Author Topic: Riff Spielberg?  (Read 2417 times)

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Offline zeyguy

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Riff Spielberg?
« on: February 14, 2007, 01:19:48 PM »
Sugarland Express: A bubbly Goldie Hawn. William Atherton before becoming typecast as a bureaucratic jerk. Gregory Walcott of Plan 9 From Outer Space fame. It's basically a family-friendly version of Badlands.

Jaws: too iconic

Close Encounters: Hollywood's first friendly alien movie. They're not out to conquer Earth or destroy mankind. They just want to abduct children and drive people insane. See? They're friendly.

1941: One of Steven's biggest blunders. Although Mike has said he has no plans to riff "comedies". Even though you do have to constantly remind yourself that this movie was supposed to be one.

Raiders of the Lost Ark: see Jaws

E.T.: One of the greatest family films of all time? Or overly-manipulative, saccharine treacle? Hey, can't it be both?

Poltergeist: (Ignore what the credits say, we all know who really directed this.) Probably not. Heather O' Rourke is a definite "comedy killer". Which is a shame because Poltergeist III....

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Shrill heroine, soon to be Mrs Spielberg. Cutesy "pidgin-english" sidekick. Racist caricatures. Most promising so far. Didn't Crow say that Laserblast was a better movie than this one?

The Color Purple: Not just no, but hell no. You can debate the quality of the movie, particularly making Harpo a bumbling comic relief, but any film that begins with a baby resulting from incestual rape being pryed away from its mother's arms is patently un-riffable. Besides, who'd want to risk incurring the wrath of Oprah?

Empire of the Sun: Not just no, but hell no. Yeah, you got a pubescent Christian Bale, the Malkotraz, and Joey Pants. You even got Ben Stiller and Burt "Kato" Kwuok in bit parts. All wallowing in two and a half hours' worth of misery, suffering and despair.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Lucas' tendency to make his action movies really silly starts to show in this one. Indy as a Scottish decorator is the "Row Row Row Your Boat" scene of the Indy movies. Plus Sean Connery jokes galore.
[UPDATE] No, I'm wrong. His tendency to make his action movies really silly started with the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi and was even worse when he cast Kevin Pollak as a "brownie" in Willow.

Always: Richard Dreyfuss as a dirty old man stalking his girlfriend from beyond the grave.

Hook: Even Sir Steven had to distance himself from this one. Every scene looks like a Where's Waldo picture.

Jurassic Park: And lo, CGI was born. And screenwriters everywhere abandoned engaging dialogue for 1's and 0's.

Schindler's List:

The Lost Word - Jurassic Park: I've got one word for you, Ben. Just one word. "Gymnastics".

Amistad:

Saving Private Ryan:

A.I.: The story of a robot's 2000 year long quest to become a real boy, apparently filmed in "real time". I started this one when it was released in 2001 and am still in the process of watching it to this day.

Minority Report: Tom Cruise in what is easily Spielberg's most squishiest movie. And one can never have enough Colin Farrell jokes.

Catch Me If You Can: I really don't see how that would work. I can't say it's one of Spielberg's best movies. But I flat out don't see any riff-able elements to it. Maybe that's just me.

The Terminal: Why spend two hours waiting at an airport, when you can see a two-hour movie about a man waiting at the airport. Although it does fall under Mike's "no comedies" rule.

War of the Worlds: Tom Cruise at the onset of his mental breakdown. Two kids whom you can't wait to be incinerated. Tim Robbins as a creepy Schnapps-aholic. The ending. Oh dear God, that ending. Yeah, the book always had a deus ex machina conclusion, but come on!!!

Munich: Not just no, but hell no. Do I even need to say why? In fact, forget I even mentioned it.




« Last Edit: February 14, 2007, 04:29:53 PM by zeyguy »


Offline BEERxTaco

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2007, 01:24:53 PM »
Don't forget Duel... Dennis Weaver vs the big bad truck...
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son"
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Offline zeyguy

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2007, 01:31:10 PM »
True. But I rank Duel with Catch Me if You Can. I don't see many riff-able elements to it. Little dialogue. Riveting chase scenes. That we never know who the truck driver is or why he wants to kill Dennis Weaver so badly make it even more disturbing. I'd certainly check it out if they do it, but it wouldn't be my first choice.


Offline BEERxTaco

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2007, 01:33:52 PM »
True, the lack of dialogue would be a killer...
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son"
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Offline Bob

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2007, 03:33:25 PM »
Duel = BEST TV movie ever....... even better than "The Night Stalker" and "Brian's Song"...... but that is just my opinion.

ET would make perfect riffing fodder as that movie has not aged at all and the kids in there are uber annoying.


Offline sarcasm_made_Easy

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2007, 12:09:27 PM »
i vote for terminal


Offline BEERxTaco

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2007, 12:39:51 PM »
Duel = BEST TV movie ever....... even better than "The Night Stalker" and "Brian's Song"......
Even better than Killdozer?   ;D
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Offline sarcasm_made_Easy

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2007, 12:45:27 PM »
Quote
Munich: Not just no, but hell no. Do I even need to say why? In fact, forget I even mentioned it.

yes you do have to say why with this one.  Ive never seen it and my dad whose area of study is in terrorism was so mad about the innaccuracies in this movie he was swearing, which is a rare even indeed. 


Offline kodiakthejuggler

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2007, 12:47:56 PM »
Heck, that crummy little TV movie from way back in the early 80s is better than most multi-million dollar movies that get released nowadays!

Duel is incredible!


Offline zeyguy

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2007, 01:50:22 PM »
Quote
Munich: Not just no, but hell no. Do I even need to say why? In fact, forget I even mentioned it.

yes you do have to say why with this one.  Ive never seen it and my dad whose area of study is in terrorism was so mad about the innaccuracies in this movie he was swearing, which is a rare even indeed. 

Ok, because it's impossible to come up with three hours of riffing over terrorism, assassination, revenge killings and collateral deaths. Inaccuracies doesn't make it any more palatable. Regardless of whether you liked it or not, the movie is a downer.


Offline sarcasm_made_Easy

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2007, 02:04:53 PM »
Quote
Ok, because it's impossible to come up with three hours of riffing over terrorism, assassination, revenge killings and collateral deaths. Inaccuracies doesn't make it any more palatable. Regardless of whether you liked it or not, the movie is a downer.


That totally works as a logical explanation for me.  Like i said i have never seen the movie, so i was just curious


Johnny_Short_Torso

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2007, 11:22:04 PM »
They oughta Riff Saving Private Ryan... and Jurassic Park... and Temple of Doom, and Minority report... eghhh, what a piece of crap that was.


Offline Trufire

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Re: Riff Spielberg?
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2007, 12:45:34 AM »
Perhaps a revision of this area to make it the next rifftrax contest. Which Spielburg should be riffed first and all. That should be fun since we need a new contest the ultimate guest riffer contest has clearly gone to our man Bruce  ;D
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