Top 50 iRiffs

[Darth Geek]

#14
Turkey Shoot - The Snow Creature
(Total Points: 66    Number of Lists: 4  Highest Ranking: #1 Invader Quirk)


Dr. Frank Parrish lives a life of adventure! How, you ask? Why, through botany! Yes, his expertise in botany lets him lead a large team of men up the Himalayas, searching for plants the legendary Yeti. Not letting mere frivoluos concerns like the abduction of his teammates wives, or his cameraman's severe alcoholism get in his way. Of course, no legendary creature is a match for a botanist, so the Yeti of course surrenders. Taken back to the United States, the creature escapes (presumably the men holding him were not botanists). Naturally, the police and U.S Armed forces surrender full control to the botanist immediately, and because of this Frank Parrish emerged the victor. Oh, uh, spoilers.

This movie is most known for: Showing the awesome power of botany. This movie and The Day of the Triffids are responsible for the huge boom in botany enrollment in colleges in the 50s and 60s. Showing that Japanese and Sherpas are one and the same.

Noted riffs:
"Pimp struttin'!"
(I think you've got something there.) --- "In fact, it's so great I'm gonna call Doug and Terri in here, and they're gonna drive you home, ok?"
"Did somebody just castrate Wilhelm?"
"Suddenly being a botonist is on th esame level as being a Double O agent."
"Oh crap, Mormons!"


About this riff: Scott Zee has a prepared statement regarding this scandal:
      The first full-length feature riff done by Scott Zee and Co . I can't remember how many times they used that minuscule clip of Lock Martin in the 'costume', having him half-lit, taking those 3 steps towards the camera to signify 'the approach' of the creature. And sometimes running it backwards to signify 'the retreat'. When your title monster is shot in such a manner that it a) reflects the painfully limited film-stock supply for the entire film and b) looks like you shot a chicken-cannon full of daschund pelts at an 7 foot man dipped in mucilage, DON"T MAKE A YETI
MOVIE!..Sasquatch, Bigfoot, Skunk Ape, or otherwise.

Available on Netflix Instant? Unnecessary, it is VOD.


Purchase: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3&products_id=32
http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/snow-creature-turkey-shoot-scott-zee

Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHl6NPbg5RM

[Darth Geek]

#13
Quiptracks - Godzilla
(Total Points: 67    Number of Lists: 5  Highest Ranking: #2 Darth Geek)



An iguana with irradiated hyperthalymous heads to New York to follow in his dreams of playing basketball with the Knicks in Madison Square Garden.
In an apparently unrelated story, the U.S. Military has decided to blow the shit out of New York City.
Inspector Gadget is brought in to stop the military's reign of terror. Unfortunately, after an extensive investigation, he only conclusively proves that Ferris Bueller was a fluke.


This movie is known for: Embarrasing the proud cinematic tradition of a country that makes hentai.
        Definitively letting us know that that is, in fact, a lot of fish.


Noted riffs:
"Ahh... it's a 'suspension of disbelief' bridge!"
"They found out my name is Will!"


About this riff:
Riffers: Tristan, Tracy
      This was the first two-riffer track we did, and as such, it went very quickly... Looking back at it, however, we should have done a bit more re-recording than we did—there are a few outright flubbed lines, which should never happen in a QuipTrack. (Nothing that ruins a line completely, just mispronunciations and things like that). Nevertheless, this has always been a fan favorite, and while our style was not as refined, it definitely did have a lot of great material. The movie itself is awful, of course, and is a major contributor to our current trend of seeking out shorter movies to riff. The Lost World (which is currently down for repairs), Godzilla, Van Helsing, The Core, and Mission Impossible 2 are all over 2 hours, which is especially ridiculous for an effects-driven action movie about a big lizard. This is also the root of Tracy's neurotic fear of helicopters, which has come up a couple of times since.


Available on Netflix Instant? No.


