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Author Topic: Horror House on Highway Five  (Read 284 times)

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Offline afroblanco

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Horror House on Highway Five
« on: April 22, 2011, 01:29:10 PM »
Submitted for your consideration, Horror House on Highway Five :
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089299/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horror_house_on_highway_five
http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Horror_House_on_Highway_5/70047447?trkid=2361637#height1838

This has long been a personal favorite of mine, although it's apparently still unknown among the midnight movie crowd.  In this movie, a group of hapless teenagers (think Scooby Doo, only without the dog) are menaced by an undead psychopath in a Richard Nixon mask.  Clearly made on a budget and cast entirely with non-actors, it's never been clear to me (or anybody else) whether or not this movie was actually meant to be funny or scary.  There are parts where it looks like they're genuinely trying to scare us, but doing it so incompetently that the result is gut-bustingly hilarious.  Probably the only thing that's genuinely scary about this movie is the dialogue.  For example :

FRIGHTENED, KIDNAPPED GIRL : You have to stop him ... he's going to kill her!
ANTAGONIST'S PATHETIC ASSISTANT : He's ... he's not going to kill her .... well, he might kill her .... well, just don't think about it, okay?  Aaaaah, why aren't we having any fun!?

and later in the movie ...

ANTAGONIST : I'm infested with mind maggots ... the maggots ... THEY'RE EATING MY BRAIN!
ANTAGONIST'S PATHETIC ASSISTANT : Does it hurt?

I mean seriously, who writes lines like that?  This movie's full of them.  I've actually thought about sampling some of them for an industrial song.

The whole thing is topped off with (to quote one of the IMDB reviewers) "one of the least satisfying and sensible endings in movie history, whereby one of the main characters teams up with Evil Alan Ginsberg to utterly destroy sense."  Also striking is the amazingly incoherent soundtrack, which swings wildly from doo-wop, to surf, to what sounds like Black Sabbath's glue-sniffing younger brother.  And in case you were wondering, yes, there is actually a scene where somebody trips over a rake. 

As far as I can tell, nobody involved with this movie ever worked again.  One of the lead actresses apparently asked to only be credited as "Irene F." which should give you some idea about how this film turned out.  What's most puzzling is that it was made in the mid-80s, and I'm pretty sure it was shot on actual film stock ... which means that someone actually had to put up the money for this turkey!  I can't imagine it was ever shown in the theaters. 

HHH-5 currently has a 3.4 rating on IMDB, and a 28% user rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  If ever a movie screamed Rifftrax, it's this one.