lists of 24, highest ranking: #10 Sicgirl)
Release date: May 4 1984

Directed by: John Hughes

From IMDB: A young girl's "sweet sixteenth" birthday becomes anything but special as she suffers from every embarrassment possible.

My take:
Pretty White People Problems: The Movie. Also starring: a character actually called Long Duk Dong! The porn industry is confused.


What have we learned?
 Apparently being in high school and taking a "sex quiz" and letting that information getting out to classmates is a bad idea. Who knew?
 Also a bad idea: giving your underwear to a creep. I wonder how this movie played in Japan?
 Don't Google search Long Duk Dong. Just...don't.

I couldn't find the Family Guy episode, so here:
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/4E9zxxHCAPQ" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/4E9zxxHCAPQ</a>


Remake: You really want somebody to try to remake John Hughes? Besides, isn't Easy A already kind of a redo of a lot of these issues?

[Darth Geek]

49a. Beverly Hills Cop

(30 points, 3 lists of 24, highest ranking: #4 rifftraxnator)
Release date: December 1 1984

Directed by: Martin Brest, and is somehow not a porno

From IMDB: A freewheeling Detroit cop pursuing a murder investigation finds himself dealing with the very different culture of Beverly Hills.

My take:
This movie is like in Last Action Hero when Jack Slater comes into the real world. No wonder people are pissed off at Axel Foley's movie bullshit antics, he's a danger to himself and others. I know Judge Reinhold and his partner are kinda square, but does he really think these experienced city cops haven't dealt with dangerous criminals before?

What have we learned?
 A banana is an internal combustion engine's most deadly enemy.
 Property damage in the 80s was standard procedure in Detroit.
 Eddie Murphy is was awesome.
 Judge Reinhold's parents must have been very dissapointed in his career choice.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/p223TqLBAys" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/p223TqLBAys</a>


Remake: If he was younger, definitely Chris Rock. But now I would like to see Mos Def try this. Probably have it directed by Ben Afleck.

[Darth Geek]

48c. Revenge of the Nerds

(31 points, 3 lists of 24, highest ranking: #9 Mrs. Dick Courier)
Release date: July 20 1984

Directed by: Jeff Kanew

From IMDB: At a big campus, a group of bullied outcasts and misfits resolve to fight back for their peace and self respect.

My take:
Ah the 80s. When being a nerd was just considered abnormal. And while they were picked on, they were at least otherwise normal people. Not like the way nerds are protrayed today, as having crippling social inadequacies akin to mental patients. Also, felonies are funny!
And I still say the scene where she has sex with Lewis while he's wearing the mask is statutory rape. Seriously, that is fucked up.

What have we learned:
 You could show bush in the 80s and it wasn't considered gross.
 I learned I suddenly have a craving for pie.
 Yellow junpsuits and even wierder outfits than you normally wear will suddenly make you coordinated and cool.
 Even nerd rap is still shit.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/k-JzQqj9HFY" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/k-JzQqj9HFY</a>

Remake: I would love to see a gritty remake where the nerds get revenge on the jocks, killing them all in brutal ways. They get away with it because they are smart and there is no evidence pointing to them. At the last scene we see them decide to continue, and are going to target the mob.

[Darth Geek]

48b. Pretty in Pink

(31 points, 3 lists of 24, highest ranking: #11 Zombie Monty)
Release date: February 28 1986

Directed by: Howard Deutch

From IMDB: A poor girl must choose between the affections of her doting childhood sweetheart and a rich but sensitive playboy.

My take:
 AHHH! The pink! It sears my eyes! It burns!
 Andie lives on the wrong side of the tracks, and she works at a store named TRAX. Is that a visual pun, like the head giving head in Re-Animator?

What have we learned?
 I had no idea Molly Ringwald was so omnipresent in the 80s. Next you'll be telling me she's in a Shakespeare adaptation.
 The term "brat pack" was intended to be complimentary. I had no idea.

Not Another Teen Movie is apparently partly a parody of Pretty In Pink, but seriously, fuck that Scary Movie shit and it's ilk.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=pretty%20in%20pink%20parody&source=web&cd=13&cad=rja&ved=0CDgQtwIwAjgK&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2Fe1c541388d%2Fpretty-in-pink-from-bluegiraffesucks&ei=wvmqUPPjOJSB0AHNsoGADg&usg=AFQjCNE5Ei1oA5_bArtslDKEuNYQDtIo3w

Remake: Fuck it, let Rob Zombie direct it for all I care.

[Darth Geek]

48a. Paris, Texas

(31 points, 2 lists of 24, highest ranking: #1 Charles Hussein Castle)
Release date: France, May 19 1984
              USA, November 2 1984

Directed by: Wim Wenders (possibly a pseudonym created for him by Chekov)

From IMDB: A man wanders out of the desert not knowing who he is. His brother finds him, and helps to pull his memory back of the life he led before he walked out on his wife and son four years before. As his memory returns, he makes contact with various people from his past.

My take:
 Um, hooboy, uh...Dean Stockwell is in this. So it sounds like either the most boring episode of Quantum Leap ever, or the guy writing the description forgot to mention the Lovcraftian monsters.
 If Muppets Take Manhattan has tought me anything, and it has, they should have just had a pig punch him, problem solved.


What have we learned?
 It would have been greatly improved if he had had explosive amnesia.

Since I'm pretty sure the N***AS IN PARIS is not a parody of this movie, I give you this:
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/7lSliucgygc" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/7lSliucgygc</a>


Remake: Wasn't Gerry a remake of this?
 

[Darth Geek]

Okay, that's it for tonight.

[ScottotD]

Thanks man, were you angry at something when you wrote these though?

Remake: If he was younger, definitely Chris Rock. But now I would like to see Mos Def Yasiin Bey try this. Probably have it directed by Ben Afleck.

...although I'd chose Donald Glover personally

[mrbasehart]

Some great films to begin with...

And The Last Unicorn.

[MightyJack]

Hmm, angry write-ups. That's harshing my buzz. But hey 2 of mine made it and that's boosted my thankful holiday spirit.

When Harry Met Sally is one of those I can watch again and again. A charming, spot on and funny rom com.

Fitzacarraldo is probably my favorite Herzog film, even more than Aguirre: Wrath of God. It's also worth seeing the doc about the film, "Burden of Dreams". Roger Ebert summed up the feature nicely when he wrote... "As a document of a quest and a dream, and as the record of man's audacity and foolish, visionary heroism, there has never been another movie like it."

Oh, and the guy who plays the ships engineer in Rifftrax "Bermuda Triangle", played the ships engineer here (as of course is in MSTS Puma Man). 

Very cool to see Wim Wenders make the list too... though I went with another film for my top 25. My respects to Charles Hussein Castle and the other who voted it in.