XXX : Thoughts?

[Code Name: Bobby Goldsboro Hair]

I think this one might be my favorite. I loathe Vin Diesel and big, dumb action movies so this was right up my alley. I think that movies like XXX are perfect for RiffTrax. XXX is completely cliched, absurd, big, dumb and pointless and it takes itself 100% seriously.

My favorite riffs:

"You know, instead of stealing a senator's car and driving it over a bridge, you might want to try going to the polls and voting."
"Watch, it will hit a big pile of Ted Kennedy's cars already down there."
"A discarded motorbike of the very kind I am adept at riding. And it is completely fueled and meticulously maintained. I am fortunate in that regard."
"His ability to bend slightly is paying HUGE dividends!"

Plus Mike does a hilarious Vin Diesel impression.

[Rude]

Did anyone notice that one of the reasons for the MPAA rating was "nonstop action" I kid you not~ Awesome...

I just saw that today.  That seems more like a joke from a McBain movie on the Simpsons than an actual MPAA criteria for rating movies.

I hate when people put a quote inside a quote... but oh well, sue me~

Anyway, this kind of goofy MPAA rating thing has been going on for awhile now. When i was a kid (and movie theaters still had posters *explaining* the ratings systems in their lobbies) there were just the basic Violence, Nudity, etc.

Now they get all specific and it's totally like a joke. Check out a few of my favorites... They're all for real, i swear. Just check out the IMDB:

xXx: PG-13 for "Non-Stop Action Sequences"

Alien Vs. Predator: PG-13 for "Slime And Gore"

Van Helsing: PG-13 for "Nonstop Creature Action Violence"

Queen Of The Damned: R for "Vampire violence"

Blue Crush: PG-13 for "Teen Partying, ...And A Fight"

Lords Of Dogtown: PG-13 for "Reckless Behavior"

But probably the BEST of all-time:

Twister: PG-13 for "Intense Depection Of Very Bad Weather"

-Rude

[Pak-Man]

My favorite was Powerpuff Girls: Rated G for Non-Stop Frenetic Violence. :^)

[LadyKenobi]

Twister: PG-13 for "Intense Depection Of Very Bad Weather"

You're making that up!

[Sharktopus]

I got the weirdest look from the girl in the ticket booth when I said, "Hi. Two student tickets for the Powerpuff movie, please."

Don't forget my favorite guilty pleasure - Team America: World Police, "Rated R for graphic crude and sexual humor, violent images and strong language - all involving puppets."

AMERICA! F*CK YEAH!

[Otis]

Good stuff. My favroite riff from this one is when Vin pauses to look down the snow-covered mountain, getting ready to blow stuff up, and Mike says, "Yodel-ay-hee-hoo."

I laughed so hard I woke up the baby and got in trouble with the spouse. Thanks Mike.

[Rude]

You're making that up!

I may have spelled it wrong, but i swear it's for real...

Go check it out: http://imdb.com/title/tt0117998/

-Rude

[SmilinJackRoss]

Great rifftrack.  My favorite riffs:

"Ooh, she gave him an Iceman teeth-chomp."

"I'm gonna have to get on that thing."
"What?"
"I'm gonna have to get on that thing."
"What?"
"I'm gonna have to get on that thing."
"What?"

[Code Name: Bobby Goldsboro Hair]

Did anyone notice that one of the reasons for the MPAA rating was "nonstop action" I kid you not~ Awesome...

I just saw that today.  That seems more like a joke from a McBain movie on the Simpsons than an actual MPAA criteria for rating movies.

I hate when people put a quote inside a quote... but oh well, sue me~

Anyway, this kind of goofy MPAA rating thing has been going on for awhile now. When i was a kid (and movie theaters still had posters *explaining* the ratings systems in their lobbies) there were just the basic Violence, Nudity, etc.

Now they get all specific and it's totally like a joke. Check out a few of my favorites... They're all for real, i swear. Just check out the IMDB:

xXx: PG-13 for "Non-Stop Action Sequences"

Alien Vs. Predator: PG-13 for "Slime And Gore"

Van Helsing: PG-13 for "Nonstop Creature Action Violence"

Queen Of The Damned: R for "Vampire violence"

Blue Crush: PG-13 for "Teen Partying, ...And A Fight"

Lords Of Dogtown: PG-13 for "Reckless Behavior"

But probably the BEST of all-time:

Twister: PG-13 for "Intense Depection Of Very Bad Weather"

-Rude

My favorite MPAA warning is for Team America: World Police:

Rated R for graphic crude and sexual humor, violent images and strong language - all involving puppets

[PlayMSTie]

I'm laughing again just reading these quotes.

