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Author Topic: Top 50 iRiffs  (Read 99403 times)

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Offline David

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #210 on: March 08, 2012, 10:16:11 PM »
Sorry, cutting hurts.

I dug up all your lines in case anyone's interested.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AiPyL7yfj9A_dFF1VE05LXBzLWYwWXhrbjJBTlUwc1E#gid=0


Offline Steve-O

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #211 on: March 08, 2012, 10:21:13 PM »
Sorry, cutting hurts.

Yeah, no big whoop.  You know how it is.  If I may be so bold as to quote myself:

I hate having to cut out any lines, even the ones I know are insufferably lame.  They're like children to me.  Filthy, mildly retarded children.


Offline D.B. Barnes

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #212 on: March 09, 2012, 05:07:29 AM »
#15
Hor-Riff-ic Productions - Friday the 13th part 3
(Total Points: 61    Number of Lists: 3  Highest Ranking: #5 @ScottOTD, D.B. Barnes)

Easily my favorite of the Friday riffs. It all kinda came together on this one. Great stuff.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART III REVIEW  - Dale Hammock for President!!!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)


#14
Turkey Shoot - The Snow Creature
(Total Points: 66    Number of Lists: 4  Highest Ranking: #1 Invader Quirk)

Sweet! Had Snow Creature at #11. Not much to say about it except it's absolutely hilarious. Like I said, Scott Zee is among a handful of elite solo riffers. If you haven't seen this, you pretty much need to see this.


#11
Riff Raff Theater - League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
(Total Points: 70    Number of Lists: 6  Highest Ranking: #6 D.B. Barnes)

My favorite RRT track. Such a great variety of jokes and the performances are excellent. RRT were arguably the best performers in all of iRiffing.

LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN REVIEW– Screw the Western canon!!!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)


What was the wording on the riff about listing the various team members, ending in "a skinny drug addict who turns into a giant special needs kid. The team is complete!" I love that one!

A ten foot special needs kid who turns into a shirtless drug addict. The team is complete! (Written by Junkyard)

Fucking classic.
VIVA IL ESORDIO DEL DIABETE ADULTO DUCE!!!


Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #213 on: March 09, 2012, 05:28:00 AM »
It was when they were chasing the be-tophatted Mr. Hulk Hyde.
(Riffer 1): He's like Abe Lincoln with Down Syndrome.
(Riffer 2): Maybe they're trying to drive him into the Ford Theatre.
Written by... Steve-O?!

Thanks. I posted it. I laways prefer it when people actually write out the riff, rather than just describe it, but sometimes I can't find it, even with the search.



Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #214 on: March 09, 2012, 05:29:18 AM »
Also, why did you start using that old, small QuipTracks logo? I thought you were using a nice, big, transparent, updated one at the start of the list...
Good point. Not sure why that happened. I can fix it tonight.*



*And I will admit, I like the old logo better than the new one.



Offline SJP

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #215 on: March 09, 2012, 01:24:57 PM »
Just since it was mentioned earlier that people were looking for the self-congratulatory Oscar-type speeches...and for some reason I couldn't find the clip from Wayne's World 2 with the "I promised I wouldn't cry" bit...so I'll just have to put in a few words.

I will admit, I had essentially started my riffs in 2009 after hearing about the contest, and figured, "Well, why not?  I should give it a shot."  I sort of figured I had no chance of winning, even though that didn't stop me from trying.  After all, look who was already out there...Quiptracks, Ronin Fox Trax, Hor-Riff-ic, Riff Raff Theater, Incognito Cinema Warriors, heck, even That Guy with the Glasses.  Some guy coming out of nowhere, with a track for a movie barely anybody would have owned even then, by himself with no one to bounce gags off if, with a poster and thumbnail that were whipped up in five minutes?  It was practically suicidal to even try.  Still, it was a little disappointing to see I hadn't made it into the finals, but I thought what DID make it deserved to be there, especially after I bought them and tried them out.  But what was even weirder, I didn't let it bother me that much, and even though the riff pretty much burnt me out, a week or so later I was already working on Mortal Kombat.  Sure, it's hard work and there are times it doesn't seem worth the effort, it doesn't pay much, and sometimes it can be heartbreaking to throw everything you've got into something and only see a handful of sales.  But, dammit, I admit it, even three years later it's still FUN.  And I think through it all that's what makes a big difference.

