Favorite lines?

[LucasM]

So many 'hard-to-breathe-I'm-laughing-so-hard' lines in this RiffTrax!  Too busy laughing to take notes on those that left me thus impaired, but I'd second many, many of those already listed here.  Particular favorites (all already listed here... so unless you are interested in what I, personally, especially liked, this whole post is redundant):

Sir, the captain has asked that you please stop foreshadowing.

He is fiveshadowing!

I'm having a great time.  I could drown tomorrow and I wouldn't even care!

I sure am shortsighted about everything.  Now hand me those shares of AT&T, I'd like to blow my nose on them.

You drew the turtle and the pirate quite well.

Rose (pointing out royals): That's John Jacob Astor -the richest man on the ship!"
Kevin: His mother was a Jingleheimer-Schmidt.
     [that was quite possibly the line that had me laughing the hardest]

Unlike those supercilious lessons which have paid for themselves.

This is before spinning tops went cordless.

Originally it was called, 'le poules de la mer' or the 'chicken of the sea.'

Now, make sure you're using water-resistant graphite, the good stuff I mean, kind that can withstand, oh, 85 years at the bottom of the ocean without any noticeable decay.  And I sure hope that paper is rated for sustained saltwater exposure, too, or aren't you taking any of this seriously?
     [a highly intense laugh]

Rose: "When we arrive in America, I'm getting off with you."
Bill: "Because I sure didn't the first time."

I am in love so all my decisions are wise and unerring.

And now, for the children, from "The Little Mermaid" -  'Under the Sea'!

Hey, check it out: Plinko!
     [guilty pleasure]

[PlayMSTie]

"Hello, hello, hello, hello!" I could not stop laughing at that one.

"This is a terrible slasher film!"

[Relaxing Dragon]

I sure am shortsighted about everything.  Now hand me those shares of AT&T, I'd like to blow my nose on them.

That was one of my favorites. Here's a few more (sorry if they're repeats). Some are paraphrased, couldn't jot them down fast enough I was laughing too hard:

Old lady to Paxton: "Am I going to have to gut you like a fish?"

The dogs: "Kibbles and bits! Kibbles and bits! Kibbles and bits!" (reminded me of the "Snausages!" line from the first Harry Potter riff)

Astor: "Who's Freud? A passenger?"
Riff: "Is his mustache bigger than mine?"

"You left this morning without saying goodbye to my money. Was very rude"

Rose: "I was leaning over to see..."
Riff: "The matinee we hit."

"Does Rose want a cookie?"

Cal: "It was made for royalty."
Riff: "Like a queen. Or a pimp." (how he says it is what really gets me on this one)

"I could give you a walrus if you wanted one."

"I call this one pit beard."

*Astor and the Captain are arguing about turning all the engines on"
Riff: *chicken noises* "What was that?" "Nothing"

"Watch me nail this seagull."

*Leo descends the grand staircase*
"Please no one bring up Growing Pains, please no one bring up Growing Pains."
"Hey, it's that twerp from Growing Pains!"

Lord and Lady Gaga (and, of course, all the Pa-pa-poker face bits)

*after Cal topples the table*
"Guess he didn't like the muffin."

"Best go beat God's good will into him."


"Man, chucking someone overboard shouldn't be this easy."

*Rose shows Jack the diamond*
"It's called Paxton's Folly."

"Man, that book of French nudie girls I bought is really paying off!"

"Dear diary, today I saw boobies."

"He drew me for 70 years."

"Meanwhile, at the Monopoly party."

"I've poisoned your tea again Captain."
"Very good"

"Quick, into Molly Brown's changing roomOH DEAR GOD NO!"

*Rose and Jack run from the guy in the engine room*
"Why does everyone run from me? Am I really so terrifying?"

*Rose's orgasm hand*
"The loneliest high five ever."

"They're looking for the film's editors, seems they've disappeared."

"There's a ladder on this thing, we can get down!"

"And find those meddling teens!"

The iceberg cam

*as the iceberg approaches*
"Come on global warming, start working!"

