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Author Topic: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown  (Read 40141 times)

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Johnny Unusual

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #45 on: November 23, 2011, 07:54:38 PM »
OK, that's it for tonight.  Tomorrow will be a short one, but after that it'll be 10 a day.  Oh, and no more ties.


Watchman

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #46 on: November 23, 2011, 11:35:06 PM »
There, fixed.

http://forum.rifftrax.com/index.php?topic=23134.msg677951#msg677951

Thank you. What you write about his standing with Coke cracked me up.

And as others have said, great write-ups!


Johnny Unusual

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #47 on: November 24, 2011, 06:22:37 AM »
44 – Patroclus

25 points             
2 of 15 lists
Top Vote: #12 Anais.Whatever
 
   
Sycophancy Level: 6/10
In Greek mythology, as recorded in the Iliad by Homer, Patroclus, or Patroklos (Gr. Πάτροκλος, “glory of the father”), was the son of Menoetius, grandson of Actor, King of Opus, and was Achilles' beloved comrade and brother-in-arms.

In his youth, Patroclus accidentally killed his friend, Clysonymus, during an argument over a game of dice. His father fled with Patroclus into exile to evade revenge, and they took shelter at the palace of their kinsman King Peleus of Phthia. There Patroclus apparently first met Peleus' son Achilles. Peleus sent the boys to live in the wilderness and be raised by Chiron, the cave-dwelling wise King of the Centaurs.

Patroclus was somewhat older than Achilles (Iliad XI, 780-790).

In a post-Homeric version, he is listed among the unsuccessful suitors of Helen of Sparta, all of whom took a solemn oath to defend the chosen husband (ultimately Menelaus) against whoever should quarrel with him. At about that time Patroclus killed Las, founder of a namesake city near Gytheio, Laconia, according to Pausanias the geographer. Pausanias reported that the killing was alternatively attributed to Achilles. However Achilles was not otherwise said ever to have visited Peloponnesos.

When the tide of war turned away from the Acheans, and the Trojans threatened their ships, Patroclus convinced Achilles to let him don Achilles' armor and lead the Myrmidons into combat. In his lust for combat, Patroclus pursued the Trojans all the way back to the gates of Troy, defying Achilles' order to break off combat once the ships were saved. Patroclus killed many Trojans and allies including the Lycian hero Sarpedon (a son of Zeus), and Cebriones (the chariot driver of Hector and illegitimate son ofPriam). Patroclus was stunned by Apollo, wounded by Euphorbos, then finished off by Hector. At the time of his death, Patroclus had killed 53 enemy soldiers.

After retrieving his body, which had been protected on the field by Odysseus and Ajax (Telamonian Aias), Achilles returned to battle and avenged his companion's death by killing Hector. Achilles then desecrated Hector's body by dragging it behind hischariot instead of allowing the Trojans to honorably dispose of it by burning it. Achilles' grief was great and for some time, he refused to dispose of Patroclus' body; but he was persuaded to do so by an apparition of Patroclus, who told Achilles he could not enter Hades without a proper cremation. Achilles sheared off his hair, and sacrificed horses, dogs, and twelve Trojan captives before placing Patroclus' body on the funeral pyre.

Achilles then organized an athletic competition to honour his dead companion, which included a chariot race (won by Diomedes),boxing (won by Epeios), wrestling (a draw between Telamonian Aias and Odysseus), a foot race (won by Odysseus), a duel (a draw between Aias and Diomedes), a discus throw (won by Polypoites), an archery contest (won by Meriones), and a javelin throw (won by Agamemnon, unopposed). The games are described in Book 23 of the Iliad, one of the earliest references to Greek sports.

In the Iliad, the relationship between Patroclus and Achilles is a vital part of the story. The relationship contributes to the overall theme of the humanization of Achilles. While the Iliadnever explicitly stated as such, in some later Greek writings, such as Plato's Symposium, the relationship between Patroclus and Achilles is held up as a model of romantic love. However, other ancient authors, such as Xenophon in his Symposium, argued that it was inaccurate to label their relationship as a romantic one. Nevertheless, their relationship inspiredAlexander the Great and his lover Hephaestion.

The funeral of Patroclus is described in book 23 of the Iliad. Patroclus is cremated on a funeral pyre, and his bones are collected into a golden urn in two layers of fat. The barrow is built on the location of the pyre. Achilles then sponsors funeral games, consisting of a chariot race, boxing, wrestling, running, a duel between two champions to the first blood, discus throwing, archery and spear throwing.

