Buttcrack Santa was Waylon, btw, and he's dead now (like REALLY dead, not come-back-as-a-monster dead), so you can't be Team Buttcrack Santa.
Team Jacob all the friggin way, man. Edward seems to hate Bella, denies her sex and is generally abusive and dismissive. Jacob takes her as she is and basically pledges his friggin life to protect her from the shitstorm Ed & family bring down on her. I hate Bella with a fiery passion, but if we're just in general choosing who seems like the better bf, it's Jacob all the way.
Also (as we point out in our riff) I find it odd that there's more sexual tension between Carla & Bella when he's cleaning her wound than there is between Bella and Edward, so I really think there should be a Team Carla vote. I'd go for that; why not?