I think that the saddest part of riffing is when truly talented people release their first riff, get discouraged that they don't immediately become a success, and then abandon it.  There are a few ones I've seen that I thought were extremely well done, or at the very least well-written, and the riffer gave up and never released another one after that.  It really is a process that needs to be done for the love of the game, because if you go into it looking to become the fourth coming of MST3K (following Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic, of course), it's certainly not going to happen overnight, unless you have the world's greatest luck...even if your riff is a work of unparalleled genius, somebody's got to listen to it, after all.  As much as I like to give the movies a hard time, I don't think I well and truly hate any I've done (though Hackers and Legion are probably the most borderline)...if I did, I wouldn't subject myself to them over and over again, especially for a couple of cents per sale.  If I was only in it for the money and the fame and glory, then I'm definitely in the wrong line of work.

But enough gloom.  The point I most want to make with all this endless driveling on is, despite all this time, I still don't think of myself as a big name or anything, even though I've put up quite a few riffs.  I still look at the boards and see Ronin, Hor-Riff-ic, Quiptracks, and even Riff Raff (despite being 'on-hiatus,' as I like to think of it) making the top sales and being the big winners of the riffing game.  So, to find out that not one, but three of mine were considered among the top 50 iRiffs is still something I can't quite wrap my head around.  Thanks to all those who voted, and to those who may be disappointed that they didn't make the lists, don't let that be a discouragement...there are a few I voted for that didn't make the list that I think are fantastic, and as long as you enjoy doing them, keep at it.

Also, I do want to make a very special thanks to Piobman.  At a time when I didn't have much confidence in using Photoshop, he was more than happy to make posters for me, and they're damn good ones at that.  Only a handful of them are not his work, and that's only because I made a promise that I wouldn't foist last-minute "can you do this for me in a day or so" projects on him, which the last two have most certainly been.  He's been more than gentlemanly about them and even did a fantastic DVD cover for American Werewolf in Paris, one that puts my rush job sales poster to shame, and he deserves every bit of praise he can get.   :clap:

Also, yes, I will be adding quotes for the Red Riding Hood riff shortly as well.  However, it should be noted that, thanks to this riff, I would really love to see the movie, "No Country for Oldman," where Gary Oldman seeks out those who didn't like "Sid & Nancy."
One Man Band Riffs.  18 riffs, over 600 served, since 2009.


Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #216 on: March 09, 2012, 07:22:54 PM »
/\
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More like that, please.



Offline LucasM

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #217 on: March 09, 2012, 07:46:53 PM »
To anyone interested:

I've got the iRiff LoC winners Index filled in to the present (every winner from 11-50).  [I've needed something to distract me from the pain from a tooth that is clearly telling me it needs a root canal.  :P]  Basically I have the Index set up so that clicking on the title takes the person to Darth Geek's great write-up of that film/iRiff, and then on the same line as each of those is a "BUY" link that can be clicked that takes the person clicking it to the iRiff catalog page to buy the film/riffing.  [All links derived from what DG has done.  I'm claiming no 'new' content here, just consolidating and condensing a tiny portion of it.]

In other words, for those who remember it, I've got the list we discussed on page 13 of this thread covered.  So no-one else needs to try to do it.  And as soon as I get the info for the final 10, I'll put the index up in this thread.  [And Darth Geek, you may want to add the Index to the opening post of the thread when the thread all wraps up, so there's an Index at both the front and near the end of it.  (Your choice, of course, you're the host... I'm just 'bringing the bottle of wine to go with dinner'.  ;))  That way people finding this thread in the future can easily see who the winners were, and find ANY of your write-ups and the purchase pages for them all, right out of the gate.]


I only did this TINY bit of work (compared to the effort involved in making all the write-ups and collecting all the pictures and links from all over hell), and I'm exhausted.  I have always known (from doing similar types of things, but related to my work in years past) that the effort that goes into these LoCs is TREMENDOUS.  And I just want to, once again, thank you Darth Geek, for doing such a great job, making this not only 'educational' and 'functional' but fun to read as well!   :clap:
« Last Edit: March 09, 2012, 07:52:51 PM by LucasM »
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #218 on: March 09, 2012, 08:51:25 PM »

To anyone interested:

I've got the iRiff LoC winners Index filled in to the present (every winner from 11-50).  [I've needed something to distract me from the pain from a tooth that is clearly telling me it needs a root canal.  :P]  Basically I have the Index set up so that clicking on the title takes the person to Darth Geek's great write-up of that film/iRiff, and then on the same line as each of those is a "BUY" link that can be clicked that takes the person clicking it to the iRiff catalog page to buy the film/riffing.  [All links derived from what DG has done.  I'm claiming no 'new' content here, just consolidating and condensing a tiny portion of it.]