The death of Achilles is given in sources other than the Iliad. His bones were mingled with those of Patroclus so that the two would be companions in death as in life and the remains were transferred to Leuke, an island in the Black Sea. Their souls were reportedly seen wandering the island at times.

In Homer's Odyssey, Odysseus meets Achilles in Hades, accompanied by Patroclus, Telamonian Aias and Antilochus.

A general of Croton identified either as Autoleon or Leonymus reportedly visited the island of Leuke while recovering from wounds received in battle against the Locri Epizefiri. The event was placed during or after the 7th century BC. He reported having seen Patroclus in the company of Achilles, Ajax the Lesser, Telamonian Aias, Antilochus, and Helen.


 Torgo the White’s Annual Progress Report

Patroclus is one of the first residents.  He’s kind of gotten bitter with age and keeps telling the various sidekicks from Hercules and Xena “that’s way off.  It ain’t how it went down.”

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/0Cz7u8RPYKo" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/0Cz7u8RPYKo</a>


Offline Tripe

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #48 on: November 24, 2011, 07:15:11 AM »
Man I should have included Patroclus, I did include another SB from a different Ambiguously Gay Mythological/Literary duo though.


Offline D.B. Barnes

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #49 on: November 24, 2011, 07:19:11 AM »
Man I should have included Patroclus, I did include another SB from a different Ambiguously Gay Mythological/Literary duo though.

"They're ambiguously close in a mythological/literary way!"
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Offline Tripe

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #50 on: November 24, 2011, 07:30:44 AM »
No it involves gigantic sea warriors, well singular, five smooth stones and a lyre.


Johnny Unusual

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #51 on: November 24, 2011, 08:02:41 AM »
43 – Jaws

25 points             
2 of 15 lists
Top Vote: #11 Gunflyer
 
   
Sycophancy Level: ?/10
Jaws first appeared in the 1977 film The Spy Who Loved Me as a henchman to the villain, Karl Stromberg. He would later appear in the sequel Moonraker as a henchman to the villainHugo Drax. In his second appearance Jaws changed from a ruthless and unstoppable killing machine to more of a comedy figure. He eventually turns against Drax and helps Bond to defeat him. In Moonraker he gains a girlfriend, Dolly, who like Jaws almost never speaks.

In addition to having steel teeth, Jaws was also gigantic and extremely strong, which forced Bond to be especially inventive while fighting him. In combat during The Spy Who Loved Me, Bond found himself caught in an unbreakable death grip by Jaws, who was about to fatally bite him; Bond only escaped by using a broken electric lamp to send an electric shock through the assassin's teeth to stun him.

Jaws also has an uncanny ability to survive any misfortune seemingly unscathed and come back to challenge Bond again. In The Spy Who Loved Me, Jaws survives an Egyptian structure's collapse on top of him, being hit by a van, being thrown from a rapidly-moving train, sitting in the passenger seat of a car which veers off a cliff in Sardinia and explodes (landing in a hut below, to the owner's dismay), a battle underwater with a shark, and the destruction of Stromberg's lair. In Moonraker, he survives falling several thousand feet after accidentally disabling his own parachute (he falls through a circus tent and lands in the trapeze net), a crash through a building inside a runaway cable car, and going over Iguazu Falls. After each of these incidents, he always picks himself up, dusts off his jacket, straightens his tie and nonchalantly walks away. After the destruction of Drax's space station, a throw-away line near the end is made that the American shuttle rescued him and his girlfriend.

He also appeared in a minor cameo in Inspector Gadget during the end credits where Sykes, Sandford Scolex's assistant, is giving a speech to a henchmen support group. Other notable James Bond villains can also be seen during this scene.

Jaws only speaks once, in Moonraker, when he makes a toast to his girlfriend, "Well, here's to us".

Jaws gets his nickname from his trademark steel teeth. These are capable of biting through a wide variety of materials, and Jaws prefers to kill his victims by biting through their Jugular vein. The character was played in both The Spy Who Loved Me and the following film Moonrakerby actor Richard Kiel.

Jaws, and his sidekick Sandor, were based on the villains Sol "Horror" Horowitz and "Sluggsy" Morant from Ian Fleming's novel The Spy Who Loved Me.


