Author Topic: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!  (Read 3737 times)

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Offline Thrashalla

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Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« on: October 04, 2011, 10:29:54 AM »
http://www.rifftrax.com/video/laser-mission


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/zyGn5sshm98?version=3&amp;amp;hl=en_US" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/zyGn5sshm98?version=3&amp;amp;hl=en_US</a>

Sure, sure, we know what you’re thinking. “Laser Mission? What kind of a thing is that to make a movie about? Everybody’s been on a laser mission, heck I did three-and-a-half laser missions on my way to pick up some eggs this morning.” Just trust us when we tell you, this one is special. First: unlike lesser laser missions, Laser Mission features exactly 0 lasers, and exactly 1 Ernest Borgnine! Nothing says “action” like Borgnine! (No, really, he says the word “action” in a funny accent.) Second: if most laser missions were to include a theme song that repeats on a seemingly endless loop, that theme song would probably contain the words “laser” or “mission.” Not Laser Mission! No, instead you’ll be treated to “Mercenary Man”, a little ditty cooked up by David Knopfler (the junior Knopfler of Dire Straits), over, and over, and over again. And, in the role of the Mercenary Man, none other than Brandon Lee of The Crow fame! It just doesn’t get more laser-ish or mission-esque than this!

Mike, Kevin, and Bill came to violence deciding who would get to use “Mercenary Man” as their personal ringtone, but they all agree you really oughtta check out Laser Mission!*

*and before you do, it may be a good idea to watch this classic Ernest Borgnine interview clip, which just might come up, “a lot.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I_PeLNzxNQ

http://www.rifftrax.com/video/laser-mission
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Offline CJones

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2011, 06:35:41 PM »
Is it just me or did this movie make no sense? I guess I'll have to watch it again tomorrow, but at no point did I have the slightest idea what was going on.


Offline kjpod

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2011, 07:18:12 PM »
I think this must be one of those movies like Space Mutiny where everyone involved insists afterwards that it was supposed to be a spoof all along. Come to think of it, this movie may have a better case for that claim than Space Mutiny. How else to explain the scene with the rifleman on the horse, for example?


Offline fodder650

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2011, 07:52:57 PM »
Funny you should bring up Space Mutiny. As we learned in an older iRiff of this movie it has two actors in it from Space Mutiny. One of the lobster men makes a brief appearance. More importantly is has the bridge officer that the bots insisted was Aussie during the movie. He plays the main bad guy in this little ditty.

Speaking of Space Mutiny, once again, I believe.. need to look this up.. that this is another South African movie. Again I need to verify this. I just swear that I read that somewhere. Maybe it was in the the mission briefing for my latest Laser Mission.

Also for those of us who are unfortunately aware of Ernest Bourgnine's hobby this movie HURTS.. i mean deep pain hurts. Since that joke gets run into the ground. Maybe it was only referenced three or four times but it felt like they had gone to that well often. Maybe it's because it's the pain of knowing what the reference is to. That's far more likely the reason that reference hurts.

Otherwise not a bad Rifftrax. The biggest issue here is that the movie itself is just there. It's not a bad movie in that it's bad for any reason. It's just plain bad. The actor isn't believable. The accents are overdone. It's not badly lit but also not well lit. The main actress, using that term lightly, used a lot of sticky tape for the movie to stop random accidents from happening. She's also attractive in the way Lisa was from the Room. In the way that shes not bad looking but not really attractive either. Like the movie she's just there.
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Online Darth Geek

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2011, 07:56:14 PM »
Um...was Brandon Lee's character bleeding BLACK BLOOD after he got shot near the end?! Seriously, the guy gets shot in the gut, it doesn't seem to effect him at all, and I swear his wound and blood stain are all BLACK! What the hell?!



Offline Artie

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2011, 07:58:21 PM »
So was Brandon Lee's character a mercenary man or not?  I think he might have been but I'm not 100% sure.
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Offline Bob

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2011, 08:01:28 PM »
Between Josh Way and Rifftrax, Laser Mission doubled their lifetime sales.


Offline fodder650

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2011, 08:01:49 PM »
Darth Geek , the CIA gave him a suit with an instant clotting agent made out of squid ink.

That's all I've got. I can't explain that either
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Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2011, 08:39:46 PM »
I guess if you can walk through the dessert with no food or water as if you were walking across the street, then a little shot in the gut is nothing.  Was this secretly a superhero movie?


Online Darth Geek

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #9 on: October 04, 2011, 08:44:44 PM »
Also, was she supposedly walking through the desert, in Africa, during the day...BAREFOOT?!



Offline kjpod

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #10 on: October 04, 2011, 08:45:02 PM »
Speaking of Space Mutiny, once again, I believe.. need to look this up.. that this is another South African movie.

I believe you are correct. Around 31:14 they pass a sign you can make out as "Burgersentrum Civic Centre".  I spent quit a while looking for Burgersentrum on a map before I figured out Burgersentrum is the Afrikaans word for "civic center".


Offline MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2011, 08:52:40 PM »
Also, was she supposedly walking through the desert, in Africa, during the day...BAREFOOT?!

Yes, see, they are both superheros.  Feet impervious to burning hot sand, skin unable to be burned by the sun, don't need to sweat so they don't need extra water, can walk and fight for days without needing calories from silly food, and of course the ability to get shot through the gut and just walk it off.


Offline eegah

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2011, 07:45:52 PM »
The first time that I watched this (unriffed, last year), it struck me as being just a long string of Mentos ads. The guy has some difficulty, over comes it, then smirks and makes a quip.


Offline Rattrap007

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Re: Laser Mission VOD Now Available!!!
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2011, 12:24:14 PM »
I got to read the descriptions on these things. I don't know how, but for some reason I got it in my mind that this was a Uwe Boll movie and the hat guy in the cartoony cover was him. Took me a bit into the movie credits before I realized it was Borgnine.