In other words, for those who remember it, I've got the list we discussed on page 13 of this thread covered.  So no-one else needs to try to do it.  And as soon as I get the info for the final 10, I'll put the index up in this thread.  [And Darth Geek, you may want to add the Index to the opening post of the thread when the thread all wraps up, so there's an Index at both the front and near the end of it.  (Your choice, of course, you're the host... I'm just 'bringing the bottle of wine to go with dinner'.  ;))  That way people finding this thread in the future can easily see who the winners were, and find ANY of your write-ups and the purchase pages for them all, right out of the gate.]


I only did this TINY bit of work (compared to the effort involved in making all the write-ups and collecting all the pictures and links from all over hell), and I'm exhausted.  I have always known (from doing similar types of things, but related to my work in years past) that the effort that goes into these LoCs is TREMENDOUS.  And I just want to, once again, thank you Darth Geek, for doing such a great job, making this not only 'educational' and 'functional' but fun to read as well!   :clap:


Aaaw shucks.*blushes*



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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #219 on: March 09, 2012, 08:54:16 PM »
Aaaand seeing that DG's on, it's time to spam F5.


Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #220 on: March 09, 2012, 08:56:53 PM »
And we begin the Top 10 countdown with my personal favorite:

#10
Quiptracks - Van Helsing
(Total Points: 72    Number of Lists: 5  Highest Ranking: #1 Darth Geek)



Swinging: The Movie. In order to test her newfound nigh-bulletproof skin, Kate Bekinsale pits herself against Dracula, Werewolves and Frankenstein. With the help of Wolverine, a fellow healing factor mutant, she hurls herself through every window, smashes against trees, and plummets from high places. Sadly, her weakness is a confy chair. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.


Movie is most known for: Slavish atention to historic detail. A Gas powered semi-automatic crossbow. Spandex in 1887.
      The silliest, worst acted vampires since...Twilight.

Noted riffs:
"Who lights these things.. and why"
"Oh it's Ye old missile silo."
"You know you're a newb when you get beat by a guy armed with a bell."
"I hope he picks his nose and blows his head off."
"Meanwhile, the Nina's haulin' ass."
"*heavy breathing* These horses were a gyp. We're not going faster at all."
"The people on the dance floor are starting to get bored. Pass out more glow sticks!"
"And monks who lay with townie chicks will feel crustaceans bite. Now what could that mean?"
"Slow lightning. I'll say. It doesn't even know to strike the highest point."
"Oh, the vampire extinguisher!"


About this riff:
   Quiptracks didn't write anything for this riff for some reason, so I will. This is, BAR NONE, the greatest iRiff I have EVER watched, and the best of the best from Quiptracks, who are the best of the best. I put this riff up there with MST3K and Rifftrax at their peak. I so wish there was a sample of this one to show you even a piece of this.

Edit: Here is Tracy to show us how it's done:
     Van Helsing was dad's (Kevin's) idea. He wrote a lot of it while the rest of us were still finishing up Sky Captain. Van Helsing is one of the only movies we've done that hurt. I couldn't stand to watch it, and I didn't want to do it, but we powered through and it ended up as a fan favorite. What I like about this one is that, because dad wrote the first draft essentially, a lot of his style of humor came through and it worked really well with this movie in particular. One of my favorite lines is his "See, I'm so clumsy, I can't do things like this." which I think is the perfect way to draw attention to how ridiculous Van Helsing leaping from horse to horse is.
Also, this track has no "Whoops, banana peel!"

Available on Netflix Instant? No.

Purchase: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=6
http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/quiptracks/quiptracks-van-helsing

Sample: I couldn't find one.

« Last Edit: March 09, 2012, 09:44:04 PM by Darth Geek »



Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #221 on: March 09, 2012, 08:59:20 PM »
#9a
Ice on Mars - Twilight
(Total Points: 73    Number of Lists: 6  Highest Ranking: #9 LucasM)


A movie, based on a book, based on a Mormon woman's desire for necrophilia. An entire movie devoted to justifying teenage girls' vacuousness and desire for dangerous, creepy guys. Naturally, it was a smash hit.


