Tweeters Never Prosper

[Johnny Unusual]

I decided to start a thread dedicated to posting tweets you like or tweets you've made that you are proud of.

Recently, from my feed:

It just occurred to me: a lifetime supply of coffins is zero coffins.

I'm sure better one's will get posted.

Oh, here are some from Patton Oswalt:

"I told my campaign manager to make more more likable. He sewed my mouth shut!" -- Romney Dangerfield

"My V.P., he's no bargain. His Secret Service code name is 'Ayn Bland'!" -- Romney Dangerfield

"My limo driver swerved to avoid a pedestrian, so the media said I don't connect with the public!" -- Romney Dangerfield

And a great response by Jordan Zakarin

"I come from a real tough neighborhood. Gay kids always getting beat up. By me." #RomneyDangerfield

[Johnny Unusual]

To prepare for his role as young Bruce Willis in LOOPER, Joseph Gordon-Levitt had to spend six weeks at Smirk Academy.
-Doug Benson

[The Lurker]

[Johnny Unusual]

Patton Oswalt:

"To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?" -- Mitt Romney #debate

[D.B. Barnes]

[mrbasehart]

Richard Dreyfuss:

Close Encounters was released 35 years ago. One day we'll make a sequel where I return & have a difficult reunion with the kids I abandoned.

Joshua Malina:

It seems to me that all Black Sabbath albums should go on sale tonight at sundown.

[Johnny Unusual]

Patton Oswalt:

"I have a curvature of the spine and so I'm the same as a fucking werewolf, swamp creature & vampire?!" -- Hunchback of Notre Dame

Doug Benson

I finally get it! SUCKER PUNCH is the story of five girls trying to escape from the movie SUCKER PUNCH.

[TheUnabeefer]

I will always be proud of this tweet:

[Johnny Unusual]

Frank Conniff

Tonight, lots of people are watching Liz & Dick just to make fun of it. I really don't approve of that sort of thing.

[SJP]

George Takei just has really good stuff.  I know a lot of stuff, like pictures and things, he forwards, but he's become like Leslie Nielsen...he's old now, and dammit, he just likes a good laugh all the time, no matter where he is or what he's doing.

Unfortunately, I have no specific ones to add, but I will say it was sadly amusing to watch the Twitter feed from the Detroit Tigers slowly losing hope as the World Series progressed.  Before, I got tweets about all the crap that was available to purchase, and who was the best player, and pregame warmups.  And then, it was just the scores rolling in.

[Johnny Unusual]

Justice Scalia has compared homosexuality to murder in an opinion he just issued in the case of Douchebag v Reality.

- Frank Conniff

[Johnny Unusual]

What do you call a plan to bilk Doctor Who companions out of their life savings? A Ponds-zi scheme.

- Paul Goebel

Those who say more guns make us safer base their belief on the solid statistical evidence of many, many action movies.

-Frank Conniff

It’s time to play Twitter ping-pong! Raise your paddles. My serve. Ready? Clackity-clackity clack….

Clack, clack, clackity-clack.

Dang. Your point.

My serve. Clack. Clack. Doink.

Plonk. Doink. Clack. Dink.

Boing. Doink. Ah ha! Good game.

- Steve Martin

[The Lurker]

[Johnny Unusual]

"Hey people who argue on message boards:Many of the words you are using have actual definitions."

- Comic Jim Bruce

[The Lurker]