"Oh no! My collection of oily rags!"

[RandyMistie]

The thing I found amazing, (besides Mike's great writing and riffing), was that the movie is so- so- SO- completely unbelievable.  I mean, only a 14 year old kid failing public school could actually believe that a secret government agent would be culled from the ranks of a bunch of anti-government street punks, like Vin's character.  Can you imagine the political fallout that any administration would face if it came out that some melty faced NSA commander had given top level clearance to a snow boarder?  A snow boarder who trashed a US senator's car?  For National Defense?  Oh man...

Department of Homeland Security's new asset, Tony Hawk.  "Your Honor, we really liked his video games... so..."

[Variety of Cells]

That's exactly why they make the best secret agents, because no one expects them to be secret agents.  And being sports enthusiasts they can travel to weird, dangerous locations.  "Why are you going to Iran to climb a mountain?"  "Because it's there."  And people wouldn't question their intelligence because they already regard them as fairly stupid. 

If it worked for Chuck Barris, it can work for xtreme athletes.

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

I mean, only a 14 year old kid failing public school could actually believe that a secret government agent would be culled from the ranks of a bunch of anti-government street punks, like Vin's character.

I thought thats how they often hire hackers.

[kodiakthejuggler]

A Ripe-for-Riffing movie should attempt to take itself seriously, which xXx does, in my opinion.

"The Xander Zone"? How utterly rediculous!

Why does every single movie that involves Eurotrash have to include numerous "clubs" with fancy light shows/Tesla coils/horribly repetitive music/leather-clad dancers/people with greasy hair/chain-smokers?

That little Q wannabe from MIT should have been shot in the head by xXx the minute he appeared on screen. Hearing Mike's desire to pray for this man's death was pure gold!!!

Asia Argento needs some dental work done. Pronto.

When Skaters act... - PRICELESS!!!!!!!


After re-watching this gem thanks to Mike's superior riffing, I was reminded just how God-awful this turd of a movie was!! And Ebert, well, I wish I could deduct public opinion points from him for that. The fact that he influences a great deal of the movie-going public should be grounds for some kind of punishment for giving xXx a 3 & 1/2 star rating. Shame on you, Roger. Every clich? in the book, horrible acting, rediculous plot, not a new idea in sight, this movie has all the trappings of an F-grade movie, and here we have a respected national critic giving it undeserved accolades. He prides himself in his judgement of films based on their intentions, but he doesn't play fair. I still haven't forgiven him for his trashing of UHF, one of the best comedies in history.

[kodiakthejuggler]

Did anyone notice that one of the reasons for the MPAA rating was "nonstop action" I kid you not~ Awesome...

I just saw that today.  That seems more like a joke from a McBain movie on the Simpsons than an actual MPAA criteria for rating movies.

I hate when people put a quote inside a quote... but oh well, sue me~

Anyway, this kind of goofy MPAA rating thing has been going on for awhile now. When i was a kid (and movie theaters still had posters *explaining* the ratings systems in their lobbies) there were just the basic Violence, Nudity, etc.

Now they get all specific and it's totally like a joke. Check out a few of my favorites... They're all for real, i swear. Just check out the IMDB:

xXx: PG-13 for "Non-Stop Action Sequences"

Alien Vs. Predator: PG-13 for "Slime And Gore"

Van Helsing: PG-13 for "Nonstop Creature Action Violence"

Queen Of The Damned: R for "Vampire violence"

Blue Crush: PG-13 for "Teen Partying, ...And A Fight"

Lords Of Dogtown: PG-13 for "Reckless Behavior"

But probably the BEST of all-time:

Twister: PG-13 for "Intense Depection Of Very Bad Weather"

-Rude

Rude, if you liked those ratings descriptions, here's one to add to the list:

Braveheart: R for "Brutal medieval warfare" - Sounds cool, no?

And yeah, the rating description for Twister was the best!!