Movie most known for: Sparkly vampires.
          Sparkly dildos that you can chill in the fridge before you use them.
          Making fat male nerds at Comic Con wearing homemade Wonder Woman costumes call hot teenage girls stupid.

Noted riffs:
"I have a condition!"
"Rubber balls bounce higher than hamsters!"


About this riff: Zenmichael fills us in on the details:
Riffers Zenmichael, Joshua Robinson, Kaisha Medford.
Written by all of the above.
    So the genesis: Kaisha kept telling me we should riff "Twilight," and I was like, 'no, we'd go crazy. It just looks boring, not fun boring.' Then I happened to be trapped at a friend's house where they were watching a torrent of the movie about two weeks before its DVD release. I saw all the awkward silences & weird moments & hairstyles and was like, WE COULD DO THIS. Quickly we mobilized and started throwing stuff together. I remember I think I worked a 38-hour week at work and slept maybe four hours a night because every other second was devoted to Twilight that second week. It was intense. And there are some jokes in there I still don't get, but which I just said to hell with it, let's do it. I think it still holds up; it gets a little weak in the late second / early third act, but pulls itself together by the end. I was really scared about letting others write on something we did. Not because I think I'm a genius (though obviously I am!), but simply because I wanted our stuff to have a consistent "feel," and I was worried that might be lost if others worked on it. To me it's blatantly obvious which jokes are mine & which aren't, BUT I think with me editing it still works, and others seemed to dig this as well.
Here was the kind of line across which some were and weren't willing to jump, as far as "adult content" went. What's funny is, you should've seen Josh's original first five minutes of riffs. It was like NOTHING but semen jokes & every line had an F-bomb in it, etc. I was like, NO NO NO NO, we have to keep this PG-13 like the film! I remember we had like a 7-minute discussion about whether the "human come" gag crossed a line. I was like, 'well, it's the ONLY risque joke in there, so it's fine.' Then we had reviews that were like, 'This is the filthiest thing I've ever heard! Awesome!' And I was like, MAN, my barometer is WAYYYY different than other people's. To me, it's a film ABOUT two teenagers NOT having sex. That means it's fair game to joke about all the sex they're not having. Also, it's a film about an abusive relationship. How do you riff this movie & not talk about sex?!? Still, this film kind of gained us a reputation as a "dirty" riff group, which is fine by me, though I never really agreed with that assessment.


Available on Netflix Instant? No.

Purchase: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3&products_id=16
http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/ice-mars/ice-mars-twilight

Sample: I can't find one.

« Last Edit: March 09, 2012, 09:44:22 PM by Darth Geek »



Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #222 on: March 09, 2012, 09:00:10 PM »
#9b
Turkey Shoot - Spooks Run Wild
(Total Points: 73    Number of Lists: 5  Highest Ranking: #1 Asbestos Bill)


This movie stars The East Side Kids, six of the most annoying reasons ever to move to the west side.
These six "kids" (read: guys in their late twenties) are being watched over by two adults who clearly realize that the sooner these losers escape and get eaten by badgers, the better off the country is. So naturally they escape with no resistance. They wander around a cemetary and one of them gets shot. This movie is off to a good start, right? Well, no. We aren't that lucky. Because "wacky hijinks" are bound and goddamn DETURMINED they will ensue, ragardless of what happens or any pleading by the audience. Bela Legosi is in town, along with his mini-me. Morons get scared, nobody laughs, and the audience is denied a refund.


Movie is most known for: Bela Legosi embarrasing himself WITHOUT the aid of Ed Wood.
        Showing that not all comedy troups from the 30s and 40s were Laurel and Hardy or The Three Stooges. Some are gladly left in obscurity where they belong.


