Tommy Wiseau stars as.....

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

...Captain James T. Kirk in Star Wars: The Wrath of Khan:

KIRK: Khan, you Mautherfaaaahhhker...you have to come down here to kill me.
KHAN: I've done far worse than kill you. I've hurt you.
KIRK: Everybody betrayed me! I fed up with this world!
KHAN: I shall leave you, as you left me, as you left her...
KIRK: I did not leave her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not leave her! I did not!!!
KHAN: Buried alive! Buried alive!
KIRK: YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

(I admit freely that I lifted this from a thread on IMDB but I had so much fun making up my post I thought we should try it here too.)

[Sideswipe]

hahaha, I had a good laugh from that.  Im having a hard time picturing Kirk in a frumpy wrinkled uniform with long greasy stringy hair though.

[anais.jude]

Tommy Wiseau stars as The Dude from "There will be blood"


"I'll drink your milkshake, huh. Don't worry about it"

[Courtney]

Tommy Wiseau stars as The Dude from The Big Lebowski (character inspired by anais).

The Dude: Look, stay away from my fahcking lady friend, mahhtherfaahker.
Da Fino: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fahcking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive. Anything for my priiiinceeeess. Hey, everyone, we are expecting!

[D.B. Barnes]

Tommy Wiseau stars as Michael Corleone in The Godfather: Part II

"Oh hai Fredo. I know it was you. YOU ARE TEARING ME APART! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART!!! How's your sex life?"

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

....Vito Corleone in The Godfather:

CORLEONE: Oh, hai, Bonasara.....Nice tux, you look great!
BONASERA:  She was the light of my life...and they beat her like an animal!!!
CORLEONE:  I did not hit her. It's bullshit!  I did not!  Oh, hai, Bonasara.....Keep in mind, if you have any problems talk to me and I will help you.
BONASERA:  What do you want of me? Tell me anything. But do what I beg you to do.  (whispers something in his ear)
CORLEONE:  Well, we'll see...........Bonasera don't plan to much, it might not turn out.
BONASERA:  Then they can suffer then, as she suffers.  How much shall I pay you?
CORLEONE: Why does everyone betrayed me?
BONASERA:  I didn't want to get into trouble.
CORLEONE: You're just a little chicken. CHEEEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep! CHEEEEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep!
BONASERA:  I ask you for justice.
CORLEONE: Do you understand about life? Do you?
BONASERA:  Be my friend? Godfather?
CORLEONE: I'm so glad I have you for my friend and I love Lisa so much.....

[Doctor Who?]

....Vito Corleone in The Godfather:

CORLEONE: Oh, hai, Bonasara.....Nice tux, you look great!
BONASERA:  She was the light of my life...and they beat her like an animal!!!
CORLEONE:  I did not hit her. It's bullshit!  I did not!  Oh, hai, Bonasara.....Keep in mind, if you have any problems talk to me and I will help you.
BONASERA:  What do you want of me? Tell me anything. But do what I beg you to do.  (whispers something in his ear)
CORLEONE:  Well, we'll see...........Bonasera don't plan to much, it might not turn out.
BONASERA:  Then they can suffer then, as she suffers.  How much shall I pay you?
CORLEONE: Why does everyone betrayed me?
BONASERA:  I didn't want to get into trouble.
CORLEONE: You're just a little chicken. CHEEEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep! CHEEEEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep!
BONASERA:  I ask you for justice.
CORLEONE: Do you understand about life? Do you?
BONASERA:  Be my friend? Godfather?
CORLEONE: I'm so glad I have you for my friend and I love Lisa so much.....

I laughed so hard my head hit the keyboard!

[TeamRAD]

...as Hudson in Aliens.

Game over, mautherfahker. Game over. Oh hai, Ripley.

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

Someone posted this in the thread on IMDb....and I'm still wiping tears from my eyes from laughing.   

...as Cruella DeVille in 101 Dalmations

"Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie."

[Courtney]

Someone posted this in the thread on IMDb....and I'm still wiping tears from my eyes from laughing.   

...as Cruella DeVille in 101 Dalmations

"Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie."

    

[Doctor Who?]

Someone posted this in the thread on IMDb....and I'm still wiping tears from my eyes from laughing.   

...as Cruella DeVille in 101 Dalmations

"Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie."

  never post something like that again,I can't breath.

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

Kicking myself that I didn't think of it.

[MSTJedi]

Someone posted this in the thread on IMDb....and I'm still wiping tears from my eyes from laughing.   

...as Cruella DeVille in 101 Dalmations

"Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie. Oh hi doggie."

Just imagine him in the wig and fur coat as he says it and it becomes that much funnier . . . or creepier, not sure.

[Sass]

OMG!  I am laughing so hard right now!  This whole thread rocks.  PLEASE someone write something with Wiseau in the role of Torgo.  Or are you just a little chicken?  cheep cheeep cheeep cheeeeeep