Purchase: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=4

Sample: I couldn't find one.

[LucasM]

Quiptracks - The Core
(Total Points: 57    Number of Lists: 4  Highest Ranking: #2 LucasM)

Some may recall [from posts in the dim, forgotten past of this board] that this was the iRiffing that resulted in me laughing so hard that I had to use an albuterol 'rescue' inhaler multiple times, when I hadn't needed to use it more than a couple times in the prior couple decades.  I'm proud to say that I gave QuipTracks a 'random page quote' from discussing that little event. 

[Darth Geek]

#12
Quiptracks - Lady in the Water
(Total Points: 68    Number of Lists: 4  Highest Ranking: #1 D.B. Barnes)



A writer is going to go on to create a novel that will bring peace to the world. Tentative title: Wyld Stallyns. Because of this, a jailbait naked water nymph stays with a aging depressed bald man. It is neither porn, nor a Ghibli movie.


This movie is most known for: The ego of M. Night shyamalan is open for full view, where it was merely hinted at before. The oddest set of apartment residents this side of Kung Fu Hustle.


Noted riffs:
"Somebody sprayed Fabreeze down here."
Giant kid!
"He's buying it!"


About this riff:
Riffers: Tristan, Tracy, Kevin
    This and Jurassic Park are the main contributors to the convolution of the QuipTracks timeline. Though listed as QuipTrack #001, this was our second project. It was however, the introduction of Beeper, our unique synching system, which is why, when we redid Jurassic Park just after Godzilla, we kept Lady as the first "episode." We later redid Lady in the Water between MI2 and The Core, making it our first, second, and tenth track, depending how you count them.


Available on Netflix Instant? No.

PurchaseGET FOR FREE!: http://quiptracks.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=10

Sample: I couldn't find one.

[Darth Geek]

#11
Riff Raff Theater - League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
(Total Points: 70    Number of Lists: 6  Highest Ranking: #6 D.B. Barnes)


What happens when you gather several of the most iconic characters from literature? They piss all over Alan Moore, of course. The director of Blade somehow turns a classic graphic novel into a goofy action movie. Never saw that coming.
What does it take to get into this elite group of literary characters, each with their own powers and abilities to contribute? Two guns. And a promise not to say Nigger Jim in a PG-13 movie.


This movie is most known for: Sean Connery being difficult to work with. Alan Moore hating it. Tom Sawyer being added in for no reason.

Noted riffs:
"He's like Abe Lincoln with Down Syndrome. Maybe they're trying to drive him into the Ford Theatre."
Barry Bonds
Going underwater.
All the riffs about how useless Tom Sawyer is.
"It's nakey time!"
(Guy in diving helmet and gear) --- "Achooo! Oh goddmanit."
"The Batmobile, as designed by Liberache."
"Thus begins mankind's thousand year war against the invisible hydrocephalic vampire penguins and their magnificent platinum nuclear submersibles."
"A ten foot special needs kid who turns into a shirtless drug addict. The team is complete!"

Available on Netflix Instant? No.

Purchase: http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/riff-raff-theater/riff-raff-theater-league-extraordinary-gentlemen

Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSyxCe50s10

[Darth Geek]

Okay, that's it for tonight. We are FINALLY in the top 10!

[David]

Oh yeah, 11! I was really proud of this one. Probably my favorite Riff Raff riff.

Best riff, thanks to Steve-O: (The files on the league fall into Antarctic waters) "Thus begins mankind's thousand year war against the invisible hydrocephalic vampire penguins and their magnificent platinum nuclear submersibles."

Did not have to look that up.

Sample:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSyxCe50s10

[Darth Geek]

Thanks, David. Added the sample and quote in the post.

What was the wording on the riff about listing the various team members, ending in "a skinny drug addict who turns into a giant special needs kid. The team is complete!" I love that one!

[David]

Thanks, David. Added the sample and quote in the post.