 Torgo the White’s Annual Progress Report

There’s a rivalry between him and Matter-Eater Lad that had proven upsetting.  Perhaps in another universe they could have called each other… friend.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/xHPDIjWgMzw" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/xHPDIjWgMzw</a>


anais.jude

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #52 on: November 24, 2011, 08:58:27 AM »
44 – Patroclus

25 points             
2 of 15 lists
Top Vote: #12 Anais.Whatever
 
   


High 5 to Anais. :)  :highfive:

YEA!!!! Hooray for reading!


Johnny Unusual

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #53 on: November 24, 2011, 09:16:30 AM »
42 – Short Round

25 points             
3 of 15 lists
Top Vote: #9 Cole Stratton
 
   
Sycophancy Level: 4/10
Short Round (Jonathan Ke Quan), aka "Kennon Wong" was orphaned when the Japanese bombed Shanghai in 1932, and is a young taxicab driver in Shanghai, who helps Indiana escape from Lao Che. Despite being an eleven-year-old boy, he is able to stick by Indy through his adventures and is even able to drive (since he is "short", he wears wooden blocks under his shoes when driving). He is essential in freeing Indiana and Pankot's Maharaja from Mola Ram's psychic control. The novelization details Short Round was born Wan Li in 1927. Despite attending a Christian school, he respects Chinese mythology, and believes the baby elephant that transports him in India is a reincarnation of his brother Chu. He immigrates to the United States with Jones following his adventure. In the film, Short Round is frequently heard speaking the Cantonese dialect of Chinese, as well as English.

Short Round was named after Temple of Doom screenwriters Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz's dog. Lucas's initial idea for Indiana's sidekick was a virginal young princess, but Huyck, Katz and Spielberg disliked the idea. The character's name may also have been a homage to the early Samuel Fuller film The Steel Helmet, in which a young Korean boy of the same name acts as a guide for the protagonist. Around 6000 actors auditioned worldwide for the part: Quan was cast after his brother auditioned for the role. Spielberg liked his personality, so he and Ford improvised the scene where Short Round accuses Indiana of cheating during a card game.  Quan had a martial arts instructor to help him on set.
The character cameoed in an issue of Marvel Comics' The Further Adventures of Indiana Jones, rescuing Indiana from a pirate attack in the Caribbean, before he returns to boarding school. The Lost Journal of Indiana Jones, published in 2008, detailed Short Round became an archaeologist and tracked down the Peacock's Eye (the diamond from Doom's opening sequence) to Niihau.
He also appeared in the non-canonical crossover story in Star Wars Tales, where he and Indiana discover the remains of Han Solo in the crashed Millennium Falcon in the Pacific Northwest. A Short Round action figure was made by LJN in 1984, but was never released, although an unpainted metal miniature of him was released by TSR that year. He is in the 2009 Lego set Shanghai Chase. Empire named Short Round as their sixteenth favorite element of the films, explaining "you could argue that Shortie is the real hero of Temple of Doom — while the titular relic hunter is off searching for fortune and glory, it's Short Round's moral compass that keeps the adventure on the right track". In 2008 a poll conducted by movietickets.com to coincide with the release of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, named Short Round "favorite Indy sidekick".


 Torgo the White’s Annual Progress Report

He’s been causing problems lately.  He’s been sneaking out at night, hightailing it to lover’s lane and telling teens who are necking “No time for love!”  He also wears a largely Flava Flav style clock when he does.  This needs to stop for several reasons.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/vqVbJ0FpRzA" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/vqVbJ0FpRzA</a>


Russell

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #54 on: November 24, 2011, 06:07:28 PM »
43 – Jaws

25 points             
2 of 15 lists
Top Vote: #11 Gunflyer
Aw hell yeah! Remember when Gloria Estefan sang that song about The Rhythm is gonna get you? Yeah... by Rhythm she meant Jaws.


Johnny Unusual

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #55 on: November 24, 2011, 08:15:10 PM »
41 – Sancho Panza

27 points             
3 of 15 lists   
Top Vote: #10 DB Barnes
 
   
Sycophancy Level: 6/10
Sancho Panza is a fictional character in the novel Don Quixote written by Spanish author Don Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra in 1605. Sancho acts as squire to Don Quixote, and provides comments throughout the novel, known as sanchismos, that are a combination of broad humour, ironic Spanish proverbs, and earthy wit. "Panza" means 'belly,' and is alternately spelled pança.

