Author Topic: Tweeters Never Prosper  (Read 27930 times)

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Offline Johnny Unusual

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Tweeters Never Prosper
« on: September 23, 2012, 07:30:03 PM »
I decided to start a thread dedicated to posting tweets you like or tweets you've made that you are proud of.

Recently, from my feed:

It just occurred to me: a lifetime supply of coffins is zero coffins.

I'm sure better one's will get posted.

Oh, here are some from Patton Oswalt:

"I told my campaign manager to make more more likable. He sewed my mouth shut!" -- Romney Dangerfield

"My V.P., he's no bargain. His Secret Service code name is 'Ayn Bland'!" -- Romney Dangerfield

"My limo driver swerved to avoid a pedestrian, so the media said I don't connect with the public!" -- Romney Dangerfield

And a great response by Jordan Zakarin

"I come from a real tough neighborhood. Gay kids always getting beat up. By me." #RomneyDangerfield


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2012, 12:52:50 PM »
To prepare for his role as young Bruce Willis in LOOPER, Joseph Gordon-Levitt had to spend six weeks at Smirk Academy.
-Doug Benson


Online The Lurker

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2012, 05:59:00 PM »


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2012, 01:24:02 PM »
Patton Oswalt:

"To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?" -- Mitt Romney #debate



Offline D.B. Barnes

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2012, 06:11:39 AM »
VIVA IL ESORDIO DEL DIABETE ADULTO DUCE!!!


Offline mrbasehart

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2012, 06:47:24 AM »
Richard Dreyfuss:

Quote
Close Encounters was released 35 years ago. One day we'll make a sequel where I return & have a difficult reunion with the kids I abandoned.

Joshua Malina:

Quote
It seems to me that all Black Sabbath albums should go on sale tonight at sundown.



Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2012, 02:08:11 PM »
Patton Oswalt:

Quote
"I have a curvature of the spine and so I'm the same as a fucking werewolf, swamp creature & vampire?!" -- Hunchback of Notre Dame
Doug Benson

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I finally get it! SUCKER PUNCH is the story of five girls trying to escape from the movie SUCKER PUNCH.


Offline TheUnabeefer

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2012, 02:15:29 PM »
I will always be proud of this tweet:

...and there he was, reigning supreme at number two.  The One... The Only... The Unabeefer.



Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #8 on: November 26, 2012, 03:03:35 PM »
Frank Conniff

Quote
Tonight, lots of people are watching Liz & Dick just to make fun of it. I really don't approve of that sort of thing.


Offline SJP

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2012, 02:52:34 PM »


George Takei just has really good stuff.  I know a lot of stuff, like pictures and things, he forwards, but he's become like Leslie Nielsen...he's old now, and dammit, he just likes a good laugh all the time, no matter where he is or what he's doing.

Unfortunately, I have no specific ones to add, but I will say it was sadly amusing to watch the Twitter feed from the Detroit Tigers slowly losing hope as the World Series progressed.  Before, I got tweets about all the crap that was available to purchase, and who was the best player, and pregame warmups.  And then, it was just the scores rolling in.
One Man Band Riffs.  18 riffs, over 600 served, since 2009.


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2012, 01:44:19 PM »
Justice Scalia has compared homosexuality to murder in an opinion he just issued in the case of Douchebag v Reality.

- Frank Conniff


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2012, 02:40:50 PM »
What do you call a plan to bilk Doctor Who companions out of their life savings? A Ponds-zi scheme.

- Paul Goebel

Those who say more guns make us safer base their belief on the solid statistical evidence of many, many action movies.

-Frank Conniff

It’s time to play Twitter ping-pong! Raise your paddles. My serve. Ready? Clackity-clackity clack….

Clack, clack, clackity-clack.

Dang. Your point.

My serve. Clack. Clack. Doink.

Plonk. Doink. Clack. Dink.

Boing. Doink. Ah ha! Good game.

- Steve Martin


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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2013, 08:27:01 PM »


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #13 on: May 28, 2013, 02:41:03 AM »
"Hey people who argue on message boards:Many of the words you are using have actual definitions."

- Comic Jim Bruce


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Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2013, 04:30:05 PM »