What was the wording on the riff about listing the various team members, ending in "a skinny drug addict who turns into a giant special needs kid. The team is complete!" I love that one!

A ten foot special needs kid who turns into a shirtless drug addict. The team is complete! (Written by Junkyard)

He was transforming in the opposite direction I guess.

[Asbestos Bill]

"Porn stash."

Should be "Porn 'stache." Completely different, although, if it were bushy enough and the porn was small enough...


Also, why did you start using that old, small QuipTracks logo? I thought you were using a nice, big, transparent, updated one at the start of the list...

[Invader_quirk]

Snow Creature was my number one. The beginning section begins to drag a bit, but once they come back to America, holy crap is it hilarious. VERY rarely when watching a riff do I actually laugh out loud, but in parts of Snow Creature, I was gasping for air.

QuipTracks Fun Facts!

-In Godzilla, I was sick. You can probably tell I'm hoarse for a lot of it. We had a bit of help writing from future-guest-riffer Matt. He writes... weird lines, but I had to admit I thought they were funny. (lines he wrote include "It's 'Larry' now." and "Goldie! There you are! WAIT! GOLDIIIEEEE!!!")

-After establishing that apparently, in The Core, birds and fish are interchangeable, I very much wanted to make a joke about something being a "red heron", but the opportunity never really presented itself. So sad. We called back to the fish thing in Chun-Li, where M. Bison steals a basket of fish and I ask why he stole those pigeons.

-In HULK, a few great jokes mysteriously disappeared from our script, and we didn't notice until after release. When Petrified Fishstick National Park was destroyed, we had a great joke Darth Geek wrote about a very shocked Ethan Hunt plummeting to his death.

-Lady in the Water is dumb.


Also, whatever happened to Junkyard?

[Coragale]

Snow Creature #1 line: BOTANY! *DEHdunduhDeehhhhhh*

[Steve-O]

Best riff, thanks to Steve-O: (The files on the league fall into Antarctic waters) "Thus begins mankind's thousand year war against the invisible hydrocephalic vampire penguins and their magnificent platinum nuclear submersibles."

Did not have to look that up.

Nice!

I still can't believe Chris got through that whole thing without tripping himself up.

So when are you guys releasing Armageddon and Day After Tomorrow?

Also, what was the Abe Lincoln riff?

[David]

Best riff, thanks to Steve-O: (The files on the league fall into Antarctic waters) "Thus begins mankind's thousand year war against the invisible hydrocephalic vampire penguins and their magnificent platinum nuclear submersibles."

Did not have to look that up.

Nice!

I still can't believe Chris got through that whole thing without tripping himself up.

So when are you guys releasing Armageddon and Day After Tomorrow?

Eh... heh heh... I need to plug the meter.
*Sound of car speeding off*

e: I'm back! That was some other guy's car.

Seriously if it ever happens it won't have Chris. (Who lives in Cali now. All the best people live there huh?) And Danuuc's first kid is on the way... Life, ya know?

Also, what was the Abe Lincoln riff?

It was when they were chasing the be-tophatted Mr. Hulk Hyde.
(Riffer 1): He's like Abe Lincoln with Down Syndrome.
(Riffer 2): Maybe they're trying to drive him into the Ford Theatre.
Written by... Steve-O?!

[Steve-O]

Seriously if it ever happens it won't have Chris. (Who lives in Cali now. All the best people live there huh?) And Danuuc's first kid is on the way... Life, ya know?

No idea.

Also, what was the Abe Lincoln riff?

It was when they were chasing the be-tophatted Mr. Hulk Hyde.
(Riffer 1): He's like Abe Lincoln with Down Syndrome.
(Riffer 2): Maybe they're trying to drive him into the Ford Theatre.
Written by... Steve-O?!

Oh, yeah.  Completely forgot about that one.  I think most of my best LXG lines ended up on the cutting room floor, but I'm glad people seem to like it.