Sancho Panza is not a servant of Alonso Quijano before his madness turns him into Don Quixote, but a peasant living in the same unnamed village. When the novel begins Sancho has been married for a long time to a woman named Teresa Cascajo and has a daughter, María Sancha (also named Marisancha, Marica, María, Sancha and Sanchica), who is said to be old enough to be married. Sancho's wife is described more or less as a feminine version of Sancho, both in looks and behaviour. When Don Quixote proposes Sancho to be his squire, neither he nor his family strongly oppose it.

Sancho is illiterate and proud of it but by influence of his new master he develops considerable knowledge about some books. During the travels with Don Quixote he keeps contact with his wife by dictating letters addressed to her.

Sancho Panza offers interpolated narrative voice throughout the tale, a literary convention invented by Cervantes. Sancho Panza is precursor to "the sidekick," and is symbolic of practicality over idealism. Sancho is the everyman, who, though not sharing his master's delusional "enchantment" until late in the novel, remains his ever-faithful companion realist, and functions as the clever sidekick.

In the novel, Don Quixote comments on the historical state and condition of Aragón and Castilla, which are vying for power in Europe. Sancho Panza represents, among other things, the quintessentially Spanish brand of skepticism of the period.

Sancho obediently follows his master, despite being sometimes puzzled by Quijote's actions. Riding a mule, he helps Quixote get out of various conflicts while looking forward to rewards of aventura that Quijote tells him of.


 Torgo the White’s Annual Progress Report

OK guys, he’s seriously tired of the “get off your ass and do something jokes.”  They have to end.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/6wKSWJxj8nM" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/6wKSWJxj8nM</a>


Offline Tripe

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #56 on: November 24, 2011, 08:16:15 PM »
Tripe :highfive: Barnes + whomever else


Offline D.B. Barnes

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #57 on: November 25, 2011, 01:45:06 AM »
Tripe :highfive: Barnes + whomever else

 :highfive: right back at ya' Tripe, and I can only assume Anais was the third voter here.
VIVA IL ESORDIO DEL DIABETE ADULTO DUCE!!!


Johnny Unusual

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #58 on: November 25, 2011, 04:26:25 AM »
40 – Barney Fife

28 points          
2 of 15 lists   
Top Vote: #9 Darth Geek
 
   
Sycophancy Level: 4/10
Bernard "Barney" Fife is a fictional character in the American television program The Andy Griffith Show, portrayed by comic actor Don Knotts. Barney Fife is a deputy sheriff in the slow paced, sleepy southern community of Mayberry, North Carolina. He appeared in the first five black and white seasons (1960 – 1965) as a main character, and, after leaving the show at the end of season five, made a few guest appearances in the following three color seasons (1965 – 1968). He also appeared in the first episode of the spin-off series Mayberry R.F.D.(1968 – 1971), and in the 1986 reunion telemovie Return to Mayberry.

In 1999 TV Guide ranked him number 9 on its 50 Greatest TV Characters of All Time list.

Don Knotts had previously co-starred on the "Steve Allen Show", along with Tom Poston, Pat Harrington, Jr., and Louis Nye—which is where a frantic, twitching "man on the street" character was introduced. He created Deputy Barney Fife in the same fashion, as a hyperkinetic but comically inept counterpart to Mayberry's practical and composed Sheriff Andy Taylor. Sometimes considered a blowhard with delusions of grandeur, Barney fancies himself an expert on firearms, women, singing and just about any other topic of conversation brought up while he is around. Conversely, Andy knows that Barney's false bravado is a smokescreen for his insecurities, and low self-confidence.

Barney is often overly analytical and alarmist about benign situations, such as the modest Mayberry crime scene. He takes a minor infraction, blows it out of proportion, and then concocts an elaborate solution (sometimes involving inept civilians, like Otis Campbell orGomer Pyle) to resolve it. This only inflicts tremedous angst on Andy. In one early episode, where Andy was briefly summoned away, acting sheriff Barney proceeds to book and lock up nearly everyone in town. Despite his shortcomings, Barney is zealous about law enforcement, regularly spouting off penal codes and ordinances to thugs and jaywalkers alike.

An emotional powder keg, Barney often overreacts with panic, despair or bug-eyed fear. He has what he describes as a "low sugar blood content." Barney is smug and self-confident, until true leadership is sought, whereupon he dances about in a fluster. Outwardly "a man of the world," Barney is truly naïve and easily duped. Though constantly warned by Andy, Barney falls for countless scams. This gullibility is evident in many episodes, including "Barney's First Car", where he is conned into buying a lemon from a crafty old widow.

