Movie Adaptations That Will Never Get Made

[daltysmilth]

I don't know if there's a thread like this yet, and if there is, my apologies.  The point of this game is to come up with a movie adaptation that would never get made, and come up with a cast for it.  My first pick: Garfield Minus Garfield the movie: starring Jake Gyllenhaal.  Based on the online comic which photoshops Garfield and Odie out of old Garfield comics, Garfield Minus Garfield is the story of Jon Arbuckle, a sad, lonely, slightly unbalanced man who lives alone in his house, and his futile attempts to combat dementia as he utterly fails to connect with other humans-- especially women-- on any level,  Jon spends most of the movie wandering around his house, saying strange, inexplicable things to himself and succumbing to the angst, lonliness, and depression.  Or they could just edit Garfield out of the Garfield movie they made a few years ago.

[Darth Geek]

Or they could just edit Garfield out of the Garfield movie they made a few years ago.

Actually, I think that would be funny. Probably funnier than the movie itself.

[SJP]

Zork: The Great Underground Empire.

I don't think people would enjoy a movie where a bunch of text pops up telling them what's going on, and why the main character wants to "go north" all the time, and why he keeps asking, "What is a Grue?"

[Johnny Unusual]

The Invisibles
Understanding Comics
Promethea

None of these could be taken out of their original medium without ruining what is at their core.  You could make a film of "the Filth" in theory, but I don't see that happening, even if you take out stuff like the Pornomancer arc.

[LBeria]

"Conspiracy: The Musical" -- Even though "The Producers" was finally made into a musical with everyone's favorite song Springtime for Hitler actually coming to Broadway, I seriously doubt many would enjoy tap-dancing SS officers in a gay romp through the Wansee Conference where the "Final Solution" is discussed.  Even though Kenneth Branagh, Colin Firth, and Stanley Tucci are all fabulous actors, seeing Heydrich and Eichman crooning over the effects of Zyklon B and pink bodies would make anyone's stomach turn.

[therul]

Mary had a little lamb - the downside of pregnancy after beastiality...  Or who wants to watch a woman dip meat into mint jelly

[Bus Taker]

Mary had a little lamb - the downside of pregnancy after beastiality...  Or who wants to watch a woman dip meat into mint jelly

LOL 

[Bus Taker]

Michael Moore's latest controversial documentary - Container Gardening in the Big City