Noted riffs:
"Uh oh. Substandard brainpans vs. barbed wire. They don't have a hope in hell here, do they?"
"David Lynch's Fantasy Island."
"What?! These two aren't dead yet? I find that highly unlikely."
"Oh great. It's the hilarious antics of the extra Y chromosome gang."
"Oh that was my morning wood. It creaks."
"Ernie the muppet is dead. Long live Ernie."
"I wonder if GE makes a 60 watt candle."
"Routine 86! Beat him with his own midget! Use the big end!"
"Yeah, take Hank there with you. He's good bear decoy. You can easily outrun him."
(What are we gonna do with him?)---"How's your pitching arm? I got a nutty idea."
"Ugh, this new Freddy Krueger sucks."
"Oy! Uh, uh. I'm never doing recon again. You...you a-hole." (as with most of Scott Zee's riffs, it's all in the delivery)
"Even the scenery is tired of working with these knobs."
"I have notified a rape crisis center."
"I read the news today, oh boy"


About this riff: Scott Zee was kind enough to take time out of his busy day of botany related fame and fortune to give us this:
     The Turkey Shoot's second feature..or was it our fifth? Starring the Bowery Boys as the East-side Kids back when they were closer to being kids somewhere 'round the 25-30 age.
Also starring Bela Lugosi as Count 'How the F*ck Did I Get To Such A Lull In My Career?'-ula. Any-boo, the boys match wits with the nefarious Lugosi in a spooky mansion near an ominous old cemetary.This schlock took alot of what I like to call 'Porn Breaks' to finaly weather through. Oh!..By the way..that reminds me,..it's time for a 'Porn Break'.

Available on Netflix Instant? Unnecessary, it is VOD.

Purchase: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3&products_id=30
http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/spooks-run-wild-turkey-shoot-scott-zee

Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7fOESDxVQc&feature=player_embedded


« Last Edit: March 09, 2012, 09:44:41 PM by Darth Geek »



Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #223 on: March 09, 2012, 09:01:58 PM »
#8a
Ronin Fox Trax - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3
(Total Points: 74    Number of Lists: 5  Highest Ranking: #1 Anais.whatever)



The third in the long running Nightmare on Elm Street series. Coming down pretty hard on the "nature" side in the "nature vs. nurture" argument, this movie presents us with the real origin of Freddy Krueger. It also shows us the worst run insane asylum since that time Arkham tried the honor system for about five minutes.
Yet more kids are being tormented and killed by Freddy in their dreams. The answer to this? Drugs!
The kids try to control themselves in their dreams. This goes about as well as can be expected, since they are teenagers and can't even control themselves in the real world. Awesome puppet death ensues.


Movie most known for: Combining the genres of "nun porn" and "gangbang porn" in a theatrically released film. Making Freddy even more quipy and less scary.

Noted riffs:
Sister Potato Chip
Giant remote control
Bourbon hose!

About this riff:
Release Date:  June 24, 2009
Riffers:  Ronin Fox and Anais.Jude
Writers:  James Cruise, Andrea Krottner, and Scott H
      The first riff of the Nightmare on Elm Street to debut on iRiffs (the first two were originally free tracks that predate iRiffs) Part 3 "DREEEEEEEEM WAAAARIAAAAAAHHHSS!" was a great way to recover from having already seen Part 2.
      Nightmare 3 was one of the movies in the series I actually watched several time before I started riffing.  The gathering of kid-rejects showing off their dream-powers was just like pure distilled 80s.


Available on Netflix Instant? No.

Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/ronin-fox-trax/ronin-fox-trax-a-nightmare-elm-street-3

Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_L_VhKwfgg

« Last Edit: March 09, 2012, 09:45:03 PM by Darth Geek »



Offline Darth Geek

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Re: Top 50 iRiffs
« Reply #224 on: March 09, 2012, 09:02:40 PM »
#8b
Fun With Flicks - Laser Mission
(Total Points: 74    Number of Lists: 5  Highest Ranking: #1 Compound)


Earnest Borgnine plays a beleivable genius. At least when alongside our heroes, anyway. The star (apparently a Mercinary Man of some sort) fumbles his way to save a diamond for a laser we never see. Possibly a prequel to Congo.

Movie most known for: Telling us that the star is a Mercinary Man.
    Mercinary Men have BLACK BLOOD!
    Showing that a bullet to the back can be just walked off.

Noted riffs:
"What's for dinner? Sand." --- "Anakin Skywalker storms out of the theater."


Available on Netflix Instant? Unnecessary, it is available in VOD or DVD.

Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/josh-way/fun-flicks-laser-mission
http://www.amazon.com/Fun-Flicks-Mission-Brandon-Lee/dp/B002BH4OWU

Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7aFdqVx_aE