A gossip and gadfly, Barney is known for blabbing both personal and police secrets (such as Andy's scrutiny of women's rings at the jewelry store, or the locale and time of a stakeout or arrival of an armored car). While this may expose him as a halfwit, Barney is at heart a caring, amiable soul. Despite a knack for exasperating the townsfolk, he is fondly embraced by most of them.

Nonetheless, Barney still has his rare moments of courage and loyalty. Two episodes demonstrates Barney's ability to rise up to challenges. In the second season episode, "Andy on Trial," a millionaire wants revenge on Andy for giving him a traffic ticket. The traffic violator then dispatches a seductive female reporter to town and she prompts Barney for details of Andy's life, twisting them into transgressions. It all comes back to haunt both deputy and sheriff when said information puts Andy on trial for misconduct. After the prosecuting attorney forces Barney to admit everything he said was true in front of Andy. He sheepishly admits to playing up to the sexy reporter (one of the rare times he admits to getting full up of himself), but vowing that Andy is an outstanding lawman, whose caring methodology is far more effective than "going by the book." In the third season episode "Lawman Barney," two farmers illegally selling produce on the road do not take a warning from Barney seriously and run him off the road, taunting him. When Andy makes a more serious warning to the farmers later, they reveal that they had run off a deputy earlier. Knowing that they're talking about Barney, Andy makes up a story about "Crazy Gun Barney" and "that dirty game he plays" and how his running off was just a ploy. When Andy orders Barney to return to the scene, he sees the same farmers panic and rushing to get off the road upon seeing him, Barney believes they are at last taking him seriously and, as usual, begins to puff and swagger. Later, the farmers discover from the town locals that what Andy said about Barney was not true. Floyd (who was among those locals) goes to Andy and tells him the story, and that the farmers left a message that they were back in business and want Barney "as a customer." Barney overhears this and decides to go back to the scene with Andy. As he confronts the farmers on his own. He finds his inner strength, and as they get closer towards him, he tells them that despite them both being bigger than he is, his badge "represents a lot of people that are a lot bigger than either one of you." Defeated, the farmers pack up and leave.

One major comedic source is Barney's lack of ability with a firearm. After numerous misfires (usually a Colt or Smith & Wesson M&P .38 caliber revolver), Andy restricts Barney to carrying only a single bullet in his shirt pocket, "in case of an emergency." The bullet always seems to find its way back into the pistol, where, predictably, it is accidentally discharged. The accidental discharge of Barney's pistol becomes a running gag: Barney gives a lecture on gun safety and either shoots the floor through his holster, or assuming the safety latch is on, causes the gun to fire. Another gag has Barney locking himself or together with Andy in one of the jail cells, with the keys just out of reach. Realizing they can't free themselves, they shamelessly yell for help.

Calling a police officer or authority figure "Barney Fife" has become an American slang term for gross ineptitude or overzealousness. (This was done recently in the Scott Peterson case, where the defendant's mother referred to the local police captain as "Barney Fife".)


 Torgo the White’s Annual Progress Report

Yep, as you’ve guessed, he’s currently the sheriff of Second Banana Heaven.  He often tries to stop Mr Haney from flim flaming people and ends up buying farming goods at the end of the day.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZLsg0EvZozI" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/ZLsg0EvZozI</a>


Johnny Unusual

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Re: List of Crap 54: Top 63 Second Bananas Countdown
« Reply #59 on: November 25, 2011, 07:58:15 AM »
39 – Cameron Fry

29 points          
2 of 15 lists   
Top Vote: #2 Cole Stratton
   
Sycophancy Level: 6/10
From Urban Dictionary

The morose and depressed sidekick of Ferris Bueller. A man who seems to hate the world. Cameron reluctantly lets Ferris get control of his father's 1961 Ferrari GT 250 California to cut school for an insane adventure. In an attempt to roll back the odometer on the Ferrari, the car is left in reverse, and Cameron stupidly kicks the car off the jack and it flies through the back of the garage to a horrible demise at the bottom of a cliff. He finally makes a transition in his life and decides to take the heat from his dad regarding the car and not let Ferris take the fall for him.



 Torgo the White’s Annual Progress Report

Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/rIqWSPUh2rY" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/rIqWSPUh2rY</a>