"Perhaps I shouldn't have made the ship out of balsa wood. Oh well, back to the crossword."

"Early water parks were treacherous, dangerous places."

"Damn it Indy just leave you hat behind!"

"Hang on... we're in the ocean!?"

"And start blaming this on the Jews."

"I'm going to moon the living hell out of you."

"Can we bring me record collection?"
"For the last time, no!"

"Huh, looks like rain."

"My cat got out, I've got no time for this."

"And now a whale is mating with the ship. Great."

"Please, please, I have to live, I just bought a couch!"

"If they were dressed up in lobster costumes this would make a great Japanese game show."

*Captain looks at all the water rushing on the ship*
"Eh, I've had better days."

"The immigrant has a knife! Shoot him"

"The immigrant's cut the rope! Why hasn't anyone shot him yet!?"

"It's raining men, hallelujah!"

"Does anyone here speak the language of the dolphins?"

"Where the hell's that omelet I ordered?"

And so many more.

Man, this was a huge riff.

[RoninFox]

Can't forget when old Rose stood up at the back of the boat at the end.

*loogie sound*

[Relaxing Dragon]

Can't forget when old Rose stood up at the back of the boat at the end.

*loogie sound*

"Still got it."

[Courtney]

"You have a fat laugh."   

[The Elusive Robert Denby]

I liked their treatment of David Warner's Lovejoy throughout

"Delta Knight's doing OK for himself!"
"Plus my case of pure evil."
"Run!  He's not young and in love - his beloved wife died of consumption in his arms!  Eat it, old bastard!"


Rose:  "Fifteen-hundred people went into the sea, when Titanic sank from under us. There were twenty boats floating nearby... and only one came back. One. Six were saved from the water, myself included. Six... out of fifteen-hundred. Afterward, the seven-hundred people in the boats had nothing to do but wait... wait to die... wait to live... wait for an absolution... that would never come. "
Bill (old lady voice):  "I've been rehearsing that last part for 75 years!  Did it sound natural?"

I loved that one because I always HATED those lines!  They sounded like classic "screenwriter pomposity", where the character just turns into a billboard for lofty thoughts, and speaks in a way no normal human being would ever naturally speak.  I'm glad they bestowed a good kick at that moment of the film.

[dignan]

"Wow, next year I'll be in fifth grade!  I'm a big boy!"

"Do you know how tough the freelance clown market is?"

[NRRork]

I'm only about 30 minutes in my first watching, but so far:

[First time we see DiCaprio's face]

"I'm twelve!"

and

[the pistons start to move quickly]

"Those dilithium crystals can really work some magic!"

That last one finally made me laugh so hard that I threw up a little. I mean, it was a string of bulls-eyes right in succession, and that last one just kicked into to overdrive. I had to pause everything so I could mention it.

OH! But they need to be a little LESS funny. It's hard to take hits here when I have to resist laughing.

[NRRork]

"Oh, here comes that vulgar Brown woman!"

"You mean Wanda Sykes?"

[Relaxing Dragon]

At the dinner party that Jack goes to, what's the theme from that the guys hum whenever Rose's mom appears onscreen? It made me laugh to the point of tears, and it seems so familiar...

[Rattrap007]

At the dinner party that Jack goes to, what's the theme from that the guys hum whenever Rose's mom appears onscreen? It made me laugh to the point of tears, and it seems so familiar...

It is stereotypical clown pipe organ music

[MST3Kgirl]

"but i don't want to GO FISH" [in Russian accent]

"I call this one pit beard"

[and none of that sidesaddle stuff] "that's for injuns and queers"

[GregMcduck]

Everyone's named a bunch of great ones, but this was easily the biggest gut buster of the night:

*The ship finally sinks*

Kevin: "Won't lie, I saw it coming."

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

I liked their treatment of David Warner's Lovejoy throughout

"I'm looking for a guy named 'Tron'....he's all blue..."

(surprised there was no decapitation joke from The Omen - or if there was I missed it)

Also loved the "stretchy wang" stuff when Ioan Gruffudd showed up....